- The very openingIolaus: You think you know the truth about him? You know nothing. His father was Zeus. The Zeus. King of the gods. His mother, Alcmene, a mortal woman. Together, they had a boy. Half human, half god. But Zeus' queen, Hera, saw this bastard child as an insult, a living reminder of her husband's infidelity. Alcmene named the boy Hercules, which means glory of Hera, but this failed to appease the goddess. She wanted him dead. Luckily, he took after his father. Once he reached manhood, the gods commanded him to perform Twelve Labors, twelve dangerous missions. If he completed them all and survived, Hera agreed to finally let him live in peace. He fought the Lernean Hydra! He battled the Etymanthean Boar! But his greatest Labor was the Nemean Lion. This was no ordinary beast. It had a hide so tough, no weapon could penetrate it. But even this monster was no match for the son of Zeus.Enemy pirate: What a load of crap.
- Hercules has this exchange with Gryza, the pirate chief:Gryza: Theres forty of us, one of you!
- Iolaus was saved seconds before he got impaled in the crotchIolaus: Any longer, Uncle...
- Autolycus adds some Black Comedy into the mix as wellAutolycus: eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Twenty pirates at two gold pieces a head, minus the headless ones. Lets see.
- This golden exchange:Amphiaraus: A lion and a crow in strange alliance, fighting across a sea of corpses.
- The Snark-to-Snark Combat between Hercules and Autolycus after they finish counting the combined earnings of the whole group:Autolycus: Thats a pretty sight.Hercules: One more payday, Autolycus, thats all we need.Autolycus: Then we get to live like the kings weve served.Hercules: Or live simply.Autolycus: You still dreaming of barbarian lands?Hercules: Beyond the Aegean, at the shores of the black sea. That is where I will live out the rest of my days in solitude.Autolycus: Boring, if you ask me.
- Amphiaraus spends a large amount of his time talking about his supposedly foreseen glorious death, which repeatedly seems to happen but then gets subverted. At one point he's alone in a field, and a swarm of burning arrows begin raining down upon him, and he closes his eyes, holds out his arms, and awaits "his moment"... Which doesn't come this time either since all the arrows managed to miss him entirely, and his response is to look around in bewilderment, shrug, and continue fighting.
Funny / Hercules (2014)