Funny / Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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In General

• In flying classes, while the other students attempt to summon their brooms, occasionally their broom will fly up and smack them in the face, similar to Ron in the first film. (The same can happen to you if you flub drawing a straight line during the "Up!" prompt.) Especially funny when it happens to Merula, in spite of all her swagger.
• One of the things you can tap on to gain energy are suits of armor just outside the Great Hall; two of them can have their items swapped. Their body language is pretty amusing: they both look down and discover they have the wrong thing, the one on the left picks up the sword and gives it a shake for the other to take it, then nearly falls as it leans over to reach for its own shield.
• If you don't tap on the house elf in the dungeons before continuing missions that take place in that hall, he'll remain there in the background of the cutscene, still snoozing away.
• Some of the dialogue snippets when you study in the Hufflepuff common room make you think that the 'Puffs are indeed the house of stoners.
• Recently, little bits of dialogue contain inside jokes. For instance, when talking to Hagrid, you can tell him that playing with Fang gives you extra energy.
• The professors now have actual voices/dialogue. YMMV, but some of this is funny, especially Snape (at the end of a successful Potions lesson, he will ask, "Do you expect...applause?")
  • Snape will always refer to students as Mr/Miss [Name]. But not the Player, he will always address the player just as [Last Name].
• History of Magic is so boring that more often than not, your class activities will involve goofing off, such as brewing a potion with Penny or playing Exploding Snap with a small group. Other times, Tonks will impersonate Binns or Peeves will come in to 'teach' the class.
  Tonks: This class is basically a Comedy Club at this point.
  • Whenever Professor Binns is teaching most of the class is completely checked out◊, even characters like Merula and Ismelda. Even during other parts of the class, there is usually one kid whose totally just dead asleep.
• Whenever a minigame involves Charlie quizzing the MC during Care of Magical Creatures. He begins by telling you that his question doesn't relate to dragons... Cue Charlie possibly asking a question related to dragons.
• Poor Leviosa Kid... tapping on him outside Charms, such as in History of magic or helping Dumbledore make decorations will prompt everyone to wonder what his name is, feel bad about it, but be too nervous to ask him.
• Some characters have amusing grunts, giggles, etc. when spoken to. Especially Peeves.
• Professor Binns in general; students always comment how his voice makes them sleepy and Binns himself usually falls asleep as well after the class.
  Binns: Class... Zzzz... dismissed.
• The hilariously wrong answers in Penny's gobstones gossip quiz. Why is Ben so cowardly? He's a Death Eater! Why is Merula so mean? She's a werewolf! And Penny would still act as if they are all correct if you have high enough attributes, like some sort of deranged Crack Fic.
• The Ravenclaw girl who sits near you in Transfiguration is very attached to everything she's transfiguring, especially the gerbil.
  Ravenclaw Student: (casting Cauldron Cakes to Cabbages) Goodbye, my love.
• According to the age Jacob is given, he was possibly in the same year (and possibly dormitory) as Gilderoy Lockhart. While Lockhart never mentions it (which... he wouldn't, he also never mentioned he went to school with Harry's parents, albeit many years below them), it's still very possible and very funny to think about.
• On a reviewing lesson in Care of Magical Creatures:
  (sniff Ismelda)
  You: This is one decision I regret.
  • Merula on a little problem she has at home when reviewing Doxies:
  Merula: One of my rooms at home is infested with Doxies so I just don't go in there.
• When Barnaby is the one to drink a botched potion in class:
  Barnaby: You would think I learned my lesson by now.
  • Generally, most everything that comes out of Barnaby's mouth is just this in general.
• [reviewing Depulso]:
  Flitwick: Let's hope I won't get thrown around the room this time.
  • Upon reviewing Defodio, the Gouging Charm
  Smug Gryffindor: The first thing I'm doing after this digging a hole and hiding from Merula.
• Almost every time Jae Kim is seen in class, he is always asleep in one of the activity scenes, if not every single scene. The apparent reason for this is that he stays up late at night to secure his shady dealings. If not sleeping, then he's probably goofing off or reading a comic in his textbook.

Story

Year 1

• Merula sabotaging your Potion isn't funny. But it IS funny she'll do it even if you're a Slytherin, meaning her petty pranking and bullying just cost HER house those points. Your character lampshades how stupid that is.
• The first time Merula challenges you to a duel, you can choose to either walk away or cast a spell at her. Due to taking place before you learn any actual duelling spells, if you choose to attack her you'll cast the only spell you learned: Lumos. She understandably laughs at your face.
• After being beaten, Merula starts ranting about how she's the greatest witch in school and can do what she wants when she wants... Just as Snape and Flitwick walk up right behind her. Cue Merula stammering as Snape announces his presence by clearing his throat.
• When the Students learn Alohomora, Flitwick brings up the Fridge Logic of; "Why does the Wizard World even need keys, when a Spell to unlock most locks is first year level!?".
• During lessons where students are trying to summon their brooms up to their hands, Merula becomes more forceful and commanding with every failed effort, until her broom flies up and smacks her in the nose. This also happens to Rowan. It’s just as funny.
• After you illegally duel Merula on school grounds you will be punished by Snape with the loss of 20 house points. Afterwards your house prefect will chastise you for your actions on the grounds that you have endangered your houses chances of winning the House Cup. While the prefect is justified to be angry about the lost points it's quite possible that at this point, depending on how long the main story has been stalled and you've been doing other activities, to have accrued more house points than the rest of your house combined (up to 9999, although it is no longer possible to repeat classes in year 1) making their concern about losing look incredibly trivial and petty.
• While it's a tense mission, infiltrating the corridor, it has some great funny moments.
  • Part of the plan includes drugging Mrs. Norris with a Sleeping Draught so she won't call Filch. Rowan quips that of all the things he expected to do at Hogwarts, feeding a potion to a cat to make it sleep wasn't among them.
    • Rowan drips some potion on the floor (mixed with milk), and Mrs. Norris immediately falls over asleep (with loud, human-like snoring to boot, which remains until you enter through the door). Rowan then, ahem, praises your character.
  Rowan Khanna: Brilliant plan, [[Player Name]]! You have a real gift for this. If wizarding doesn't work out, you should really consider burglary!
  • While Merula using Flipendo to knock the trio over was probably not supposed to be funny, the fact that the characters have such Delayed Reaction that Merula managed to cast the spell three times slowly is ridiculously funny. Especially when she does it to Ben/Penny and Rowan, and your character remains with his/her back turned until Merula is done. And then once she enters the room, Rowan speaks what every player is probably think thus far.
  Rowan Khanna: Have I mentioned how much I hate Merula?
  • And of course, once you enter the room after Merula, you discover she got her leg stuck in the cursed ice, much to Rowan's amusement. She then stutters begging (and threatens) for help.
    • If you choose to save her, your character then tells Merula to prepare and that it's going to hurt, much for her dread... and then uses Flipendo to break the ice AND knock her on the floor. Once again, much to Rowan's amusement.
• During "The Hallowe'en Feast" side quest, Cecil Lee's general Clueless Detective antics and Malapropers. One particular example is especially funny in Chinese; in English he meant to say he is "meticulous" in his investigation, but wrongly says "matriculate"; in Chinese, he meant to say "一絲不苟" ("meticulous"), but wrongly says "一絲不掛" ("stark naked").

Year 2

• When beginning the Charms lesson on Engorgio, the Engorgement Charm, a spell that causes the target to grow or swell, Flitwick has this to say:
  Flitwick: I expect all of you to demonstrate maturity and restraint while casting this spell.
• While reviewing Reparo in Transfiguration class, one of the options for visualizing and memorizing a cauldron's shape will result in a rather distracting visualization.
  Player Character: Oops, I just visualized Snape with a cauldron on his head.
• During the first Spongify lesson, Professor McGonagall has a few warnings about misuse of the spell:
  • Madam Pomphrey refuses to scrape any more students off the ceiling.
  • Write this down: Do not use the Grand Staircase as a trampoline!
• During your first Potions Class, Merula tries to frame you for stealing supplies from Snape's classroom and even managed to plant them next to your bed. If your Knowledge skill is high enough, you can turn the tables on her by accusing her of framing you. She tries to bluff her way past the accusation, but Snape sees right through her lies. Ironically, because of one of her standard character poses.
  Snape: Your eyes dart back and forth ever so slightly when you aren’t telling the truth, Miss Snyde. You are an absolutely atrocious liar. Particularly for a Slytherin.
• After a few missions trying to find the missing Ben Cooper, you discover he's been frozen by the Cursed Ice in the corridor. Minerva and Snape are the first to find him, with Snape (as ever) showing why he's the most beloved teacher in Hogwarts.
  Ben: I-I'm c-c-c-cold...
  Snape: Obviously.
  • Snape then suggests they must use Incendio to try melting the Cursed Ice. Still showcasing his loveable qualities as a teacher.
  Snape: Incendio would melt it away.
  McGonagall: Along with his flesh.
  Snape: I never said he would survive.
  • They then decide to use Incendio. The fact McGonagall feels the need to remind Snape to cast the spell away from Ben so as not to burn him is hilarious, and Snape's annoyed "...Fine" more so. It becomes even funnier if you question whether Snape's annoyed that Minerva is telling him not to burn a student, or insulted that she felt the need to make such obvious warning (whether because she doesn't trust him or his common sense).
• In a side quest in your second year, your character must learn how to brew a Fire-Breathing potion...which means approaching Snape. While he grumpily acquiesces to your request, and ramping up your Empathy can ensure that this discussion doesn't crash and burn as badly as it could, it won't spare you Snape's reaction to your relentless cheerfulness and lack of tact:
  Player: Thanks, Professor Snape! I don't know why everyone says you're so terrible!
  Snape: I regret this decision immediately.
  • In that same sidequest, when you give Hagrid the potion:
  Hagrid: You'll be drinking the potion, actually, if all goes well.
  Player: Me? Why do you need me to do it?
  Hagrid: I'll explain to you when we meet at the Devil's Snare.
  Player: Devil's Snare?!
  Hagrid: Aye, it has to do with that hippogriff that's been snatching people.
  Player: Hippogriff?!
  Hagrid: ...I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said any of that...
• One side quest near the end of second year has you and Rowan doing detention with Snape. He asks you to search for a vial in the potion's classroom. Rowan however, asks why won't HE look for it since he should know his own classroom better than anyone else:
  Player: Shut up Rowan!
  Snape: For once, I agree with him/her.
  • At the end of the same quest, Rowan this time asks what does Snape want the vial for anyway. Snape and player both turn and look at him/her, without saying anything with both dialogues showing "..."
  Rowan: Right... Shut up Rowan!
• The side quest - A Very Weasley Christmas - has Dumbledore say "Actually, I rather enjoyed the snow. I cannot remember the last time I threw a snowball. Though I doubt Professor Snape found it as amusing as I did." What this implies is that Dumbledore started randomly throwing snowballs at Snape and found it rather amusing.
• During The Weird Sisters side quest, the metal band's fascination with the most messed up characters, including Ben, Ismelda, and Snape.
  Myron: Severus Snape is an icon of anguish. You can learn a lot by basking in the glow of his simmering disdain.

Year 3

• Barnaby is a bit of a goofy Dumb Muscle. If you try reasoning with Merula, she'll refuse, prompting the player character to note that she only works with the best and the brightest. Barnaby thinks it's a compliment. Then, just before leaving he tells the player that if they mess with Merula, he'll vanish every bone in their body... while grinning like an idiot.
  • Another instance is when Ismelda starts fantasizing out loud about using the Killing Curse on someone. Merula is shocked, yet Barnaby obliviously pushes right ahead as if it's a normal conversation and talks about the time he sat on a Bowtruckle and killed it by accident. An exasperated Merula then deadpans that she hates them both.
  • Him fanboying over Harry Potter: "Harry Potter will definitely be a Slytherin" because Slytherin always have the most dramatic backgrounds.
• In preparation for becoming a third-year with Hogsmeade privileges, Rowan apparently built a scale replica of the town using acorns in order to figure out optimum travelling times. Unfortunately, said replica came under attack by giant squirrels.
• Flitwick gets a couple moments that double as awesome in the "Wizarding World Famous" side quest. Rita Skeeter's running a Daily Prophet contest to find the new Face of Hogwarts and has been observing everybody's classes. The professors are none too keen on this, and Flitwick tells the class to ignore the "obvious distraction." Rita has the gall to asks how she could be more distracting than him, to which Flitwick responds, "Your obnoxious perfume for starters."
  • Later on, he casts Wingardium Leviosa on her and allows the Player Character to perform the counterspell to let her drop, much to Rita's displeasure.
  • Bill wants to win the competition and make the papers before his brothers make it for exploding something.
• Merula being completely unfazed◊ by the dung bomb thrown at her and her gang, while the others run away.
• Boggart!Merula once you use Riddikulus◊. Your character claims that the result might even be scarier than Voldemort.
• Toward the end of the third year, your character suggests they all mention their fears...
  Player: Voldemort!
  Tulip: Merula!
  Tonks: Losing my abilities! / Bill: Losing my family! / Rowan: Failing a test!
  Barnaby: Clowns!
  (Beat and everyone turns to stare at him)
  Barnaby: I can't be the only one who thought those Boggarts were more frightening after (Player) cast Riddikulus.
• At the end of the third year, Dumbledore comments that even he apparently made an appearance in Boggart form. Well, Voldemort is terrified of him for a reason.

Year 4

• In the fourth year, the player learns to brew Weedosoros, a particularly strong poison. At the end of class, a student asks what to do with such an obviously dangerous substance. Snape says to stopper the bottles securely and place them on his desk before leaving — except for the Player, whom he encourages to drink their bottle.
• Professor Kettleburn, who teaches Care for Magical Creatures, has an amusingly happy-go-lucky attitude for someone who has lost several limbs and an eye in their profession.
  (after learning how to keep Firecrabs) “Well done everyone! Not a single one of you was incinerated! That’s what I call a successful start to our year at Hogwarts!”
  • It becomes a Running Gag that he somehow let a chimera loose in the school, one that is still unaccounted for by the start of the next school year. It’s treated in a more blasé way than if someone’s cat was loose.
  • On a slightly less life-threatening note, after Rakepick warns the pupils in Kettleburn’s class that Nifflers are destructive and not an appropriate pet, Kettleburn concurs...since he kept twelve of them himself. Rakepick wonders how he did that without serious property damage. His response?
  Kettleburn: Oh, they totally destroyed my house! And my boat! And my favourite spare leg! I can hardly wait to get twelve more!
• Rakepick threatens Madame Rosmerta... who is having none of it and successfully fends her off. This is the same Rakepick who has bullied Filch and the school ghosts into giving her information. A small threat from Rosmerta that some of her best customers are Aurors and people from the Department of Magical Law Inforcement is enough to make Rakepick leave. Apparently, James Potter and Sirius Black often behaved in her pub. Now we see why.
• In a little nod to the Funny Background Event in Charms class, your character casts a Wingardium Leviosa charm on themselves that allows them to float above the trees. This seriously impresses Charlie/Barnaby, who says it's the most powerful Wingardium Leviosa that he's ever seen. The Player shrugs it off by explaining that they get a lot of practice due to helping that struggling Gryffindor that sits near them in Charms.
  • It's even funnier because the scene of the Player talking is just the lower half of their body with their top half out of frame.
• The Yer a Prefect sidequest presents you with the poacher-turned-gamekeeper dilemma which is wryly funny in its total hypocrisy — can the player, a notorious rulebreaker, who is pretty much in charge of a friendship circle of notorious rulebreakers, bring themselves to enforce the same rules that they flout? You're sent out to the courtyard to deal with your House's discipline problems to find out. Rowan muses that they saw a Ravenclaw turn a toad into a unicorn. Guess who that Ravenclaw is? No, the first two don't count. Yes, you guessed it - Cue Tulip "No Sense Of Self Preservation" Karasu:
  Tulip: That was me. The toad was Dennis. Hagrid was giddy.
  • The conversations for the other Houses include Penny brewing a Hair-Raising Potion which Tonks then drank (Hufflepuff), Merula repeatedly knocking Barnaby into the fountain with a Knockback Jinx (Slytherin), and the struggling kid from Charms class eating a deck of Exploding Snap cards (Gryffindor).
  • When ordered to learn about punishments from Filch, the PC gets to say to Filch what we’ve all long thought. And it’s still a massive understatement.
  PC: You are a very violent person...
• Take Penny with you to look for the Forbidden Forest's Cursed Vault. When the Acromantula comes out and webs up your other companions, she throws a potion at it to give you time to free them. Will it make him shrink? Possibly explode? No, it's an Elixir to Induce Euphoria, and the Acromantula spends the next few minutes gushing over what a nice day it is.
  • If you take Rowan with you, they will instead claim that a basilisk (which acromantulas are deathly afraid of) is nearby, and proceed to distract/bore the Acromantula with their encycopedic knowledge of basilisks for several minutes.
• Flitwick introduce the lesson on Vermillious, the wizard equivalent of an SOS, by saying it will alert those nearby to get you out of danger...
  Ben: WOOOOOOOO!

...and then says that the next lesson will allow you to get yourself out of danger instead.

Ben: BOOOOOOOO!

• Sickleworth, Rakepick's Niffler assistant, teams up with you about halfway through the chapter. Of course, by "teams up" we mean "proceeds to troll you every time you take him on a mission." Eventually, the player character isn't even surprised when they find that Sickleworth is just looking for shiny things that suit his interests, rather than what he was meant to be looking for. Looking at his face, Sickleworth is fully aware of what he's doing and finds it hilarious.
• At the end of the Prefect Side Quest, Dumbledore says: "Never underestimate the power of a doodle."
  • Said comment comes after an 8 hour-long activity, where you do nothing but wait around Dumbledore's office, which is something you have to do at the end of every year. Indeed, most of the time you talk to Dumbledore, it’s an 8-hour long activity, making these next lines Lampshade Hanging:
  Player: Why do you always invite me to your office when you aren't ready to see me?
  Dumbledore: An excellent question, [Player]...
  Player: Thank you.
  Dumbledore: I will still be with you momentarily...
• In the Celestial Ball side quest, Sickleworth, an adorably cute Niffler with a penchant for dancing, can be seen happily bopping away, entirely care free, on the dance-floor (and surrounded by a few cute girls, too).
• If you take Tulip on the First Date side quest, upon seeing the very flowery tea shop, she comments how every birthday she gets tulip-themed mugs, magnets, jewellery, clothes...

Year 5

• At one point in time, you have to recruit Merula to help break the latest curse, prompting a social interaction sequence. Players at this point are ready to try and figure out the correct path to go down to soothe a person and convince them to see things your way, and are ready to try to get inside her head...however, getting inside her head at this point involves stroking her ego. Cue six questions where the correct answer is invariably "You."
• Rakepick setting Snape's robes on fire and his reaction. Nuff said.
• Fans' hatred of any task involving Dumbledore gets some love. During a recent chapter, he asks your character why he/she thinks they were summoned to his office. If you're brave enough, you can say, "So you can make me stand around?"
• When it's time for your O.W.L. for Charms, the Gryffindor who has struggled so badly at Wingardium Leviosa nails it for the exam... then immediately fails at Lumos.
• In Patronus quest, when you go to visit Penny in Hospital Wing, there is a second-year Gryffindor girl who says she fell off her broom and onto Professor Snape. One wonders if it was falling off the broom or landing on Snape that put her in the hospital wing?
  • In the werewolf quest, a seventh year won a bet with a friend by eating twelve pumpkin pasties in a minute, then promptly threw up all over Snape.
• [hanging out in the courtyard]
  Snape: The weather is unusually sunny today. I blame [your character].
• [asking house elves about the Marauder's Map]:
  You: What did they look like?
  House elf: Human?
  Jae: That narrows it down...
• When you fake illness in the hospital wing:
  Pomfrey: You're still considerably less needy than Professor Snape when he gets a cold...
• You: I think it's fur...
  Jae: Fang's fur?
  You: It's too short to be Fang's fur...
  Jae: Is it rat fur?
  You: This is the longest conversation I have ever had about animal fur.
• In the Poor sport sidequest, in the hospital wing:
  Barnaby: I tried punching a wall. The wall won.
  • Pomfrey was also treating several first years who didn't have their earmuffs on for the mandrake lesson. It turned out that they had made a bet about who could listen to the screams for the longest before passing out.
• Tulip: (worried) Rakepick will find out you told on her...
  Merula: ("whatever" expression) I'll wear something nice to your funeral, [player character]...
• In "The All-Wizard Tournament" side quest, after a rather tame first task, Kettleburn promises the second would be more challenging.
  Kettleburn: You wouldn't know it by looking at me but I know all about grave danger!
  You: I think we might know it by looking at you.
• In Year 5, it is revealed that the Player is a Legilimens and thus has the ability to look into other's minds. After getting a crash course from Snape, the Player is sent out to practice Legilimency, leading to both heartbreaking and hilarious results.
  • Rosmerta allows the Player to practice Legilimency on her as she has nothing to hide and had even allowed Jacob to read her mind. While the animations don't match, what actually is happening is the Player staring intensely at Rosmerta while they read her mind. The other patrons who see this range from being confused to intrigued. Bilton wants to challenge the winner of the staring contest while Jae comments that the Player looks like Rosmerta had stolen something from them. And then Diego has this to say:
    Diego: That is the way I stare at someone just before we duel. Or kiss.
    • While reading her mind, the Player comments that Rosmerta had to throw a lot of people out of her bar. Rosmerta also asks the Player to keep an eye out for her misplaced glasses in her memories.
  • Barnaby inviting the player to Hogshead Inn....for no particular reason.
    Barnaby: (Player)! What are you doing here?
    Player: You invited me.
    Barnaby: You're right! I saw a goat outside, and now I have nothing but goats on the brain.
    • Barnaby allowing the player to practice Legilimency on him.
    Barnaby: You'll have to be a master to read my mind. I've been told I have an especially thick skull.
    Player: I'll do my best. Are you ready?
    Barnaby: I can't wait! There's always extra room in my brain!
    • One of Barnaby's memories is when he stacked nineteen puffskeins on his head, something he's very proud of.
    • The Player also comments about how easy it is to peer into Barnaby's mind compared to the others. Which all things considering, makes complete sense.
    • This dialogue:
    Barnaby: You must be doing something right, (Player). My brain is tingling.
    • Aberforth randomly commenting that he might make Barnaby the pub mascot.

Year 6

• In chapter 22, Penny welcomes Alanza to Hogwarts...
  Penny: Nice to meet you. I'm Penny and this is Beatrice and Ismelda.
  Beatrice and Ismelda: (scowls in unison silently)
  • MC accusing the pair of stealing.
  Beatrice: Ismelda says it wasn't stealing, it was borrowing without permission.
• Trelawney teaching Xylomancy, divination with wooden branches.
  Chiara: I have a strange desire to fetch those twigs.
• In chapter 24, Merula describes the old, scared-of-literally-everything-in-existence Ben as "a walking advertisement for fear."
• Binns begins the lesson on the Owl Airforce by asking the class for a show of hands on who enlisted in World War I. Naturally, not a single hand went up; he assumes they were too young at the time.
• In the "Head Boy/Girl" side quest, Tulip attempts to invent a spell to turn her toad into a prince after reading about a Muggle fairy tale.
• Throughout the year, Barnaby attempting to become a "Renaissance Wizard" in his own special way. Badeea and Barnaby managed to convince Penny, wearing her Celestial Ball dress, to serve as their model for their painting. MC, Alanza, and Andre join them, but everyone except Badeea are more goofing off than anything. When they're done, while MC, Alanza and Andre have a conversation, Penny comes down and sees what Barnaby painted; you couldn't hear anything, but you can see Penny with a shocked expression while Badeea laughs. You also don't see what Barnaby's painting looks like.

Year 7

• As revealed in Chapter 2, the Player had done Wandless Magic underage. They broke one of their mother's tea sets, something Jacob was blamed for (which is hilarious to imagine) and then again with a vase, but Jacob was at school that time so it had to be the Player. The Player then comments that it seems that they were a very destructive child.
• Muggle Studies of course, is pretty funny from us, the players, perspective as we are 'muggles'. Seeing the kids get excited or trying to figure out how simple objects like a telephone and a rubber duck work is both adorable and hilarious. It's even better with Sikander as a professor as he is genuinely enthusiastic about mundane muggle objects.
  • Jae apparently took the class because it's one of the 'easiest'. When writing to his muggle pen pal, he says that he's enrolled in a business college (which is even more hilarious if you consider Jae's real "business").
  • Merula decided to take this class for some reason and isn't the least bit interested. She is totally checked out in some instances of the class.
• In Chapter 4, the Player and Tonks approach Snape to get some Floo Powder so they can get to the Ministry for their assignments there. If the Player is a Slytherin and chose 'ambitious' as their quality, Snape has this to say:
  Snape: And why would you be invited to the Ministry of Magic?
  Player: I was invited because I'm ambitious and I want to succeed.
  Snape: The one trait of a Slytherin you seem to possess.
  • Right after, one of the answers the Player can choose when Snape asks about why you needed to say the location clearly when using Floo Powder.
  "So the nargles can hear you."
  • The friendly and overly enthusiastic Professor Sikander apparently came into Snape's classroom to have a friendly jaunt with him about how Muggle chemistry works similar to potions, but Snape isn't interested one bit. As we players are muggles, everything he says is just hilarious in hindsight.
  Sikander: Floo Powder is quite useful, but have you ever traveled by pogo stick?
• Now that the seventh year students are given more or less free reigns to roam around and try out different careers, Jae Kim is pretty pleased. Now he gets even more legroom to deal with his 'business'. He can be seen in the background conducting shady dealings several different activities.
• When looking for the Doxy Queen, they track some of the Doxies to Peeve's room. When Chiara asks where Peeves was, the Player can joke that he's philosophizing with the Bloody Baron instead of the other options (bothering either Snape or Filch).
• During the Doxy Infestation, many students were sent to the Hospital Wing to be cured from the poisonous Doxy bites. Not Ben though, he was in the Hospital Wing because he was helping Levi practice a spell in the Gryffindor Common Room, which backfired and injured him.
• At St. Mungos, there are several sick patients◊ with interesting ailments. One of them is a nurse trying to pull down a levitating student, a father and son whose skin are a saturated green and purple respectfully, a kid afflicted with the stretching jinx, a man vomiting slugs into a bag, and a girl with steam coming out of her ears.
  • In the background during the Player and Co's first visit to St. Mungos, there's a kid afflicted with what looks like immobolus propped up on a bench, arms and legs in the air and all.
• In Chapter 20, a young girl mentions that her 'Uncle Billingsley' transfigured himself into a parrot and was stuck in that form for three days. Looks like habitual transfiguration chaos runs in the Billingsley family.
• After Jacob finally recovers from his grievous injuries, thanks to his sibling's hard work, he is noticeably cheerily callous about the fact that he had nearly died and even tries to joke with his sibling, which can lead to his up-to-ten-years-younger sibling openly berating him about how serious the situation was (which is funny in hindsight). They later even threaten to tell their mum about it; the fact that Jacob apparently concedes to this is even more hilarious. It makes you wonder how scary their mum is for the rogue Byronic Hero Jacob, who had always done as he pleased post-portrait, to be frightened of her.
  Player: You're in no condition to go anywhere, Jacob.
  Jacob: But—
  Player: Don't make me tell mum.
  • Another way the Player to respond is for them to channel Merula and have them outright deny that they care about him at all.
  Player: What? No, I'm not going to cry over you! You... you big idiot!
• Apparently Jacob and their sibling has gone into their fair share of mischief when they were younger and it's mentioned several times throughout Year 7 when reminiscing:
  • Jacob breaking the mahogany (an very expensive wood) table, which angered both their mother and Peregrine (their father).
  • Both Jacob and the Player blamed each other for breaking things growing up.
  • Apparently Jacob locked the Player in the cupboard underneath the stairs for fun.
  • The Player had apparently let the family Puffskein loose in the house, which have caused quite a mess.

Quidditch

• The animations for the "De-gnome the Pitch" task in the Quiddich sidequest are quite amusing. Your character picks up a gnome and swings it by the ankles, the way the Weasleys do it. They then toss them to Skye, who uses a broom to bat them out of the Quiddich pitch.
• Throughout season 1, Erika Rath's (not totally unearned) comically violent reputation. Everyone seems to expect grievous bodily harm if you so much as try to talk to her and MC was surprised that Murphy "survived" her. Penny even brought a healing potion when accompanying you, and stops you from trying to talk to Rath while she is holding her bat.
  Player: Rath could take someone's head off with that bat of hers.
  Penny: That training dummy is not long for this world.

Sidequests

• In one of the Ravenclaw sidequests, you have to help a first-year find her notes. Your character seems rather irritated by the whole thing, and comments that they'll probably be the one to find them, since you are now an expert in finding stuff for other people.
• In the "Growing Pains" side quest, you are tasked in retrieve some Scarab beetles from Snape, who tries to shut down your request in providing them himself by asking, "Do I look like a house elf to you?". If you have a high enough courage stat, you can say...
  You: Now that you mention it, I can see the resemblance. Does anyone ever ask you to dust the furniture?
  Snape: [[{Beat}...]]No, but Professor Dumbledore has asked ordered me to stop flaying students who think they are clever.
• Madame Pomfrey at one point tells Bill Weasley she hopes his younger siblings will be much more behaved when they get into Hogwarts. Bill responds they're all perfect little angels.
• In the Return of Rita Sidequest, you're tasked with escorting Rita as she interviews various people at Hogwarts, including Professor Kettleburn. It's obvious she's looking for scandal. The exchange goes roughly as follows:
  Prof. Kettleburn: Better not tell her about that man-eating- chimera on the loose, eh, [player]?
  Player: She's standing right there, sir. I think she can hear you.
  Prof. Kettleburn: Good eye. Ten points to [House]!
  Rita: This story writes itself...
• Usually during tasks, if you don't focus or trace a figure properly, it'll result in minor embarrassing blunders. But during the Christmas event, if you fail to hang a garland on the tree properly, the tree will somehow burst into flames.
  • The third task of the Christmas sidequest is playing Wizard Chess with Rowan. At one point, straight-laced, bookish Rowan resorts to cheating by pointing at something behind MC and swapping two game pieces while MC's back is turned.
• Ismelda's constant Comedic Sociopathy, even during the Crushed side quest when the player tries to help her confess her love for Barnaby. When you volunteer Penny to help her social skills, Ismelda threatens to turn Penny's braids into snakes if the latter tries to turn her into a "teacher's pet".
  Ismelda: What's wrong with my social skills?
  You: You threaten to kill Gryffindors on a daily basis.
  Ismelda: Yeah, and?
  You: Sorry, Penny, it looks like you have a lot of work ahead of you.
  • This later gets a callback when Penny tries to tell Ismelda to be herself...minus the death threats.
• In the Creatures everywhere sidequest, the Potions classroom is overrun by Puffskeins:
  You: Sorry, Professor Snape. I don't think I can carry any more Puffskeins...
  Snape: I will gather the rest.
  You: I think I'll stick around just to watch you hold a Puffskein.
  Snape: ...
  You: On second thought, I should probably leave...
• In the side quest, Meet The Malfoys, we learn that, apparently, Merlin had a favourite fluffy bathrobe!
  • While Lucius Malfoy visits the school, Dumbledore calls you to his office. Snape only says that you will see what he has to deal with on a daily basis. There comes the most difficult task of the quest... babysitting Draco.
  • Your MC apparently never heard of the Malfoys, which prompts Merula to explain that Lucius was a Death Eater, but claimed to be under Imperius Curse. When the Player points out that's not so far-fetched, she describes Lucius Malfoy in one hilarious sentence.
  Merula: Malfoy would snog a Fire Crab if Voldemort told him to.
  • Throughout the entire sidequest, Merula is tasked with watching him most of the time as the Player is looking for the missing wand and running errands. She is so annoyed, Merula states that they should just transfigure him into a ferret and give him back to his father, which considering what happens in the future, is Hilarious in Hindsight.
  • When Draco taunts Merula that they don't teach Curses at Hogwarts, she declares she knows plenty of curses and, of course, is the "Strongest Witch In Hogwarts". When he challenges her on that, she turns her wand at the MC and casts the Jiggly Legs Jinx. It doesn't hurt your character at all, but makes your legs wiggle around comically. Your MC is not very amused.
  You: Very funny, Merula.
• In the Hosting the Beauxbatons side quest, MC gets to learn the Beauxbatons "Grand Entrance" from the fourth film, with every aspect of the performance taken utterly seriously. Yes, even if MC is male. Afterwards, you can see Aurélie and Penny doing it together and laughing in the background. It is rather endearing.
• In the Festival Fun sidequest, Snape enjoys watching you beat Lockhart in a duel, but quickly frowns when your date looks at him.
• In the Welcome to the Sphinx Club side quest, Merula will attempt to transfigure herself into a thunderbird, only to botch the spell and turn herself into a flobberworm instead. MC and Ismelda's first attempt to change her back fails; their second attempt turns Merula into an irate yet utterly adorable puffskein. As Barnaby puts it:
  Barnaby: This is the best day ever!
  • Merula's attempts to act like her usual intimidating self fail because of how cute and fluffy she is as a puffskein. Ben laughs his head off when he sees her, asking if you really have to change her back, saying they could just leave her as is and say Merula ran away to join the circus. And Tonks isn't impressed by the Death Glare the "Most Powerful Puffskein in Hogwarts" levels at her.
    Tonks: There's no point in getting angry with me, Merula. You're too adorable.
    • The game also refers to Merula as "World's Most Angriest Puffskein".
  • While brainstorming in the Artefact Room, the Player offers to toss Merula (as Puffskeins like to be thrown). Just imagine her reaction.
  • When you ask Hagrid for information in reversing failed transfigurations, Merula can be seen playing with a few other puffskeins Hagrid keeps in his hut.
  • In the same quest, when Merula first gets transforms herself into a Flobberworm, Ismelda takes Merula to the Artefact room, but there's the dreaded wait timer, but it's because Ismelda wants to sneak some lettuce for Merula.
  • McGonagall acts shocked upon seeing Merula when the Player and her finally decide to ask her for help, but not because of anything bad. She just found Miss Snyde very adorable.

Romance

In General

• Barnaby apparently ate all of the paste while decorating for the Celestial Ball because he was promised snacks when he joined the committee.
• During the First Date quest, Tonks and Charlie crash the Player and their date, mostly to make sure the date was going alright. Tonks seems super excited to see the Player with their date while Charlie wishes he could just leave, but likely came anyway to keep Tonks out of trouble.
  Charlie: I'll just keep staring at this tablecloth until this is over.
  • Tonks announcing to everyone out loud that she was definitely not there to watch anyone's date.
  • After crashing the date, Charlie lampshades how awkward it was going to be going back to Hogwarts together. Tonks attempted to lightened the mood by playing cards, but with Exploding Snap cards, which ended up burning the Player's date's finger.
  • When Charlie and Tonks challenges the Player to a duel to settle their nerves, Jae Kim can be seen in the background getting chewed out by Filch along with a Ravenclaw throughout the scene. Sometime during the dialogue, he and the Ravenclaw can be seen making a run for it while Filch and Mrs. Norris chasing closely behind.
• The Valentine's Day quest revolves around Gilderoy Lockhart, which involves quite a few laughs.
  • Most teachers are showcasing classes based on romance. Snape's lesson involves Armotentia, a very strong love potion, so everyone can commit it to memory and avoid it in the future. But honestly, what did he think would happen when introducing a bunch of hormonal teenagers to a very illegal love potion?
    • Barnaby asking Snape about the smell of the potion.
  Barnaby: Does Amortentia smell bad? Like armpits or broccoli?
  Snape: Amortentia would smell different to each of you, based on who or what appeals to you.
  Barnaby: So it will smell like things I fancy? What's the opposite of broccoli?
  (Snape's hilariously deadpan reaction◊)

  • Snape specifically tells everyone not to sniff the potion. What does everyone immediately do? Sniff the potion.

  Snape: Following instructions is not this class' strength.

  • Ismelda apparently smells the Library's Restricted Section.
  • And then the dialogue afterwards is solid gold:
  Snape: Based on how poorly all of you followed my instructions to not inhale the potion... I imagine you are all experiencing...feelings.
  (Cue the Player, Barnaby, and Merula looking very shy and awkward, then panning out to Snape looking down on them from behind the trio)
  Snape: I would prefer that you did not explore these feelings in my classroom.
  • Gilderoy's introduction: he waltzes in - with two female students swooning, Barnaby looking confused - and flings off his cape onto Andre.
  • Whenever you enter into an activity involving Gilderoy Lockhart, "It's All About Me" indeed; Gilderoy is the only interactable you can spend energy on to make progress.
  • Merula suffering from Lockhart's excessive talking, Penny's excessive enthusiasm, and the general atmosphere of the event.
  Merula: Of all the things I could've been chosen for at random, it's this circus.
  • When Merula refuses to call MC "Chief Apprentice", Penny excitedly suggests "Captain Valentine".
• The Festival Fun event has plenty of funny moments.
  • Tulip accidentally startles her skunk during outdoor transfiguration and causes a foul order. Snape then references this and recommends that the class breath through their mouths.
  • Charlie is 100% convinced that Hagrid is hiding a small dragon somewhere around the festival.
  • When trying to find out the Player's secret admirer, Andre rounds up all the potential candidates in the courtyard under the guise of styling their outfits. He and the Player start quizzing all of them on vague questions somewhat related to the subject, resulting in just confusing everyone.
  Player: I still can't say for sure who might be a secret admirer. I think all I've succeeded in doing is confusing our friends.
  • While on their date, the Player and their date go to the face painting booth to try painting on each other's faces. Their date goes first and accidentally splatters the Player's face with paint. They then try to fix it, turning into a rainbow and clouds. They act mortified at this (though they was just teasing).
  [Player's Date]: (recoiling) What have I done?
• In the Valentine's Day Ball event, the Player's date sets up a Storybook Romance for them with the help of the Magical Reserve fairy. If the Player hasn't adopted a Fairy or you just didn't know you could even name them, the fairy is just named 'Fairy'.
• Just like the other events, the Enchanted Kiss sidequest is full of hilarious moments.
  • Barnaby naming his knarl, Knarl, because he's the 'knarliest', obviously.
  • When the Player, Jae, and Penny attempt to brew a Calming Draught to cure the Player's stage fright, Jae accidentally adds too much peppermint oil, which burn the player's mouth. He brings the Player to Professor McGonagall to fix it, which is strange considering Snape is the potions professor. Here's why:
  McGonnagall: Don't thank me yet, Mr/Miss (Player). I assume the reason you took your potion disaster to me rather than Professor Snape is because you thought I'd go easier on the two of you than he.
  Player: That's not true, Professor! We came to you because you're Jae's/our Head of House.
  Jae: And because Snape is proper frightening.
  McGonagall: Trust me, Mr Kim, I can also be proper frightening when necessary.

Barnaby

• When the Player finally starts to confess to Barnaby, the Player states that they haven't confessed to their crush yet, leading to Barnaby asking if they wanted him to confess for them.
• After their rather disastrous first date, the thing Barnaby was worried about was whether or not the Player really liked his eyebrows.
• While setting up for the Valentine's Ball, Barnaby helps the Player wrangle up the fairies to help light the ball. He then mistakes the Player's fairy for their date for the ball.
  • Doubly hilarious if the Player hasn't adopted a fairy or named them, leading to just the default name 'Fairy'. How Barnaby mistook a fairy named Fairy for the Player's date is anyone's guess.
    • Even more Hilarious in Hindsight if you consider that fact that Barnaby named his knarl, Knarl, in the Enchanted Kiss sidequest.
  • He then gets mesmerized by the fairy's lights, leading to the Player shouting is full name to get his attention.
  Player: Barnaby. Barnaby? Barnaby Abernathy Lee!
  Barnaby: (Terrified) I'm sorry for spilling the potion, Professor Snape!
• Barnaby gets excited to see that the Player likes how he set up the whole Storybook Romance scene and he can't wait to tell everyone else. And yes, he literally told almost everyone.
  Barnaby: I'm so excited to tell everyone how much you like it!
  Player: Everyone? How many people did you tell, Barnaby?
  Barnaby: Well, there's Professor Dumbledore, Pince, Filch, Tonks, [Player's Fairy], Hagrid, Mrs. Norris, the Training dummies...
• In the Enchanted Kiss sidequest, Barnaby introduces the Player's other 'co-star' his favorite knarl, Knarl. The player jokes that Knarl has competition if he wanted to be their favorite co-star (referring to Barnaby), but as usual, he's completely clueless.
  Player: (Talking to Knarl) Fair warning, you have some stiff competition if you want to be my favorite co-star.
  Barnaby: Who is this competition? I hope it's me...
  Player: Yes, Barnaby. It's you.

Jae

• In Festival Fun, the Player and their friends attend an outdoor Charms class and are supposed to shrink their pumpkin. Jae, who couldn't shrink his own pumpkin, comes to stand next to the Player's to make it look like he had done his work, only to immediately leave when the Player mentions getting a secret admirer note (assuming that it is from Jae).
  Jae: Can I join you? I couldn't shrink my own pumpkin so I'll just stand by yours.
  (Small conversation about the Player's anonymous note and dating)
  Jae: (Embarrassed) I ought to try shrink my pumpkin, see you later.
  Player: (Confused) Jae, you don't like practising spells, or classes in general.
  Jae: But I like...pumpkins.
• In the Valentine's Day Ball, Jae sets up a whole Storybook Romance scene for the Player. When he starts to confess, the Player is surprised he's acting serious. And this conversation follows:
  Player: Jae Kim is about to get serious? Did Puffskeins learn to fly?
  Jae: Now that you mention it, I believe I saw one sail past the window.
  Player: In that case, please go on.

Merula

• Merula's romance can come off as hilarious as she comes off as extremely Tsundere at times. A lot of her dialogue involves getting into arguments with the Player and will constantly give them backhanded compliments that are actually pretty genuine and heartfelt underneath her smugness and ego.
  • "Whatever you say, Merula." is a constant phrase used by the Player in their relationship. It's pretty funny as the Player is totally used to Merula's type of affection and uses the phrase to shrug off Merula's more snide comments and take them for what they really are. This phrase even leaks out into the main story sometimes.
  • She occasionally and alternatively calls herself the "Most Powerful Date at Hogwarts".
• Upon finding out the Player's crush is actually her, Merula asks why they didn't tell her earlier, only for the Player to remind her that all other times they had met, she was listing of all the bad things that could happen if they did confess. If the Player had chosen not to confess after all, this would have been one incredible feat of self sabotage on Merula's part, especially since in this instance, she also actually likes the Player back.
  Merula: I'm your crush!? [...] Why didn't you tell me before, in the Courtyard?
  Player: When you were trying to talk me out of asking...?
  Merula: Oh. Right.
• Their first date is the Player and Merula trying to nervously have a conversation, only to realize that they spend a lot of their off time arguing and are having trouble not arguing even at their date.
  Player: Is there something you'd like to talk about?
  Merula: No, because when we talk we argue.
  (They try to start talking, but there's an awkward silence)
  Merula: This shouldn't be so hard. I mean, we've talked before.
  Player: Yes, and sometimes you're all talk.
  Merula: I thought we were trying not to argue, (Player).
  • While trying to ignore Charlie and Tonks who had crashed their date, Merula demands the the Player laugh to make it look like she said something funny.
  Merula: Laugh like I just said something clever.
  • Merula, thinking the Player is there to reject her, blames the date thing was their idea and that she wouldn't have gone if the Player didn't ask.
  Merula: I don't want to hear it. This whole date was your idea. I wouldn't have gone if you didn't ask.
  Player: Yes, that's how dates work, I think...
  • If the Player chose to ask what Merula thought of how they looked instead of complimenting her, Merula will later lament over it, but then assures herself that yes, she did look good.
  Merula: And for the record, I looked brilliant. My hair didn't turnout exactly how I wanted, but...You know what? Forget it. I looked brilliant. Full stop.
• On Valentine's Day sidequest, it's implied that Amortentia smells like the Player to her. It's funny in hindsight as she once belittled the Player for smelling like a mangy dog/cat/bird in the Animagus sidequest. Guess she just actually likes that smell, huh?
• In the Festival Fun sidequest, she and the Player get into an argument about dating...for no real reason. Merula starts off that saying that she didn't need potion skills to become the Festival Ambassador or to date, and the Player is confused and angrily replies that they were their date both times (first date and Valentine's). Barnaby is just standing there watching them argue with a fairly blank happy expression.
  • She then approaches the Player again at the Three Broomsticks and accuses them of voting for Penny, flirts with them (if you had dated Merula previously), then angrily tells the Player to leave her alone. Cue a very confused and exasperated Player.
    Merula: I've got to get back to campaigning. Leave me alone.
    Player: You came over to me!
    • This type of interaction is pretty common in their relationship it seems.
  • A piece of dialogue when Merula tries to help the player 'guess' who they got their love note from.
  Merula: Your secret admirer is a powerful witch at Hogwarts. Perhaps the most powerful.
  • Then the Player accepting Merula's invitation to be her date.
  Player: Yes, Merula, I'll be your date to the festival.
  Merula: Because of what I said about the Gobstone?^note Merula had given the Player a Gobstone as a 'present' along with a note because she found it after class and it was the only thing in her pocket.
  Player: No, because you're impossibly fascinating to the point it drives me mad.
• In the Valentine Ball, Merula sets up a surprise for the Player, having transformed the library into a very cheesy 'Storybook Romance'. Merula begins to confess, starting about how they hadn't always gotten along, but the Player interrupts her in mock surprise that she's actually apologising. She then threatens to kick the Player out of the library if they don't let her finish.
  Merula: Look, I know we don't always get on-
  Player: Are you going to apologise to me? Am I being pranked?
  Merula: (Completely deadpan) If you don't let me finish, I'll kick you out of the library.
• During the All-Wizards Tournament, Merula calls out the Player for having info on the tournament and wants in on the info. Regardless of what the Player tells her, Merula doesn't believe them and states that talking with the Player is always a waste of time. The Player's coy response makes her pretty shy.
  Merula: Talking to you is so often a waste of my time.
  Player: (Smirking) You haven't always felt that way, Merula.
• In the Enchanted Kiss sidequests, all other romance options admit to the Player that they're quite nervous about the declaration of true love scene; not Merula. Instead, she comes to talk to the Player as if they're the one that's nervous, even if the Player admitted they're not. It's obvious she's nervous, but to protect her ego, Merula acts like the Player is the one who's nervous . Of course, the Player just rolls along with it.
  Merula: I'm glad I could make your feel better. My job here is done.
  Player: Whatever you say, Merula.

Talbott

• In his friendship sidequest, the Player and Talbott learn the Obliviate spell in order to erase Merula's memory that she knows he's an animagus. Flitwick decides to test if it worked by telling Talbott a new piece of information and then erasing that memory. The Player can choose to confess to him right then and there, only to erase the memory.
  Player: This might be a bad time, but I fancy you, Talbott.
  Flitwick: Oh my.
  Talbott: Wait, really?! I had no idea...
  Player: Obliviate.

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