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Funny / Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

  • In flying classes, while the other students attempt to summon their brooms, occasionally their broom will fly up and smack them in the face, similar to Ron in the first film. (The same can happen to you if you flub drawing a straight line during the "Up!" prompt.) Especially funny when it happens to Merula, in spite of all her swagger.
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  • One of the things you can tap on to gain energy are suits of armor just outside the Great Hall; two of them can have their items swapped. Their body language is pretty amusing: they both look down and discover they have the wrong thing, the one on the left picks up the sword and gives it a shake for the other to take it, then nearly falls as it leans over to reach for its own shield.
  • If you don't tap on the house elf in the dungeons before continuing missions that take place in that hall, he'll remain there in the background of the cutscene, still snoozing away.
  • Some of the dialogue snippets when you study in the Hufflepuff common room make you think that the 'Puffs are indeed the house of stoners.
  • Recently, little bits of dialogue contain inside jokes. For instance, when talking to Hagrid, you can tell him that playing with Fang gives you extra energy.
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  • The professors now have actual voices/dialogue. YMMV, but some of this is funny, especially Snape (at the end of a successful Potions lesson, he will ask, "Do you expect...applause?")
  • History of Magic is so boring that more often than not, your class activities will involve goofing off, such as brewing a potion with Penny or playing Exploding Snap with a small group.
  • Poor Leviosa Kid... tapping on him outside Charms, such as in History of magic or helping Dumbledore make decorations will prompt everyone to wonder what his name is, feel bad about it, but be too nervous to ask him.
  • Some characters have amusing grunts, giggles, etc. when spoken to. Especially Peeves.

Year 1

  • The first time Merula challenges you to a duel, you can choose to either walk away or cast a spell at her. Due to taking place before you learn any actual duelling spells, if you choose to attack her you'll cast the only spell you learned: Lumos.
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  • After being beaten, Merula starts ranting about how she's the greatest witch in school and can do what she wants when she wants... Just as Snape and Flitwick walk up right behind her. Cue Merula stammering as Snape announces his presence by clearing his throat.
  • When the Students learn Alohomora, Flitwick brings up the Fridge Logic of; "Why does the Wizard World even need keys, when a Spell to unlock most locks is first year level!?".
  • During lessons where students are trying to summon their brooms up to their hands, Merula becomes more forceful and commanding with every failed effort, until her broom flies up and smacks her in the nose. This also happens to Rowan. It’s just as funny.

Year 2

  • When beginning the Charms lesson on Engorgio, the Engorgement Charm, a spell that causes the target to grow or swell, Flitwick has this to say:
  • In a side quest in your second year, your character must learn how to brew a Fire-Breathing potion...which means approaching Snape. While he grumpily acquiesces to your request, and ramping up your Empathy can ensure that this discussion doesn't crash and burn as badly as it could, it won't spare you Snape's reaction to your relentless cheerfulness and lack of tact:
    Player: Thanks, Professor Snape! I don't know why everyone says you're so terrible!
    Snape: I regret this decision immediately.
    • In that same sidequest, when you give Hagrid the potion:
    Hagrid: You'll be drinking the potion, actually, if all goes well.
    Player: Me? Why do you need me to do it?
    Hagrid: I'll explain to you when we meet at the Devil's Snare.
    Hagrid: Aye, it has to do with that hippogriff that's been snatching people.
    Player: Hippogriff?!
    Hagrid: ...I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said any of that...
  • One side quest near the end of second year has you and Rowan doing detention with Snape. He asks you to search for a vial in the potion's classroom. Rowan however, asks why won't HE look for it since he should know his own classroom better than anyone else:
    Player: Shut up Rowan!
    Snape: For once, I agree with him/her.
    • At the end of the same quest, Rowan this time asks what does Snape want the vial for anyway. Snape and player both turn and look at him/her, without saying anything with both dialogues showing "..."
    Rowan: Right... Shut up Rowan!
  • The side quest - A Very Weasley Christmas - has Dumbledore say "Actually, I rather enjoyed the snow. I cannot remember the last time I threw a snowball. Though I doubt Professor Snape found it as amusing as I did." What this implies is that Dumbledore started randomly throwing snowballs at Snape and found it rather amusing.

Year 3

  • Barnaby is a bit of a goofy Dumb Muscle. If you try reasoning with Merula, she'll refuse, prompting the player character to note that she only works with the best and the brightest. Barnaby thinks it's a compliment. Then, just before leaving he tells the player that if they mess with Merula, he'll vanish every bone in their body... while grinning like an idiot.
    • Another instance is when Ismelda starts fantasizing out loud about using the Killing Curse on someone. Merula is shocked, yet Barnaby obliviously pushes right ahead as if it's a normal conversation and talks about the time he sat on a Bowtruckle and killed it by accident. An exasperated Merula then deadpans that she hates them both.
    • Him fanboying over Harry Potter: "Harry Potter will definitely be a Slytherin" because Slytherin always have the most dramatic backgrounds.
  • In preparation for becoming a third-year with Hogsmeade privileges, Rowan apparently built a scale replica of the town using acorns in order to figure out optimum travelling times. Unfortunately, said replica came under attack by giant squirrels.
  • Flitwick gets a couple moments that double as awesome in a side quest regarding Rita Skeeter. She's running a Daily Prophet contest to find the new Face of Hogwarts and has been observing everybody's classes. The professors are none too keen on this, and Flitwick calls it an "obnoxious interruption." Rita then asks, "What could be more obnoxious than you?" Flitwick responds, "Your perfume, for starters."
    • Later on, he casts Wingardium Leviosa on her and allows the Player Character to perform the counterspell to let her drop, much to Rita's displeasure.
  • Another one for the Rita Skeeter side quest, Bill wants to win the competition and make the papers before his brothers make it for exploding something.
  • Merula being completely unfazed by the dung bomb thrown at her and her gang, while the others run away.
  • Boggart!Merula once you use Riddikulus. Your character claims that the result might even be scarier than Voldemort.
  • Toward the end of the third year, your character suggests they all mention their fears...
    Player: Voldemort!
    Tulip: Merula!
    Tonks: Losing my abilities!
    Barnaby: Clowns!
    (Beat and everyone turns to stare at him)
    Barnaby: I can't be the only one who thought those Boggarts were more frightening after (Player) cast Riddikulus.
  • At the end of the third year, Dumbledore comments that even he apparently made an appearance in Boggart form. Well, Voldemort is terrified of him for a reason.

Year 4

  • In the fourth year, the player learns to brew Weedosoros, a particularly strong poison. At the end of class, a student asks what to do with such an obviously dangerous substance. Snape says to stopper the bottles securely and place them on his desk before leaving — except for the Player, whom he encourages to drink their bottle.
  • Professor Kettleburn, who teaches Care for Magical Creatures, has an amusingly happy-go-lucky attitude for someone who has lost several limbs and an eye in their profession.
    (After learning how to keep Firecrabs) “Well done everyone! Not a single one of you was incinerated! That’s what I call a successful start to our year at Hogwarts!”
    • It becomes a Running Gag that he somehow let a chimera loose in the school, one that is still unaccounted for by the start of the next school year. It’s treated in a more blasé way than if someone’s cat was loose.
    • On a slightly less life-threatening note, after Rakepick warns the pupils in Kettleburn’s class that Nifflers are destructive and not an appropriate pet, Kettleburn concurs...since he kept twelve of them himself. Rakepick wonders how he did that without serious property damage. His response?
    Kettleburn: Oh, they totally destroyed my house! And my boat! And my favourite spare leg! I can hardly wait to get twelve more!
  • Madame Rakepick threatens Madame Rosmerta... who is having none of it and successfully fends her off. This is the same Rakepick who has bullied Filch and the school ghosts into giving her information. A small threat from Rosmerta that some of her best customers are Aurors and people from the Department of Magical Law Inforcement is enough to make Rakepick leave. Apparently, James Potter and Sirius Black often behaved in her pub. Now we see why.
  • In a little nod to the Funny Background Event in Charms class, your character casts a Wingardium Leviosa charm on themselves that allows them to float above the trees. This seriously impresses Charlie, who says it's the most powerful Wingardium Leviosa that he's ever seen. The Player shrugs it off by explaining that they get a lot of practice due to helping that struggling Gryffindor that sits near them in Charms.
  • The Prefect sidequest presents you with the poacher-turned-gamekeeper dilemma which is wryly funny in its total hypocrisy — can the player, a notorious rulebreaker, who is pretty much in charge of a friendship circle of notorious rulebreakers, bring themselves to enforce the same rules that they flout? You're sent out to the courtyard to deal with your House's discipline problems to find out. Rowan muses that they saw a Ravenclaw turn a toad into a unicorn. Cue Tulip "No Sense Of Self Preservation" Karasu:
    Tulip: That was me. The toad was Dennis. Hagrid was giddy.
    • The conversations for the other Houses include Penny brewing a Hair-Raising Potion which Tonks then drank (Hufflepuff), Merula repeatedly knocking Barnaby into the fountain with a Knockback Jinx (Slytherin), and the struggling kid from Charms class eating a deck of Exploding Snap cards (Gryffindor).
    • When ordered to learn about punishments from Filch, the PC gets to say to Filch what we’ve all long thought. And it’s still a massive understatement.
    PC: You are a very violent person...
  • Take Penny with you to look for the Forbidden Forest's Cursed Vault. When the Acromantula comes out and webs up your other companions, she throws a potion at it to give you time to free them. Will it make him shrink? Possibly explode? No, it's an Elixir to Induce Euphoria, and the Acromantula spends the next few minutes gushing over what a nice day it is.
  • Flitwick introduce the lesson on Vermillious, the wizard equivalent of an SOS, by saying it will alert those nearby to get you out of danger...
...and then says that the next lesson will allow you to get yourself out of danger instead.
  • Sickleworth, Rakepick's Niffler assistant, teams up with you about halfway through the chapter. Of course, by "teams up" we mean "proceeds to troll you every time you take him on a mission." Eventually, the player character isn't even surprised when they find that Sickleworth is just looking for shiny things that suit his interests, rather than what he was meant to be looking for. Looking at his face, Sickleworth is fully aware of what he's doing and finds it hilarious.
  • At the end of the Prefect Side Quest, Dumbledore says: "Never underestimate the power of a doodle."
    • Said comment comes after an 8 hour-long activity, where you do nothing but wait around Dumbledore's office, which is something you have to do at the end of every year.
    Player: Why do you always invite me to your office when you aren't ready to see me?
    Dumbledore: An excellent question, [Player]...
    Player: Thank you.
    Dumbledore: I will still be with you momentarily...
  • In the Celestial Ball side quest, Sickleworth, an adorably cute Niffler with a penchant for dancing, can be seen happily bopping away, entirely care free, on the dance-floor (and surrounded by a few cute girls, too).

Year 5

  • At one point in time, you have to recruit Merula to help break the latest curse, prompting a social interaction sequence. Players at this point are ready to try and figure out the correct path to go down to soothe a person and convince them to see things your way, and are ready to try to get inside her head...however, getting inside her head at this point involves stroking her ego. Cue six questions where the correct answer is invariably "You."
  • Rakepick setting Snape's robes on fire and his reaction. Nuff said.
  • Fans' hatred of any task involving Dumbledore gets some love. During a recent chapter, he asks your character why he/she thinks they were summoned to his office. If you're brave enough, you can say, "So you can make me stand around?"
  • When it's time for your O.W.L. for Charms, the Gryffindor who has struggled so badly at Wingardium Leviosa nails it for the exam... then immediately fails at Lumos.
  • In Patronus quest, when you go to visit Penny in Hospital Wing, there is a second-year Gryffindor girl who says she fell off her broom and onto Professor Snape. One wonders if it was falling off the broom or landing on Snape that put her in the hospital wing?
    • In the werewolf quest, a seventh year won a bet with a friend by eating twelve pumpkin pasties in a minute, then promptly threw up all over Snape.
  • [hanging out in the courtyard]
    Snape: The weather is unusually sunny today. I blame [your character].
  • [asking house elves about the Marauder's Map]:
    you: What did they look like?
    house elf: Human?
    Jae: That narrows it down...
  • When you fake illness in the hospital wing:
    Pomfrey: You're still considerably less needy than Professor Snape when he gets a cold...
  • you: I think it's fur...
    Jae: Fang's fur?
    you: It's too short to be Fang's fur...
    Jae: Is it rat fur?
    you: This is the longest conversation I have ever had about animal fur.
  • In the Poor sport sidequest, in the hospital wing:
    Barnaby: I tried punching a wall. The wall won.
    • Pomfrey was also treating several first years who didn't have their earmuffs on for the mandrake lesson. It turned out that they had made a bet about who could listen to the screams for the longest before passing out.


  • In one of the Ravenclaw sidequests, you have to help a first-year find her notes. Your character seems rather irritated by the whole thing, and comments that they'll probably be the one to find them, since you are now an expert in finding stuff for other people.
  • One conversation with Snape leads to him shutting down your request by asking, "Do I look like a house elf to you?". If you have enough nerve coupled with a high enough courage stat, you can actually say yes. Snape is so taken aback by your response that you don't even lose any house points for it (though he does imply that he would flay you if Dumbledore didn't forbid corporal punishment).
    you: Now that you mention it, I can see the resemblance. Does the headmaster ever ask you to dust the furniture?
    Snape: No, but he has asked me not to flay students who think they are smart.
  • Madame Pomfrey at one point tells Bill Weasley she hopes his younger siblings will be much more behaved when they get into Hogwarts. Bill responds they're all perfect little angels.
  • In the Return of Rita Sidequest, you're tasked with escorting Rita as she interviews various people at Hogwarts, including Professor Kettleburn. It's obvious she's looking for scandal. The exchange goes roughly as follows:
    Prof. Kettleburn: Better not tell her about that man eating chimera on the loose, eh (player)?
    Player: She's standing right there, sir. I think she can hear you.
    Prof. Kettleburn: Good eye. Ten points to (House)!
    Rita: This story writes itself...
  • Usually during tasks, if you don't focus or trace a figure properly, it'll result in minor embarrassing blunders. But during the Christmas event, if you fail to hang a garland on the tree properly, the tree will somehow burst into flames.
  • Gilderoy Lockhart comes to Hogwarts in the Valentine's Day event of 2020. Whenever you enter into an activity involving him, "It's All About Me" indeed; Gilderoy is the only interactable you can spend energy on to make progress.
  • Ismelda: What's wrong with my social skills?
    you: You threaten to kill Gryffindors on a daily basis.
    Ismelda: Yeah, and?
    you: Sorry, Penny, it looks like you have a lot of work ahead of you.
  • When Barnaby is the one to drink a botched potion in class:
    Barnaby: You would think I learned my lesson by now.
  • [reviewing Depulso]:
    Flitwick: Let's hope I won't get thrown around the room this time.
  • Creatures everywhere sidequest, the Potions classroom is overrun by Puffskeins:
    you: Sorry, Professor Snape. I don't think I can carry any more Puffskeins...
    Snape: I will gather the rest.
    you: I think I'll stick around just to watch you hold a Puffskein.
    Snape: ...
    you: On second thought, I should probably leave...

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