From the book:
- The Marauder's Map insulting Snape:
Map: Mister Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
Mister Prongs agrees with Mister Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.
Mister Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.
Mister Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.
- Especially since the real Mister Moony is standing right there, watching it happen.
- Harry's reaction, which is basically halfway between breaking down laughing and being terrified.
- "Surely you don't need such a very old piece of parchment? Why don't I just - throw this away?"
- The fellytone call:
Ron: HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I- WANT- TO- TALK- TO- HARRY- POTTER!
Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.
Uncle Vernon: WHO IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU?
Ron: "RON- WEASLEY!" [Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football field.] I'M- A- FRIEND- OF- HARRY'S- FROM- SCHOOL-
Ron (In a later letter to Harry): Happy Birthday, Harry! Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call... I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.
- Harry asks himself in exasperation why couldn't Hermione have called. Being muggle-born SHE at least knows how to work a phone.
- Boggart Professor Snape, in a green dress, with a red handbag, and a stuffed-vulture hat.
- Later on, at Christmas, Dumbledore seemingly gets in a little dig at this when he gets Snape to pull a Christmas Cracker - and out pops a stuffed-vulture hat. Which Dumbledore then cheerfully dons himself (and bear in mind that there's almost no way that he wouldn't know about the Boggart incident). Presumably, being an incredibly stylish wizard who possesses an undeniable amount of "I do what I want" confidence, Dumbledore pulled the hat off superbly.
- Speaking of Boggarts, there's also Hermione's taking the form of Professor McGonagall who told her she failed every subject. Even Ron couldn't stop laughing, mainly because he predicted earlier that Hermione's worst fear was doing poorly in school.
- Trust Fred Weasley to comfort you when you lose a pet:
[to the grieving Ron after he thought Scabbers was eaten by Crookshanks
] And [Scabbers]s been off-color for ages, he was wasting away. It was probably better for him to snuff it quickly one swallow
he probably didnt feel a thing. Ginny: Fred!
- If there are some readers who think the Quidditch scene's a bit dull, the commentaries of them at least were generally very entertaining. Remember Lee Jordan's opiniated commentary on the particularly brutal Quidditch final?
- And the mention of Lee swearing so badly into the microphone that McGonagall tries to take it off of him. Also, his hitting on Angelina Johnson when she gets the Quaffle.
- Floating Aunt Marge.
- After Harry and Hermione help Sirius escape, Snape bursts in, screaming about how he doesn't know how this happened, only that "THIS! HAS! SOMETHING! TO DO! WITH! POTTER!"
- The narration notes that as angry as Snape and Fudge are, Dumbledore seems quite amused by the events.
- Earlier, when Harry gets caught in Hogsmeade by Draco Malfoy, who then tells Snape:
- Sir Cadogan.
- The "Monster Book of Monsters," especially the comment by the manager of Flourish and Blotts, the Wizard book shop:
"I thought we'd seen the worst when we ordered two-hundred copies of "The Invisible Book of Invisibility." Cost a fortune and we never found them!"
- This exchange:
Percy held out his hand solemnly as though he and Harry had never met and said "Harry. How nice to see you."
"Hello Percy," said Harry, trying not to laugh.
"I hope you're well," said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather like being introduced to the mayor.
"Very well, thanks..."
"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you old boy—"
"Marvellous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."
"That's enough now," said Mrs. Weasely.
"Mum!" said Fred, as though he'd only just spotted her, and seized her hand too. "How really corking to see you!"
- Malfoy and his crew defeated by Harry's Patronus spell when they dress up as Dementors and go out into the field trying to scare Harry. It's even more satisfying to see them get owned again by Professor McGonagall after the match.
- Professor McGonagall's response to Professor Trelawney's prediction of Harry's death:
- Immediately before this, McGonagall comments that the class is looking even more sullen than usual:
Hermione: Please, Professor, we've just had our first Divination class, and we were reading the tea leaves, and—
McGonagall: Ah, of course. There is no need to say anymore, Miss Granger. Tell me, which of you will be dying this year?
- McGonagall being drier than the sherry at Christmas lunch.
- "...and Ginny Weasley, blushing furiously, turned up with a get-well card she had made herself, which sang shrilly unless Harry kept it shut under his bowl of fruit."
- Snape, delivering the Wolfsbane Potion to Lupin while Harry is in his office...and thinks Snape is trying to poison him to get the DADA job. Harry gives one unsubtle hint after another to Lupin, who just smiles and seems completely oblivious to what he's suggesting, when he surely knows exactly what Harry is thinking. How he didn't burst out laughing is a Riddle for the Ages.
- When the Gryffindors return to the common room after Ron's been attacked by Sirius Black, Fred immediately says "Excellent, are we carrying on [with the post-game party]?"
- Snape giving Ron a detention of washing the Hospital Wing bedpans. Ron's response is to wonder why Sirius Black hadn't hidden in Snape's office when he broke into the castle, because, "Then [Black] could have finished [Snape] off for us!"
- After months and months of learning to "care" for the insanely-boring Flobberworms by poking lettuce down their throats, Ron tries to cheer up a despondent Hagrid by asking "How are the Flobberworms?" Hagrid's answer: "Dead. Too much lettuce."
- After Harry ends up in the Hospital Wing (again) after his first Quidditch loss, he notices that someone is missing from the team gathered around his bedside:
- Before the Griffindor vs. Ravenclaw match, Percy's girlfriend Penelope (the Ravenclaw Prefect he started dating last year) asks to inspect his newly-returned Firebolt. Percy jestingly accuses her of trying to sabatoge the broom, revealing that they have a bet of ten Galleons on the outcome of the game. Then, once Penelope puts the broom down...
- Harry's completely random Nightmare Sequence where players of Slytherin Quidditch Team ride dragons, and how Wood scolded Harry that he had to use Neville to replace him as a seeker.
- Meta-example: Dean's boggart being a disembodied living hand can be pretty funny for anyone who played A Link to the Past (or even other Zelda games) and got scared by the Wallmasters. The icing on the cake is that A Link To The Past was first released in Europe in September 1992, and that Dean is Muggle-born or so it seems until Deathly Hallows, where we learn he is actually half-blood. This could have easily been where he got said fear.note
- Hermione freaking out when riding Buckbeak with Harry.
Hermione: Oh, I don't like this. I really don't like this!
- Harry's confused reaction during the Time Travel sequence. At one point, he had trouble understanding who Hermione was referring to, present them or future them.
- Ron gets so sick of Malfoy's Dementor impressions that he throws a crocodile heart at him and hits him square in the face.
- Ron snarking during Hermione's last divination lesson, where he remarks that the crystal ball is informing him that there would be a lot of fog that night. Even Hermione thought it was funny.
- Almost any Divination lesson, courtesy of Harry and Ron's comments.
- The ever-immortal scene of Hermione slapping Malfoy hard enough he staggers. It leaves Harry, Ron, Crabbe, and Goyle flabbergasted, and Ron actually has to hold her back from hitting him again. So Hermione tries to curse Malfoy. What's better is it's implied she slapped him with her non-dominant hand, since she draws out her wand with Ron holding her slapping hand.
- Sirius has no idea how to react to Hermione calling him "Mr. Black". He's probably thinking "Oh, god, I've become my father. Or, worse, my mother."
- Fudge being unnerved by his meeting with Sirius Black at Azkaban seems creepy at first until the details of the plot are revealed. Fudge was inspecting the prison when he happened by Sirius' cell. He was creeped out by how a convicted murderer "just seemed bored" and casually asked for his newspaper because "he missed doing the crossword." Fudge didn't know Sirius was using his Animagus form to throw off the Dementors and that's how he stayed sane. And it was thanks to that newspaper that Sirius saw the picture of the Weasleys with Peter (in his rat form) perched on Ron's shoulder. So let's recap: this whole plot got set in motion because a bored prisoner asked the Prime Minister for his paper.
- Even funnier? Sirius is in Azkaban - presumably he does not have a quill and ink. So just what did he intend to use to complete the crossword?
- "JORDAN, ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS! GET ON WITH THE COMMENTARY!"
- The ending, in which Harry casually reveals to Vernon that he has an escaped wizard prisoner godfather who wants to hear from him from time to time to know that he's happy. You can almost hear the Oh, Crap! in Vernon's mind.
- The narration briefly notes that Sirius, as a dog, leaps off Harry's chest and knocks him over. Sirius used Harry as a springboard!
- Sirius uses Harry's name, but gets money out of his own vault to buy Harry a Firebolt. Apparently the Goblins don't care if a convicted criminal uses their bank. They still get paid either way!
- Perhaps a Take That! at City banks and bankers in general.
- A bit of Black Comedy but after Harry and Hermione help Sirius escape, denying Snape both the prospect of revenge on his schoolboy nemesis and being granted the Order of Merlin First Class, Harry notes that every time they're in the same room for the rest of the term, Snape is constantly flexing his fingers "as though just itching to wrap them around Harry's throat".
From the film:
Aunt Marge had too much gas...
- The UST between Hermione and Ron. The first is during the lecture where Buckbeak is introduced and Hermione, in a panic, grabs Ron's hand. He proceeds to give her this amazed look, and she shoots him a glance that says "Don't you say a word". The second is when they're visiting the Shrieking Shack, and Hermione asks if he wants to get closer. After a short uncomfortable pause, she specifies that she meant closer to the shack.
- When Hagrid asks who wants to ride Buckbeak, everyone backs up a step making it look like Harry has just volunteered.
- Apart from Neville, who looks around, realizes what everyone's just done and ducks behind a rock with an expression of utter panic on his face.
- When Hagrid calls Harry over, Ron walks up and gives Harry a nudge forward.
- Once Harry and Buckbeak have langed, in the background throughout the scene you can see Neville sitting on the rock - he then dives behind the rock as Buckbeak begins attacking while Harry presses himself against a tree to be out of the way of the angry Hippogriff. You can also see students jumping over the brick wall to get away!
- The coda to the floating aunt scene. As Harry stalks off, Aunt Marge is visible bobbing and floating off into the distance. Brief, no dialogue, just some distant sound-effects, and it's one of the funniest moments in the films.
- Speaking of that scene, while Aunt Marge is swelling up, a button pops off, hits Dudley square in the forehead, and knocks him down to the floor. When he manages to get back up, it happens again.
- Pretty much all of Harry's confusion at going back in time, since Hermione takes her sweet time telling him in the movie, but the best part being right after he sees his past self for the first time.
Harry (two seconds away from freaking out): This is not normal.
- Dumbledore can make a simple "good night" funny.
Harry: He's free. We did it.
Dumbledore: Did what? Good night.
- At one point during the hospital scene, Dumbledore pats Ron's leg a couple of times (which was in a cast), making the latter whimper in pain.
- Remember the really annoying Running Gag from earlier in that scene? The elderly man in the portrait who was constantly aroused, and subsequently annoyed by Harry's shining Lumos on the walls and would constantly tell him to "Put that light out"? Well, here's where a Running Gag gets turned into an MoF when Snape, after just being humiliated by the Marauder's Map, his confidence dashed, and being utterly degraded by being proven wrong by a longtime rival, gets his head chewed off by the same portrait of an elderly man in pajamas for shining the Lumos spell right in its face. Snape obeys, but with a look of what could be only Tranquil Fury on his face.
Portrait of Old Man: Are you deaf? Put that light out!
- Lupin's response to Neville naming Professor Snape as his greatest fear, made even better by the DVD subtitles: "Snape. [nodding; murmurs] Yes, frightens all."
- Hermione, all pissed off, threatening Malfoy with her wand against a rock wall. She gets to calm down a little and turns her back on him. Malfoy almost immediately recovers his smug look just before she delivers a punch to his face.
Hermione: That felt good.
Ron: Not good, brilliant.
- If you can find or replay this in slow motion, Malfoy has just enough time to realize he's pushed Hermione too far, as evidenced by the smug smirk on his face turning to a brief moment of sheer "Oh, Crap!" just before Hermione's fist connects.
- In the scene where Hermione is getting the Time Turner ready to use, Harry, curious, reaches out for it. Hermione promptly slaps his hand without looking up from the device, or even breaking the stride of her speech.
- If you look in the background as Hermione turns back the Time Turner, you'll see someone getting wrapped head-to-toe in bandages.
- Ron's random Catapult Nightmare gives us this gem:
- This also serves as a reference to GoF where Moody makes an Imperiused spider do tap for the class in the book.
- When Hermione is looking at herself from behind while their present selves are hiding behind the pumpkin patch.
Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back? note
- Sirius's deadpan remarks about how James used to think he was more agreeable as a dog but however he doesn't like getting fleas are rather entertaining.
- The scene where the invisible Harry attacks Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle outside the Shrieking Shack.
- The Fat Lady painting holding everyone up just to show off to the students that her voice can break the glass she's holding, much to their exasperation. It doesn't work, and instead of giving up and letting them in, she cheats by smashing the glass from the pillar next to her, and pretends that her voice really did break the glass. No one is impressed.
- If you look closely at that scene, you can see Neville apparently trying to cover Trevor (his toad)'s ears. It's as hilarious as it is adorable.
- Easy to miss, but when Fudge arrives in Hogsmeade in a carriage, Hagrid politely opens the door for him — only to accidentally tear the whole door off. Fudge appears to mutter, "Oh, Hagrid..." and leaves the poor guy awkwardly holding the door.
- When Snape catches Harry walking out in the corridors at night after curfew and asks Harry what he's doing walking the corridors, Harry quickly says that he's sleepwalking.
- Daniel Radcliffe's delivery of the "abnormally large nose" line. Of course, it's contrary to how the books portrayed it (i.e. Harry doesn't read it aloud, and he's one part amused and two parts scared half to death), but Dan's cheeky expression as he reads it makes it hilarious.
- During the Aunt Marge scene, as Uncle Vernon is attempting futilely to prevent Marge from floating away, he gets lifted off the ground himself, and so does Ripper (clinging onto his ankle). Then we get this gem.
Aunt Marge: Don't you dare!
Uncle Vernon: [Lets go of Marge] Sorry!
- The music immediately after this is fantastic. As Aunt Marge drifts offscreen, it builds up to a final "duh duh [beat] DUH DUUUUUHH!"; the music you hear after a magician finishes his act!
- The way Petunia just slowly waves at Marge as she floats away. It's almost like she's so confused she doesn't know what else to do.
- When the Knight Bus is driving recklessly through town, it drives down a dark alley and is about to hit an old woman crossing the street, and the driver is able to bring the bus to a complete and abrupt stop mere inches from the woman. Unfortunately, it also catapulted Harry out of his seat and caused him to violently slam into the windshield.
- Then it happens again when it reaches the Leaky Cauldron, just barely nudging a car.
- While waiting for the old woman to pass, the Shrunken Head starts counting down, and either unknowingly or deliberately screwed up the order in one spot:
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, three-and-a-half, two, one-and-three-quarters...!
(old woman safely passes by a hairline)
-YES! (Knight Bus rockets forward again.)
- This gem.
: I saw myself conjuring the Patronus before! I knew I could do it this time because—-well, I've already done it
! Does that make sense? Hermione
: NO! (Buckbeak starts to go into a dive)
But I don't like fly-AAAAAAAAHHHHH! (Harry just whoops the entire time)
- That shrunken head on the Knight Bus, throwing Puns everywhere.
"The Leaky Cauldron. Ey, if you have the pea soup, make sure you eat it before it eats you!"
- His laugh.
- Later, Harry arrives at the Leaky Cauldron and Tom the innkeeper offers him pea soup. Harry just looks slightly startled and declines.
- Prof. Trelawney being (in her view) brutally honest (but actually incorrect) with Hermione.
Prof. Trelawney: From the first moment you stepped foot in my class, I sensed that you did not possess the proper spirit for the noble art of divination. You may be young in years, but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.
- A number of small moments during Professor Trelawney's first scene, in Harry's first divination class.
- When she tells the class to "look beyond!" and dramatically gestures to the ceiling. Most of the class look in the same direction, as if imagining her to actually be indicating something.
- Her whole interaction with Ron, who looks slightly alarmed throughout.
Trelawney: Your aura is pulsing, dear! Are you in the beyond?! I think you are!
Ron: (nods nervously) Sure.
- While Harry is waking up from falling off his broom due to dementors storming the Quidditch field:
- Snape giving an annoyed response to Hermoine after he ignored her raised hand but she answered his question anyway.
Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?
- To top it off, Ron actually agrees with Snape. Then said professor punishes Hermione by deducting 5 points from Gryffindor.
- It comes in the middle of a tense scene, but while Snape has him at wand-point Sirius dares to tell him to "go play with his chemistry set." Consider he and the Marauders bullied him back in their school days, it has the tone of "Why don't you go do nerdy things, you nerd?"
- The lines before that, with Lupin trying to de-escalate, are pretty funny too:
Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool.
Sirius: He can't help it, Remus, it's bound to be a habit by now.
Lupin: Sirius, be quiet.
Sirius: Be quiet yourself, Remus!
Lupin: (throws up his hands in a wordless "I give up")
- When Harry and Hermione try to rescue Ron, they end up having an encounter with the Whomping Willow. At one point, Harry ends up losing his glasses and Hermione ends up taking a ride on the Whomping Willow. When he puts his glasses back on, he sees Hermione flying toward him and she grabs onto his shirt. In a Looney Tunes-esque moment, Harry gets a second to look at his shirt and then at the audience, realizing what's about to happen next, before he gets dragged along.
- Harry tries to sneak into Hogsmeade during the second trip by using his Invisibility Cloak. Unfortunately, it's snowing and he leaves footprints as he is walking. Fred and George spot the tracks, walk up and grab him, and drag him back into the castle.
- Snape orders the class to turn to page 394, and Ron complies... one... page... at... a... time. Until Snape notices.
- Draco turns out to be not such a bad artist - his magical drawing of Harry getting smacked by a Bludger and zapped by lightning is actually pretty comical.
- "I usually have a very sweet disposition as a dog. In fact, more than once, James suggested that I make the change permanent. The tail I could live with - but the fleas, they're murder." Sirius's tone of voice implies that he has, on at least one occasion, given himself a tail when not in his Animagus form.
- Ron whimpering "Nice doggy," as werewolf!Lupin readies to attack them.
- When Cornelius Fudge is assuring Harry that the Ministry of Magic doesn't send people to Azkaban for blowing up their aunts, Tom, the Leaky Cauldron tavernkeeper, chortles and points at Fudge, before the Minister turns to him, prompting Tom to stop, which implies that Fudge has blown up his own aunt before.
- On a meta level, there's Alan Rickman and Michael Gambon pranking Daniel Radcliffe when filming the scene where all the students are sleeping in the Great Hall:
: There was a scene which had 200 kids in sleeping bags. With great grown up wit
I said, "We should put the fart machine in Daniel Radcliffe's sleeping bag." This is how the scene then went, "For tonight, let them sleep *fart noise* for in sleep *fart noise* they can fly *fart noise* with the swiftest swallows. *fart noise*" All over the floor there are kids sitting up out of the sleeping bags and they're all going, "It wasn't me."
- Even better is why they pulled said prank; Daniel had a crush on one of the girls he was starring with.
- Another meta example: the director asked Daniel, Rupert, and Emma to write a short paper about their characters as an acting tool for them. In a moment that can only be describe as perfectly ironic, Emma wrote a sixteen page essay, Daniel wrote a one page paper, and Rupert didn't do it at all, claiming that that's what Ron would have done.
- When Lupin comes to rescue Sirius in the shack, we get the following sentence from Sirius: "Well, you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?" Lupin's face just shows that Sirius has frequently used that joke before and Lupin is really done with it now.
- The fact that Sirius is making these jokes now implies that Sirius may not have actually gone crackers in Azkaban... because he was already nuts.
- What does Lupin find funny and use to defeat his full moon boggart?... a farting balloon flying around the classroom.