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From the book
- Harry and Ron find out some important information and try to run up the stairs to the girl's dorm to tell Hermione. But apparently Hogwarts has spells against male students in the female dorms, so the stairs collapse into a slide the instant they set foot. Hermione and the rest of the female students unconcernedly slide down to greet them for the rest of the scene like it's a playground. "Who tried to climb up the stairs?"
- Fridge Logic when one realises that the teachers did this to make sure students didn't get up to any "funny business". Or that interested girls could just walk up to the boys' dorm. Hermione notes that it's "an old-fashioned rule" and that the founders of Hogwarts "thought boys were less trustworthy than girls."
- Uncle Vernon continuously mispronouncing the names of various things from the wizarding world and completely misunderstanding the point of it all. Highlights include "Dementoids" and "Lord Voldything" and "the Dementors were in town to arrest Harry, and he was on the run from the law."
- Every time he mentions "Dementors," he comes up with a different mispronounciation.
- The Happy Dance that ensues after Harry's acquittal.HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF—
- Eventually, Molly's had enough.
- His expression was mild, but Harry felt sure that Lupin, at least, knew that some Extendable Ears had survived Mrs. Weasleys purge. Lupin was a prankster so of course he knows that some Extendable Ears survived.
- McGonagall reading Umbridge's note.McGonagall: Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?
McGonagall: You called her a liar?
McGonagall: You told her He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back?
McGonagall: Have a biscuit, Potter.
- She asks Harry if he understood Umbridge's speech at the beginning of term. Harry responds by quoting Hermione, and McGonagall, not fooled at all, says "Well, at least you listen to Hermione Granger at any rate."
- Anything Peeves does: "The bell rang just as Peeves swooped down on Katie and emptied an entire bottle of ink over her head."
- "Twice he shut Mrs. Norris inside a suit of armour, from which she had to be rescued, yowling loudly, by the furious Filch"
- And the entirety of the "prank war": Doubles as a Moment of Awesome for the twins.
- The description of how, with the school more or less in open rebellion against Umbridge's regime, Filch is completely out of his depth trying to stem the tide of trouble making, and the Inquisitorial Squad have merely painted targets on their back when the rest of Hogwarts has declared open season on Umbridge and her cronies."Filch prowled the corridors with a horsewhip ready in his hands, desperate to catch miscreants, but the problem now was there were so many of them he never knew which way to turn. The Inquisitorial Squad was trying to help him, but odd things kept happening to its members. Warrington of the Slytherin Quidditch team reported to the hospital wing with a horrible skin complaint that made him look as though he'd been coated in cornflakes; Pansy Parkinson, to Hermione's delight, missed all her lessons the following day as she had sprouted antlers".
- The conclusion, when Peeves chased Umbridge off by hitting her with a walking stick and a sock filled with chalk. Professor McGonagall's reaction is "I would chase after her myself, but Peeves borrowed my stick."
- Any time McGonagall and Umbridge interacted, often with an added Moment of Awesome for McGonagall.
- Ron gets good news:Molly: I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!George: What are Fred and I, next-door neighbors?
Mad-Eye: Authority figures always attract trouble, but I suppose Dumbledore thinks you can withstand most major jinxes or he wouldn't have appointed you
- Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody has his own perspective about Ron's appointment:
- Molly's reaction to Arthur's stitches: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA?!"
- Everybody, Harry and Hermoine included, quickly excuse themselves as they realise what Arthur's done, that Molly's winding up for a mighty tirade.
- After Dudley is attacked by a Dementor at the beginning:Vernon: Fought 'em off, did you, son? Gave 'em the old one-two, did you?
Harry: You can't give a Dementor the old one-two!
- Umbridge's evaluations of the teachers could be both funny and painful. Snape's was particularly memorable:Umbridge: You applied first for the Defense against the Dark Arts post, I believe.
Umbridge: But you were unsuccessful?
Snape: (deadpan) Obviously.
Lupin: Harry, Ive left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry-
- Then there's Ron's reaction to hearing the evaluations are going to take place. Everyone else is frightened for their favourite teachers, but Ron just smiles.Ron: Oh, I can't wait to see McGonagall inspected. Umbridge won't know what's hit her.
- When McGonagall's evaluation does come around:Umbridge: I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you of the date and time of your inspec-
McGonagall: Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom.
[Later, when she keeps making her annoying fake-cough during the lesson]
McGonagall: I wonder, how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking.
* Most of the Advance Guard messing about in the Dursley's kitchen. Kingsley and Sturgis Podmore are completely baffled by a microwave, and Hestia Jones is apparently laughing at a potato peeler. Lupin leaves a note for the Dursleys.
Harry: They wont.
Lupin: - that youre safe -
Harry: Thatll just depress them.
Lupin: - and youll see them next summer.
Harry: Do I have to?
- Then there's Ron's reaction to hearing the evaluations are going to take place. Everyone else is frightened for their favourite teachers, but Ron just smiles.
- Mad-Eye is keen on wand safety:Mad-Eye: Don' put your wand there, boy! What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!
Tonks: Wand still in your jeans? Both buttocks still on? Okay, let's go.
- Note that Mad-Eye never responds and tries to get off the subject as quickly as possible.
- After she helps him pack his things, Tonks asks if he's ready to go.
- Tonks in general is a great source of funny moments.
- When they sneak in to the Ministry of Magic to save Sirius, they all get name tags saying "Rescue Mission". It gets even better as it's ambiguous whether or not they put them on.
- Pretty much everything that involves Phineas Nigellus Black.
- Dobby decorates the entire Room of Requirement with Christmas baubles, all emblazoned with pictures of Harry's face and the message "HAVE A VERY HARRY CHRISTMAS!"
- Two of Harry's particularly hilarious dreams:
- He dreams Cho is angry at him for luring her to the DA under false pretenses by promising her 150 Chocolate Frog Cards: "Cedric gave me loads of Chocolate Frog Cards, look!" Then she becomes Hermione who says he did promise Cho and suggests he should give her his Firebolt but Umbridge has it, and he just came to the DA to put up Christmas ornaments shaped like Dobby's head But it quickly changes to a vision of Nagini wounding Arthur.
- The second dream involves him watching Neville and Professor Sprout waltzing in the Room of Requirement while McGonagall plays the bagpipes. This is not out of character for McGonagall either, as she is Scottish and, according to Pottermore, made her father's bagpipes play on their own as a baby!
- A metaphor where Luna is described as staring at Ron "as if he were a mildly interesting television program.''
- Harry getting in a good Insult Backfire in the buildup to the first Quidditch match of the season:"Harry had, of course, endured their snide comments for over four years, so whispers of "Hey Potty, I hear Warrington's sworn to knock you off your broom on Saturday", far from chilling his blood, made him laugh. "Warrington's aim's so pathetic I'd be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me", he retorted, which made Ron and Hermione laugh and wiped the smirk off Pansy Parkinson's face."
- When Ron is freaking out before his first Quidditch match: "Ron was now staring into the dregs of milk at the bottom of his empty cereal bowl as though seriously considering attempting to drown himself in them." and "Harry and Ron pulled on their robes (Ron attempted to do his up back-to-front for several minutes before Alicia took pity on him and went to help)."
- Also the scene where Hermoine kisses Ron on the cheek and the poor guy just zones out for several minutes.
- After Fred and George's escape, Ron, Hermione, and Harry are all talking about it, and Ron is sure his mother is going to blame him for allowing it. Then Harry reveals that he was the one who gave them the money to start their joke shop, and we get this:Ron: "But this is excellent! It's all your fault! Can I tell mum?"
- Ron's comment upon dropping Divination (after one of his exams, he had told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in his crystal ball, only to look up and realise he had been describing his examiner's reflection):Ron: "And from now on I don't care if my tea-leaves spell 'Die, Ron, die!' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong."
- As well as Ron's comment about "Jupiter [getting] too friendly with Uranus" or something of the like. Ron says "Uranus" three times between GoF and OoTP.
- Near the beginning we have Mrs. Figg, Harry's batty old Squib neighbour, battering Mundungus Fletcher with a bag full of canned cat food.
- Dumbledore's comment to Umbridge upon hiring Firenze to replace Trelawney: "This is Firenze. I think you'll find him acceptable." Note that Umbridge ''hates centaurs like Firenze.
- And once she suffers a beating by centaurs, Ron reveals she will wake up from catatonia in panic if a clopping-like sound is heard.
- The aftermath of Harry's angsty tirade towards Ron and Hermione. He goes on and on about how no one understands him, only for Fred, George, and Ginny to pop into the room and casually and snarkily greet him with "Thought we heard your dulcet tones."
- Fred and George Apparating into Harry and Ron's bedroom to talk about the weapon Voldemort wants to steal, leading to this exchange:Ron: You two just Apparated on my knees!
Twins: Yeah, well it's harder to do in the dark.
- The career advice scene."Are you sure you don't want a cough drop, Dolores?"
McGonagall: He has achieved high marks in all his Defense Against the Dark Arts tests—
- And the argument over Harry's classroom performance:
Umbridge: I'm terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me—
McGonagall: I should have made my meaning plainer. He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher.
- After Umbridge used up Snape's Veritaserum (which actually turned out to be fake) and demands he make more to interrogate Harry again, Snape tells her it will take a month unless he wishes to poison Harry. Umbridge throws a tantrum, and puts Snape on probation on the spot.
- And before departing, he also (being the first one in the room to finally notice it) takes note of the sight of Crabbe all but asphyxiating Neville in a stranglehold and tells Crabbe to loosen his grip because "If Longbottom suffocates, it means a tedious amount of paperwork and I do have to mention it on your reference if ever you apply for a job".
- Umbridge's takeover of Hogwarts results in full on mutiny, and the teachers just let Umbridge struggle!Flitwick: I could have done it myself, of course, but I wasn't sure I had the authority anymore.
- Fudge and Umbridge's Genre Blindness is hilarious when they think they can get Dumbledore out of the way, especially Dumbledore's response:Fudge: I see no snag, Dumbledore!
Dumbledore: Well, I do. You all seem to be labouring under the delusion that I will . . . what was the phrase? "Come quietly?"
Fudge: So you plan to take on me, two Aurors, and the Senior Undersecretary unassisted?
Dumbledore: Merlin's beard, no. Not unless you are foolish enough to make me.
Phineas Black: You know, Minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts... but you cannot deny he's got style.
- As Harry leaves the office:
- Being safe inside a painting, Black would have been able to sit back and watch the fight.
- Dumbledore implies that he could easily break out of Azkaban, but it's so boring that he can't be bothered to do it, but later on he has evidently broken into the Ministry of Magic to fight Voldemort. Apparently, breaking into the Ministry of Magic is interesting and fun enough for Dumbledore to bother.
- Dumbledore's office sealing itself against Umbridge.
- The scene in the Hogwarts Express when Ron was planning on what to do to punish Crabbe or Goyle.Ron: I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing. (He lowered his voice to Goyle's low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair) I ... must ... not ... look ... like ... a ... baboon's ... backside.
- The fact that Luna breaks down into a massive fit of the giggles at this!
- Also, Ron's nonplussed response to Luna's overreaction.
- The fact that Luna breaks down into a massive fit of the giggles at this!
- Luna becomes "rather bored by the proceedings" while Umbridge is threatening to expel her and her friends.
- Ginny imitating Umbridge's "Hem hem" cough. It sounded so realistic that people thought she was there with the.
- It's a pretty dark scene overall, but the Marauders in Snape's memory are genuinely funny among each other.Sirius: So what did you think of the fifth question, Moony?
Remus: Excellent one. Give us five signs that identify the werewolf?
James: (in a mocking tone) Do you think you missed any?
Remus: Let's see, one, he's sitting on my chair, two, he's wearing my clothes and three, his name is Remus Lupin.
(James and Sirius laugh)
Peter: I'm not sure I got all of it.
James: Wormtail, how thick can you get? You run around with a werewolf once a month.
- The description of Ron and Hermione's prefect duties in December (interspersed with Ron's complaints about them):"They were called upon to supervise the decoration of the castle ('You try putting up tinsel when Peeves has got the other end and is trying to strangle you with it,' said Ron), to watch over first- and second-years spending their break-times inside because of the bitter cold ('And they're cheeky little snot-rags, you know, we definitely weren't that rude when we were in first year,' said Ron) and to patrol the corridors in shifts with Argus Filch, who suspected that the holiday spirit might show itself in an outbreak of wizard duels ('He's got dung for brains, that one,' said Ron furiously)."
- Upon Hagrid's return to Hogwarts, Hermione desperately tries to convince Hagrid that his teaching methods of showing what he considers interesting creatures and what most other people consider dangerous monsters is not going to go down well with Umbridge. Unfortunately, her warnings fall on deaf ears, as she claims Hagrid was insisting none of the students would rather learn about Knarls (magical creatures indistinguishable from hedgehogs) than Chimeras (a dangerous Greek monster with the forequarters of a lion, hindquarters of a goat, tail of a serpent, the heads of all three, the ability to breathe fire and an appetite for human meat)...Hermione: He just kept saying no one in their right mind would rather study Knarls than Chimeras. [she catches sight of Harry and Ron's horrified expressions] Oh I don't think he's got a Chimera, but that's not for lack of trying, judging by what he said about how hard it was to get a hold of eggs.
- In an otherwise Tear Jerker scene, Dumbledore's passive non-reaction to Harry's Tantrum Throwing: "By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many."
- Hermione's Christmas presents for Harry and Ron: homework planners that talk after something is written in them. It's never explained why she thought they'd appreciate her gift, but she might've just wanted the planners to remind them of schoolwork so she wouldn't have to."'Don't leave it till later, you big second-rater!' chided the book as Harry scribbled down Umbridge's homework. Hermione beamed at it. 'I think I'll go to bed,' said Harry, stuffing the homework planner back into his bag and making a mental note to drop it in the fire the first opportunity he got."
- Ron and Hermione are the new Prefects, so a run in with the Twins was inevitable. When Hermione confronts them about their latest scheme, they laugh at her threats of punishment, until she invokes the one thing that can scare them into backing down:Hermione: If you don't stop, I'm going to
Fred: Put us in detention?
George: Make us write lines?
Hermione: No, but I will write to your mother.
Fred: You wouldn't...
- Fred's reaction to learning that Ron got a "P" (Poor) grade on his Potions homework.Fred: Nothing wrong with a good healthy 'P'.
- Also, the continuing discussion of the grades, ending with George revealing that the final grade is T for Troll, which Hermione didn't know about. Harry's not even sure if George is just joking (the next book reveals that he isn't) and then he imagines trying to conceal from Hermione that he got Ts on all his exams.
- Cornelius Fudge referring to Voldemort as "Lord- Thingy" in his press statement admitting that the Dark Lord has returned at the end.
- The rather sharp put-down Mad-Eye Moody directs at Vernon during the confrontation between the Dursleys and the Order at the end of the book:Vernon: I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house-Mad-Eye: I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley.
Vernon: Are you threatening me, sir?Mad-Eye: Yes, I am.Mad-Eye: Well... He pushes back his bowler hat to stare at Vernon with his creepy Mad Eye, causing Vernon to leap back in shock and crash into a luggage trolley Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley.
- Followed by this gloriously satisfying exchange:
- The teachers' reactions to Harry's interview. As they are, by yet another educational degree, forbidden to talk with the students about anything which is not on the topic of their subject, they find ways around it. Flitwick gives him sweets for apparently nothing, Sprout gives points to Gryffindor to Harry for handing her a watering can, and Trelawney of all people (who loves to foresee his early and probably painful death), suddenly changes her mind and tells Harry that he will have 7 children, become Minister of Magic and will live into old age, much to Umbridge's dismay who is present in all of Trelawney's classes.
- At the meeting in the Hog's Head Inn, Zacharias Smith constantly grumbles about Harry's past achievements. Fred and George shut him up by producing an item from Zonko's.George: Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?Fred: Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this.
- Hermione is refusing to help Harry and Ron with their homework in the evening because they spent the day having fun flying when they could have been doing it. During this, Ron receives a very nasty letter from Percy basically encouraging him to stop hanging around Harry because he's supposedly mentally unstable. Afterwards, Hermione finally agrees to look it over and correct any mistakes.Ron: Are you serious? Ah, Hermione, you're a life-saver, what can I—?Hermione: What you can say is, "We promise we'll never leave our homework this late again."
Ron: If I'm ever rude to you again—Hermione: I'll know you're back to normal.
- And Hermione gets another good line in as Ron prepares to make a promise.
Hermione: Harry, yours is okay except for this last bit at the end. I think you must have misheard Professor Sinistra. Europa is covered in ice, not mice.
- Hermione then follows up with her correction on Harry's homework:
Harry was not convinced he had got all of Jupiter's moons right, but was at least confident that none of them was inhabited by mice.
- It turns into a Brick Joke in their written theory exam on Astronomy during the O.W.L:
- Harry is steamed at being sent to see Professor McGonagall in her office by Umbridge and has the misfortune to encounter Peeves.Peeves: Ooh, crackpot's feeling cranky! What is it this time, my fine Potty friend? Hearing voices? Seeing visions? Speaking in...(blows a raspberry) Tongues? Oh, most think he's barking, the potty wee lad, but some are more kindly and think he's just sad, but Peevsy knows better and says that he's mad!
- Poor Hannah Abbott has such a stressful time going into exams. It's a Running Gag how stressed she is, and it pays off in the news of the Transfiguration exam - where Hannah apparently panics and multiplies her ferret into a flock of flamingos. The exam is reportedly shut down for several minutes while the teachers try to round the birds up.
- The group is explaining to Harry how everyone is trying to discredit Dumbledore and make them think he's senile by doing stuff like demoting him from being Chief Warlock on the Wizengamot and possibly taking away his Order of Merlin, First Class.Bill: But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they dont take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.
- When Harry is asked to cast a Patronus by his examiners, what thought makes him happy enough to do so? Umbridge getting sacked.
- Cornelius Fudge continues to be genre-blind to the bitter end. After he sees proof in-person that Voldemort is alive, he still looks to the Aurors to arrest Dumbledore.
- Throughout the entire book, Fudge thinks Dumbledore is out for his job. Anyone who actually knows Dumbledore would know that Dumbledore doesn't give a fig about being Minister For Magic. He's perfectly happy where he is!
- Even Dumbledore thinks that Divination is nonsense. He was considering scrapping the subject and the only reason he kept the lesson is because Trelawney made the original prophecy and needed somewhere to hide.
From the film
- Dumbledore arrives at Harry's hearing, despite it having been moved up significantly. Fudge says he couldn't possibly have heard about the time change, to which Dumbledore says he just so happened to have arrived three hours early.
- At one point, we see Umbridge evaluating Flitwick's music class. She ends up measuring him.
- Crookshanks eating the Extendable Ear.
- And Fred and George's reaction. "Bloody cat!"
- When the trio meet Grawp, he picks up Hermione and she tries to order him to put her down.
- When Umbridge is being carried off by centaurs we hear her "Let me gooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" echo off into the distance.
- It's a rather sad scene when Umbridge is firing Trelawney from Hogwarts, but there's this line when McGonagall comes out to comfort her:Umbridge: Something you'd like to say, Minerva?
McGonagall: Oh, there are several things I would like to say!
- A lot of the Dumbledore's Army training scenes. Neville trying to cast a spell and causing the wand to fly backwards, Cho dropping Nigel, Fred and George giving Filch some really awful boils/acne. Bonus points for the scene where Filch, plus boils, is in Umbridge's office. And of course, the fact that Filch was stupid enough to eat from a box of chocolates left for him by a secret admirer.
- At one point Luna is happily skipping towards the Room of Requirement, all the while being watched by Filch and the Inquisitorial Squad (Malfoy and some other Slytherins). They then try running into the Room of Requirement but just crash land into a broom cupboard.
- Hermione stupefying Ron after he tells her he will go "easy on her." Also, Fred and George betting on who
- Luna's Establishing Character Moment. Harry's freaking out over seeing the Thestrals when no one else can then hears "You're not going mad". He looks at one of the carriages to see Luna, reading "The Quibbler" upside down and says "I can see them too. You're just as sane as I am!"
- At the beginning of the movie, Harry asks Dudley if he beat up another 10-year-old, and he tries to justify it by saying "This one deserved it." Harry was very likely asking a rhetorical question.
- After Dudley starts insulting him to impress his friends, Harry gets angry and pulls out his wand. Dudley's friends only laugh harder, but Dudley looks terrified.
- After Dumbledore makes his explosive escape from right under Fudge's nose, Kingsley Shacklebolt says:Shacklebolt: "Well, you may not like him, Minister. But you can't deny, Dumbledore has got style."
- The twins' firework rampage during the O.W.L.s.
- "Get away from my godson." (smack)