Funny / Half-Life: Alyx

• The two Metrocops panicking as they try to find the grenade Russell's drone threw into the van.
  Metrocop 1: Get it, get it, get it!
  Metrocop 1: [Holds the grenade up.] I got it!
  Metrocop 2: Throw it, throw it—
  Metrocop 1: I'm throwing it n-
  [BOOM!]
• Alyx is pretty miffed about how Russell's drone "rescued" her. So when she reaches the lab after the drone blows up, she tells Russell:
  Nope. It exploded. I'm fine, by the way.
• In Russell's lab, you can see a number of miscellaneous objects embedded in the walls and ceiling from failed Gravity Glove tests. It seems Russell has piled up some mattresses in case it happens again.
  • There's also a mannequin that's very clearly had both its hands blown off.
  • In the fridge, there's a dead headcrab that's been packaged like meat from the local supermarket, with "Do Not Eat" written on it in red marker. Hope that Dr. Kleiner—the one who keeps a de-beaked headcrab as a pet—doesn't know about this!
• After testing out the Russells, Alyx gets told she'll need a gun. Fortunately, Russell is willing to provide.
  Russell: Don't worry, it's unloaded!
  [He tosses a pistol from his second story window, which lands on the hood of a car, and discharges a shot into the windshield.]
  Russell: It's unloaded now!
  • During that same sequence, Russell tosses you a clip of ammo. You can proceed to waste that clip by shooting random stuff in the area, at which point Russell will obligingly throw you a new clip. Keep doing it repeatedly, and he starts to steadily get more and more annoyed about you wasting ammunition.
  • To continue onto the train, you have to shoot a lock. Because Russell forgot to toss the key down to you, which he sheepishly admits.
• One neat feature of the game is that Russell will visibly react and make a shooing motion with his hand if you try to nudge him. He'll also flinch away if you throw a bottle in his direction when he gives you the pistol.
• Remember Episode Two's infamous gnome, Gnome Chomsky? He's not only back with the same achievement, tucked away in the gravity glove training lot, but he's one of the only assets in the entire game still rocking his 2007 model from the original game and Left 4 Dead. And you can't even try to store him in your wrist inventory, so you really have to physically carry this damn gnome all game long.^note Specifically, you have to bring it to the Vault's entrance/tractor beam at the end of "Breaking and Entering", leaving you with the gnome-free "Point Extraction" chapter You can tell that the devs were being devious buggers with a gusto.
• You can have Alyx enter a porta-potty, causing Russell to assume she needs to go. Alyx snorts and assures him that she's just looking.
• Look closely inside the computer terminal outside the Quarantine Zone. One of the biocomputer "discs" (containers containing mutated lifeforms of some description) has a rat stuffed in it! The Combine are not picky about what their biocomputers use. Quickly enters Nightmare Fuel territory, however.
• Russell has some specific dialogue lines for when a headcrab starts to latch onto the player. While the act of being taken over by a headcrab is horrifying Russell's state the obvious a lot reaction is actually pretty funny.
  Russell: Headcrab! A headcrab's on your face! Get it off your face, Alyx!
  Alyx: I know it's on my face Russ!
  Russell: Oooh, it's really on there!
  Alyx: Ngggh, I can't get it!
  Russell: Hit it Alyx! Knock it off your face!
  Alyx: Russ, I know!
  (Alyx knocks the headcrab off)
  Russell: Oh, thank good...
  Alyx: Okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
  Russell: It was on your face and it... ugh, it was disguisting.
  Alyx: Yeah. It was.
• When you pick up a floppy disk, Russell begins telling Alyx way too many facts on it. He then reveals that he downloaded the Internet before the Seven Hours' War. Well...most of it.
• The meeting with the Lond Vortigaunt in the Quarantine Zone is full of great moments.
  Alyx: So, what's a Vortigaunt doing…here?
  Vortigaunt: (ripping the heart out of a headcrab and throwing it into a pot) Cooking!
  Alyx: Right, but I mean, in general…
  Vortigaunt: (after eating the heart) I have a brain injury.
  Alyx: Oh, I'm sorry—
  Vortigaunt: My brain is injured!
  Alyx: That's terrible and I hope—
  Vortigaunt: Ow.
  • As you leave, he offers Alyx "Sustenance!": the headcrab he was cooking, which he enthusiastically flings to the ground in front of her. Alyx—as politely as she can manage—says she'll eat it later.
  • In the shelter, there's a bowl of headcrab hearts that the play can pick up, squeeze, and even put to their mouth. Alyx's reaction to that last one: "Yeuch."
  • Later on, there's this bit that crosses over into Heartwarming:
    Eli Vance: Stay safe, baby. I love you.
    Alyx: I love you too!
    Vortigaunt: I... love... you... too!
• The conversations with Russell has more than a few highlights. Like his terrible habit of pessimism and False Reassurance over Eli's fate, almost encyclopedic scientific knowledge that tends to lead into Cloud Cuckoolander territory, and somehow not knowing what a Xen Antlion is—until Alyx encounters them. As it turns out, he simply knows them as "Leggies".
  • Alyx's nyctophobia comes up when she has to navigate some dark tunnels. She asks Russell to talk about anything. Which she immediately regrets when he goes into the number of causes for fear of the dark.
    "Okay, that was my fault. I'll be more specific next time."
  • In a conversation struck up to distract Alyx's nyctophobia, Russell explains/rambles about club sandwiches to Alyx. And in the process, he has to also explain some animal husbandry and farming.
  • One convo has Alyx asking what Russell might do once the Combine are off Earth. When he considers mass-producing the "Russells", Alyx says he's sitting on a landmine. Russell of all people has to briefly correct her that it's "goldmine".
  • Russell's plan consists of one year to get the Combine off of Earth, a second year to rebuild society, and a third year to mass-produce the Russells for purchase. He clearly has not thought about how long society will actually take to rebuild, let alone kicking the Combine off of Earth in the first place. Possibly Valve acknowledging the joke that they are "unable to count to three".
  • Later, he promises Alyx (minimal) stock options in the company he hopes to start once the war is over to sell his gravity gloves and her Alyx tool, and Alyx accepts despite having no idea what he's talking about.
  • Then there's this conversation that might give some players a humorous false alarm:
    Alyx: How's Dad doing? Does he seem okay?
    Russell: He's fine, Alyx. […] Oh… He IS missing a leg, though.
    Alyx: (her tone of voice not changing a bit) Yeah…you know, he was missing a leg before.
    Russell: Right. Well, it's... it's still gone.
    Alyx: Thanks, Russ.
• Occasionally, you may come across Combine Soldiers with gas canisters on their back. So naturally, you can shoot them. It's pretty hilarious watching these imposing enemies scream in panic trying to put the fire on their backs out before being flung to the ground by the resulting explosion.
• Headcrabs are given a dose of physiological realism in that although they're suited to leap great distances, they're not so much suited to stabilize themselves on landing. Hilarity can occur when a headcrab misses, causing it to comically tumble and roll before stopping and getting up. Bonus points if the poor bastard leaps into a wall or object.
  • Double points if you manage to catch a headcrab mid-leap, turn it over, and plant one (or several) gunshots into its underbelly. Or beat it to death against a wall or nearby object.
    • This clever bastard used a chair to throw a headcrab out a window safely.
  • You'll occasionally come across headcrabs trying to attach themselves to mannequins, and flailing around in obvious confusion over why nothing that usually happens is happening with mannequins.
• The first time you come across grenades, you have the chance to feed one to a Barnacle.
  Alyx: What a waste of a grenade.
  [tick... tick... tick... BOOM!]
  Russel: Worth It.
  Alyx: Agreed.
• At one point, Russell tells Alyx to look out a window at the Vault. If you refuse to do so, he insistently repeats himself a few times before getting fed up and just describing what he was trying to show you.
  • Alyx's response:
    Alyx: Will I have to look out any windows to bring the Vault down?
    Russel: No, I don't think so.
    Alyx: Then I'm all for it!
• One section of Jeff's level has Alyx sneaking around and dodging him to collect three power cores from a basement. Once she's got all of the cores and leaves the basement, she whispers out loud what players are probably thinking.
  Alyx: I hate you, Jeff.
• Also with Jeff, the entire Hope Spot with the walk-in freezer. As part of a puzzle, you get to trap Jeff in a freezer, finally giving you the relief of being able to explore without fear of the monster... for about two minutes, for the next puzzle requires that you go back inside that same freezer. It's a genuinely scary moment as you are forced to directly confront Jeff once more after seemingly dealing with him. But the sequence of you doing a standard hacking puzzle, tracing the wire's path through the wall, and having it slowly dawn on you that it's leading into the freezer is also peak Horror Comedy.
• After being hounded by Jeff for almost an entire chapter, you finally get him off of your back—by luring him into a trash compactor and shutting him inside, with the option of crunching him. Alyx can't help herself if you do.
  Alyx: Oh my god, Jeff. Are you okay? (laughs)
  • Should you approach the mangled remains, Jeff gets the last laugh by releasing a final, pathetic puff of gas from his body. Which may double as a Jump Scare.
• The zoo section has a few moments:
  • Alyx can come across a headcrab in a coconut crab exhibit. The headcrab seems to be sleeping, but get too close and the alien will suddenly jump at the glass, startling Alyx. After the Jump Scare, it'll fall off of the glass, lean against it like a panting dog, then scurry out of the cell via the ceiling.
  Ahh!
  J-J-OH GOD!
• After dropping the Vault, there are a few Combine troops taking stock of the damage, including a downed Strider. It turns out their troubleshooting skills with alien empire tech are no better then the average human.
  Overwatch Advisor: Confirm status for Overwatch.
  Soldier One: He's kicking it.
  Soldier Two repeatedly kicking a downed Strider in the face equivalent
  Soldier One: Overwatch says stop kicking it. [...] He stopped kicking it.
  • The Combine forces in general are more sarcastic and human this time around as well, which leads to a few funny moments like their reaction to a grenade from above as they look at the grenade, then at the player, then back to the grenade. And then there's one of their responses to zombies.
  Combine Grunt: Parasitics. Gross.
• At one point, Alyx comes across a piano that she can play and asks Russell if he wants her to play any particular song, with him requesting she play "Flight of the Bumblebee". Regardless of what Alyx actually ends up playing, Russell will always respond with "That's it!". Since Alyx possibly doesn't know what that song is, maybe Russell's just trying to give her some reassurance.
• The conversation between Alyx, Eli and Russell after she brings the Vault down.
  Eli: Alyx, are you okay?!
  Alyx: I... I think I just killed Gordon Freeman.
  Russell: The Vault's right there, just go in and get him! Or what's left of him...
• Although the G-Man is as creepy and as cosmically intimidating as ever, Alyx still manages to get in a jab at him:
  G-Man: Some believe the fates of our worlds is inflexible. My employers disagree. They authorize me to...nudge things in a particular direction from time to time. What...would you like nudged...Ms. Vance...?
  Alyx: The Combine off Earth. (a little louder) I want The Combine off Earth.
  G-Man: Ahhh. That...would be a considerably large nudge...too large, given the interest of my employers.
  Alyx: Well, you asked.
  • In leaked beta build footage, the intimidating standing position the G-Man had before turning to you was instead him hunching forward on a bench, killing time by levitating and rotating an empty ash tray between his hands. And then warping out after he notices Alyx staring at him. Apparently even a Physical God can get bored.
• Thanks to the improved graphics, the many newspapers littering City 17 are now readable◊, with a somewhat humorous line in the economics section:
  State of the Market: Not Good

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