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Funny / Guardians of the Galaxy

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Add examples in chronological order if at all possible.

  • Force trying to activate the powers of the legendary weapon he's got his hands on, while the Guardians just watch and laugh (or in Charlie's case, facepalm). Said legendary weapon, by the way, happens to be Captain America's shield.
  • Volume 2 issue #1 sees the gang trying to name the team while in the middle of a fight:
    Rocket Raccoon: "Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic?"
    Star-Lord: No!
    Rocket Raccoon: How about "Rocket Raccoon and His Human Hangers-On"?
    Drax: How about "Drax and His 'Coonskin Hat"? That grab you?
    Adam Warlock: Listen! I would appreciate it if the team could stay a little more focused on the matter at hand.
    Gamora: "Team"? Ugh. All we need now is a secret handshake and a clubhouse.
    [Gilligan Cut to Gamora's debriefing]
    Gamora: I don't know what made me say that. We have a clubhouse. At least we don't call it a clubhouse. That would be unbearable.
    Rocket Raccoon: What about "The Annihilators"? "Protectors of the Universe"! "The Quantum Band"? "The Pro-Actives"! "The Defenders"! Is that taken?
    • Later on in the run, when encountering the classic Guardians of the Galaxy, Star-Lord decides to make up another temporary name for his team to avoid problems or confusion with the other Guardians. The name he picks: Butt-Kickers of the Fantastic.
      Killraven: Curious choice of team name.
      Star-Lord: I know, right? All the good ones were taken.
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  • Also from the first issue:
    Drax: You see that? That's what "not good" looks like.
  • Star-Lord learns that Rocket knows abouteBay.
    Star-Lord: Where'd all these extra loonies come from?
    Rocket: I'm gonna say eBay?
    Star-Lord: How did you hear about eBay? And where's Adam?
    Rocket: He blasted on ahead with the green 'n means. And why wouldn't I know about eBay? Where you think I got my collector's edition of Beaches?
  • Drax lamenting Adam Warlock's use of big words.
    Drax: "Antithesis?" What's the matter with him? Can't he use basic language like "die" and "everyone's gonna"?
  • During Rocket's debriefing:
  • Sticking with Rocket, his drunken response to something Groot says (we can't tell what it is because Groot is too small, but it is Groot).
    Rocket Raccoon: Yes, you are.
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  • In Issue 2, while on an iceberg floating through space, Drax determines what exactly it's made out of.
    Drax: Time.
    Phyla-Vell: "Time", Drax?
    Drax: Uh-huh. Old, old frozen time.
    Phyla-Vell: Right. And that tastes like what?
    Drax: Regret.
    Phyla-Vell: Anybody got a sensible answer? Drax just went all existential on me.
  • After Mantis examines Major Victory, Rocket's still going on about team-names.
    • Also, Rocket wanting to "try out" Captain America's shield. Indoors.
  • Vol 2 #7
    • Bug's witty banter.
    Bug: Man, just like old times. Man, old times sucked.
    • Groot "helping".
    • Note that this is while he's tearing a cyborg tank in half, then slamming the remains into the ground.
    • The Badoon's response to seeing the Guardians in action.
    Badoon: Have the organisms been identified?
    Badoon 2: They have proclaimed themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy
    Badoon: Then I pity the galaxy.
  • Vol 2 #8
    • As the team is fighting to stop Badoon weapons-testing on a defenseless settlement. The Badoon release their super bioweapon, the monster, and this conversation occurs.
    Mantis: In five point two seconds, a positive swing in our fortunes will be signaled by three words.
    Rocket Raccoon: What three words? "We are leaving"?
    Bug: "Here comes Peter?"
    Mantis: No.
    Groot: I AM GROOT!
    [Groot destroys the monster with a single punch]
    • Major Victory's reaction to this.
    Major Victory: You know, for a tree, he's got a beautiful right hook.
  • This bit from Vol.2 #13.
    Star-Lord: This is what we were formed to stop?
    Rocket Raccoon: Yes. It. Is.
    Star-Lord: We can do this, right?
    Rocket Raccoon: Don't spoil the moment.
  • Vol.2 #17:
    • When Maximus reveals that Groot's apparent form of Pokémon Speak actually translates to an incredibly intricate understanding of quasi-dimensional superpositional engineering. As the two converse, Crystal and Rocket Raccoon only stare in shock as they ponder if Maximus has gone even more insane than he already was. The fact that this was confirmed years later makes it even better.
      Maximus: My lord, you were saying?
      Groot: I AM GROOT!
      Maximus: Now that is brilliant! and all we'd need is a socket set and a very long piece of string!
    • Earlier from the same issue:
      Karnak: Whatever it is, it's started to hatch.
      Major Victory: In the sense of—?
      Ronan: Look at the feeds, human. It's spawning organisms from pustules on its tentacles.
      Rocket Raccoon: That sentence combined so many of my least favorite words.
  • Vol 2. 18: Jack Flag's expression on seeing Mantis has been turned into a baby.
    • Everything about puppy Cosmo.
  • In Vol.2 #19, as half the team is stuck in an alternate timeline, another temporal distortion appears, leading to this:
    Jack Flag: It's a time-door!
    Bug: Yeah? Full of Time-Energy? and Time-Swirlies? Jack, just because you put the word "time" in it doesn't - tik - make it any clearer!
    • Mantis flirting with Kang, even as reality is falling apart. Even if it is a Call-Back to The Crossing, it's still funny for the sheer randomness of Mantis flirting with someone.
  • Vol 2 #24
    • Rocket's plan for dealing with some nanotic bioweapons.
    Jack Flag: So what do we do?
    Rocket Raccoon: Well, Jack, you stand there and say: gee, Rocket Raccoon, I'm so glad you brought that unfeasibly large cannon with you. And I go like this! (fires gun, taking out all the creatures)
    Peter Quill: Nice work, Rocket.
    Rocket Raccoon: I try.
    • Major Victory's awkward reaction when Gamora starts flirting with him.
  • Vol 2 #25
    Cosmo: Comrade Racoon.
    Rocket Racoon: Mister Cosmo.
    Cosmo: Is pleasure to be seeink you.
    Rocket Racoon: Glad you're not too dead.
    • Groot's reaction to being sent flying by Thanos.
      Groot: (weakly) Groot am... ow.
  • In the Rocket Raccoon and Groot mini-series coinciding with the Annihilators: Earthfall event, as Rocket and Groot are flung through a rapidly changing virtual reality environment in the Mojoverse, Mojo soon finds Rocket Raccoon's sentient Timely Inc. shipment processing and analysis device pointing a laser rifle at his face.
    Timely Inc. SP&A Device: Turn the V.R. environment off now or I will blow your head clean off. Uhm... PUNK!
  • From V3. As Star-Lord and Rocket Raccoon are rescuing Abigail Brand, Rocket Raccoon dives into an army of Thanos' soldiers shouting "Blammo! Murdered you!" a catchphrase that Brian Bendis tried to associate with the character in earlier books with negative reaction from the fans. At that moment, both Star-Lord and Brand tell Rocket that they both find his new catchphrase annoying and disturbing.
  • This is mostly a heartwarming look into Groot's insight and personal views on the human race. Except for Latverians. He doesn't really like them.
  • In issue 13 (the final part of The Trial Of Jean Grey crossover storyline with All-New X-Men) the Guardians are on earth with the (time-traveling) original 5 X-Men, the Starjammers, X-23 and Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde). Groot sees some earth trees which he makes a beeline for. Rocket Raccoon's response is hilarious.
    Rocket Raccoon: Oh no, you're not going to get weird with the trees again, are ya?
    You're making it weird.
    • Then Rocket sees two Earth raccoons and gives the response:
      Put on some krutacking pants.
    • From the same event, Iceman's reaction to teaming up with Rocket.
      Iceman: I just like talking to the talking raccoon. It makes me feel like a Disney princess.
      Beast: We're here because... princess?
      Iceman: What? I'd make a better princess than you.
  • Also the Star Lord and Kitty Pryde Ship Tease.
  • A preview image from 2015 which shows a page, without text, of the Guardians in the back of Star-Lord's ship playing a Tabletop Fantasy RPG. Especially amusing are Gamora's "I can't believe I'm doing this" face and Drax, who is not only really into the game, but has managed to completely destroy his character sheet, note papers, pencils and dice.
    • Rocket being the DM (and being really into it himself, too) is also kinda funny, considering that he's not the nerdiest Guardian around and that it's Rocket, and he's looking pretty evil when he's narrating. One wonders what he's got in store for the players.
  • The first issue of the All-New, All-Different Marvel reboot has the team pick up something from the Chitauri, but unable to open it. When the Thing starts discussing that it could other "Infinity"-themed artifacts, the team goes wide-eyed and starts backing away from the doo-hickey.
  • From What If? Infinity: Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket Raccoon recounts the battle between the Illuminati and the Guardians of the Galaxy. Part way through, he admits he didn't really pay attention to what anyone was saying which eventually lead to this dialogue:
    Namor: Imperius Rex!
    Drax: Muscles!
    Groot: I am Groot!
    Rocket Raccoon!Narrator: That one was easy.
    Beast: Rawr!
    Black Panther: Meow!
    • From the same book, Rocket imagines having his own popular cartoon and visualizes it as an episode of Regular Show with Mordecai, Rigby, and Muscleman replaced with Groot, himself, and Drax respectively. Him and Groot are even doing the "Oooooooh" pose from the show.
  • Guardians of Infinity #2, After a Let's You and Him Fight scenario between Guardians teams from 3 differant timelines, Drax ends up being the one to diplomaticly cause all three sides to stand down. Rocket is understandably surprised.
    Rocket Raccoon: That was the most diplomatic thing I've ever seen you do.
    Drax: Shut your hole!
    Rocket: And we're back.
  • In an issue of Guardians Team-Up, Rocket Teams up with Deadpool to help take care of a huge list of spacefaring bounty hunters who Deadpool has pissed off over the years. After luring the two to one of Cable's bunkers, Deadpool leads Rocket to what he promises will be an armory filled to the brim with future guns. When they enter the room, Deadpool realized he made a wrong turn and ended up in wardrobe instead. Said wardrobe consisted of nothing but belts and pouches.
  • Ant Man's reaction to meeting Cosmo for the first time coupled with Cosmo's complete disdain towards Scott. He even tries to take a selfie with the dog for his daughter while Cosmo continues to hurl insults at him.
    Ant Man: This is amazing! I can hear that dog speaking with a Russian accent inside my head.
    Cosmo: Da, and Cosmo can hear least popular Avenger.
    Ant Man: Wait wha- isn't that Doctor Druid?


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