- "STOP TALKING TO THE DOGS!"
- Paris kissing Rory at Spring Break to prove she's spontaneous.
- Rory, Paris, and Lane get absolutely hammered with Miss Patty's punch and discuss their miserable love lives.
Rory: Miss Pattys leftover punch is used to remove tar from construction sites.
Paris: Then let it remove the tar from our souls.
- Rory gets her first in the pilot, when Lorelai confronts the guy whom she turned down and later found hitting on Rory.
Lorelai: Hi. I see you've met my daughter.
Rory: Are you my new daddy?
- When Sookie was celebrating Rory getting into Chilton, and starts a fire. Just the chef coming over and nonchalantly puts a lid over it to stop it. Clearly showing this is a regular thing.
- Lorelai and Rory visit a Tastes Like Diabetes hotel. Lorelai finds the guest book and writes: "Satanic forces are at work here."
- The Fight Montage in "Friday Night's All right for Fighting", especially the part where Emily and Lorelai have the exact same argument that they had in the pilot!
Lorelai: We were sixteen! We didn't want to get married!
Emily: When you get pregnant, you get married. A child needs a mother and a father!
Lorelai: OH, MY GOD!!!!
- Kirk's "night terrors".
- "I'm not the first guy to name a restaurant after myself! What about Mr. Denny or Mr. E. Cheese?"
- ''Dammit Gilmore, give them back their balls!''
- The diorama of a modern family at the Stars Hollow Historical Museum.
Mother: I just love serving breakfast to my family!
Child: And I love Jesus!
- A completely soaked Paris rushes in from the stormy outdoors to appraise a not very sharp girl who asked "Is it raining?" of how it is outside;
Paris: No, it's National Baptism Day! Tie your tubes, idiot!
- Lorelai comes up with a phrase of Inherently Funny Words. "Oy with the poodles already!"
- "Where have all the anvils gone?"
- Emily sneaking up on Lorelai while she dances and lip-syncs to Andy Gibb's "Shadow Dancing" in her Jeep.
- Luke pushes Jess into a lake without flinching.
- Jess's black eye and his story about attacked by a swan. Luke doesn't believe him but humors him when they row out to the lake and try to attack the swan with a ladle.
- "I'm telling you, [the swan] is vicious." "Yeah, his butt's terrifying."
- The funny thing is he's right— swans are pretty vicious.
- At the Bracebridge dinner, Dean comments to Rory that he think Jess is a jerk. They turn to see Jess standing in the foyer talking to Luke and Lorelai and when the three of them make eye contact, Jess simply waves hello at them with a semi-innocent look on his face, making Dean seethe with irritation.
- Jackson as the Bracebridge squire.
- Sookie forgot what salt was.
- Luke and Jess looking like they already regret the decision to come after Lorelai announcing there would be sleigh rides.
Luke: You gonna go?
Jess: Think I'll wait for the clog dancing.
- Especially just before dinner, with Luke being torn between his duty to scold Jess for his rudeness, and completely agreeing with him.
Jess: We should have eaten before we came.
Luke: Shh! And yeah.
: No one says grace? Lane
: I think they all do, Mama. Um. Silently. Mrs. Kim
[turning to Babette]: Did you say silent grace? Babette
: AHAHA! Good one! [Mrs. Kim shoots her a Death Glare.] [Babette sheepishly puts down her wine glass and starts saying silent grace, also elbowing Morey to do so too.]]
- The short movie Kirk made.
- Emily tries explaining her wedding day woes to Lorelai.
- The minstrel at Liz and TJ's wedding. It's a funny moment in-universe as well, Luke and Lorelai are clearly trying to think of ways not to laugh while Jess makes faces in an attempt to not crack.
- Before that, Liz and her friends meet up at Luke's diner. A postal worker comes into the diner with a package for Liz. Jess, being completely aware of what's about to happen, hightails it out of there and gives a clueless Luke a "Have fun!!" look. Luke has no idea ("but there's no address on it!")...until the postal worker reveals that he's really a stripper and starts dancing for Liz.
- In the episode prior to Liz' wedding, Luke and Jess have a heartwarming moment that dissolves into hilarity when the conversation turns to Jess' impromptu Love Confession to Rory a few months prior, in which he ended up blurting it out and then immediately leaving.
Luke: What, you just said it and walked away?
Jess: No. I got in my car and left.
Luke: You just dropped the bomb and ran?
- Later in the conversation, Luke tries to give Jess advice, clearly influenced by the self-help tapes he's been listening to. He tells Jess that he uses "love as a bargaining tool" and that he "doesn't nurture." Jess is perturbed.
Jess: Where are you getting this junk?!
Luke: Life. I've lived.
Jess: In what, a Bette Midler movie?
- Lorelai finding out that Rory was the cause of the fight at a Wild Teen Party. She starts singing "The Wind Beneath My Wings".
- In "That Damn Donna Reed", Rory dresses up as, and acts like, a stereotypical housewife as a way of teaching Dean a lesson (she thinks he was acting a little sexist). When Lorelai sees her in that outfit, she's highly amused:
Lorelai: Well, OK, you're 16. You have a whole house to yourself for the evening. I expect that you're going to have your boyfriend over. But what is with the apron?
Rory: It's a long story.
Lorelai: Did it involve a sharp blow to the head?
Rory: I gotta go check on Apricot.
Lorelai: Oh my God! I just saw the pearls.
Rory: I'm going in now.
Lorelai: You know what? I'm going inside too. 'Cause I have to write down all the ways I'm gonna torture you about that outfit.
Rory: Good night!
Lorelai: Could I just get a picture though? 'Cause visual aids would really help. Oh, oh! Oh the shoes! I am dying. Oh.
- The beginning of the episode is also hysterical, with Loralai and Rory watching The Donna Reed Show and making glorious commentary on the sugary-sweet and sexist 1950's vibe they get from it.
Loralai: (Watching Donna Reed, mockingly) You now daughter, there's nothing I find more satisfying than washing windows. Oh no, I just had an impure thought about your father, Alex. Funny, I don't now why I had it. It's not the second Saturday of the month.
- The shocked look on Lorelai's face when Floyd Stiles reveals that he knows she and Jason are dating
- Lorelai wakes up to Luke fixing her porch rail.
- A reverend and a rabbi make fun of Taylor in Luke's Diner.
I'm not afraid of your bubbes
, Rabbi. Reverend:
Oh, God, thank you for letting me be in the room when Taylor said that.
- Luke's Freak Out when he discovers Taylor put in a window connecting the soda shoppe to his diner
- The church pastor finding Luke and Lorelai breaking the church bells. His response? "Oh thank god...carry on."
- Jess sneaks into the dance marathon and attempts to grab a snack from the concession stand...except it's operated by Lane and Mrs. Kim.
: Who are you?? Jess
: Jess. [Beat
- Kirk getting a cat and having new and worse-looking scratches every time he meets up with Lorelai, explaining how the cat (which he also named Kirk) will attack him if he doesn't "announce his presence before entering a room." Later he explains filling his tub with water and hiding underwater to hide from Cat Kirk but "he still found me", and by the end of the episode he's sleeping outside on a park bench.
- In a meta-example, the season 4 episode where Richard's mother passes away, her very same actress plays Richard's cousin at the funeral later that episode! Make-up wise it's done so well you could hardly tell, but the voice should be a dead give away.
- Lorelai's been uninvited to Christmas dinner and is moping about it.
Rory: I think you're acting a little immature.
Lorelai: I'm not acting.
- Lorelai coming home to find an injured and very drunk Luke trying to fix her broken window.
Lorelai: Listen, why don't you hang out, rest for a little while here. I'll go get you a real bandage.
Luke: (slurring) I like the Barbie ones!
Lorelai: Yes, honey, but the other kids will beat you up if they see you with one of those.
- Rory and Lorelai devil-egging Jess's car.
Jess: Someone prepared eggs to throw at my car?
Luke: Yep, that's paprika.
- In "Dear Emily and Richard", Lorelai opens a door, stares at Sookie and says nothing. Sookie gives an exasperated sigh and flips a huge golfball cake straight into a trash can.note
- When Lane decides to dye her hair, with Rory's help, and the bleach starts burning her scalp. They're panicking, the burning's getting worse, and the label is no help.
Lane: What do I do?
Rory: Run around the block!
Rory: I don't know!
Lane: Good enough for me! (Takes off running)
- There's also this exchange.
Rory: Oh! A girl told me once that if your scalp is hurting from bleach, drink a 7-Up! It's something to do with the bubbles.
Lane: The Kim household does not have soft drinks!
Rory: Well, what do you have?
Lane: Something called salad water imported from Korea. Trust me, it's nothing like 7-Up!
- "Oh, for God's sake, Jason, can you just be young?"
- Rory's therapy session after she returns to Yale. Once the therapist brings up Logan, it all goes downhill from there...
- By the end, Alexis Bledel was clearly "sobbing" into the tissues to hide the fact that she was hysterically laughing.
- The ending of the scene in particular is funny:
Rory: I stole a boat with [Logan]! I never stole a boat with Dean!
Dr. Shapiro: Who's Dean?
Rory: My married ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to!
Dr. Shapiro: Wow.
Rory: Yeah, I'm a treat! I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls, and in the paper and the coffee cart... Oh my god! I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee! [sobbing] I really love coffee!
- Poor Sookie has a meltdown when Jackson deep fries the turkey.
Sookie: Am I crying or laughing?
- Jess's prank on Doose's Market by putting up crime scene tape and chalk outline. It gets the whole town into a tizzy and Rory's real opinion is that it was Actually Pretty Funny.
- Sookie and Jackson figuring out how to deal with the 68 pounds of marijuana Jackson found illegally growing on one of his plots, even trying to hide it from the reverend, the rabbi, and the town troubadour.
Sookie: They were always listening to the Allman Brothers. We should never hire guys that listen to the Allman Brothers!
[later, when Lorelai shows up at Sookie's door after having a fight with Luke]
Lorelai: What's that smell?
Sookie: 68 pounds of marijuana.
- After Luke comes back to the diner after a date with Nicole, Jess attempts to make himself scarce to give them some extra time together. Luke being Luke, doesn't get it until he drags Jess outside. Kirk and Nicole watch them argue outside the diner with Kirk providing this perfect summation:
Kirk: They have amazing communication.
- Paris visits the diner and Jess can't resist trolling Luke.
Jess: Wow, I think she got you, Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity!
Jess: [gleefully grinning] An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this!
Jess: I want to be good, but life's just not letting me.
Luke: Rory, get her out of here!
- In the season five premier, Emily and Richard are having an argument, and Emily declares that she's going to take a vacation in Europe, sleep until ten o'clock, and have two glasses of wine with lunch.
- Luke visits Jess in Philly and Jess's reaction to April.
Jess: So my eyes don't deceive me.
Luke: First thing's first. What the hell is that?
Jess: It's an abstract painting.
Luke: But what is it supposed to be?
Jess: Check the title.
Luke: I did. It's called "Untitled."
Jess: There you go.
Luke: I give up.
Jess: Right, Liz filled me in on all that, daddy.
Luke: She just calls me Luke. Total brain.
Jess: You confirm paternity?
Luke: Don't be a wiseass.
- Lorelai is absolutely baffled by Emily calling and leaving constant messages on her machine, one right after the other.
Lorelai: [runs back up the stairs with her hands over her ears] Ugh, an earless world, what a dream!
- After going with Luke to his sister's wedding and sharing a dance, Luke asks Lorelai to a movie. Lorelai agrees, but starts to overanalyze the situation and freaks out over the possible change in her relationship with him. She decides to consult Rory, who was not there for the wedding and therefore very confused.
Lorelai: It was a slow dance. A waltz. Luke can waltz.
Rory (confused): Luke can waltz?
Lorelai (big grin): Luke can waltz!
Rory (disturbed): Look at how you just said 'Luke can waltz.'
Lorelai: What? I'm just saying I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
Rory: That sounded more like 'I'm surprised I still have my clothes on.'
- After discussing the possible ramifications of a relationship with Luke.
Lorelai: Look, let's just go back in there and see if anything's weird.
Rory: Okay. (They walk back into the diner.)
Luke: Is everything okay?
Lorelai: Yes. (Collapses onto a nearby table, knocking everything to the floor.)
Luke (calmly): I'll get the broom.
- Joseph the mute pioneer boy.
- The "modern" Stars Hollow diarama little girl figure saying, "And I love Jesus!"
- Luke allowing Lorelai to stay at his place in "A Tale of Poes and Fire" is very sweet. Shame she can't stay the whole night, due to Luke and Jess snoring very loudly.
- Luke appearing in front of Lorelai's kitchen window in "Here Comes the Son" and miming something. Lorelai's reaction sells it.
- In the same episode, Lorelai is driving Rory home from her parents'. She sees Luke in front of his diner, sweeping. And as soon as Luke sees her, he bolts indoors.
- In the flashback to Lorelai's pregnancy where she goes into labor, her first now-the-baby-wants-out contraction produces a tiny little "ow".
- This dinner exchange in season four:
Richard: Americans are so fat.
Lorelai: They prefer "rubenesque".
- Luke does not approve of Jess's choice of work clothes: a worn Metallica T-shirt.
Luke: Go upstairs and change your shirt.
Jess: I like this shirt.
Luke: How can you like that shirt?
Jess: It brings out my eyes.
Luke: What is this?
Jess: I'm sorry, I thought this was the uniform.
- The official trailer for A Year in the Life has a few gems:
- Friday Night Dinner has a guest: Kirk.
Kirk: [crunches] Mmm, delicious.
Emily: Explain to me again who that person is?
Lorelai: Oh, that I could.
- Emily's way of coping with life without Richard: she commissions a massive portrait of him.
Lorelai: [in shock] Mom?
Emily: Oh yes, isn't it wonderful?
Lorelai: [frantically looking back and forth from the portrait to Rory] It's...
Rory: The whole wall!
- Rory and Jess share a drink.
: I have no job, I have no credit, I have no underwear! Jess
: What? Rory
: I could have been a contender
- To make this scene even funnier, Rory makes some vague attempts at small talk before pulling out the booze and completely unloading in a near-nonsensical rant about her insecurities and the smell of failure. Jess takes this in stride. He also offers to lend her money to buy underwear, which Rory points out was not the point of her rant.
- The town meetings, as usual, bring their trademark quirkiness.
Taylor: Wow, are we excited about this!
The town: [almost sarcastically] Wow, are we excited about this!
Taylor: No, people, the repeating part is over.
- A second trailer for the revival has its moments:
- The Gilmore girls have two preteen boys as their servants at the pool. Luke's not amused in the least.
Boy: Yes, milady.
Lorelai: I taught him to call me that.
Luke: You're shameless.
- Rory tops it in the actual episode by having her servant call her Khaleesi.
- Rory rummages through her luggage that she brought home.
Lorelai: You have no idea where your underwear is?
Rory: I'm looking for my lucky outfit.
Lorelai: Any outfit you wear without underwear is gonna be your lucky outfit.
- Luke hangs a big lampshade on the show's dialogue.
Luke: I cannot believe the conversations I have in this room.
- While Paris is freaking out in the bathroom at Chiltern, somebody tries to come in. Paris responds by kicking the door shut and then leaning her weight on her raised foot.
- Babette points out the "30 Something Gang", a group of millennials who ended up back at home, to Rory at the town meeting; they wave back at her.
- The entirety of "Stars Hollow: The Musical" from "Spring"
- The fact it starts with a rather dark scene about the Awful Wedded Life of a couple.. before abruptly transitioning into a cheery opening musical number.
- The abrupt ripoff of Hamilton and Taylor's Insane Troll Logic defense of it afterwords.
- The entirety of the love ballad which gets progressively worse as it goes, including revealing the couple singing it are siblings.
- Lorelai snarking that there's going to be a kick line, and then one just happens.
Lorelai: I'm freaking Nostradamus.
- The musical seemingly ending Only for the cast to come out and sing Abba's Waterloo. It's later revealed during the meeting after the cast sang not just that but 8 OTHER ABBA SONGS.
- Taylor's creepy co-writer who puts everyone off. Rory sums it up best.
Rory: Give him a jagged sword and he could be a White Walker.
- The fact that it almost caused the entire GG's canon's only use of the word "fuck".
- Kirk's latest business venture: Oooober, a ripoff of Uber where the user calls Kirk's Mom then she calls him and Kirk finds a car to come get them.
- Lorelei being forced to rely on Kirk to get to Friday Night Dinner. Amenities include a container full of water and Kirk singing The Carpenters.
- Kirk being stranded outside And thus joining in on Friday Night Dinner, as noted above. He later asks to be excused when he notices the tension between the Gilmores ramping up, saying that Berta's family needs a sixth for their game of football and abruptly shows up back on screen shouting goal.
- Kirk later denying all knowledge of the venture, citing that if Uber's "Handsome Lawyers" issued a cease and desist and that it was his trouble making brother Dirk who ran it.
- Kirk and Lulu now have a pet pig named Petal. Why? Because the entire town pitched in for her in order to prevent the two from having a kid.
- How does Jess greet Luke after all these years? Casually knocking his hat off and throwing it aside. And later, when he walks into the diner, he chases out moochers by ripping out Luke's WiFi router.
- The Secret Bar, when townsfolk hang out and if Taylor is in the vicinity, they quickly retreat into the dark and someone distracts him.
- Colin buying out the entire underground tango club in Stars Hollow and switching the music selection to only Rosemary Clooney. "Try tangoing to that! I love having money!"
- During the Life And Death Brigade sequence, they end up at an inn in New Hampshire. Rory's a little confused at how.
Rory: How the hell did we get to New Hampshire?
Robert: Turned right at Vermont.
- Luke's sustained confusion about whether or not he has to have sex with a surrogate to have a child. Paris's terminology does not help at all.
- Paris storming into Luke's with two of her surrogates.
- The Town Troubadour chasing someone off his turf.. who happens to be his sister.note
Troubadour: I told you! My town, my corner!
Troubadour's Sister: But I'm your sister!
Troubadour: No proof of that!
Troubadour's Sister: Ask mom!
Troubadour: Mom lies!
- Luke's utter bafflement that Lorelai's DVR is entirely filled with Lifetime Movie Channel selections.
- Michel trying to warm up to children in order to prepare for his own:
Michel: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did I sound like a child molester?
Lorelei: About a 6.
Michel: Good, I'm getting better.
- The glorious return of Sookie!
- Sookie baking about a dozen different cakes for Luke and Lorelai's wedding, including one with Luke's name on it.
- Michel's reaction to her return and the fact that he gorges himself on her granola:
Michel: You bitch!
Sookie: Awwww, he hasn't changed at all.
- Sookie sniffing out all the previous chefs who'd been in her kitchen. She's particularly livid over Rachael Ray's "sammies" and the possibility that Rachael rearranged her pantry.
Sookie: I've been gone like five minutes and you replace me!
Lorelai: Two years.
- How did Lorelai and Sookie first meet? Sookie accidentally cut off her fingertip. Lorelai took her to the hospital with the fingertip in her brand-new purse. Of course, Sookie being Sookie, she repeated the incident several days later.
- A startled Sookie accidentally squeezing out a frosting bag.
Sookie: Wow, that was pornographic.
- The nonchalant reveal of Mr.Kim.
- The nuns selling a property that Lorelai is considering buying to move the Dragonfly there so she can expand. Her competition? Katy Perry.note
Nun: She dresses like a hooker, but she carries cash.
- When asked if they'd rather keep the property with someone local:
Nun: Honestly if he had enough money we'd sell this place to Beelzebub himself.
- Freeze-Frame Bonus: One of the new rules on the board Luke's new policy's is "No Man Buns"
- Glued to the stairs there's a picture of Madonna dressed in the "Like a Virgin" bride costume when Miss Celine asks to finish Lorelai and Luke's wedding outfits.
- Emily shouting out "BULLSHIT" at a DAR interview before tearing into the applicant and, after being dismissed, gladly leaving, citing "This place is dead to me anyway."
- Kirk's screening of Eraserhead at the theater. All of it.
- Lorelai's nightmares, in which she's haunted by a dirty bathroom, and the actual Paul Anka instead of the dog Paul Anka.
- The one person Luke thinks he might invite to his wedding? Kiefer Sutherland. They apparently went to baseball camp as youths and kept in touch since.
- Any time the 30-something gang pops up again, from Rory constantly being lumped in with them, to the group of them all drinking a shake together. Their parents invite Lorelai to join them in reviewing their kids' resumes.
- Francie and Paris reverting to their high-school selves in Chilton bathroom. Francie initially tries to remain an adult and points out that Paris is acting insane, but ends up leaving the bathroom with a catty remark how they're having the Puffs reunion next month... and Paris is not invited since she's never been Puffed!
Paris: Screw you!
Francie: Eat me! (storms out)
- Doubling as a Moment of Awesome: Taylor of all of people suddenly exploding into a very Luke-like rant, perfectly explaining to the customers of Luke's Diner that and why they're being given a fake wifi password, and then storming off, leaving Luke, the customers and the audience speechless. Luke being so moved that he follows him outside and signs a petition Taylor's been trying to get him to sign. And Taylor getting so seriously into the new friendship mode, that in another scene he bumps fists with Luke when he meets him.
- Emily wearing jeans.
- Mrs. Kim casually declaring that the members of her Korean choir "suck eggs", to Lane and Rory's shock. She means sucking literal eggs.
- Lorelai trying to charm a park ranger (played by Lauren Graham's real-life longtime boyfriend Peter Krause) and encountering a complete No-Sell.
- Kirk runs into the Gilmore house panicking at Luke.
Kirk: Luke! Everything is under control!!
Luke: What happened to knocking, Kirk?
Jess: [glancing up from his book] Yeah, what if we were naked?
Luke: [glares at Jess] Don't say that.
- Luke tells Jess that Lorelai's been going to therapy and fled to California to recreate Wild. There's also some Self-Deprecation on Jess's part.
: Lorelai's doing Wild
: Movie or book? Very different experiences.
Between us, it's just been... Jess
: Communication problems? Luke
: Exactly. Jess
: Never experienced that myself.
: She's been going to a therapist. Do not say it was about time! Jess
: I did not say it. I thought it, but that's just the way my mind works.
- Luke requiring a dictionary, a thesaurus, and a book on natural philosophy just to decode a letter from April.
- April has a full-blown panic attack when alone with Rory and admits to faking the whole pretentious hipster thing and apparently ate a lot of cheese after her time smoking pot.
- Miss Celine bragging about flirting with Eli Wallach on the set of Baby Doll.
- Emily brings a realtor to Luke's so she can strongarm him into possibly expanding the diner. When the realtor suggests he call Emily "Mom", they both emphatically shake their head "NO".
- Lorelai thinks she was coffee in a former life.