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Funny / Get Smart

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  • The variant on the "missed it by that much" catchphrase that involves a villain jumping out the window to escape, announcing beforehand that has a safe landing waiting below. (happens at least twice)
  • Max takes a lie pill when he wasn't supposed to in "The Groovy Guru" episode. He proceeds to get into a cab and says, among other things, that he would very much like a punch on the nose.
  • A scene from the episode "Satan Place" has Max, aside from his Shoe Phone, juggling six other personal-item phones as he coordinates with CONTROL and his fellow agents. In addition to his belt, wallet, and garter:
    Max: Cancel my handkerchief, hold my glasses, cut off my shoe, and see if you can get that guy off my tie.
  • Two exchanges from "The Amazing Harry Hoo":
    The Chief: That agent is our only lead to their Number 1 man! The man in charge of KAOS’ data smuggling operation. Your man was Number 3. He would lead us to Number 2, and Number 2 would lead us to Number 1!
    99: How long have we been following those agents now, Chief?
    The Chief: Since Number 118.
    Max: 118?! My gosh, Chief, that sounds like an awful waste of time to me! Why didn’t we just start off with Number 1?
    • A few minutes later, the Chief shows Max a map of the United States covered in pushpins representing identified KAOS agents.
    Max: The position of all these KAOS agents can be explained. All except one.
    The Chief: Which one is that?
    Max: What's this guy doing up here in Manitoba?
    (Max removes the pin that is on Manitoba. The map falls to the floor, pins scattering everywhere.)
    The Chief: (exasperated) He was holding the map up!!
    • What's really funny is, they reused the gag in a later episode— but this time it's the Chief who fails to realize the "misplaced" pin is holding the map to the wall, says it is "confusing", and orders a protesting Max to remove it.
  • I might have the amounts wrong, but there's an episode where Max insists on using the cone of silence to ask for a raise of $100. The Chief is furious about this:
    The Chief: I can't believe you'd use (the Cone of Silence) just to ask me for a raise of $100!
  • Max has just met Hymie and is on assignment with him at a fancy party, unaware that Hymie is a robot. Wanting to be inconspicuous, Max tells Hymie, "Do exactly what I do." Hymie proceeds to exactly mirror every single move Max makes, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.
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  • Siegfried's Freudian Excuse:
    Siegfried: My mother wouldn't get me a sled! Why wouldn't she get me a sled, Smart, why?!
    Max: I don't know, Siegfried.
    Siegfried: Do you think maybe it was because we lived in Florida?
  • Max and Siegfried are disarming themselves as a show of good faith.
    Max: Suicide pill.
    Siegfried: May I see? (Max hands the pill to him)
    Max: They're raspberry this month. Wanna try?
    Siegfried: No thanks.
    Max: Go ahead. They aren't habit forming.
    Siegfried: No.
    Max: (giving up and adding the pill to the pile) Where's yours?
    Siegfried: This (shows a ring on his hand) is my suicide wedding ring. (Max reaches for it) I will have to keep it on.
    Max: A suicide wedding ring? How does it work?
    Siegfried: Through my wife. She said if I ever take it off, she'll kill me.
  • Max's and 99's antics in "Too Sire With Love." They're protecting a foreign king who looks exactly like Max by hiding him in their apartment. Max gets paranoid-jealous, so he tests 99 by pretending to be the king and hitting on her. When 99 finds out it's Max, she gets back at him by pretending to still be in the dark and flirting right back. Later, Max finds out she found out and gets back at her by pretending she was wrong and that she had her hands and lips all over the real king all along. Oh, these two were made for each other!
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  • The beginning of "Closely Watched Planes":
    Chief: I don't believe it, I just don't believe it! I send you on a simple mission — to protect Busby and a briefcase crammed with top secret information — and all we've got to show for your work is his flight bag!
    Max: You're lucky you got that, Chief. I had to fight an old lady at the baggage counter for it — she said it was hers.
    Chief: It was hers, Max! (holds up a pair of pantyhose) Unless there's something about Busby we don't know about!
  • Professor Parker has to coach Max over the phone on how to deactivate a bomb in "Stakeout On Blue Mist Mountain":
    Professor: You need to remove the flange from the plutonium core. Do you know what I'm talking about?!
    Max: I'm familiar with the word "remove."
  • From "The Only Way to Die", a standout example of the "Would you believe...?" Running Gag:
    Max: You might as well hand over that gun, Blaster, because this yacht happens to be surrounded by the Seventh Fleet.
    The Blaster: I find that hard to believe.
    Maxwell Smart: Would you believe the Sixth Fleet?
    The Blaster: I don't think so.
    Maxwell Smart: How about a school of angry flounder?
  • In "Washington 4 Indians 3", Max, 99 and 43 have taken an Indian prisoner, and Max decides to use his outfit to infiltrate the Red Feathers' camp.
    Max: Now if one of you will help me get his clothes off, the other can turn their back.
    (99 crouches down to start getting his clothes off, while 43 turns his back.)
    Max: 99, I think it will work a lot better the other way around.
    • Some time later, on the radio.
    99: Oh, I hope 43 is watching that Indian carefully.
    Max: Don't worry 99, 43 is a good man.
    99: You're worth two 43s, 86!
  • From the first episode "Mr. Big":
    • In one scene, Max and the Chief are having trouble hearing each other in a device called the Cone of Silence. Max mentions the year 1957, and the Chief says, "Agent 57 is in Hong Kong", which leads to some back-and-forth until the Chief says, "Why are we talking about Hong Kong?!".
    • The password is about a score in a game, which turns out to be the headline in a newspaper, so when a little boy quotes the newspaper, Max thinks he's Agent 99. When Max says, "You're not 99, are you?", the boy replies, "No, I'm six and a half."
    • Mr. Big is actually very short.
  • "School Days":
    • Max accidentally says the password to the neighbor, who says, "You must want the spy school, it's next door" in a voice that suggests that she's dealt with this fairly often in the past.
    • One of the "would you believe" gags, when Max claims that he is able to karate-chop through eight planks of wood, but the guy doesn't believe him.
      Max: "Would you believe seven?"
      Guy: "No."
      Max: "Would you believe a loaf of bread?"
    • Max and 99 are tied up and there is a candle which is supposed to light a fuse for dynamite. To get Fang the dog to blow out the candle, they sing "Happy Birthday to You!" to him.
    • Max wrestles with another guy to see if he has a heart-shaped birthmark on his knee, so they'd tell the difference between him and an impostor, but gets tangled up and looks at his own knee.
  • In "Our Hero in Toyland", Max sits on a fake Santa Claus's knee in a store. He then declares he has to leave as it may arouse suspicion.
  • In "Now You See Him, Now You Don't", Max thinks he's observed two invisible men and doesn't know how to phrase it.
    Max: "I tell you, I saw two invisible men. Uh, that is, I didn't see two invisible men. What I mean to say is I saw two men who were not in my apartment who were there."
  • In the "Smart Turned Chicken" episode, a man in a cowboy suit who appears to have a knife in his back is in Max's apartment. Max keeps thinking the "cowboy" is dead, but he keeps then speaking or disappearing. This leads to him saying on the phone, "Remember that dead cowboy? Well, he's dead again."
  • From "Our Men in Leotards":
    • Max and 99 are hiding on opposite sides of a large drum and talking with walkie-talkies. Max realizes he's probably in the same room as 99 and tells her to look for a dark-haired man in a white suit and then says, "It's probably me."
    • Max tries to prove he's not a dancer by dancing unsuccessfully, but does it successfully.
      Max: "Maybe I am a dancer."
  • "KAOS in Control" has one of the best Cone of Silence gags, in which Max and the Chief can't hear each other, but Hodgkins can, and acts as relay between them for a few lines before the Chief catches on to the stupidity of this.
    Chief: Why am I talking to you?! Will you get this thing off of me?! (The cone raises.) You know this doesn't work, why do you always insist on using it?!
    Max: Well, for one thing, it's 20 degrees cooler inside.
  • In "Weekend Vampire", Max attempts to recreate the music he heard just before Agent 52 was murdered, which leads to him, Arrick and the Chief singing "Heart of my Heart" to it. The best part is that Max is the first one to notice what he's doing and stop, while the Chief takes the longest.

2008 Movie

  • Max has just discovered the break-in at CONTROL. He finds Bruce and Lloyd taking shelter:
    Maxwell Smart: Bruce! Lloyd! What happened here... and what is that ungodly smell?
    Lloyd: [whimpering] Fear!
    [Max wanders in, cautiously, to take a look, when suddenly, he feels a pistol to the back of his head]
    Agent 99: Freeze.
    Maxwell Smart: Freeze.
    Agent 99: No, you freeze!
    Maxwell Smart: You freeze.
    Agent 99: I told you to freeze!
    Maxwell Smart: Freeze, times infinity.
    Agent 99: Oh, my God! [turns Max around so that he's facing her, and recognizes him as the guy she just crashed into while jogging] You!
    Maxwell Smart: You.
    Agent 99: [raises gun] Are you CONTROL?
    Maxwell Smart: I am Maxwell Smart. I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you? [beat]
    Agent 99: I'm Agent 99.
    Maxwell Smart: Oh, my Lord, you are Agent 99? I am a huge fan!
    Agent 99: Thank you.
  • The entire Cone of Silence scene
    Max: Chief, I hit you with a fire extinguisher.
    Chief: No, no, we're not ready for that yet.
    • Larabee swiftly growing hysterical by being trapped inside the Cone.
  • During the flight, Max sees he's got gum on his shoe:
    Maxwell Smart: Oh great, I have gum on the bottom of my new shoes. [pulls out a matchbox and starts removing the gum with a match]
    Passenger 1: Hey! He's trying to light his shoe!
    Passenger 2: It's a shoe bomb! Get him!
    Maxwell Smart: No, it's gum.
    Lady 1: Gun?
    Lady 2: He's got a gun!
    Maxwell Smart: No... GUUUMM!
    [the air marshal tackles him to the floor]
    Air Marshal: Air Marshal! You're under arrest!
    Maxwell Smart: Sir, I believe you just shattered my coccyx!
    [Cuts to Max sitting in a bulkhead seat near the lavatory, hands cuffed. 99 sits down across the aisle from him]
    Maxwell Smart: Well, you were no help at all.
    Agent 99: How could I help? I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
    Maxwell Smart: I never said "dusty".
    • So that he can get into the lavatory to escape:
    Agent 99: Are you going to be okay with your handcuffs?
    Maxwell Smart: No handcuffs can contain me. [speaks up] Excuse me, violent sky marshal!
    Air Marshal: What do you want?
    Maxwell Smart: I have to squeeze the lemon.[a nearby couple sigh in disgust] You heard me. Squeeze the lemon.
    • And then the repeated failure of Max trying to escape from his zip-tie cuffs in the plane's bathroom using the crossbow in his Swiss-Army KNIFE, only to end up repeatedly skewering himself with the darts, getting hit through his ear and his nose; when he finally shoots through the cuffs, he also accidentally shoots the button that opens the drop off hatch.
      • Doubly hilarious is that, to an outside observer, it sounds like he was extremely constipated.
  • 99's reaction to discovering Max fell out of the plane without his parachute:
  • Agent 99 and Max ditch their motorcycle in a small village. 99 says they need to find a car that isn't conspicuous. Max glazes over a few old and beat-up models of various kinds, and looks inside a garage, and sees something that he thinks is perfect. Agent 99 vehemently objects to his choice: a bright-red and very conspicuous Ferarri, Max driving and 99 riding shotgun. Which apparently was the only car in working condition.
    Agent 99: Oh yeah, we are really under the radar now.
    Maxwell Smart: Will you relax? Since the fall of Communism, everybody has one of these here.
    • Then they pass a couple of farmers. One says, "Holy shit! A Ferrari!", while his wife immediately whips out a camera-phone and takes a picture.
  • Max being bugged:
    Max: Did you say SIEGFRIEEEEEED?! (loudness causes 99 to bonk her head on the ceiling)
  • When Max is busted by Siegfried, he tries to talk his way out:
    Max: I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op Snipers.
    Siegfried: I don't believe you.
    Max: Would you believe two dozen Delta Force Commandos?
    Siegfried: No.
    Max: How about Chuck Norris with a BB-gun?
  • After Max convinces Dalip to stop trying to kill him and 99 by informing him of and helping him with his failing marriage.
    Dalip: Her sister's such a bitch.
  • When Dalip swings from the exploding base over to the apartment building across the street, he crashes through the window of an apartment where an elderly woman and her son are watching Batman Begins, which just happens to be in the middle of an explosion scene.note  The son and his mom seem to mistake the sounds of the explosions going on outside (and the crash right behind them) as being the TV surround sound system.
  • "Sir, I'm sure whatever the president is doing is vital to the country." (cuts to the president reading to a class of children)
  • "You have reached the United States Department of Homeland Security. For threats against the continental United States, press 1. For threats against Hawaii, press 2. For threats against Puerto Rico..."
  • The Cabinet meeting. From the heads of every department snarking at each other from across the room in a rather serious meeting, to Chief and the Vice-President outright dropping all pretense and fighting each other in the center of the room ("I've been waiting for this since Nixon!"), to even the President remarking that he thought it was hilarious and that the VP had it coming for some time later on.
  • "Knockout gas, 99? Please. I have trained my body to be impervious to — that's the new stuff." THUD
    • "Oh, Max...."
  • "Oh my God, you and 23? I am so sexually threatened right now!"
  • After Max has been arrested under suspicion of being The Mole, he demands to know how they think he could do it:
    Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity.
    Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anybody could question him.
    Chief: And there's a little matter of you stoving my head in with a fire extinguisher!
    Max: I said I was sorry! You just didn't hear because you were in a mini-coma.
  • After the Chief got into a brawl with the Vice President, it is revealed that one of the other officials present recorded the fight on his camera phone and sent it to the President, who thought it was hilarious. Sure, we don't see the actual incident beyond the Chief leaping across the table and tackling the Vice President, but the impressed reactions that Agents 23 and 99 have sell everything.
  • The scene where Max and Chief are driving through a golf course.
    Max: I can't get over the fact that 23 is a traitor.
    Chief: Sandtrap!
    (The car drives through a sandtrap.)
    Max: Now I know how you must have felt when you thought I was a traitor. It is demoralizing.
    Chief: Tractor!
    (The car grazes a tractor.)
    Max: I don't know how I missed it. I'm usually very observant.
    Chief: SWORDFISH!
    (The car crashes through a fish stand with a fake swordfish as a decoration, and stops in front of a airfield.)
    Max: Chief, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    Chief: I dunno. Are you thinking: 'Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head'? If so, then yes.
  • Of course the Chief's plane would be one carrying a suicide prevention banner behind it.


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