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Funny / Gears of War

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  • Early in Gears 1, as Delta gets their first look at Alpha Squad, currently pinned down by multiple Troika turrets.
    Lt. Kim: "Alpha, we have a visual on your location."
    Damon: "We'd like to have your ammo on our location right now."
  • Damon's quote after the Berserker is defeated and Marcus gets promoted: "No, don't give the smart guy a promotion, give it to a jackass instead."
  • Dom And Cole at the beginning of Act 2:
    Cole: "Yeah, I'm gonna find me some Locust, and I'm gonna ruin their day. You know what I mean? I bring the pain!"
    Dom: "Don't you ever get tired?"
  • When Delta heads to the Stranded camp, they are forced to leave Cole and Baird behind as collateral, since the Stranded could use the extra guns. At one point, a Stranded figures out that Cole is a Thrashball star and throws the whole camp a huge dinner. Excitement is in the air...except for Baird, who is far more concerned over the Stranded's Lethal Chef meal.
    "We are gonna get dysentery from this shit!"
    • Made even funnier when Cole asks Marcus on what to do. Marcus just tells Cole to "tell Baird to shut up and eat!"
    • Even more so when Marcus calls for Baird again, and Cole ends up talking because he’s in the toilet. One must wonder why he’s in there...
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  • Damon and Cole ending up in a sewer at one point.
  • Delta Squad grabs the Junker and head out to the imulsion facility in 1, and the radio immediately begins blaring some obnoxiously upbeat jazz music.
    Marcus: Baird, turn that shit off!
  • Cole grabs a microphone while inside the Locust base and interrupts the encourage of the Locust Horde by the Locust Queen, Myrrah, taunting them all with this: "Delta Squad is in yo' house, bitch! You hear dat shit?! You grubby-ass bitches are goin' down! Like way downdead down... so down you ain't even gonna know which way is up! Yo' asses are gonna be cryin' to yo' skank-ass queen! 'Oh mommy, don't let the bad man hurt us!' Fuck you! We gonna whoop yo' momma's ass! WOO!!"
    • It must be heard to truly appreciate the awesomeness.
    • It shows up again in Gears 3. If you activate the Thrashies ad that plays sound repeatedly, it will eventually play the rant instead of it's usual soundbite ("The Cole Train runs on whole grain, baby! Whoo!").
  • In the beginning of the final mission in 2, Marcus talks to Anya over the intercom about hijacking a Brumak to resume their objective, Anya's reaction is priceless:
    Marcus: Control, Delta here. We've hijacked a Brumak so that we ca—-
    Anya: You've what!?
    Marcus: ...We're riding a Brumak. We're gonna use it to clear the area faster.
    Anya: (Beat) Uh... Okay. Roger that, Delta. Keep us posted. Control out.
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  • As pictured in the above image, there is a hilarious Easter Egg in Gears 2 involving Dizzy's hat. When the player first meets Dizzy aboard his assault derrick, they can end the conversation restricting their movement early and move around before the derrick starts moving. There are 3 hats hidden around the environment that can be shot during this time. If the player shoots all of them, everyone around them will be wearing Dizzy's cowboy hat. When you get to the part where you are accosted by a Corpser, it will burst out of the ground wearing an oversized hat and will let rip a glorious "yeeeeeehaaaaaaw!".
  • As the Lambent board the Sovereign in Gears 3, several drones go through Dom's garden (and if you gun them down, they explode in Dom's garden).
  • A sniper manages to get Clay Carmine in his sights... It doesn't work.
    Clay: "Jeez Louise, what the fuck?!"
  • When Cole returns to Cougars Stadium, his old home field, the Lambent follow and a fight breaks out on the field. He goes into an Indulgent Fantasy Segue where he's running a bomb like a football past waves of Lambent and "spikes" it on the Stalk. While he's doing an endzone dance, the stalk explodes, sending him flying. The others come over to him and try to move him, only for him to pop up like nothing happened.
    Cole: Haha! The Train's still got the moves, baby! Now that was a move I first used against the Eagles in the national finals! Course, them bitches didn't explode!
    • Even better: The explosion literally knocks Cole out of the flashback! Before it goes off, he (thinks he)'s wearing his thrasball uniform, and after he lands, he's back in his real armor.
  • Marcus asks how to kill the Lambent Leviathan. Damon has an idea. Cole interprets.
    Cole: "Uh, puttin' it scientifically? We need to blow his brains out his ass!"
  • When part of Delta is about to fall off a collapsing bridge in Gears of War 3, we get this gem from the ever sarcastic Damon to Samantha Byrne:
    Damon: "I suppose you want me to say I've always loved you. But I don't! I really, really don't!"
    • Kinda ironic: In Gears Of War 4, Sam and Baird are in a relationship!!
  • While exploring the Savage Locust fortress:
    Dom: So, any idea where we are now?
    Damon: Um... in the shit. (holds hand over his head) Up to here.
  • "When a Mommy Corpser and a Daddy Corpser love each other very much..." It's just the way Damon delivers that line that sells it as one of the funniest moments in the entire game.
  • The hilariously awkward scene in the elevator near the end of Gears 3, culminating in Marcus yelling for someone to shut up the intercom and Baird obliging by swiftly shooting it with his Snub before immediately going back to the conversation.
  • An Easter Egg in Gears of War 3 has you fight a giant, golden, fire-breathing chicken that explodes into rainbows when you defeat it.
  • The video at the 2010 Comic-Con, calling for fans to vote whether Clayton Carmine lives or dies. It has Dietrich Carmine applying for life insurance, only to be declined as the family is bankrupting the company. The various ways the salesman describes how Carmines die is especially hilarious.
  • One of the Stranded offer to trade Cole a side of bacon for Sam Byrne. Damon urges Cole to take the deal because they haven't had bacon in six months.
  • "Eat shit and die!" is a one-liner that several of the COG say in multiplayer. Griffin, however, puts his own spin on it by saying "Eat shit! And then eat more shit!"
  • Meta-example : 2011 game of the year award on every game review websites are tense with Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3 just asking for a final showdown we're all waiting for. Gamespot's best shooting game of 2011 award goes to Gears of War 3.
  • Marcus's lines after Delta takes down the giant worm in 2. You can just feel the 'I-am-so-effing-DONE' in his voice.
    Marcus: Control...Delta here...we just, ah...*cough cough gag*...oh I don't even know where to begin. Ah, just get get us the hell out of here...
    • Also, his sheer incredulity the moment he and his squad emerge from the worm, coughing up its blood.
    Marcus: Ohhhhhhh......Goddamn it!
    • Baird gets a good bit, too:
    Baird: Oh, this is just wrong. I'm coughin' up blood that ain't mine.
  • After Marcus drives Delta squad across a frozen lake, which was in the process of cracking and breaking apart:
    Baird: That was way too close. Next lake, I'm driving!
    Marcus: Next lake, you're swimming!
  • More of a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment if anything, but now that Dom is dead, Marcus won't get the $20 he was owed for winning a Thrashball bet.
    • Less "Funny Aneurysm" Moment and more Brick Joke, as one of the collectibles (If I remember) was 20 bucks, near the beginning of the game. Due to the world they live in now, the money is completely worthless
  • In Gears 3, when playing as Cole and fighting through an old abandoned playground, you can actually make Cole go down the slide, complete with "WOO!"
  • There are plenty of friendly fire quotes that characters will utter if you manage to hit them with your shots and vice-versa. Most of them are calmly asking your assailant to get out of the way or delivering an appropriate What the Hell, Player? response, but fortunately for us, a few of the lines are gut-bustingly funny. And the best part is you'll hear them a lot since the fast-paced gameplay leads to teammates shooting each other frequently.
  • Playing as Adam Fenix in multiplayer and picking up a weapon may cause him to comment "Interesting design". As a weapons designer, he's obviously speaking from a technical standpoint, but if he happens to say it while picking up another player's dropped rifle/shotgun with a gaudy custom skin like pink hearts or zebra print, it can sound like he's making a sarcastic jab at that player's decorative tastes.
  • Ever since Gears 3 onwards, players have been able to trade weapons with each other. This involves a character walking up to another and holding out their weapon in one hand while asking to swap weapons. You can just walk away while the other player continues to stand in place with their hand out expecting a trade, making you look like a douche and the trader look like they're thinking "I can't believe that asshole just left me hangin' like this!"
  • While going DBNO is generally a bad and frantic thing, some of the lines characters will utter while waiting to get revived are pure gold.
    Baird: "I wouldn't do this to you!...(under his breath) Maybe I would."
    Gary Carmine: "Come on, it's "Help a Carmine" day!" or "This shit runs in my family!"
  • Jinn's robotic avatar constantly getting destroyed every time she tries to talk with the protagonists during the course of 4's campaign.
  • In Gears 4, Baird has gone completely bald and grown a goatee, making him look like a blond Walter White. Guess that would make him Breaking Baird, huh?
  • Marcus in Gears 4 screaming in frustration as his house and all of his stuff are destroyed by Jinn's robots.
    Marcus: [After his truck is blown up by a Kestrel] Goddammit! I just tuned it up!
    Marcus: [DeeBees drop into the greenhouse] Ah shit. They're gonna mess up my fucking tomatoes!
    • Hell, practically anything out of Marcus's mouth in the game. Becoming a Grumpy Old Man only compounded upon his original level of grumpiness.
    • Destroying all the tomato plants in the green house triggers a special Easter Egg of Marcus ranting angrily.
      Marcus: You wanna know how long I've worked on this fuckin' house alone?! You know what it's like bein' a fuckin' hermit, fixin' a house?! There's no Home Depot out here, you fuckin' assholes! ...Fuckin' tomatoes. THEY FUCKED MY TOMATOES UP, GOD DAMMIT! Add that to the fuckin' list! Those are Dom's for Christ's sakes! I grew those from Dom's seeds! ...FUCK! Those are Dom's goddamn seeds, for Christ's sakes. I'm never gonna have a fuckin' good sauce again! I can't make Dom's sauce... fuck you guys! This is bullshit. Fuckin'... DAMON BAIRD, YOU'RE A COCK!
      • After Marcus is finished, a new tomato plant appears in the greenhouse, "Dom's Toms", which when interacted with will give you 6 tomatoes that function as powerful grenades.
  • In Gears 4, a lot of interactions between Del and JD come off as this. For example, Del challenges JD to Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who will be forced to go down into the Swarm-infested ancient catacombs first.
    JD: Seriously? You're terrible at Rock, Paper, Scissors.
    Del: Uh, how can someone be terrible at Rock, Paper, Scissors?
    JD: Easily. Because you always pick Paper.
    Del: [ominously] Do I?
    JD: Let's do it.
    Both: One, two, three, shoot!
    [Del, of course, picks Paper, losing to JD's Scissors]
    Del: Dammit.
    • Also Del frequently commenting over whether a situation they face is ironic or not. Examples include being former COG soldiers raiding a COG settlement. JD usually shoots them down.
      • He finally gets one right at the end: Baird, the only person who could actually help them, was the only person JD didn't want help from. JD grudgingly admits that one is, in fact, ironic.
  • JD and Co. have to climb around on the outside of a dam to get to the top after the elevator breaks, constantly running into groups of Juvies and Drones.
    Del: There has got to be an easier way to get to the top of this dam!
    JD: There was. It was called "the elevator".
    • At one point, Kait casually suggests riding on a spinning turbine to get to the next floor up. When the rest of the group protests, she's confused. "What's the problem? It's just like riding a windmill when you're a kid". The three battle-hardened soldiers with her just stare in silence.
      Marcus: [to JD] Interesting girlfriend you got there.
      JD: [shrugs]
  • The Stinger of Gears 4: After a serious final cutscene and Sequel Hook, then the credits, we see Oscar cut himself out of the Snatcher that took him at the beginning of the game, look around to find himself in the middle of nowhere and loudly wonder "Where the hell is everybody?!"
  • In The Rise of RAAM, the very first scene has this exchange between Skorge and RAAM:
    Skorge: [Preaching about the growing Riftworm] This, too, will fall. The burrowing god hisses... We will rise again to greater glory.
    RAAM: [While busy shooting a group of Lambent Locust] Good. Now tell that to the fucking grunts!
  • Early in Gears of War 5, you see a script for Embry: The Musical, which.... is very clearly a reference to Hamilton.

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