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Funny / Frasier

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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

  • When Star Trek celebrated its 30th anniversary in 1996, UPN aired Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond to mark it. Part of it was a skit that showed Daphne, Niles, Martin and Roz (and, eventually, Eddie) as the Voyager bridge crew under the command of a very flustered Janeway - obviously, Frasier himself was absent because he had already been Captain Morgan Bateson over on TNG. But even despite that, the sight is surreal and a barrelful of laughs, with nods to most of the recurring sources of humour from the early series of Frasier:
    • The tone for the sketch is set by Janeway's log entry over an establishing shot of the Voyager, noting that the ship and her crew are untested, but that she is sure they will eventually grow to work together efficiently and co-operatively... which is cut off by Martin saying "Are we gonna fly this thing or are you just gonna yak, yak, yak?" Fade up on the bridge; Martin, naturally, is sitting in his Barcalounger, drinking a can of Ballantine.
    • Roz tells Janeway that Starfleet have ordered them to rendezvous with the Enterprise at Starbase 15; the captain orders the helm to set a course, but inevitably, Martin thinks he knows a short cut. Niles, who is apparently as fussy about his wardrobe as a Starfleet officer as he is as a psychiatrist, isn't so keen on the idea:
      Niles: Ohhh no, we're not taking another one of your short cuts, the last one, we followed your advice, we went through a tear in the time-space continuum and wound up in ancient Pompeii.
      Martin: Well, we escaped, didn't we?
      Niles: Yes, and my brand new Romulan loafers were singed beyond recognition!
    • Daphne interrupts to announce that there is an unidentified ship "approaching at bloody hell she's really moving!" Janeway orders Roz to hail the approaching ship, but Roz, who now Really Gets Around outer space rather than just Seattle, is too busy talking to a friend who is setting her up on a date with an Aldebarian - and confirms that Aldebarians are "the ones with four tongues".
      Niles: Sounds like this Aldebarian is about to boldly go where so many men have gone before.
      Roz: I heard that!
    • Unfortunately, the transmission from the approaching vessel cannot get through. Martin, true to form, blames it on overcomplicated modern technology; Janeway thinks he's letting his Nostalgia Filter cloud his judgement:
      Martin: Well, that's the trouble with these modern starships. In my day, you had a simple communication system. Didn't have all these fancy flashing lights and dials, but it worked.
      Janeway: I know, I know. You just launched a tin can at the other ship and then pulled back until the string was taut.
      Martin: But it worked.
    • Niles admits that the transmission problem is because when the Voyager was last in port, he had the technicians install a banality filter to block any messages that are "overly insipid or jejune". Janeway asks him to disengage the filter, but Niles doesn't know how - "I can't even get my phaser to stop flashing 12:00," he explains sheepishly. Then Daphne offers a solution that takes a turn familiar to regular Frasier viewers:
      Daphne: [raises her hand] Excuse me, Captain... members of my species are a bit telepathic. Perhaps I can use me powers to communicate with the alien vessel!
      Janeway: Lieutenant. You're not from another planet. You're from England, aren't you?
      Daphne: Shh! Quiet. I'm getting something. [Janeway and Niles lean in with interest] It's coming through strong now... they want to attack! No, no, no, no, it's not an attack, it's... it's more of a desire to embrace. No. Hold on... [shocked] Captain! I believe they want to breed with us! [Niles starts to look uncomfortable] Wait a minute... [turns toward Niles] This isn't coming from out there, it's coming from in-
      Niles: [quickly] Well that was fun, wasn't it.
    • Martin suggests firing a photon torpedo at the other ship, and when Janeway points out they might be a friendly ship, Martin says that's even better, as "they won't shoot back." Then Daphne says she's getting an energy source from a transporter beam - the Voyager is being boarded! Janeway goes to red alert, but Roz quickly shuts off the siren as it aggravates her Hangover Sensitivity. The boarding party includes a fifth cast member of Frasier:
      Niles: Captain, I'm not sure I'm reading this instrument panel correctly, but either we have a malfunction in our left turn signal or there's an armed Klingon on board the turbolift!
      [the bridge door opens to reveal a Klingon with a weapon in one hand... and Eddie in the other]
      Janeway: Shall we assume it's the latter?
      Klingon: [walks over to Martin] Does this belong to you?
      Martin: [delighted] Hey, be careful with the dog! C'mere, boy... [takes Eddie from the Klingon and begins petting him]
      Klingon: We found him on the Klingon homeworld. He was digging up azalea bushes. And we've just re-landscaped!
      Martin: Whoo, sorry about that. [hands over a Federation credit] Will this take care of it?
      Klingon: Well... yes. But next time it's intergalactic war! I vow we will destroy every molecule of the Federation!
      Janeway: [nods] That seems reasonable.
    • Janeway notes that incidents like this are why pets are not allowed on the ship.note  Martin protests, saying that Roz was allowed a pet - a big hairy creature with horns and three eyes; Roz counters that said creature was a date, not a pet. Martin then insists that Eddie would never have escaped if "someone hadn't left the shuttle bay door open," but Daphne refuses to take the blame... so Janeway, realising this crew will never function as a unit, responds the best way she knows how:
      Janeway: Computer! Engage self-destruct sequence.
      Niles, Roz, Daphne, Martin: What?
      Computer: Self-destruct sequence engaged.
      Niles: [stands up huffily and dusts down his chair with his handkerchief] Well, if that isn't acting out, I don't know what is...
      Daphne: [to Martin] This is all your fault!...
      [Janeway just sits there with a self-satisfied smile as Daphne, Martin, Niles, and Roz get into a four-way argument with each other]


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