It's a crack fic. Of course it's gonna be a riot.
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- The entire fic starts with Ritsuka despairing over getting Black Keys for his summoning attempt. Again.
- Kana's reaction to Altera:Kana looks at her. Looks her up at down. Her Saber servant. A girl slightly shorter than her. With strange tattoos all over her body while wearing a small leotard. Someone with white hair and red eyes and a sword that looks like it came from space. Is Atilla the fucking Hun.The Scourge of God is a goddamn magical girl.
- Mashu walking in on Ritsuka being forced to wear a dress, courtesy of Leonard da Vinci.
- Ritsuka counter-tormenting Kana over her curvy body.
- Arturia telling Medea that she is an otaku, much to the latter's dismay.
- When Ritsuka puts Medea and Nobu into an iron claw hold, with the latter over making another bomb...Nobu: BOMBS ARE GOOD BOMBS ARE GREAT LET GO OF MY SKULL OR IT WILL BREAK
- Medea confesses to Atalanta that she was so obsessed with stuff like revenge and whatnot that she forgot how to make sweets and pancakes, much to the latter's bewilderment.Atalanta: ...How? You loved making them! We enjoyed a feast on the Argo every time we rested ashore! You made so many Im fairly certain that the seabed is still mostly pancake batter! (Frowns thoughtfully) In retrospect, we shouldnt have done that. It was a lot of waste.
Medea: Ive had a lot on my mind since the divorce, okay?! A-And I havent baked anything in in centuries! Millennia, even!
Atalanta: What, not even on the Throne?
Medea: I was a bit busy plotting eternal undying vengeance on that damnable egocentric pig.
Atalanta: Wow, you have issues.
- The running gag of people (mostly Medea) petting Atalanta's ears.Medea: Sorry, force of habit.
Atalanta: I never had these ears on the Argo there is no habit.
- Medea starts a rivalry with EMIYA over cooking. As far as we know, he always wins their matches.
- Arturia has been to Cornwall in the modern day. It got awkward fast.Arturia: It is perfectly legitimate to introduce yourself as Arthur, King of the Britons when you are Arthur, King of the Britons. They overreacted.
- Turns out Kana is enough of a dork to name her Azoth Blade Asriel. No, not after the biblical figure, but after the Undertale character.
- Roman screws up when trying to console Mashu over her awkward relationship with Ritsuka. Fou proceeds to attack him.There is no resolution here. Just an incredible void of awkwardness. And an irate ball of fluff, going for the eyes.
- Roman and Ritsuka arguing over Magi☆Mari. Merlin is laughing his ass off over it.
- EMIYA giving his alternate son advice about dealing with women. And the moment he mentions Illya he immediately backtracks over having a sister.
- When Mashu attempts to dissuade d'Eon from trying to date Ritsuka, the French Saber proposes a threesome. By the time the conversation is over, Mashu is unconscious on the floor, twitching and with a nosebleed.
- Gilgamesh. Just... Gilgamesh.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are his children? THEIR CHILDREN?! Audacious! Hilarious! I have not known such merriment in ages! He looks back down, pointing at Kana. The girl, idiot she is, doesnt even flinch. You, I like. Gilgamesh turns to Ritsuka, the boy jumping in his skin. You... Beware.
...Beware wha— is all he manages, before Gilgamesh grabs him in a bear hug and throws him back in a suplex.
Arturia: Ive had better. Merlin, for all his faults, was quite an artist.
- The grand return of AUO: CAST OFF! And how does Arturia retort when Gil shows her his, erm, package?
(Awkward pause and clarification on what she meant)
Gilgamesh: I am going to slap that fucking wizard.
- The Fifth Grail War recap session is interrupted by Arturia and Medea starting a fight, with Atalanta and Altera joining in. Then right before Ritsuka barges in angrily, having heard an explosion, they clean up. Then he leaves...When hes finally gone, Saber throws her teacup away and clutches at her head, in perfect sync with Caster. OH MY GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE, Arturia wails.
I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THE SHOEBOX, Medea cries out hysterically.
SCARE IS NOT CUTE, Altera weeps, sobbing uncontrollably.
Atalanta rolls her eyes, still face down on the table. Meh. What he doesnt know wont hurt him.
- Gil has an actual fidget spinner in his treasury.
- Chapter Twelve: Part 3 can basically be summed up as multiple Servants attempting to console poor Jeanne over Giles going mad and becoming a child-murdering monster, only for the subject to shift to the fact that Arturia had apparently been banned from the UK because of an incident involving Brexit.I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LEADING BRITAIN INTO AN AGE OF PROSPERITY NOT SEE A BUNCH OF SAXONS FUCK IT UP!
- In Part 4, we find out that not only did Arturia attempt to get Cornwall to secede from the United Kingdom (and she skypes the Queen on a regular basis), we also find out the details of the Noodle Incident involving Ruby - poor Ritsuka was turned into a magical girl. Sex change and all. For a week. It was a very traumatic experience for him, with the story causing poor Mashu to freak out while wondering if they've been triggering his trauma by making him wear dresses.Mashu: HAVE WE BEEN THE VILLAINS THE WHOLE TIME?!
- And the end introduces Blackbeard. Who has yet to be introduced to anime, much to Kana's glee. When the readers realised Kana was going to be responsible for corrupting him into a otaku pervert...
Sightedjt: This can only end well for everyone :V
OverReactionGuy: And Blackbeard was never the same again.
Thalton: Kana, you bitch. You are the reason for my Blackbeard related suffering. You are your mothers daughter, you bully.
Arcman: Not even the Grail mud can corrupt a Servant as bad youre about to, Kana.
ninjafish: Take solace in the fact she is releasing a monster even she is not ready for.
ShadowAngelBeta: Kana just became best girl forever. :V It's funny how much degeneracy she's inspiring when she can't even think about anything lewd without turning completely red.
- Kana had decided to show Eromanga Sensei to Blackbeard. Even Roman is appalled by her lack of taste. When Roman realizes he's kind of being a bad father-figure to Mashu, he decides to get advice about fatherhood... From some heroic spirits. Unfortunately, very few heroic spirits are proper father material...
The singularities are significantly more serious, but they have their moments.
- When bitten by Carmilla, Kana asks Mashu to kill her if she becomes a vampire, as "I don't want to become a thot." Mashu interprets this as her speaking in tongues.
- Anything to do with Mordred.
- Turns out Mashu has some rather romantic ideas... Or just watched too many James Bond films.[To the notion of punishing the siblings for using fake names] "YES!" Mashu exclaims. She shoots up onto her feet, cheeks puffed and eyes wet, and points harshly at Ritsuka. "Senpai toyed with my feelings! First he was a senpai then he was a spy BUT NO HE'S STILL SENPAI!"
"Mashu no," [Ritsuka] begs quietly.
"What did you think up in your head?" Kana asks, morbidly impressed - and more than a little intimidated. That is a girl who can crush their heads like melons. Demi-Servants are strong. "First thing, Mash, we are not spies."
"I KNOW I'M SO DISAPPOINTED!"
"Alright calm down," Kana says.
"I WANT TO BE SEDUCED BY A SPY, SENPAI!"
"W-What," Ritsuka and Roman both say, their voices barely whispers.
- "How the Counterfeit Heroic Spirit Incident Actually Ended" by Crusader Jerome. Ritsuka and Mashu confront Jeanne Alter, and offer her a place in Chaldea... Because they've already summoned another instance of her.
Some of the forum posts are also legitimately hilarious.
- One post is a less restrained version of Saber's reaction to learning that the Tohsaka siblings did not learn to cook like their parents:Ritsuka: "I made pasta."
Kana: "Hamburger, hamburger~"
Saber: "You two disappoint me."
- And as a bonus...Saber Alter: "I will withhold judgement until after I have sampled the hamburgers."
- And as a bonus...
- In a discussion over a misconception about Zelretch's personality, the topic of the Kaleidosticks are brought up...Rin: "Zelretch! Fix my kids!"
Rin: "I'm supposed to have one son and one daughter. Right now I have two daughters quietly weeping in a corner. Fix. It."
Zelretch: "This sounds like a parenting problem."
Rin: "It's Ruby's fault!"
Zelretch: "Aaaand there it is. This is why I don't like the Kaleidostick. Hold on, just let me lock up. They're not trapped in a pocket dimension or anything, right?"
Rin: "Well... not anymore..."
- The best part? The general gist of this incident was made canon.
- An omake made by a poster expands on Chapter 12, Part 3 by having Waver explain to Arturia that the majority of the British population in fact descended from the Britons she descended from, rather than the Saxons. Her reaction is... Priceless.Arturia: HANG ON, BABIES, DADDYS COMING HOME!
Jeanne: She does remember that Humanitys been incinerated, right?
- The speculation on Roman's quest for advice on being a father. Including a post from the author himself. And apparently, Nobu of all people is apparently a competent parent.Cu: By asking me, you've already failed.El-Melloi II: "And you thought I was the most fitting person to ask abo-" (All the other Servants who'd know anything about being a father flash through his mind) "...On second thought, I see the logic in your idea. It pains me, but I do see it." (Buries his head in his hands while holding back a whimper)