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  • During the early days of Chrichton's craziness, he developed the habit of giggling or making ranting jokes - and possibly waving a weapon - whenever shit hit the fan.
    • The best of these was when he was talking to Crais in the season 2 opener: "You wanna have a mid-life crisis? Fine, just... ditch the firm, head off to Maui, shack up with the supermodel, but you do not get to keep the Porsche! " Then he continues in a deadly calm voice, "You don't get the keys to Moya's baby."
  • D'argo marking off time in "Through the Looking Glass":
    D'argo: One mippippipi... two mippippipi... three mippippipi... four... mippippipi...
  • While not a specific scene, it is pretty funny that several times Scorpius is seen talking to other Peacekeepers of how Crichton is quite obviously a savvy, cunning and probably brilliant tactician to keep coming up with these victories. This pays off when Scorpius is forced to join Moya and is stunned to realize Crichton has no clue what the hell he's doing and his wins are just pure luck. You can actually see the thought "how the hell do we keep losing to this guy?!" running through Scorpius' head in some scenes.
    • The best example of these moments is after Crichton kills a bounty hunter with a really big gun and afterwards tosses it to Scorpius telling him it's out of ammo, meaning they once again have no weapons. Scorpius's reply is gold;
      Scorpius: I may well have joined the wrong side.
    • It's even better when you realize that Chrichton is exactly what Scorpius thought he was, savvy, cunning, and a brilliant tactician. What he's shocked by, is that it's not all planned out and is more Xanatos Speed Chess, rather than just being lucky.
  • In the episode "Suns and Lovers," a religious fanatic is using herself as a homing beacon for a space storm (don't ask). She also happens to attach herself to a bulkhead aboard a Commerce Station, and is nondetachable in that state. The crew come up with an entertaining series of solutions to this problem:
    • Rygel, quite cross about the whole situation, is using his hover-throne to do a combination head-butt ramming maneuver. While it doesn't dislodge the fanatic, it does seem to shake the room with every impact.
    • The crew figures out that the fanatic is somehow magnetized to stick to a particular type of metal, and find that one of the Cryo Tubes they are carrying is made from the same stuff, and is much bulkier than the pipe the fanatic is attached to. They roll it in, open the hatch, and wait for her to get pulled across the room, screaming, into the tube so they can cart her back to the ship to be disposed of later.
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    • She changes her magnetism, with great difficulty, and escapes from the tube to stick to a bulkhead aboard Moya. Crichton, upon finding her, is completely unfazed, and while walking away notes that the bulkhead she is attached to is detachable. In a completely out of character moment, Pilot is shown cackling maniacally as he ejects her into space. Poor fanatic just can't catch a break.
      Crichton: Pilot! I'm clear! Detach the door! And suck this bitch out!
    • From the same episode, Aeryn and John discuss their UST. Aeryn suggests they resolve it, but John is hesitant (mind you, they're picking their way through a badly damaged space station trying to get to a group of survivors, so getting into Aeryn's uniform isn't his first priority at the moment). Aeryn, annoyed, turns to face him and unzips her top, demanding to know what he's afraid of. Cue the floor giving out beneath her and dropping Aeryn into another part of the station.
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  • In "Season of Death" D'Argo warns Crichton, "Do not make me tongue you" sounds so perverted it's hilarious.
  • In a largely dark and depressing season finale, Farscape gives us this moment; following an attack by a psychotic Leviathan, power has gone out all over Moya, leaving Aeryn to perform repairs on her Prowler in the dark and without power tools. Her only available assistant is Jool AKA She of the Sonic Scream. As if things couldn't get any worse for Aeryn, Jool is dispensing unwanted advice as she is trying to concentrate.
    Jool: In the short time I've known you, you've changed so much. Don't go backwards. Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards.
    Aeryn: (Indicating a point in the prowler's engine) Can you melt that?
    Jool: With what? There's no power yet.
    (Aeryn turns around and sharply twists Jool's thumb; the resulting scream hits a sonic pitch, and the indicated point melts. Satisfied, Aeryn releases her.)
    Aeryn: Thank you.
  • The climax of "Throne For A Loss," in which Crichton has to convince a gang of mercenaries that holding Rygel hostage is pointless.
    Crichton: Look, Rygel is an obnoxious gas bag and who's gonna shell out for that?
    Rygel: He's right! I'm unloved, unwanted, unpopular-
    (Bekhesh kicks Rygel viciously in the head.)
    Rygel:... unconscious...
    • And upon Crichton's success:
      Crichton: Where's the you-know-what?
      Rygel: I knew you wouldn't come back just for me!
      Crichton: What'd you do with it?
      Rygel: (Nonchalant) It's safe and sound.
      Crichton: Did you swallow it?
      Rygel: Swallow it? Yes, yes, which means you're going to have to take me back as I am or disembowel me here!
      Crichton: Don't you tempt me, Fluffy.
    • Finally, Crichton ending his day by collapsing... and landing on Rygel.
  • Another funny Rygel moment was in "Till the Blood Runs Clear", where Zhaan is (literally) getting off on cosmic radiation, stripping down to enjoy it to the utmost. Rygel is quite uptight regarding her nudity and, when Zhaan reappears, (fully clothed, but pretending to still be nude to troll Rygel) and forces his hands off his eyes, he drops this line.
    Rygel: Help! Help! A mad Delvian exhibitionist is-is forcing herself on me, visually!
  • "The Flax" has a couple of great gems, both related to relationships. First, we get Crichton and Aeryn, on the verge of death, deciding to go Out with a Bang... only to be interrupted by D'Argo, who's understandably coy about the situation. They then return to the Zenatan ship where he'd tied up Staanz, the garbologist... who promptly delivers an Anguished Declaration of Love to D'Argo, saying that "everyone needs a mate" and revealing that the (apparently male) Staanz is actually the female of her species.
    Crichton: Y'know, big guy, I think I better uh... give you a little time alone here. 'Cause I know, in a universe this vast when... two hearts collide-
    D'Argo: Shut up.
    • And the show finishes out with John asking Aeryn, "just to be certain... you are the female of your species, right?"
  • "Crackers Don't Matter." The parts of this episode that aren't terrifying are hilarious, particularly when Crichton's getting prepared to fight the Monster of the Week. This begins with having a chunky green substance smeared over his face:
    Crichton: What the hell is this?
    Zhaan: Heat-deflecting paste. You'll burn up in there without it.
    Crichton: Smells like puke.
    Zhaan: I pre-digested it to increase its potency.
    Crichton: IT'S PUKE?!
    • The conclusion to this segment: Crichton is now dressed in a pair of goggles that have been soaked in Zhaan's puke, a cloak made of light-reflecting tarpaulin, and a tyre-sized cloaking device hanging from his neck. For additional protection, he has been given D'Argo's qualta blade and a shield made from a section of Aeryn's prowler. There is a pause, and then Crichton, humming "The Ride Of The Valkyries," strikes a Heroic Pose: without changing her expression, Aeryn remarks,
    • Everyone's a bit off their rockers, but John starts hallucinating a hilarious version of Scorpius.
      Crichton: They don't get how crazy they are.
      Scorpius: Of course, John. They don't get how crazy they are. Of's 'cause they stole the crackers...hmmmmmm...
    • "Nobody... has margaritas... with pizza."
    • Ben Browder is clearly enjoying himself in the scene when he has everyone tied up.
    • When Crichton and Aeryn are trading insults, Crichton makes a point of calling her a "frigid, flat-butted Peacekeeper skank!" At that, Aeryn looks away for a moment to check out her own butt.
  • Neeyala's breakdown when Zhaan blames her for everything that went wrong. So far Neeyala had been polite and calm even when threatened with a gun, but she just lost it -
    Neeyala: What I have done? It is you who have destroyed my life's endeavour whilst I have suffered your probing, your confusions and your smell! Do you not think that my bristles contain enough poison to dispatch you all? Yet, when I fail to overload what are clearly inferior intellects with a drist of needless information, you bring weapons to bear! Kill me if you will; see how you fare on your own!
    (An uncomfortable pause.)
  • Aeryn being disarmed in the background during the Peacekeeper Wars. By the time they'd finished it looked like they'd taken half her bodyweight in concealed weaponry.
  • And in A Clockwork Nebari, Crichton has just been given a very thorough mind-cleansing that is apparently supposed to deprive him of negative emotions, and wanders into Pilot's den in a daze:
    Pilot: If you've also come to tell me what a wonderful thing the Nebari are doing for you, I am not interested!
    Crichton: No, Pilot... I'm here to tell you that the Nebari ARE A BUNCH OF GEEKS! And their damn mind-cleansing doesn't work on Momma Crichton's baby boy! John Crichton! Astronaut! Master of the universe!
    • Later on in the same episode, Crichton goes looking for a less-than-cooperative Rygel in one of the cargo holds- holding a very large metal pole:
      Crichton: Oh Ryyyyyygel? Where are you my little huskyyyy? I have a stick for youuuu! (He whistles loudly) Where are ya booooooy?
      (From a box on one of the shelves, a loud fart echoes. Crichton approaches it.)
      Crichton: Oh my... eenie... meenie... miney... MOE!
      (He shoves the box off its shelf, and forces it open, revealing a very nervous Rygel.)
    • And Crichton pretending that the mind-cleansing was still working. Five words: New-Age Retro Hippie, man.
      Varla: What are you doing?
      Crichton: Oh, y'know Moya’s amnexus system is like, in flux, so I'm just sorta y'know, lookin' for the source.
      Varla: Will that affect the safety and speed of this ship?
      Crichton: Shyah! It'd totally screw the pooch, babe!
      Varla turns to look at Chiana (who is chained behind her) for confirmation/translation. No reaction, so she turns back.
      Varla: Very well, proceed. Thank you for your service.
      Crichton: Kewl. It's for the greater good!
    • And in the same episode, Rygel had the following line:
      Rygel: I am nobody's puppet!
  • From "Won't Get Fooled Again", in which such moments are myriad:
    Crais: [wearing police uniform and red high-heels] Freeze! You're under arrest. You have the right to the remains of a silent attorney! If you cannot afford one, tough noogies! You can make one phone call. I recommend Trixie 976-555-LOVE. Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you? Well, do you, punk?!
    Crichton: ...No.
    Crais: ...Then I can't arrest you!
    • More Officer Crais:
      Crais: Have you any idea how much trouble you are in?
      Crichton: Yeah. Do you?
    • The funniest part? Crichton brings it up in the comic, causing Aeryn much confusion.
    • From the same, a scene with D'Argo and Crichton, together in a car.
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: (speaking in a suspiciously high voice, complete with a lisp) John, I really need to just unburden myself on you.
      Crichton: What?
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: Well, lately, I've been thinking about you in a very different way.
      Crichton: Uh-huh.
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: Mm-hm. And I was wondering if you would mind participating with me in a little Luxan bonding ritual. Here's the thing, okay? What we need are some chains...
      Crichton: Mm-hmm.
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: ...uh, my Qualta Blade, just a little squirt of lutra oil, and... oh! Chiana.
      Crichton: Chiana?
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: (giggling) Yeah. She wants to watch.
      Crichton: Oh no.
      D'Argo/Gary Regal: (in a deep voice) Oh yes.
    • The entire episode is this trope, but these two moments arguably take the cake.
    • One of the episode's best lines:
      Zhaan/Dr. Kaminski: I can wear a Freudian slip.
      • Just as you think it couldn't possibly be more disturbing, John wakes up strapped to an operating table with Chiana and Zhaan in black bondage gear and Aeryn in a Hospital Hottie outfit all hovering over him. They all start feeling him and each other up, until Rygel rises up from between Crichton's legs, and that's the least dirty way I could describe it. He's wearing a little leather gimp suit, complete with a flail, growling, "All of you bitches, out now! Crichton is mine," and makes that Hannibal Lecter snorfling sound. He then starts whipping Crichton, saying, "This is for calling me Sparky! And this is for Fluffy! And this is for Buckwheat, whatever that means."
      • As one might imagine from the examples, this episode was pretty much made from a combination of Crowning Moment of Funny and Nightmare Fuel, with a shockingly large overlap between them.
  • All the animated parts of "Revenging Angel": D'Argo is turned into a Butt-Monkey,Aeryn does impressions, and what Crichton does with and to Harvey... *splorfle*.
    • Best part is when Cartoon-Aeryn is flipping through various pop culture women for Crichton's amusement. When John takes it too far (asking her to be Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct), she turns into a finger-waving Nancy Reagan:
      Aeryn/Nancy: (With "Hail To The Chief" playing in the background) Johnny, just say...
      Crichton: (Instantly) No!
      Aeryn/Nancy: There's a good boy!
    • Crichton and Harvey's Shut Up, Hannibal! / Shut Up, Kirk! exchange from the end.
      Crichton: I don't want to be like other people. I don't want to be like you. I don't want to stoop that low, Kirk wouldn't stoop that low.
      Harvey: That was a television show, John. And he made Priceline commercials...
  • "Unrealised Reality" gave us a funny and tension-easing moment after Crichton is trapped in a pocket dimension maintained by godlike aliens from another dimension and comes face to face with their well-dressed and black-eyed time-warping representative, Einstein:
    Crichton: (Wearily) Nice threads. Helps to humanize you. Makes it easier for me to sympathize with your problems.
    (There is a pause, as they examine each other.)
    Einstein: Time.
    (No response. Einstein begins to move closer as the exchange continues.)
    Einstein: Time.
    Crichton: Zup?
    Einstein: Time.
    Crichton: Flies.
    Einstein: Time.
    Crichton: Bandits.
    Einstein: Time.
    Crichton: Wounds all heels.
    Einstein: (Louder) Time...
    Crichton: (Singing) Rosemary and-
    Einstein: Time-
    Crichton: Zup!
    (He whips out his pulse pistol and fires- only to see the bolt stop just a few inches away from Einstein's face.)
    Einstein: (Turning away) Time.
    Crichton: (To himself) Either stop pointin' guns at people or get a bigger gun.
  • In part II of the episode "Look At The Princess," Crichton is about to be frozen into a statue for 80 years. D'Argo gives him a good news/bad news pep talk just before the freezing process:
    Crichton: Alright, gimme the bad news first.
    D'Argo: The bad news is that you're married, and you must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.
    Crichton: So what's the good news?
    D'Argo: (Deadpan) Chiana and I are having fantastic sex. (Crichton stares at him, then both start laughing)
  • Sikozu at her snarkiest: "As stupid as you must think them, the Scarrans have managed to build one of the most extensive empires in the galaxy, in part - and I shall repeat this because it does not seem to sink in - by not advertising the location of their secret bases."
  • Scorpius used as an invincible human shield, and Crichton acknowledging the Foe Yay:
    Crichton: That's a damn nice set of body armor, does that come in blue? What the hell did you do when you left the fatherland? Steal the goose that lays the golden egg?
    Scorpius: (Ruefully) Deserted my post.
    Crichton: What? For little ol' me? It's amazing what a man will do when he's in love!
  • In "Crichton Kicks", there is a monster on board Elack and John lures it into an airlock by staking himself out like the goat in Jurassic Park. The highlight of this? Chrichton advertising his BUTT as "Grade A PRIME AMERICAN BEEF!!!"
    Crichton: [prancing] Baaaaa! Baaaaa! [muttering] Come see the tasty human goat, staked out like an idiot.
    • In the same episode:
      Crichton (to the bad guys): NOH! PAV'HOR! HERRUCH'T!
      Sikozu: *Is VERY confused*
      Crichton: You didn't get that one did you...'cause it's Klingon!
  • Season 1, episode 6, "Thank God It's Friday... Again." After meeting the local leader on Sykar, Aeryn has a very interesting comment.
    Aeryn: She gives me a woody. (Looks at an obviously disturbed Crichton.) What? It's a human saying. You say it all the time. When you don't trust someone or when you feel uncomfortable with a situation.
    Crichton, relieved: Willies. She gives you the willies.
  • Aeryn's bright comment on a bad guy saying that John is insane. "I know, isn't it fun?"
  • No mention of "Thanks for Sharing?" Moya and company are seeking a medicinal compound for leviathans, and find a planet whose ruler is dying. The ruler's son has given the heroes no shortage of trouble and Crichton has finally had enough. He and D'Argo storm the palace and exact a little justice:
    Crichton: Hey! You been screwin' me from the beginning!
    D'Argo: (blocking a guard) Ah-ah!
    Crichton: (continuing) You've been screwing everybody, even been screwing your sister! (Pins him to a table with a gun to his head) You been lyin' to your daddy, boy, and you know you shouldn't lie to your daddy! That's gonna stop! Who's your daddy? ...C'mon, you know who your daddy is, who's your daddy? D'Argo, tell him who his daddy is!
    D'Argo: I'm your daddy.
    • In the same episode, the royal family employs a type of vaguely crustacean-looking alien symbiot as a living lie detector that, when placed on the head of an interrogation subject, will pick up on brain waves and kill them if they're not telling the truth (it does this by jamming a big, nasty-looking spiked tail right between their eyes). To get the king to believe him, Crichton, who is currently one of two copies of himself - the other copy was the one who committed the crimes of which this copy is being accused, so he can say he didn't do anything wrong and technically not be lying, walks over to the tank, picks the critter up, delivers his testimony followed by "That IS...the truth."
      Crichton: Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head!
      Lie-Lobster: *noise that sounds halfway between a squeak and high-pitched giggling*
  • Chiana prides herself on being a Consummate Liar. She is bluntly informed she is very, very wrong.
    Chiana: How could you tell if they were lying? You can't even tell when I'm lying.
    'Sikozu:Yes I can, Chiana. We all can.
    Chiana: Oh yeah? How do you know?
    Sikozu: You open your mouth, and words come out.
  • From "Coup By Clam":
    Doctor: Your problem is that you are not mollusks.
    D'Argo: That has never been a problem for us before.
  • At the end of "Self-Inflicted Wounds Part 2":
    Jool: Everything I have seen so far is despicable!
    Crichton: Welcome to the Federation Starship S.S. Buttcrack!
    (He slaps his backside.)
  • In "The Ugly Truth," Moya's crew have ended up imprisoned on a "hubcap" suspended above empty space while the Plokavian judges interrogate them. It soon becomes clear that they can't escape:
    Zhaan: Where would we go, anyway?
    Crichton: Sooner or later, one of us is going to have to find a bathroom.
    (D'Argo laughs heartily, then sighs deeply.)
    D'Argo: I really wish you hadn't said that.
    • When Aeryn returns from her interrogation, Crichton attempts to speak to her without the listening judges suspecting anything:
      Crichton: (Passionately) Oh God! I missed you so much! God, I was so worried about you! (whispering) Play along.
    • A subtle but hilarious part of the running gag that Crichton can't pronounce the names of alien species to save his life: When the events are shown based on his testimony, everyone calls the aliens "Plokavoids" like he does the rest of the episode.
  • In the first part of "Self-Inflicted Wounds," Moya ends up colliding with the Pathfinder vessel and tumbling into a wormhole. Understandably, Pilot is having a lot of trouble adapting to the stimuli- allowing for a very funny moment in a pretty dark episode:
    Pilot: (bewildered) I don't know what's wrong! I don't know what's happening to us!
    D'Argo: All right, just calm down, Pilot, and tell us how you feel.
    Pilot: Well, I feel-
    (He suddenly groans loudly and pukes a thick stream of green vomit all over his console, Stark's unsuspecting face, and D'Argo's shirt. Both of them yelp in disgust and shock.)
    D'Argo: I had no idea he could do that!
    Stark: (revolted) I had no idea anyone could do that!
    Pilot: (delirious) I apologize... colors... lights... sensations... this region of space... I cannot function under the bombardments...
    Stark: (looking as if he's about to puke) Can we isolate you from the stimuli?
    Pilot: Ugggghhhh... Neural clusters... containment nexus circuitry...
    D'Argo: Re-route it?
    Pilot: Dis...
    Stark: Buffer the leads?
    Pilot: Dis...
    D'Argo and Stark: WHAT?
    Pilot: Disconnection!
    (He vomits again, coating Stark and the console with more green puke.)
  • In the episode "Meltdown," gas leaked by Talyn takes everyone's prevailing traits and dials it up to eleven. Stark as usual tries to save someone by accidentally almost killing everyone and then goes catatonic, Crais becomes even more paranoid and controlling than normal, Rygel begins eating everything in sight (to the point he begs others to stop him), and John and Aeryn become incredibly horny for each other. For instance, when Aeryn enters a room John breaks off mid-sentence and says "Hey, baby, how you doin'?"
    • When Crais demanded that Aeryn give him a gun, since he couldn't find his. (He was holding it the entire time.) She laughs at him and walks away.
  • "John Quixote." Rygel as The Black Knight.
    Crichton: Brave sir knight! I am King Arthur of Camelot! This is my loyal vassal, Patsy!
    Rygel: Bollocks! You're a pimped-out arrogant fleshy who wants to use my road, where none... shall... pass!
  • A lot of the humour comes not necessarily from the lines themselves, but from their delivery. In particular:
    • From one of the parts of "Liars, Guns, and Money," John describing Scorpius to Stark:
      John: (waving his finger in a circle) Hey, Stark! What's black and white and black and white and black and white?
    • And from "Lava's a Many Splendored Thing," John explains why Rock Beats Laser:
      John: Lava. That's like thermal energy. Thermal energy is like kinetic energy. A rock has kinetic energy. Ergo, a rock will work.
    • Noranti stripping, yes:
      Noranti: I am the flower, you are the bee! I am the pod, you are the pea! I am the target, you are the gun! I am the woman, you are the man!! (tears off top)
      Crichton: OH MY GOD!
    • John's anxiety over being frozen as a statue for eighty years somehow manages to be both hilarious and saddening at once, thanks to the delivery of it:
      John: Eighty... Cycles. M-my college loans will be delinquent. I'll miss the strippers on my 100th birthday. I-I'll get a utility bill... for three trillion dollars for a single porch light that I left on AND EVERYBODY I KNOW WILL BE DEAD! [...] Humans do not live as long as Sebaceans, or Hynerians, or Delvians. When I get back, everyone, my Dad, DK, my sisters, Cameron Diaz, Buffy the Vampire Slayer will be dead!
      • The sadness is slightly relieved by D'Argo taking the entire list at face value and saying "But you may never see any of these people again anyway". Crichton just gives him this Look.
  • Pretty much the whole episode "Out of Their Minds," particularly the early scenes where everyone is just completely freaked out at being in the wrong bodies ("It's the Three freaking Stooges! I'm hitting myself!") and John taking undue advantage of being in Aeryn's body, with Claudia Black's amazing impression of Ben Browder's laugh.
    • "Have we sent the 'Don't shoot us, we're pathetic' signal yet?"
    • And Pilot's utterly serious reply. "That's the first thing I tried."
  • Scratch N' Sniff. The whole thing is Harpo Does Something Funny.
    Pilot: It made him... dance?
    Crichton: She nailed him with Love Potion Number Nine!
  • Liars, Guns, and Money: Rygel has finally succeeded in killing Durka, his former Peacekeeper tormentor, and has taken to carrying Durka's head on a pike as a trophy. This comes to a head (no pun intended) in the midst of an argument between Moya's crew and a group of bounty hunters they're hiring to rob the Uncharted Territories' equivalent of a mafia-run bank.
    Rorf: What are you doing with that head?
    Rygel: He's an old enemy. (grinning with satisfaction) I like that he doesn't talk back.
  • As part of a long-running game of Break the Haughty, Jool ends up getting shot in the arm with an arrow in "Different Destinations." Then one of the nurses is kind enough to give her an anesthetic, which she drinks with a very strange bubbling noise. And then...
    Jool: At least maybe now I won't die of shock. The bitch just shoved the arrow right through! She- (her eyes roll slightly.) Oh hello... Heska...
    Kelsa: (prodding Jool's bandaged arm) Do you feel this?
    Jool: Nothing - (she slaps the wound in amazement) Look! This is great! I've got to get some of this to bring home! What is it?
    (She starts drinking again)
    Kelsa: One part water, nine parts fellip urine.
    Jool: (Giggling drunkenly) You made me drink piss?!
    D'Argo: (Hurrying over) Okay, Okay Jool! Let's get out of here, away from the children...
    (As D'Argo drags her away, Jool starts blowing raspberries at the confused nurses.)
    • And later...
      Chiana: Keep the comms open. I'm going out to look for them...
      Jool: There's nothing there! It's all gone! Where are you gonna look?
      Chiana: (annoyed) Hey, how's that arm going? Has the piss worn off?
      Jool: (Inspecting her arm) Yes... Actually it's quite sore. Thanks for asking-
      (Chiana brings her fist down on the wound, and Jool lets out a piercing wail.)
    • Also there's the bit with the Western-ish harmonica background music and the gradual pan across to Harvey... who actually is playing the sad song on the harmonica, while wearing cowboy boots with the word "Andy" written on their soles.
  • Most of "Kansas" with the crew on Earth, in the 80s, misunderstandings including whether sugar is a narcotic, John's younger self losing his virginity to Chiana, and the very limited English they can use from Sesame Street.
    • Particularly Claudia Black's delivery of "This girl is slow."
    • And apparently, sugar is a narcotic - humans are just too laid back(at least compared to Peacekeepers) to ban it. To aliens who are not used to being able to pick up hundreds of calories in the palm of their hand? Mars Wants Chocolate. The prosecution submits Exhibit A: Rygel with a sugar high.
  • In "Die Me Dichotomy," when Diagnosan Tocot- whose language is too complicated for translator microbes- tries to inform Stark he needs to step away from the operating table. Stark, of course, doesn't understand, so the serene and kindly doctor resorts to prodding Stark violently in the chest to get him to move.
    • Crichton's deadpan commentary to Tocot's surgery.
    (Tocot is about to take a look at his brain) Just be sure he puts the KY on the glove.
    (When the neural chip turns out to a massive network of roots digging into his brain) You're gonna tell me my health plan doesn't cover this, right?
    • D'Argo, Stark and Pilot getting stoned on the anesthetic mist being used on Moya.
    Chiana: Pilot, you're high, okay?
    Pilot (slurring): I am no higher or lower than I've even been; my position is fixed.
  • Jool's That Came Out Wrong moment in Fractures, when Moya's crew are awaiting the return of Talyn's crew (and they don't yet know that the other Crichton has died):
    Jool: (to Crichton) Chiana's right, Aeryn's fine. I'm sure the other you has taken extra good care of her. I mean... all I meant was that I'm sure that he did everything that you would have done if you had been with Aeryn all this time...
    • From the same episode, the moment when the Boolite explodes, splattering Jool and Crais.
    (Jool and Crais look at each other, stunned and grossed out)
    (both scream at the same time)
    • From the same episode, John is eagerly awaiting to reunite with Aeryn, and trying to decide which color of shirt he would wear. John asks D'argo which one, black or green. D'argo is initially unconcerned, but eventually breaks, telling John the black one and adding that he never thought the green one complimented the shape of his body.
  • This gem from "Losing Time":
    (Pilot is being possessed by Tallip)
    Jool: (to D'Argo; panicked) Shoot him! Shoot him now! You're the warrior, shoot him now!
    D'Argo: Alright, with what?! My nose?
    • From the same episode:
    D'Argo: Girls, we'll all sit down and watch John. Off we go...
    Chiana: What if I have to piss?
    D'Argo: Well then, we will all urinate together.
    Chiana: (almost too eagerly) You promise?
    Jool: Ugh.
  • Many of the scenes on "Yellow" Moya in "Through the Looking Glass", given that it causes everyone inhabiting this dimension to dissolve into helpless fits of laughter and Rygel to start cracking jokes.
    Crichton: I gotta get outta here before I end up like you!
    Rygel: What? Handsome with a great sexual prowess?
  • In "Look at the Princess: I Do, I Think" Cargn has just finished interrogating Prince Clavor, using his Scarran Heat Probe, before turning his attention to Jenavian, Clavor's fiancée:
    Cargn: As I interrogated your loving fiancé, what was going through your delicate little mind?
    (Cargn releases her and she collapses, vomiting)
    Cargn: (shaking his head in disgust) Destiny’s couple, you are.
  • The previous episode, "Look at the Princess: A Kiss is But a Kiss", features this exchange:
    Cargn: I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
    • Earlier in the episode, there's D'Argo's dancing. Everyone else is swaying seductively (especially Chiana), but D'Argo? His dancing can best be described as "moshing".
  • In "Thanks For Sharing", Crais and Jool's introduction goes very, very badly. Crais, having immediately woken up from a coma, grabs the unfamiliar Jool by the throat, who, in response frantically grabs an enormous syringe, and slams it right into Crais' leg. When Crichton comes to see what all the commotion is about:
    Jool: There. I woke him up. (she savagely yanks the syringe out) Now I hope he drops dead.
  • The moment in "We're So Screwed, Part II: Hot to Katratzi" where Chiana finds out - painfully - that Scarrans have Balls of Steel:
    Chiana: Let me ask you somethin'. You short-faced Scarrans - you all look alike, y'know? But uh - were you - Were you uh - down- down on the border station?
    Jenek: Yes.
    Chiana: Then you were the one that uh - that ordered Aeryn and me to be cut open? (Jenek nods) Yeah. I got another one for ya - do Scarrans have mivonks? (without waiting for an answer, she instantly knees Jenek in the groin... and collapses to the floor, clutching her knee in pain.)
    Jenek: (as a fellow Scarran snorts with laughter nearby) Yes. But they're not external.
  • In "I Shrink Therefore I Am," when Crichton gives Scorpius a rifle to help fend off the bounty hunters. Scorpy gets the drop on one and pulls the trigger...only to have it fizzle out and shut down. He has just enough time to drop the rifle, turn to Crichton, and give a totally deadpan "Thank you, John" before the bounty hunter shoots him.
  • In "Eat Me" Chiana is goading Jool into hitting her as part of Jool's Break the Haughty. Finally Jool snaps and punches her in the face. Chiana is completely unfazed while Jool falls to her knees and clutches her hand.
  • In "Natural Election" D'Argo is about to fire his ship's cannon when he says to John, "John, I'm going to tell you something I've never actually put into words before. I love shooting things."
  • At the end of 'Bad Timing', Aeryn and John are out in a boat and Aeryn reveals she had her baby released from stasis, and it's John's. John reacts excitedly, and proposes (which he was planning on doing anyways). This is a great, heartwarming scene, that could of stood on its own as a great end to the show. However, because this is Farscape, things are not that simple. Throughout the scene, D'Argo, Rygel, and Chiana watch them from Moya while narrating their thoughts on the situation to a blind Chiana.
    John: We're gonna have a BABY!!!!
    Chiana: What's happening?
    D'Argo: Now John looks VERY angry.
    John: (Gets down on his knee) Aeryn, will you marry me?
    Aeryn: (Nods) Yes.
    D'Argo: Now Crichton's on his knee.
    Chiana: Why?
    Rygel: I think he's hurt himself.
    • Of course, the blind Chiana is the one to figure out what's really happening.
  • Any time D'Argo uses his tongue on someone is hilarious, purely because of how unexpected it always is.
  • "Look At The Princess", Part I, Crichton and Aeryn end up kissing in the cockpit of his ship. As it starts to get a bit hot and heavy, Aeryn breaks off, with such an abrupt and intense reaction that it involves blasting the canopy off like Crichton did in the pilot episode when the thing was on fire.
    Aeryn: No, no, no! I will not be a slave to your hormones!
    John: My hormones? Hey, I was lips, you were tongue.
    Aeryn tries to hit him, but John blocks and pins her to the wall.
  • 'Liars, Guns and Money''. Aeryn and Crichton discuss Dressing as the Enemy while half-undressing some unconscious/dead soldiers. Before they can even finish, some very much alive and trigger-happy soldiers turn up. Crichton flails his arm in a random direction and yells "Uhhhh... they went thata way!" as he and Aeryn leg it.
  • A scene in Look At The Princess combines darker humour with a touch of Crazy Awesome: Crichton is on the ship bearing wedding gifts, held at gun point by Braca. After just hearing from Scorpius that he's one of a kind, Crichton starts messing around with the ship's controls. Braca threatens him, so Crichton points out that Scorpy won't be pleased if his Lieutenant kills 'unique'.
    Braca: (aiming at Crichton's foot) Sit down, or I shoot your limbs off, one at a time.
    Crichton: Human. Sebecian. Human. Sebecian. We're different. One wound, I bleed out. (Mimics Scorpius) Oh Officer Braca what the frell happened?! Mm mm mm. (Grabs Braca's gun and points at his own head) Fine, let's do it then! Shoot me, right here! Oh no, not the brain, he wants the brain. (moves gun to heart) Shoot me in the heart! Left? Right? Oh yeah, my right, your left! Your right, my left! (Moves the gun to his crotch) How about here? John Wayne Bobbit? Vienna boys choir! Aaaaaa Ahhhhh!
    Braca: You're insane!
    Crichton: (Moves gun to right hand) My sex life! KILL MY SEX LIFE! JUST SHOOT MEEEEEEEEE!
    (Crichton bludgeons Braca)
    • Moments later when Braca's less-than-bright alien collaborator steps up Crichton points his fingers at his head and says "Stop! Or the white boy gets it!" And it works.
    • Soon after, when the ship is in a bad state, the little alien goes charging at John, who picks her up and throws her, then starts posing like a wrestler.
  • Shortly after picking up Noranti—an annoying and more-than-slightly deranged old woman with a tendency to hand people drugs, ramble incoherently, and strip naked—we get this exchange.
    D'argo: I think we should burn her.
    Crichton (confused): You burn your old people?
    D'argo: No, it just sounded like a good idea.
  • The Blooper Reel is positively loaded with funny, as takes go bad, or someone (usually Anthony Simcoe) intentionally goes completely off the rails.

Example of: