Funny / Family Ties

• "There was a kangaroo...in my living room."
• Jen's imaginary driving test/car chase in the kitchen.
• As the family returns home from a Horrible Camping Trip:
  Steven: Up to your rooms, now.
  Alex: Uh, Dad, I think I'm a little old to be sent to my room.
  Steven: You're also too old to be whining in the car the whole way back.
  Alex: [whining] I wasn't whining...
• Not long after Andrew is born, the family is having to deal with him crying in the middle of the night. When one of them brought the baby outside, he stopped crying. When they went into the nursery to sing to him, he stopped crying.^note In other words, he stopped crying whenever other family members were present. So, after reviewing everything that worked, Stephen has them take the crib out into the hall and the family goes into the nursery and sings. We'll chalk it up to sleep deprivation.
• Speaking of Andrew, the episode where he was born has a moment that is positively golden: Steven comes out to the hospital waiting room to make the birth announcement to an anxious Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer...
  Stephen: It's a boy.
  Alex: (immediately drops to his knees and looks up) THANK YOU!!
• The over-the-top presentation Alex designs for Jennifer about how a bill becomes a law, filled with Eagleland Patriotic Fervor—he has her dress as the Statue of Liberty and end with a huge Rousing Speech and fireworks, with the result that the teacher applauds and ends up in tears. The kicker, however, is that he had been pretending to be a dumb jock... so that when Jennifer finally threw a fit and quit over Alex's Stage Mom antics in "directing" her, he suddenly drops the facade and tries to fill in to give the presentation, ending with a very sheepish slip back into "dumbness", claiming he was only saying "what he'd heard his sister say".
• When Steven walks in on Nick with a pair of flowers, doing an impromptu song asking Mallory to marry him.
• One episode starts with Elyse showing Andrew pictures of his family and asking who they are. He correctly identifies the first two. Then we get to the third.
  Elyse: Who is this?
  Andrew: Alex.
  Elyse: Who is Alex?
  Andrew: Alex is king!
• "Remembrances of Things Past", with a bit of Mood Whiplash.
  Steven: (after an argument with his dad) Do you know what I wish, Robbie? That he wasn't my dad. (sees his dad listening in) I'm sorry, Dad, I didn't mean it!
  (his dad walks away)
  Robbie: Nice going!
  Steven: Oh, what did I say? What did I say?
  Robbie: You said you wished he wasn't our father!
  Steven: I know what I said!
  (Sits on the chair his dad was sitting on. He hears something break. Pulls out a broken pipe.)
  Steven: Oh no! What did I do? What did I do!
  Robbie: You broke his pipe!
  Steven: I know what I did!
• Alex's attempt to impress Ellen by doing an interpretive dance...of the stock market crash of 1929. It's just as ridiculous as it sounds.
  • And the piece that the piano player chooses to accompany Alex is the William Tell Overture. Alex's face when he first hears it is priceless.
• Steven is bristling over his post-heart attack diet. So he takes a celery stick, puts it in a hot dog bun, and covers it in mustard.
• Marty crashing into Alex multiple times during their first meeting, to the point of outright knocking him over head over heels.
  Alex (lying on the floor) "What the hell just happened?"