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Funny / Family Guy: Seasons 9 to 12

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     Season Nine 

148. - And Then There Were Fewer

  • When Brian is afraid of getting sent to the kennel, Stewie tells him that he stinks when he comes back.
  • When the Griffins arrive at the mansion and discovering Joe and Bonnie were invited too:
    Joe: Well, I got this invitation that said they were having a dinner in my honor. I assume it was for all those arrests I made last month.
    Peter: Eh, that's weird. My invitation said it would be in my honor. I assume it was for being able to fart the alphabet, which I was able to do 'til I pooped on the "s". Ah well, everybody on the bus was upset long before that anyway.
  • When James Woods returns, having been absent during the first murder:
    James Woods: Sorry I took so long, I was going to the bathroom and I just couldn't stop looking at my penis because it's, you know, so fantastic.
    Peter: You're a — yeah, I heard it's fantastic — you're a monster, James Woods!
  • Seamus's fake origin.
  • Peter in a suit of armor.
  • Patrick Stewart's voice cameo.

149. - Excellence in Broadcasting

  • Rush Limbaugh's surprising, totally out of left-field (har har) guest shot should prove once and for all that Rush has a great sense of humor about himself. Yes, that's really him.
    Rush: What if I hid a piece of baloney in the book—and I don't tell you which page? Would you read it then, Brian? Would you read it to find the baloney?
  • When Brian moves in with Rush, he replaces several of Rush's belongings with new ones made in America. All of them break down or malfunction except for his new cat, which moos.

150. - Welcome Back, Carter

  • Limo jousting.
  • Carter addressing the people of France.
  • Babs's ex-boyfriend "Rodginald".
    Carter: Get away from my wife, you rascal!
    Rodginald: Such language in the presence of a lady! If it's a row you want, I will cleave you in twixt!
    Peter: Hang on Carter, I think I know how to take this guy down. (to Rodginald) Penis.
    Rodginald: Aaaaaaaah! <Faints>

151. - Halloween on Spooner Street

  • Quagmire's reason for suddenly going kamikaze.
    Quagmire: That was for making me have sex with Joe, you sons of bitches!
    Peter: You guys actually had sex?!
    Joe: Yeah, I kinda went rogue with that one.
  • The cutaway of Peter getting lost in the supermarket.
  • After the bullies that steal Stewie's candy spray-paint Brian pink, he meets The Pink Panther.
    Pink Panther: First day being pink?
    Brian: Yeah.
    Pink Panther: Welcome to Hell. (musical flourish plays)
  • The Bland Name Products in Stewie's Halloween candy.
    Stewie: Brian, you took me out on my first Halloween tonight, and you showed me an exciting time. And for that, I'm going to let you pick out some candy from my bag.
    Brian: Oh, thanks.
    Stewie: And keep in mind we can't use any brand names, due to advertising concerns.
    Brian: Right, okay, I'll have a Mr. Wiffle bar, a Kooky Nut Pop, some Gyminyms, uh a Zip-Zap, a Choco-Buddy, uh, a $64000 Bar, a Not-A-Finger, and a Dawkin's Peanut Butter Disk.
    Stewie: God, I hate television.

152. - Baby, You Knock Me Out

  • Peter: I need that money for bourbon and anime!
    Peter during cutaway: I don't understand any of this. Everyone in Japan is either a ten-year-old girl or a monster!

153. - Brian Writes a Bestseller

154. - Road to the North Pole

  • Brian and Stewie failing their first Christmas delivery as Santa Claus is an entire series of Crowning Moments Of Funny. Their effort goes From Bad to Worse, and more and more hilarious, with every incident. Brian and Stewie have to break into the house, fight over how to distribute the presents, beat a little girl's parents to death in front of her and tie her up. The final realization is one of the funniest scenes in the entire show:
    Stewie: Oh my god, we're at the wrong house!
  • Stewie's lamentation when the Mall Santa left for the night...
    Stewie: That son of a bitch, he just turned his back on me! The way reality turned its back on Gary Busey!
    (Gilligan Cut to Gary Busey in his bathroom, looking at the mirror)
    Gary's "Reflection," a Monster Clown: (flashing double thumbs-up) YOU'RE DOIN' GREAT!
    Gary Busey: (also flashing double thumbs-up) GOOD! THEN I'LL KEEP IT UP!
  • This.
    Winnie the Pooh: Come on, Eeyore, let's go play!
    Eeyore: I don't wanna.
    Pooh: Why are you always so down?
    Eeyore: I have a nail in my anus.
    Pooh: Oh.
  • The over-the-top multi-car crash Stewie causes with the signal flare. Goes on for what seems like a full minute, ending with Brian swerving to avoid running into Stewie (who's standing in the street calmly brushing himself off), crashing into a snowbank, and taking an airbag to the face. When he asks Stewie what happened Stewie just mumbles in a bored voice "Eh, just some... stupid stuff went down..."

155. - New Kidney in Town

156. - And I'm Joyce Kinney

  • Quagmire's priceless Jaw Drop upon seeing Lois' porn video.

157. - Friends of Peter G.

  • The Overly Long Gag of Peter and Brian watching The Sound of Music with several misleading company credits that look like the beginning of a movie, coming to a head when a guy who's been shot in the arm runs through the rain into a cabin and it turns out to be a credit for "Panting Man's Wounded Shoulder Films".
  • Brian states that people got along just fine for thousands of years without AA, just like they got along for thousands of years without religion. Cut to three men in biblical times reacting to the news of Jesus's birth:
    Man 1: I like you and have no reason not to.
    Man 2: I like you and have no reason not to.
    Man 3: Hey, did you hear about that magic baby that was born in Bethlehem?
    (they all suddenly stab each other to death)
  • When Peter is driving drunk, he decides to put on a lullaby station and crashes into a tree. Death shows up and hopes that the driver was Rosie O'Donnell.
  • When Death shows Peter a potential future where Peter is now a mean drunk who gives his family cigar burns, Stewie pretends to be his third son to get another one. Peter pushes him away and references the Mondegreen from the intro in the early seasons:
    Drunk Future Peter: Stewie, go on, get out of here, you stupid "laugh and cry", "effin' cry", what's the difference?
  • The ending where Peter decides that he'll only drink half of every six-pack he buys from now on and two seagulls at the dump are shown drunk on the beers that he threw out. They talk about how their feces is white even though they don't eat white things and one of them says that there's always something good leftover in KFC buckets, then freaks out when the other tells him that he's been eating bird meat.

158. - German Guy

  • Apparently, Chris amused himself by putting his bedsheet in the washing machine with so much starch that it turned into a glass-like rectangular board that shatters when Lois drops it. Lois adds that she thinks the washing machine is pregnant; Peter, who is equally confused, says "life finds a way".
    • After his sheet shatters, Chris's clothes follow suit when Peter pats him on the back. Seeing Chris naked, Peter simply says "Yuck."
  • Peter tries to get Chris into philateling (stamp collecting), but the former quickly becomes so bored that he shoots himself in the head offscreen.
  • Herbert's recollection of serving in the Air Force in World War II:
    • During a bombing raid, his squadron encountered the Luftwaffe, who retreated because they thought the shark face on the front of Herbert's plane was real.
      German pilot 1: Ah! A shark!
      German pilot 2: How did it get all the way up here in the sky?!
      German pilot 1: Who cares, you fool, do you want to get eaten?! Retreat!
    • When Franz, who isn't fooled by Herbert's facade, shoots him down, Herbert is taken to a concentration camp when he's Mistaken for Gay by the Nazis who found his wallet full of pictures of little boys. At said concentration camp, Franz makes him sort the recyclables, but some of the soda bottles would still have a little bit left and get on his hands, making them sticky. He treats this as a traumatic incident.
    • When questioning the validity of his story, Peter asks if Herbert is Jamie Kennedy and if he's being "skunked, or puked, or whatever some shit". Herbert swears that it's true on his nephew's grave.
  • When Chris learns the truth about Franz and the latter has Peter at gunpoint, Peter distracts him and swats his gun out of his hand, which Chris grabs and prepares to use on Franz. However, Chris gets confused and suddenly thinks Franz is Peter's Evil Twin, so he asks them what's his birthday. Franz gives the correct answer, causing Chris to shoot Peter and hug Franz, who takes the gun back.
    Peter: You idiot!
    Chris: Well, learn my birthday, asshole!
  • The Black Comedy Burst of Quagmire's white noise machine playing the sound of a woman screaming for help, most likely being sexually assaulted.
  • Peter tells Herbert that if he sees Meg to say "Thunder Thighs are on the move, Thunder Thighs are loose." Peter assumes Herbert will forget, but in the end it turns out he remembered.
  • The whole fight between Herbert and Franz, which is two old men moving very slowly set to dramatic music. At one point Franz falls asleep, then they sit down on the couch to take their medications and Franz needs Herbert to call the former's nurse to help him get up, while the music keeps playing throughout.

159. - The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair

  • Peter replacing Meg in a cutaway while wearing her clothes.
  • Patrick Stewart providing the voice of Susie Swanson's inner thoughts. Yes, really.
    ''This feels right but it tastes like a dirty penny."
  • Evil Stewie saying "oh no" three times to attract the Kool-Aid Man, whom he shatters with a bat.

160. - Trading Places

161. - Tiegs for Two

162. - Brothers & Sisters

  • Peter's flashback to - since he didn't have a brother or sisternote  - having a "broster" in his past.
    Broster: Hey, Peter, wanna see my paginis?
    Peter: I, uh, I...I don't know.
  • Robert Loggia screaming "NOT OKAY!" after an AIDS joke. HUGE Big-Lipped Alligator Moment.
    • The AIDS joke itself was much more clever then one would have expected from a show like this:
    Mayor West: Oh, by the way, I should tell you I've got aids.
    Carol: What!?
    Mayor West: Yeah, they're right over there waiting for me!
    Aid: Ready to go when you are, sir!
    Mayor West: Poor guys, they both have AIDS.

163. - The Big Bang Theory

  • Stewie breaking the fourth wall by saying that a brightly-colored ad for The Cleveland Show can still appear out of nowhere.

164. - Foreign Affairs

  • Three words: Muppet-style sightseeing.
  • Pre-wheelchair Joe replacing Stan in the original American Dad! intro. Following the Couch Gag of Stan's newspaper having a different headline in most episodes, here it reads "Newspaper Gag Fails to Live Up to Expectations".
  • Calling the music video for David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing In the Street" gay, then playing the entirety of it. It catches a lot of flack for being pointless, but it definitely turns the video into total Narm.

165. - It's A Trap!

     Season Ten 

166. - Lottery Fever

  • Not even a minute into the season and the theme song is once again interrupted. By a pregnant woman.
  • The numbers which were mistaken by a woman are:
    • 3 - An "E".
    • 0 - A spooky ghost mouth.
    • 8 - A snowman.
    • 44 - Two sailboats.
    • 17 - 17.
  • The song during a montage of the family finding lottery tickets.
  • "Butle my penis. BUTLE IT!"
  • Peter diving into coins a la Scrooge McDuck. It didn't take long to the fact that he is injured.
  • Peter wearing a solid gold tuxedo, which he says he had to fight three rappers down at the Nonsense Store to get.

167. - Seahorse Seashell Party

  • The Black Woman vs. The Italian Man nature documentary cutaway.
    Italian Man: Hey, you can't park there!
    Black Woman: Excuse me?
    Narrator: Sensing confrontation, the black woman prepares by removing all her rings. Meanwhile, the Italian man makes sure that all the other Italian men, can see what's happening. A flock of Jews, sensing danger, take flight and flee, as it is their best chance of survivalnote .
  • "I'm gonna cut my ear off to prevent World War II."
    • After Brian cuts his ear off, Stewie scratches it. Brian's body reacts as if it were still attached.

168. - Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.

  • Even though the episode isn't very funny (not because of weak and lazy writing, but because the episode showed Domestic Abuse as a serious problem, and not the punchline to a dark joke), it still had some funny moments.
  • The Iraq Lobster.
  • Peter looking through the door's peephole and seeing Quagmire distorted in the glass with a sad face. When we see Quagmire, he face really was distorted like that from lack of sleep hearing the abuse going on in his house.
  • Porch-of-Geese
  • The cutaway of how hard it is getting a straight answer from a 23-year old girl.
  • Soliciting a rooster.
    Man: I don't know what this "cock-a-doodle-doo" thing is, but it sounds gay and it sounds scatological. I'm in.
    Rooster: You're about to have a neat day.
  • Peter mistaking Gwyneth Paltrow for a sick golden retriever.
  • Brenda's childhood song to Quagmire predicting that he'll die of autoerotic asphyxiation — with Brian questioning, "This song is from childhood?"

169. - Stewie Goes for a Drive

  • Peter's Mexican fart.
    Mexican...ghost...thing that came out of Peter's ass: "CON CUIDADO, ES EL STIIIIINKO!" *fires guns into the air, causing everyone to run away screaming*
  • Stewie crashing Brian's car.

170. - Back to the Pilot

  • The dozens of alternate Brians and Stewies. That is all.
    • Also, one of the Stewies has breasts!
  • Present Brian and Stewie making the Kool-Aid Man late for his "oh no" arrival. Followed by him tripping and shattering.
  • Alternate Bush's "press statement" after the announcement that the South's leaving the Union again:
    Clip of Bush: Can anyone get me a clown's suitcase? I'd like to see what's inside it. (clip ends)
    Tom Tucker: Sorry, we seem to have the wrong clip. What's that? (touches earpiece) Really? That's it?
  • The future of Family Guy.
    Peter: Chris, I heard you got a D on your report card. Here's a cutaway. (Cut to Peter standing against a blank white background.) Matthew McConaughey is terrible.
  • "Pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe."
  • Frogmire. That is all.
    Frogmire: Ribbity.
  • All the jokes about the older art style, and the bit about what cutaway gags actually look like from an outside perspective.
    Brian: That's odd. It's our house...but somehow it looks a little different.

171. - Thanksgiving

  • Mayor West tells a story to his grandchildren, then one of them interrupts. West declares him his favourite. He then tells the story to his great-grandchildren, one of whom interrupts. The kid gets burnt to cinders with lightning.
    Mayor West: Future old people are wizards.
  • "This food is so fucking good Lois." "Oh, okay. Wow."

172. - Amish Guy

173. - Cool Hand Peter

  • The girls dressing Brian in a bee suit.
    • Followed by Lois telling them to do Stewie, leading to this hilarious and badass line.
    Stewie: Alright, I guess this is the night bitches die.
    • He says this while spinning the barrel of a revolver.
  • When the Southern cop who spots some (obviously planted) drugs in the guys' trunk...
    Cleveland: Aw, come on! You planted that there!
    Peter: Oh my God! We had drugs? Why was I driving drunk when I could have been driving high?!?
  • The guys are in a Southern court. And The Simpsons cast is the jury!
    Quagmire: Well, at least it's a jury of our peers.
    Joe: I don't think they see it that way.
  • Peter buys a jetpack to escape from the work camp but only gets a few feet off the ground because he's chained to Cleveland and Joe. Cleveland admits that he wanted to see Peter fail.

174. - Grumpy Old Man

  • How Every Pizza Place ruins a salad.
    Employee 1: OK, 4 pizzas and a salad.
    Employee 2: Salad? How do we make a salad?
    Employee 1: First, you put in the whole head of lettuce.
    Employee 2: Even the hard to eat white part?
    Employee 1: It's what the people want!
    Employee 2: I got a can of whole black olives, should I slice 'em up?
    Employee 1: Are you crazy? You gotta know you've got an olive in your mouth!
    Employee 2: What about this tomato?
    Employee 1: Slice it into thirds. It should be big enough to pretend you have red teeth.
    Employee 2: What about this carrot?
    Employee 1: Cut it once very thin lengthwise, the whole length of the carrot.
    Employee 2: I got some jalapeno peppers, but you can't really eat 'em.
    Employee 1: Just dump the whole jar in.
    Employee 2: Should we put it in a bowl?
    Employee 1: Nah, put it in a lasagna case.
    Employee 2: I'll take it.
    Employee 1: Be sure to put it right on top of the pizza to make it warm.
    (answers phone)
    Employee 1: Hello, Every Pizza Place.
  • Joe's Fiona Apple tribute video.
  • Peter beating an old man with cataracts to steal his bingo board.
  • Peter ripping off someone's face a la Scooby-Doo.

175. - Quagmire and Meg

  • "Lois. Griffin. Peter. Griffin. We. Heard. A loon."
  • Quagmire explains the consequences of Meg turning 18 to Peter.
    Quagmire: Peter, it's me, Quagmire. This is what I do. Besides, Meg is 18 now and you've got to let go. You've done your job. It's my turn now!

176. - The Blind Side

177. - Livin' on a Prayer

  • Chris's sudden outburst toward Brian at the breakfast table:
    Brian: Well, that's what they do. They believe that disease is just an illusion, and the only way to fight it is to make your faith stronger.
    Chris: Illusions? You wanna talk about illusions? If you die tomorrow, you think we're gonna be devastated, but you know what? We're just gonna go out and buy another dog. And maybe this dog will fetch a stick and bring me my slippers instead of prattling on about the pros and cons of various religions!
    Lois: Chris, I think you've had too much sugar cereal.
    Chris: I think I haven't had enough! [empties the cereal box into his bowl and shoves it in his face]
  • In the middle of Lois' heartfelt finale speech, Peter reminds her that they're in a comedy show.
  • Seventh-Day Adventists:
    Methodist: I'm a Methodist. We believe that the Lord is our savior, and we remember Him by going to church and praising Him every Sunday.
    Seventh-Day Adventist: I'm a Seventh-Day Adventist. We believe all the same things that you believe, but we go to church on Saturdays.
    Methodist: Whaaaaaaaat?! [bounces around Daffy Duck style]

178. - Tom Tucker: The Man and His Dream

  • The moment Chris introduces his new girlfriend Lindsey and we see she looks exactly like Lois.
  • When James Woods is brought back to life by having a girl's vitality transferred to him, he throws the resulting shriveled husk at Nora Ephron:
    Woods: Quit making Jack Nicholson look like a pansy!
    Ephron: You're thinking of Nancy Meyers!
    Woods: You're the same thing!
  • When Lois says that Chris has difficulty handling news, she remembers informing him of Francis' death 5 seasons ago. Chris's response is to inexplicably turn into part dilophosaurus and blind Lois with his spit.

179. - Be Careful What You Fish For

  • Brian watching The Adventures of Milo and Otis.
  • This...
    Brian: I mean she's teaching you guys independence.
  • When Brian learns about Stewie's horrible daycare teacher, he immediately comes over to give her a piece of his mind... until he goes in the backyard and sees her tanning in her bikini.
  • Peter's plan to get Billy back with his wife involves having Quagmire talk to them dressed as Aquaman and having Joe talk to them dressed as Neptune. In a Funny Background Event, Joe can be seen slowly sinking to the ocean floor and laying motionless there, then at the end, Seamus finds him in his fishing net.

180. - Burning Down the Bayit

181. - Killer Queen

  • Stewie is afraid of the robot on the cover of Queen's "News of the World":
    Stewie: God, why does he look SAD?! He's already destroyed mankind, what else could he want?!
    Brian: He didn't kill Queen. They're all fine. (pause) Most of them are fine.
    • Before that, after being scared by a wall-sized image of the album cover:
  • The fact that one of the kids at the fat camp is Barry should raise a chuckle, due to it being a funny cameo.
  • Mayor West pulling hot dogs from his mouth. His score in the contest is in the negatives!
  • Peter's Mundane Ghost Story ending with a take-out menu for... an all-vegan restaurant!

182. - Forget-Me-Not

  • Peter finding "Surfin' Bird" annoying.
  • "Who else but Shirtpants?"
  • Joe and Quagmire believe Peter to be responsible for destroying the world (aside from them and Brian) when they discover the poster that he had taken earlier after he won a game of laser tag.
  • When it turns out that most of the episode took place in a Lotus-Eater Machine simulation, Stewie shows Brian that he tested the same scenario on Lois, Meg, and Bonnie. They started fighting as soon as they met each other and hadn't even tried to learn their names yet.

183. - You Can't Do That On Television, Peter

  • Peter has plans to take pictures of lesbian butts for a calendar, but Lois tells him to take care of Stewie, so Peter protests by taking the vacuum cleaner and repeatedly stabbing the bag with a knife. Upon Brian seeing the destroyed vacuum cleaner:
    Brian: Whoever did this, thank you.
  • After Peter satirizes Lois on his show, a mob of kids beat her up while she's shopping. Stewie takes it further by knocking her out with a golf club and kicking her in the head.
  • "Kentucky is a state, Kentucky is a state, all the people there are dicks, Kentucky is a state."

184. - Mr. and Mrs. Stewie

  • One of Stewie's acts of mayhem with Penelope is planting a bomb in Mort's wallet to go off the next time he opens it. He somehow goes two weeks without opening it, so Stewie plants another bomb to go off when he burps into his hand. Mort triggers the burp bomb then immediately triggers the wallet bomb when he checks to see if his wallet is okay.
    • Later, Penelope tricks Pakistan into nuking India by simply making it look like India told them "up yours". As Stewie points out, it didn't take much to set them off.
    • When the duo plays a sort of dare game, Stewie's challenge is to destroy Copenhagen with a tidal wave, and the theme is the Roaring 20's. The tidal wave is shown being surfed on by several flappers dancing to era-appropriate music.
  • When Penelope asks Stewie to kill Brian, the tension is diffused by the announcer coming on and saying this:
    Announcer: Family Guy is brought to you by AXE body spray. AXE body spray: Spray it on after gym class instead of getting beat up in the shower. Kind of weird those guys want to fight you naked, huh? AXE body spray.
    • To do the deed, Stewie tries to strangle Brian with a string, but it breaks, then he tries to whack him with a sledgehammer, but it's too heavy, and lastly, he tries to chloroform him. Ultimately, Stewie can't bring himself to do it, then sneezes into the rag he was going to use and knocks himself out.
  • The cutaway of Joan of Arc bragging about how masculine she is and how much she loves porn, comedy films, and Call of Duty (none of which would exist for hundreds of years after her death), then continuing to talk as she's burned at the stake.
  • When Penelope arrives at the Griffin house to kill Brian herself, Brian assures Stewie that he can handle a 1-year-old. She immediately pulls out a raygun and zaps him, causing him to spasm and ask Stewie to tag in.
    • The duel between Stewie and Penelope ends with them getting a kiss in before parting ways. Stewie says that he's going to tell his friends that he banged her.
  • After Meg doesn't appear for the entire episode, she shows up at the very end and Brian asks her what has she been up to. She excitedly opens her mouth to speak, only for the episode to immediately cut to black.

185. - Leggo My Meg-O

186. - Tea Peter

  • When Joe comes to order Peter's business shut down because of his lack of a vendor's license, Peter goes to City Hall to protest. He comes back visibly beaten, saying that City Hall knows karate.

187. - Family Guy Viewer Mail No. 2

A - Chap of the Manor

B - Fatman & Robin

C - Point of Stew

  • In a Pet the Dog moment, Stewie goes back in time to convince Kurt Cobain not to kill himself and just drown his sorrows with Häagen-Dazs ice cream. When Stewie returns to the present, his shelf now has a Nirvana CD with an obese Cobain on the cover.
    Stewie: Ha! You're still alive, you fat fuck.
  • "I got a story. It's about The Little Penis That Could."

188. Internal Affairs


     Season Eleven 

189. - Into Fat Air

  • Peter choosing a donkey with sunglasses.
  • Brian pissing on top of Mount Everest, and the subsequent reaction from a random dog.
    Bloodhound: (sniffs air) Fuck, no way.
  • This exchange during the trip to the Fishman's:
    Peter: A cold car ride through a dark suburban night. Look out the window and think of death, kids. Its-a comin'...

190. - Ratings Guy

  • At the firehouse, Peter gets the idea to take a drink from a fire hose, the intense pressure from which strips the flesh off his head and leaves only his skull. He's more concerned that Chris got his shirt wet.
  • One fireman states that they used to have to literally fight fires with their bare hands. He demonstrates by lighting a small fire which forms into a humanoid shape and wrestles him, but the fire grabs a shotgun and shoots the fireman before shooting itself in the mouth and dissipating. An understandably confused Lois asks "What the fuck was that?!"
  • Peter's version of Mad Men.
  • The complaints from the mob that come after Peter when he ruins television:
    Quagmire: You put a real cougar on Cougar Town, and now that cougar's dead because Courtney Cox ripped it apart with her teeth and claws!
    Seamus: You turned Anderson Cooper 360 into Anderson Cooper 720! He's turning around too much!
    Carter: You converted The Biggest Loser to the metric system! Now it feels like they're not losing enough!
  • Before Peter can use the Nielsen boxes to fix everything, Mayor West destroys all of them with a shotgun. His reason? Peter added another tree to One Tree Hill.
  • The Self-Deprecation gag with Homer Simpson appearing. note 
    Homer: Guys, I broke television, and now you have to help me fix it!
    Peter: A-ha! Looks like this is one we beat you to.

191. - The Old Man and the Big 'C'

  • Carter saying that he's kept the cure for cancer a secret the year Who Let the Dogs Out? came out.
    Brian: You've had it since 1999?
    Stewie: You know when Who Let the Dogs Out? came out?
    Brian: It's a song about dogs and letting them out.
  • "Oh Carter, you devil!"

192. - Yug Ylimaf

  • Stewie's reverse diaper change.
    Stewie: Oh my God, it just went back in my body.
    [Brian and Stewie are in the bathroom and hear someone groaning]
    Stewie: What the devil is that? Brian: It's Peter and Chris. Sounds like they're in trouble.
    [Brian and Stewie run into the living room, only to realize that they are back in the ipecac scene from "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter"]
    Stewie: My God, why is there vomit everywhere?
    Brian: Is that the ipecac bottle? Oh, no! No, please, not this.
    Stewie: Oh God... it's not gonna be coming out of us, it's gonna be going... !!HHEEOOOOO
    Brian: OH DEAR GOD! !!HHEEOOOOO Ohh! Oh..! [Vomit reverses onto Brian's eyes] Ow, what the hell?!
    [Peter goes back to Brian to hold back his ears.]
    Stewie: I don't want it! I don't want anot—!!HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLHU
    Chris: Dad, I'm scared! !!!LLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG [Cries]
    Stewie: Oh God, this is so disgusting I think I'm gonna puke! HUHLEEEEEEEEHH! !HHEEEEEEEELHUH F**k!
  • The reverse chicken fight as well.
  • Brian and taking a woman with him back to the Hindenburg disaster.
    And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, there's a dog having sex with a woman! I know I said "Oh, the humanity" before, but seriously, oh, the humanity even more! I mean, come on!
  • Peter falling up the stairs after saying he hates these "new stairs".
  • The reverse bathtub gag where Cleveland's bathtub falls up. The reason he fell was that Peter crashed into his house trying to use a cannon to launch himself to Australia.
  • The cutaway of Stewie forgetting what comes after G and having to fake it.
  • The reverse of time causing Lacey Chabert to be the voice of Meg instead of Mila Kunis.
  • "It's a girl!...with a penis and no vagina."
  • Stewie's anguished "OH BLOODY HELL!" as he is born a second time.

193. - Joe's Revenge

194. - Lois Comes Out of Her Shell

  • Stewie getting saved by Mario.
  • The horrified reactions of Meg, Chris and Brian hearing Lois and Peter banging in the basement.
    Brian: My hearing's better, so I'm hearing like, suction and stuff.

195. - Friends Without Benefits

  • Chris's "dark side":
    Peter wakes up to find Chris sitting in the dark, in a rocking chair.
    Chris: Go back to sleep, dad.
    Peter: OK.
    Chris walks up to Peter, who is closing his eyes and whimpering. Strokes his cheek.
    Chris: You're very precious to me.

196. - Jesus, Mary & Joseph

197. - Space Cadet

  • The Monty Python's Flying Circus-style opening.
  • In one cutaway, Chris, after Peter and Lois' deaths, turns them into singing trophies akin to a novelty animatronic bass and they sing "Hooked on a Feeling" with Lois doing the background vocals and Peter doing the main.
  • Chris' principal thinking his well-done picture of Bob Belcher from Bob's Burgers is yet another example of how poorly he's doing in school.
  • Chris being given money to appear on TV after modeling his hair and accent after Russell Brand's.
  • Peter's invention of the razor blade comb, which causes his scalp to bleed when he uses it.
  • At the space camp, Peter and Brian go into the sensory deprivation room. A scream is heard, then when they come out Peter's head is now on Brian's body and vice versa, Peter commenting "Things got crazy so fast!"
  • This exchange right after the family has dropped off Chris.
    Peter: No matter what, we're stopping at that Down syndrome camp we saw on the way here.
    Lois: Peter, that was the University of Florida.
  • After the Griffins are launched into space.
    Meg: I don't wanna die!
    Lois: Oh, Meg! All those suicide threats, and you're just as chicken-shit as everyone else.
  • When Peter watches Breaking Bad, the TV hypnotizes him to incessantly talk about what a great show both it and The Wire are. Cuing a great joke later where he brings them up and Stewie says "Ugh, he never shuts up about those shows."
  • While they are blasting off into space, Brian, calling YOLO, sticks his head out the window, shouting that it's the best part of whatever makes this enjoyable.

198. - Brian's Play

  • The cutaway of Stewie as the human resources guy for The Muppets and firing Beaker because he's been taking supplies to make crystal meth and selling it to Big Bird, who at the end of the scene comes in with most of his feathers now gone.
  • Peter eating his toast with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. He doesn't realize it's been replaced with real butter and ends up getting sent to an insane asylum after murdering three children (whether the doctor meant Peter's own children wasn't clear).
  • During Stewie's "The Reason You Suck" Speech against Brian, he mentions that it took Peter a year to understand Stuart Little. He wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks that "Stuart" means "mouse". Lois tells him no and he goes back to sleep, then he guesses "Little" means "mouse". Lois tells him no again, and he tells himself "I feel so old and in the way."
  • Stewie's dodgeball pseudonym being "Gorgeous Randy Flamethrower".
  • Stewie poaching the lead of Brian's play to cast in the production of his play in New York. The lead tells Stewie he'll be right with him and he "just has to finish this crap" while in the middle of Brian's play.

199. - The Giggity Wife

200. - Valentine's Day in Quahog

201. - Chris Cross

  • Chris tries to help Meg put in contacts, but before he can her eyes roll backward, leaving her blind.

202. - Call Girl

  • Lois talking with Bonnie.
    Lois: It's kind of a long story, you see...
    Robert Loggia: Eight fucking hours later!
  • Anime Peter.
  • The whole first five minutes of the episode: Peter decides to become a falconer, and adopts a falcon named Xerxes. Some examples here.
  • In a scene on the DVD version of the episode where Lois claims her job is doing voiceovers for 'obscure European commercials', Stewie says he should try getting back into working on TV since he hasn't been on it due to swearing. Cut to the opening titles:
    Family (singing): Lucky there's a man who/positively can do/all the things that make us...
    Stewie (yelling): SUCK MY COCK, MOTHERFUCKER!

203. - Turban Cowboy

204. - 12 and a Half Angry Men

  • Peter accidentally dropping his phone in the toilet at a public restroom. You only hear his voice and some splashing behind a stall door and see his legs kneeling on the floor as he's struggling to find it:
    Oh ow! it's so cold and it's under everything! Ugh! Feels like I'm rooting around a pitcher of sangria! Ugh, where is it? Oh god, why haven't I found it yet?! Oh no, I didn't roll my sleeve up far enough! Oh, why didn't I flush when I got in here?! Augh! This isn't even all mine! Oh no, there's a spider crawling on my face! (slap) Ahh! Why didn't I use the hand that was on the floor?! WHY DID I USE MY TOILET HAND?!! Oh, here it is behind the toilet.
  • When Bruce is reading the second jury vote.
    Bruce: Guilty...guilty...some hurtful slurs followed by the word guilty...
    Carter: Haha...
  • During Quagmire's demonstration of an orgy, Dr. Hartman is suspended from the ceiling in his underwear.
    • And then when Quagmire throws himself on top of the orgy demonstration and displays his own move called "The Butter Pat", he inexplicably melts over them all.
  • The revelation that Carl can't write.
    Quagmire: This paper just has a squiggly line on it.
    Carl: It's... uh... Latin for "Guilty".
    Carl (in his head): You're playing a dangerous game, Carl.
  • Stewie asking Brian why he's so proud about finding a man not guilty when the killer is still at large.
  • Once the jury finally agrees on a verdict:
    Peter: Hey, guys? I realized my jury duty's tomorrow.
  • We see that Peter likes to release his anger by taking a bath... with the rest of the family in there with him.
    Lois: Peter, how long do we have to sit here?
    Peter: (angrily) Until I'm not angry anymore, you naked bunch of bitches!

205. - Bigfat

  • The opening. Peter gets shot by his new neighbor, Stan Smith, but wakes to find it was a nightmare. At which point, Hank Hill walks in, and the whole thing is revealed to be one of his dreams.
    Hank: Damn it, I always wake up before I find out if they can understand the baby.
  • Feral!Peter, who's spent over 2 months living in the wilderness. His reaction to television is to hump it.
    Chris: He's doing what we're all thinking.
  • What finally snaps Peter back to normal;
    Peter: Shut up, Meg.

206. - Total Recall

207. - Save the Clam

  • Female batters.
    Peter: Alright, chick batter. Everyone bring it on in.
    Butch Lesbian: Get a hit, babe!
    Batter: You know it, babe.
    Peter: Alright, move it back, move it back.
    • Jerome has to adjust himself before batting. So he touches his foot.
  • When Horace dies, Dr. Hartman flips his eyes open because he already closed them when he died.
  • The film reel of drunk driving accidents the Drunken Clam has caused under Horace's ownership. These include Peter getting his car in a tree, Joe driving his wheelchair down a highway, and Quagmire flying a plane.

208. - Farmer Guy

  • The crime wave that hits Quahog:
    • A guy mugs Quagmire and questions why his wallet is white. Quagmire says that Truman Capote had a white wallet, and when the mugger doesn't know who Truman Capote is, Quagmire admonishes him for it. As the mugger runs away, Quagmire tells him that his wallet has his library card in it and the mugger should use it to get educated.
    • A seal draws a knife and demands that his handler give him all of the fish, then says that he might balance a ball on her nose for once.
    • A baby is born with a gun and goes on a shooting.
  • When the Griffins find that their house has been burglarized, Peter says that they even stole his sense of wonder. Cut to him looking at a rainbow before turning around and saying "Nope."
  • A cutaway has Peter and Lois deciding to have sex in a restaurant restroom. Peter goes in and comes out satisfied before it's revealed that Lois never left her seat and that Peter had sex with Lois' Spear Counterpart who thought he was having sex with his wife, who is Peter's Distaff Counterpart.
  • Peter's immediate devolution into paranoia. "Welp, now that we're selling meth, I guess I'll have to turn into one of those guys who freaks out at imaginary noises!"
  • Brian revealing that he's going to Quahog Tech State Tech. Stewie's response is "'Tech' is in there twice?"
  • Brian's reaction when the family reveals they're going to a nice farm upstate (which, in this case, is an actual farm, not a euphemism for euthanizing Brian, as that phrase is often used to explain away the death of a pet) is comic gold.
  • Peter sends a carrier pigeon to get a payment from one of his clients. After the client gives the pigeon the money, it cuts to the pigeon having blown it on a jet ski with "Round and Round" playing.
  • Stewie buying cough syrup for meth production from a very unconvinced pharmacist.
    Stewie: Uh, I have a cold... achoo...
  • When Peter catches Meg and Chris neglecting their chores in the kitchen, this exchange follows:
    Peter: Hey, I thought I told you kids to go plow in the field.
    Chris: But dad, we've been plowing all morning.
    Meg: Yeah, I can't take any more plowing. I can barely walk.
    Peter: Look, I know it seems like dirty work, but Chris, you've got to spread that seed until your sack is empty, and Meg, you've got to clear that brush so he can plant it deep where it needs to be.
    Chris: Okay, we'll keep at it, but I think that hoe is pretty much worn out.
    Peter: Well, flip it over, you can use both sides.
    (all three strike a "ta-da!" pose)
  • The meth lab exploding and destroying the whole house at the end.
    Stewie: There were a lot of rottweilers in that house.

209. - Roads to Vegas

  • In the montage of Brian and Stewie in Vegas, a magician pulls a magic trick on a white tiger in a cage that results in it switching places with Stewie. The tiger then gives Brian a high-five.
  • Lucky Brian takes a hit out on Quagmire's cat, then the hitman sends him a confirmation via text.
  • Right before the second commercial break, the scene shows Unlucky Stewie saying he has a bad feeling, Lucky Stewie saying he has a good feeling, and Peter about to attempt to get the honey out of a beehive.
  • Unlucky Brian and Stewie make a suicide pact and prepare to jump from their hotel window, but Stewie backs out at the last second and leaves Brian to fall to his death as Brian yells "You dick!"
  • The ending where Lucky Stewie meets Unlucky Brian in Heaven.

210. - No Country Club for Old Men

  • Peter and Carter trying to get into the country club by posing as "Viscount James Earl Tennisraquet" and "Duke of LaCrosseteam".
  • Peter giving Lois a haircut.
    Peter: You look like garbage, what happened?

     Season Twelve 

211. - Finders Keepers

  • Peter's Jaw Drop when hearing about the treasure map.
  • Peter disgusting Meg with his bad breath while singing "Minnie the Moocher" in the car. When she bails the car, Peter gives her "mouth to nose" resuscitation.
  • Joe and Quagmire's argument about eating a Mounds bar.
  • When Lois quits the treasure hunt, Peter hires Tricia Takanawa to be the new Lois.
  • When Peter asks Lois to forgive him because Chris forgave him for giving him a black eye earlier, it goes to Chris rubbing an ice pack over his eye muttering "I can't wait for you to fall asleep tonight."
  • Peter using his cutaway setups to transport himself.
  • Peter's documentary, which he adds "every animal on Earth lays eggs". The images are beautiful (and the two dogs playing together is downright adorable), but Peter's quotes make it funny.
  • The "Peas in a Pod" cutaway. There's one pea inside a closed pod and one sitting outside it, and a third pea tries to enter the pod.
    Pea: Wait, wait, don't go in there. He's doing his podcast.
    (The camera zooms out to show an old lady watching the sketch on TV)
    Old Lady: Oh, that's cute, now that I like.
    (Peter appears on the TV, naked and holding a pig in front of his crotch)
    Peter: What do you think about this, you old bag!?
    Old Lady: Ohhhhh nooooo.

212. - Vestigial Peter

  • Peter and Lois go to the mall and enter a Sears, which has now become a Mad Max-style wreckage.

213. - Quagmire's Quagmire

214. - A Fistful of Meg

  • What Meg did to provoke Mike into challenging her in the first place. In a Shout-Out to A Christmas Story, Meg trips, sending her spaghetti flying and tumbling back down onto herself and Mike's jacket. The same gag is also a possible callback to "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story"'s reveal that Future!Meg is a female-to-male transgender.
    Meg: Ooooooooohhhhhhhh, fuuuuuuuudddddddgggggggeeeeee!
    Jean Shepherd: Only I didn't say fudge. I said *bleeeeeeeeep*.
  • Meg fears getting beaten up by Mike and says she can already imagine her funeral. It then cuts away to a casket lowering into a grave...and Peter tossing Meg's corpse into the grave.
  • During the flashback to Meg's birth, it's shown that Peter wrote on her birth certificate to change "Megan" to "Megatron".
  • When Neil tries to befriend Mike, Mike turns him into a balloon animal, sticks him to a locker, and pops him with a knife.
  • Stewie imagining a menstrual cycle as a Dr. Seuss-style vehicle/musical instrument. In a later scene, Meg drives one that looks exactly like Stewie imagined it.
  • Peter going 6 months without bathing, causing him to turn into a sentient mass of food.
    Food!Peter: Hungry! Hungry! More food for my pile! (Lois pours food onto Peter) I will assimilate this new smell into the Borg of my other smells!
  • Quagmire and Meg appearing in the opening of Punch-Out!!, followed by Peter showing up behind them and declaring "I'm in the video game too!"
  • Brian forcing his hairless body on Peter definitely counts as Nausea Fuel, but Chris and Lois' reactions deserve a mention: Chris claws his eyes out and Lois goes for a gun.
  • Meg kills Mike by lifting up her shirt, causing him to melt Ark of the Covenant style.

215. - Boopa-Dee Bappa-Dee

  • The whole family relocates to Italy. Among other things, Meg starts dating Mario. And Luigi.
  • The gondolier in the hotel bathroom.
  • When Lois says she wants to return to America, we get this exchange.
    Peter: Go back? But I thought you loved Italian Peter! And Southern Italian Peter!
    (a dark-skinned Peter with a bushy black mustache walks in)
    Southern Italian Peter: Olive oil!
  • When the Griffins are trying to reclaim their American citizenship, which Peter renounced by changing their nationality on the networking site Shutupayofacebook, part of the test is singing the US national anthem. Everyone pulls it off, except Chris who sings the theme from The Bodyguard instead.
  • The Mafia appearing. Specifically, the long gag where they threaten to steal people's credit cards. "Sure, you can dispute the charges, but you have to call them, and it's always like they don't believe you."
  • Meg and Chris attending school in Italy. Their teacher's "lecture" only involves her shaking her gigantic breasts around while chanting, "Ratatatatatata!"
  • When Peter is trying to change channels on the hotel TV, it somehow affects Stewie instead, turning him into Bart Simpson, Bobby Hill, Rallo Tubbs, Steve Smith, Bender, Louise Belcher, Allen Gregory, and Manny Delgado.

216. - Life of Brian

  • After Brian gets run over, a squirrel kicks him, spits on him and says "That guy sucked!".
  • At the vet, Peter sits next to a decapitated chicken holding his head in his right arm. The chicken tells Peter not to talk to him because Peter has a bad reputation in the chicken community.
  • At Brian's funeral, Mayor West complains that nobody went to his funeral, then gets out of his chair and walks backward fading away, revealing that he's a ghost (now a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment with West's death in real life a few years after the episode aired).
  • Quagmire, known to hate Brian's guts, watching baseball at his funeral.
    Quagmire: Damn it Ortiz, stop swinging at junk!
  • Joe getting hit by a black woman with a purse.
  • The cutaway about Joe driving Grimace around town.

217. - Into Harmony's Way

  • The Griffins watching a satire of Muppet Babies (1984), where Kermit and Miss Piggy are looking at Kermit Jr., who is a frog-pig hybrid whose every waking moment is agony.
  • Quagmire getting followed home by an M-to-F transvestite, whose face is still very masculine and has a 5 o'clock shadow.
    • It's implied he still had sex with her as long as no one saw her come inside.
  • Mort's fall from fame as the manager of Earth, Wind & Fire (and Pollen): he reveals that he had an addiction during his manager days - olives, which actually turned him into a handsome, deep-voiced guy at one point, which is treated by him like a drug-addled rock star lamenting his lost good looks.
    Handsome Mort: What has happened to you, Mort Goldman? You've hit rock bottom.
  • The lyrics of all of Peter and Quagmire's songs. Special mention goes to "Train on the Water, Boat on the Track" and Get Out of the Left Lane, You Stupid Asian B***.
  • When Peter feels bad about leaving the family behind, he imagines what Thanksgiving will be like without him to cut the turkey. Cut to Lois vacuuming the turkey not knowing what to do.
  • The Black Albino Choir.
  • Peter and Quagmire kissing.
  • Peter committing suicide in the ending, right after the family reunion was played as a typical positive sitcom moral.

218. - Christmas Guy

  • When Stewie is angered that the Christmas Carnival has been canceled, we see Lois and Peter inside conversing of how Carter now has blood on his hands while Stewie is outside talking down the Christmas lights from the house across the street, making out with and beheading a snowman and finally nuking the entire town.
  • After that, when Lois mentions that her father always hated Christmas, the scene cuts away to Carter coming down Santa's chimney on June 16th and touching all of Santa's stuff with his soot-covered hands.
  • Peter force-feeding Carter eggnog, making him talk with his mouth full, covering him in it, and recording him. The entire scene is done in a very suggestive way.
  • Also the scene where Peter mentions that canceling the carnival is making people think Carter is Jewish. Carter is alerted by this and we get a Smash Cut to the carnival now open.
  • Stewie acknowledging him not aging when Lois says that it's his first Christmas and he replies "Again?"
    Lois: Chris, calm down. You're getting a nosebleed.

219. - Peter Problems

220. - Grimm Job

A - Jack and the Beanstalk

  • Jack and his wife get into an argument about the magic beans.
    Jack: "I never even friggin heard of magic beans until you brought them up! If I get some, it's you that caused it!"
    • Jack hangs a lampshade on the Giants "fee fi fo fum" bit.
    Jack: "You know, it's odd that you would speak gibberish of your own choosing, and still not have it rhyme."
    Bruce: "And now we wait."

B - Little Red Riding Hood

  • The items in the basket Red Riding Hood's mom gives her to bring to grandmother's house.
    Stewie: Why is there a bag of ice in here? And... is this a Coors Party Ball?! Is grandma entertaining Florida jetski people?
  • Peter/The Woodsman randomly bursts in and violently bisects Brian/The Wolf with a chainsaw, then runs out again. Stewie then asks that he's not sure if The Woodsman is the hero of the story or some lunatic going house to house murdering people.
    • Considering that you then hear him break into the house next door and murder the occupants, it's probably the latter.

C - Cinderella

  • When Stewie asks Cinderella (Lois) how she made her dress so fast.
    Cinderella (Lois): Oh, you know. I have an eye for fashion and I'm pretty good with my hands.
    Mouse 1: Unbelievable!
    Mouse 2: Now I'm nervous about the screenplay we gave her.
    • Also, Cinderella recalling how the stepsisters pranked her by having King Midas go third-base on her.
  • "Oh God, we have so few female characters."
  • While dancing with Cinderella, Prince Charming declares that the next song will be their song. The theme tune for The Cleveland Show starts playing, and Cleveland as the conductor turns to give a thumbs up.

  • At the end of the episode, Peter says goodnight to Chris and closes his bedroom door, revealing Herbert hiding behind it.

221. - Brian's a Bad Father

  • When Brian gets fired from the show, he decides to take some of the table food for himself, eventually stuffing the entire table into his car.
  • The cutaway involving the MGM lion living his childhood dream of "sticking his head in a circle at the beginning of movies".
    Lion: What's up now, bitches!?
  • The return of Zac Sawyer.
  • The ending, in which Peter is now (even more) mentally retarded after Quagmire shot him in the head.
  • Brian trying to get into the studio, only to quickly realize that making a warning threat to a guard only makes you easy to read.
    Stewie: You know, when you say "for this", it really telegraphs what you're going to do.
  • Peter asking Lois what's the best way to slash one's wrists, and Meg (who's done this before) gives Peter helpful advice:
    Peter: Hey, Lois, if I was gonna kill myself, do I slit my wrists this way, or this way?
    Meg: (offscreen) Sideways for attention, long way for results.

222. - Mom's the Word

  • Peter struggling to make it to the restroom with people trying to invite him to certain things. He then beats up everyone while still walking to the restroom a la Airplane!
    Peter: Finally, now I can go to the-
    Peter: UH-OH!
    • Even better is the reason for his Potty Emergency: he ate a taco he found in the parking lot. In the end, he ends up having to wear his shirt as a pair of improvised pants home.
  • When Peter and Lois look through a book which has young Peter's footprints in it, the last pages shift from having normal human footprints to having giant three-toed reptilian clawed footprints.
  • When Peter first meets Evelyn, he asks if she's Cocoon, and apologizes for not having any glowing rocks that make you younger.
  • S.T. the Special Terrestrial.
  • When Peter brings Evelyn to the Clam, her behavior towards Peter creeps Quagmire out, so he leaves. He is quickly followed by Joe, who gets up from his wheelchair and walks away.
    Joe: Well, God said I could walk just once. I was saving this for Suzie's wedding day, but...
  • Stewie trying to kill himself by dropping a toaster in the bathtub, only for the electricity to turn him into Toaster Man.
  • When Peter accidentally kills Evelyn by hugging her too hard.

223. - 3 Acts of God

  • Jerusalem is filled with clones of Mort, and Joe throws pennies to attract them like throwing crumbs to pigeons. Admit it, you chuckled.
  • Brian defending his atheism despite the fact that Peter met God by saying that Peter believes Mickey Mouse is somehow always there whenever he goes to Disney World.
  • The cutaway showing Peter setting up cutaways.
    Peter: Now, where are the gays?
    Gay Man: Over here.
    Peter: No, the really cartoony gays.
    Cartoony Gay Man: Yooooohooooo!
  • Peter making a cutaway that leads to a pedophile joke, then complaining to the Television Academy about them not winning an Emmy, saying that they would have laughed at the joke had Modern Family done it.
  • Death explaining to Cleveland why he's there.
  • One of the stops on the gang's journey to find God is India.
    Peter: What better place to search for God than the most spiritual country on Earth!
    (The screen pans out, revealing the chaotic, filthy mess of an Indian city)
    Peter: God is not here.
  • Mario Williams' line:
    I would like to thank God and a jury of my peers, without whom I would not be playing today.
  • Chris going through the NFL Experience.
    I've got headaches. Oh well, at least I can donate my brain to science. (shoots self in chest)
  • The end where Meg fades into thin air after Peter requested God to erase her.

224. - Fresh Heir

  • When Peter fades out of existence after accidentally tearing up his birth certificate.
    Peter: Oh god, there's no light! There's only fire!
  • When Peter bonds with a stranger and lets him in a car and plays "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", then Peter throws him out of the car.
  • When Carter and Chris make the pizza dude eat a plate of mashed potatoes to get his tip.
  • Peter learns that Meg and Chris take baths together...he's disturbed.
    Peter: I do not have the parenting skills to deal with this situation...
  • The moral at the end.
    Peter: Yeah, and I guess I learned it's wrong to take your son to Vermont under false pretenses to try to marry him for his inheritance.
    Stewie: You should have known that.
  • The reason Lois was able to track down Peter so fast? Several people had called the police about a man marrying his son.
  • The Woody Allen reference that closes off the episode.
    Peter: By the way, this is a reference to a Woody Allen movie. He also married one of his kids.

225. - Secondhand Spoke

  • Peter's reaction to the smokers support group.
    Peter: Lois, why does everyone here look like Emperor Palpatine?
  • When Peter tried to prove that he does smoke he put a cigarette in his ear, then his eye, then his balls.
  • Chris' bad insult to the bullies.
    Chris: You have a sister too!
  • One of the bullies tries to defend having a microphallus by saying that he can reset his cable box with it.
  • Peter being unable to go more than about 30 seconds without smoking once he's hooked.
  • Peter, looking bad after too much smoking, suggests that he would cut to the next scene in order to return him to normal. This doesn't work, unfortunately.
    Peter: Fuck!

226. - Herpe, The Love Sore

  • When Peter gets a package addressed to Quagmire, Lois tells him not to open it. Peter insists that there's an alternate universe where he decides not to open the box; in that universe, the alternate Lois suddenly pulls out a handgun and shoots him in the head.
  • The coked-up giraffe.
  • Stewie and Chris humiliating Brian by hacking into his Facebook page to exploit the fact that he has herpes.
  • The show Bryan Cranston Sneezes. Which is essentially just Bryan Cranston sneezing, then being handed an Emmy. Bonus points: This was a live-action clip, with the real Bryan Cranston.
  • The first person Stewie calls about herpes? Handy Manny.
    Stewie: Manny? Manny, I'm gonna have you take off speakerphone for this...
  • Peter playing around with the whip he stole from Quagmire's mail.
    Stewie: Hey Dad, that's a Cool Hwip! (Peter lashes him across the face with the whip) AHHH! I thought you couldn't understand me!!
  • Peter declaring how important his booth is to him and how every single important event in his life happened in that booth.
    Peter: This booth is my home. I was born in this booth. I was married in this booth. My children were all conceived in this booth. Hell, I witnessed every significant historical event in my lifetime right here! I was in this booth when the Challenger exploded.
    Flashback Peter: Oh my God, no!
    Peter: I was in this booth on 9/11.
    Flashback Peter: Oh my God, no!
    Peter: I was in this booth when President Obama was elected.
    Flashback Peter: Oh my God, no!

227. - The Most Interesting Man in the World

  • Stewie as a grandfather confused about Skype.
    Old Stewie: Please don't holler, I don't understand anything! I'm very frightened!
  • "Great, we woke up the doorbell."
  • Peter going cavejumping.
    Peter: "I told no one what I was doing today!"
  • Smart Peter utterly schooling Brian and exposing him as the pretentious faux-intellectual he is.
  • Peter replacing the TV with a bookshelf, and offers various books to replace popular tv shows, such as Frankenstein to The Walking Dead. When he brings up Game of Thrones he offers... Game of Thrones.
  • When the family gets sick of Smart Peter, they decide to reset him to his original personality by sending him to the dumbest city in the U.S.: Tucson, Arizona. To drive it home, it's filled with snaggletoothed idiots who gleefully punch each other in the nuts.
  • Dial Cross-Species Shampoo, for people who like showering with their dog.

228. - Baby Got Black

  • When Peter, Quagmire, and Joe try to see who can go the longest without sleeping and they see hallucinations.
    • Peter says he's going to win because he used to pull all-nighters when he worked for a lesbian carpet cleaning company. It then cuts away to Peter cleaning a carpet.
    Peter: Lesbians have regular carpets too, ya pervs.
    Lesbian: (Off-screen) When you're done with that, can you help me plug the hole in this dyke?
    (Cut to Peter rubbing cement over a hole in a dam)
    Peter: I'm kind of a jack of all trades.
    Lesbian: (Off-screen) Hey, help me fix this gash.
    (Cut to Peter sewing a hole on a couch closed)
    Peter: Somebody's been having scissor fights on this thing.
  • When one of the lobsters at the restaurant makes a sexual innuendo about Jerome's daughter, Chris tells the waiter to give him that one for dinner.
  • Peter's "Thank the Whites" song, mostly the part with black people contributing to pop singers like Eminem and Justin Bieber.
  • Peter telling Chris about sex.
    Peter: It's AWESOME!

229. - Meg Stinks!

  • "Anal Roberts" university.
    • "It's hard to get into, but once you're in it's worth it."
  • Drunkee, the incredibly offensive Indian stereotype sports mascot.
  • The cutaway of Stewie being unable to sleep on Mardi Gras. When one drunk partygoer tells him to show his boobs, he unbuttons his pajama shirt and gets thrown two bead necklaces, then he decides to show his penis and gets jailed for indecent exposure.
    Stewie: The rules of this city are very unclear.
  • When Brian is blinded by the skunk, he runs around the house and grabs Chris's leg, so Chris beats him with Stewie. Then the smell scares the roaches out of the wall and they form together into a giant hand to open the door and leave, but since they were 70% of the structure of the house, the roof collapses on everyone.
    • When Lois asks if it's covered by their insurance, Peter replies that they don't cover acts of dog, then crawls over to a drum kit to do a rimshot.
  • Brian's nephew Scrappy Brian, who gets randomly eaten by a velociraptor.
  • When Peter gets his hand cut off by a bridge while driving, he grows a new one and his discarded hand grows into his Evil Twin Retep, who like Evil Stewie has the colors of his shirt and pants inverted. He later appears and puts a rock on the lawn knowing Brian will run over it, then when Peter and Meg are flying away in the Megcopter, Peter sees him murdering a woman.
  • Peter as a pediatrist.
    Meg: I thought you liked working at the toy factory.
    Peter: Hell no, I always wanted to be a pediatrist!
    (Cut away to Peter rubbing an old woman's feet)
    Old Woman: Thanks to you, Dr. Griffin, my bunion is healed and I can walk without pain.
    Peter: (Looking at the audience) This isn't a joke. I once had legitimate aspirations.
  • Peter's claim that all Bob Seger songs are actually about taking dumps. It's made clear by the titles Night Moves (Crapping in the middle of the night), Fire Inside (Presumably a Potty Emergency), Like a Rock (Constipation), and Against the Wind (Crapping out of a car window).
  • A spider luring a group of flies into its web with a sign reading "Free Aerosmith Tickets".
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger without an accent.
  • Meg getting her body covered in piercings, which attract all of the magnets in a gift shop, except for one which clings to a piercing Peter got on his penis.
    Peter: I got a piercing, too.
  • When Brian gives a speech to Stewie explaining why he's staying outdoors, he immediately teleports back in the house in-between thunderstrikes when it starts to storm. It's then revealed that Mayor West was watching them on a crystal ball.

230. - He's Bla-ack!

  • Peter, Joe, and Quagmire ragging on Cleveland about how crappy his show was.
  • Peter and Cleveland switching skin colors to avoid being seen by Donna.
  • The "Roof Baby" segment, as seen here.
  • Peter putting on the silent headphones and then hears a voice in his head screaming that he does not want to kill the people on the plane with Peter panicking.
  • Peter marrying a band member that was staring at him.
  • When Peter and Joe pretend to arrest Cleveland.
  • When Lois tells Peter to stay away from "that Brown family", Stewie notes that what she said had more racist implications than intended.
  • The flashback montage showing all the good times Peter and Cleveland had, some examples when he meets him in the 80s, sang karaoke and Peter pulling Cleveland's pants down.
  • Cleveland walking in the middle of the theme song to switch places with Mort:
    (Mort trips)
    Peter: Are you alright?
    Mort: Why do you care?!

231. - Chap Stewie

  • Lois trying to calm Stewie during his tantrum.
    Lois: There-there, sweetie. (Stewie bites her finger) AAAHH! SCREW YOU, YOU LITTLE TURD!!!
    • Even funnier, Meg trying to give Stewie a hug.
      Meg: Aww, you wanna hug from your big sister? (Stewie headbutts her nose, breaking it) OW!
  • Chris and Stewie opening a lemonade stand only for the lemonade to somehow gain sentience, run away and stuff Chris into the pitcher.
  • Peter wishing that Meg would be crushed by a meteor, then a Snickers bar coming out from inside the meteor.
  • The various interchangeable Downton Abbey parodies that Stewie likes.
  • When Stewie shaves Peter's hair in his sleep, Lois says he looks like a movie star. The next day, he's approached for an autograph on the street.
    Peter: They think I'm Bruce Willis.
    Passersby: That was the monster from The Goonies!
  • British Stewie's father.
    British Dad: This is our one superfluous employee who I am not having a homosexual affair with.
    Servant: Sir, we have a meeting in the broom shed.
    (British Dad hands Stewie over to his mother) This is our last physical contact until I give you a firm handshake on your 18th birthday, son.
  • The only toy in Stewie's crib being an 18th-century flintlock dueling pistol.
  • Stewie stealing plutonium from the research center at Cambridge by carrying around a cup of tea and politely greeting the guards, making him utterly unremarkable to them.
  • British Stewie being crushed by a stage light and regular Stewie doing nothing to help him, making this the second time Stewie has been indifferent toward himself from an alternate timeline.
  • When Stewie puts Peter's Porn Stash out on the curb, Chris finds it, screams in joy and his head explodes. At the end of the episode, he's back to normal with his pants around his ankles and says that it took him three years to go through the whole thing.

Example of: