Funny / Enlisted

• Pete's immediate reaction after socking the colonel.
  Pete: "And now, I'm thinking consequences"
• The Italians. Every second.
  The Americans have a TANK!
  Tonight we make love!
• Randy is an absolute GOLDMINE of these.
  Randy: Couldn't have done it without Derick. He drilled me hard!
  Derrick: There's a better way to say that.
  Randy: No, there isn't. You drilled me harder than I've ever been drilled before!
  Derrick: There's also a worse way to say that.
• Derrick trying to help Randy turn off his emotions to pass his accuracy test. By having him recite the story of Toy Story 3.
  Derrick: Randy, you're describing the opening logo!
  Randy: That little lamp doesn't have a family!
• The sinkhole.
• "He literally dug his own grave"
• Derrick and Pete walk in on Randy crying in his underwear with his hands in his lap. They have the obvious reactions, made even better when Randy has no idea what the situation looks like.
  • Even funnier when the whole platoon winds up in the room, crying over the reunion videos.
  Chubbowski: That's good coffee.
• Even though Randy doesn't get that being naked in the shower with your brother is not normal, at least there are some times when he realizes what he's saying is....wrong.
  Randy: (to a ten year old boy) I've been watching you for a long time. (almost imperceptible pause) Let me start over.
• The flashbacks of Derrick crushing the various dreams of arriving recruits. The kicker is Chubbowski. A then very thin and in shape Chubbowski.
  Chubbowski: I'm just here to lose those last 10 pounds.
  Derrick: Right. Chilli cheese fries?
• The girls night
  Park: Shot break!
  Perez: Spit Take
  Park: Ha! Nobody expects gin!
• When Derrick tells the platoon that Pete doesn't want to get to know them.
  Robinson: Do you even have any black friends?
  Pete: Come on, I...
  Gumble: Answer the black friend question!
• Randy "Officer and Gentlemaning" Cody when his replacement foot breaks.