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Funny / Emergency!

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  • Pretty much the entire episode of "The Screenwriter", but especially the moment where the titular screenwriter wanders up to the Rampart admitting desk and starts talking into his microphone about the nurse, describing her as foxy and tough as nails. He wanders away and she asks the police officer who'd been standing at the desk if the man is a psych admit.
  • In a Running Gag within the Season 2 titled "Boot", a lady tries to cook for her boyfriend Bob and his mother, but ends up with a disaster in preparing the dish. First call has Roy and John finding the lady with her hair caught in the meat grinder, the second has them not only trying to get her caught hand out of a mixer, but treating her other hand burned only seconds later after she reaches for a handle of a boiling pot. The third has John and Roy putting out a fire in the kitchen. The lady, defeated, hands them a note to give to Bob and his mom, which are directions to the restaurant down the street. The lady tells Roy and John that she's headed for the theater... and eating popcorn! The kicker? She admitted that she failed Home Ec!
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  • In the episode "The Hard Hours", a call that has John and Roy helping a young lady get her big toe out of a tub faucet in the middle of her bubble bath! Upon seeing it, John immediately tells Roy he's on his own.
  • In the episode "Inferno", nurse Dixie has her hand stuck inside of the coffee vending machine and Dr. Early drops by as Roy and John are getting her out of the predicament. After Dixie is freed, Dr. Early puts his money into the machine, which works properly... that is, until the coffee machine hoses down his leg!
    • When Dr. Early comes in, Dixie tries to make light of the situation.
    Dixie: [gestures at the coffee machine] How do you like my bracelet?
    Dr. Early: [completely deadpan] It's a little gaudy...
  • Unintentionally funny: In the first episode, when De Soto is radioing-in Dixie's vitals, he identifies her as "female, approximately 30." Julie London was about 46 at the time the episode shot. Generally speaking the ages given for patients are wildly lower than is apparent (not just Jack Webb's ex-wife).
  • In the season 2 episode, "Peace Pipe", Gage and DeSoto had to save a woman who's having breathing difficulties because her girdle was too tight. After Gage cut through the woman's girdle, it snapped in his face.
  • This gag reel. WARNING--NOT SAFE FOR WORK mostly for the swearing.
  • The end of "The Nuisance", where Roy and Chet, who ended up joining hit-by-car Johnny in the hospital after a huge fire, are told by John how Roy's annoyingly by-the-book temporary partner got paired up with a guy nicknamed "The Animal". Roy is clearly pleased with the poetic justice and Gage is also amused.
    Gage:"The world's most perfect paramedic paired up with the biggest slob in the department."
    • Roy and Marco's reaction to being told they're getting sponge baths after John is hilarious as well.
    • Hilariously, Bellingham (the paramedic nicknamed "The Animal") and Bryce (the by-the-book paramedic) are usually seen together later on, implying that the partnership actually works well.
  • Chet's struggles with Henry's doghouse in one ep, which result in him tipping the house while inside as he tries to persuade Henry to come in.
  • The "Girdle Rescue"- getting a constrictive girdle off a heavyset woman.
  • Peeling some poor guy out of a plaster mold after he was conned into helping a woman make a plaster cast (which went wrong, obviously).
    Patient: I itch everywhere. Everywhere.
  • Getting a nude guy out of a sleeper sofa after it accidentally eats him.
    Nude Guy: Just get me out of this man-eating sofa!
  • Johnny getting back at Chet. He Batman Gambits him into opening his own trunk, where there's a dummy.
    Johnny: He's probably walking to his car right now....probably unlocking the trunk...probably opening it, right...
    Chet: [offscreen] Auuuuugh!
    Johnny: [smiles faintly] Now.
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  • In one episode, Johnny helps deliver a baby off-screen. He returns to the station with a box of cigars, saying he's a father.
    Chet: That was fast. When I saw you last you weren't even married!
    Johnny: I delivered a baby.
    Chet: Oh, nice. Maybe they'll name it after you.
    Johnny: John Roderick Gage. Hm, I don't think it'll work.
    Chet: Why not?
    Johnny: [beat] It's a baby girl.
  • The crew is fighting a house fire started by an amateur rocketeer testing a rocket motor inside his attic. Chet is at the top of a ladder, looking into the attic to make sure nobody else is inside when there's an explosion inside the attic, ripping open the side of the house and sending Chet (still on the ladder) flying into a tree. His "yeeeeah" when Captain Stanley asks if he's okay is what sells it, because he doesn't even seem surprised by it anymore.
    Stanley: [as Chet comes down the ladder from the tree] You sure you're okay?
    Chet: Yeah, that was a hell of a ride, though!
  • A trio of boys come by the station house as Johnny is fiddling with the squad truck, one sitting in a wagon being pulled by the others. Turns out one of the boy's sister took the keys to their handcuffs and threw it down the sewer, leaving the poor kid in the wagon with his hands cuffed behind his back. Johnny's solution? Pull out a giant power-saw that they use to cut through steel beams. Then he easily opens the cuffs with a pair of hand pliers in less than ten seconds.
  • In a moment that's also a Moment of Awesome, Johnny and Roy get deployed to a bank robbery where one of the hostages has had a heart attack. They're promptly taken hostage by the two robbers, and while Roy is treating the man, Johnny starts talking. He immediately makes friends with one of the robbers (helping him relax with a few deep breathing techniques), before starting to talk, seemingly trying to help them. Johnny starts playing up his awe over the robbers' plan, including coaxing the robbers to show him all the money & exclaiming how he's never seen that much money before in his life. Then, as the robbers are grinning like proud little kids, Johnny starts pointing out all the flaws in their plan, walking them towards the realization that they screwed themselves over by calling for an ambulance for the heart attack victim, proving that they won't kill the hostages. The two men surrender without any bloodshed.
  • Johnny and Roy respond to a guy injured at a butcher shop. Roy treats the guy while Johnny looks around for how he got hurt...and finds the cause in the back room. He comes back and talks to Roy, completely deadpan.
    Johnny: We've got a five hundred-pound tiger back there and he's working on a piece of meat. I don't think we want to be around when he gets through.
    • Just about any rescue involving animals, actually. In another episode, Johnny rappels down into a lion enclosure to help a woman who fell in trying to take a picture and was attacked by the lion. The lion sits there roaring at them the entire time, and after she gets pulled out on a backboard, the lion starts moving. Johnny grabs the rope and scrambles all the way up the sheer wall without any help.
    • In another episode, Johnny and Roy get called to help a guy who was tossed and then gored by a bull while playing chicken with it on a motorbike. The two take in a back-board to help the guy...and then the bull starts to charge. The two about-face, chuck the board over the fence, and dive headfirst over. Eventually they bring the squad in to provide cover, and after they pull the guy out with him riding in the squad, the victim asks them to go back for the bike, since he worked all summer to pay for it.
      Johnny: You wanna go tell the bull that?
  • John notices an attractive new nurse talking to Dixie and when she leaves, walks over to talk to Dixie. He's so predictable that before he can open his mouth, she rattles off the nurse's name, department, and current relationship status.
  • Johnny, Roy & Chet rescue an eccentric Modern-Artist who accidentally welded himself inside his weird sculpture. Afterwards; John & Chet are admiring the thing and thinking it's really cool. Roy; Being a more staid, boring, "old-fashioned" sort, just didn't "get it". While the other two enthuse over the thing, Roy walks way while mumbling to himself....
    Roy: "I must be getting old....I don't like 'Pop Art'...Rock Music...I don't smoke pot...I keep my hair cut too short...I take a shower, everyday...."
  • Johnny vowing to get back at "The Phantom" for his pranks is a bit amusing....
    John (To Roy): "Review the 'Case History'; Who had syrup poured in his boots? Me! Who's helmet got the cupcake taped inside? Mine! Who had flour put in his bunk so that when he rolled out, he looked like a white knight? Not you, Partner. No sir; I won't rest until I get even!"


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