Funny / Elf

• The entire scene with the Mall Santa:
  • Buddy's.... enthusiasm when he learns that Santa is coming to the mall and assumes it's the real deal. All together now: "SAAAAAAANTAAAAAAA!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! I know him! I know him!!"
  • Will Ferrell at his Will Ferrell-iest while confronting the mall Santa:
    "You sit on a throne of lies."
    "You stink."
    "You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa."
  • "Well if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on you birthday this year?" "Why, Happy Birthday of course!" "Darn."
  • The ensuing fight when Buddy yanks off the fake Santa's beard, shouting, "HE'S AN IMPOSTER!" Not only does the fake Santa destroy Buddy's display trying to take a swing a him, but the manager is forced to dive onto the fake Santa to stop him. The kids' screams of terror giving way to ones of amused joy is just the icing on top.
• Santa taking a slow, sinister bite out of his cookie after hearing a suspicious noise (baby Buddy getting out of his crib) in his introduction.
• Baby Buddy being named after the brand of diapers he's wearing, "Little Buddy Diapers".
• As Buddy becomes distressed over finding out that he is a human and not an elf, he runs past the little woodland creatures who are concerned for him. Just their little conversation alone.
  Arctic Puffin: Hey Buddy, want to pick some snow berries?
  Buddy: Not now, Arctic Puffin!
• When Buddy leaves the North Pole and the little woodland creatures bid goodbye to him, one of them starts crying and Arctic Puffin consoles him. Then the little creatures promptly run away scared as a giant unicorn horn emerges from the waters. It's a narwal bidding Buddy goodbye as well. Heartwarming as it is hilarious.
  Mr. Narwal: Bye Buddy. Hope you find your dad.
  Buddy: Thanks Mr. Narwal.
• On his journey from the North Pole to New York City, Buddy's encounter with an unfriendly Rascally Raccoon. It hisses at him, then he asks, "Does someone need a hug?" and tries to hug it, but it attacks him and he says, "That's not cool! I just wanted a hug!".
• All of Buddy's Fish out of Water moments in New York City, where he ends up treating a revolving door and zebra-stripe crosswalk as games. He also looks over a bathroom stall to tell whoever was there this:
  Buddy: Have you seen these toilets? They're ginormous!
• Buddy at one point gets hit by a taxi-cab going at full speed. The force of the cab causes him to literally flip over. He responds by apologizing for getting in the driver's way and runs off as if he didn't get run over! Even funnier, the music just stops when it happens.
• Buddy trying to go up the escalator. He looks nervously at it for a while, apologises to the people behind him, and then eventually rides up with his right leg spread out in front of him as far as it can go.
• Buddy mistaking his dad's potential client, a hot-tempered dwarf named Miles Finch, for an elf is Cringe Comedy gold.
  Buddy: He's an angry elf. (Miles jumps onto the table and runs toward him with anger; Buddy holds his arms out with ignorant glee) Look at you! (Miles jump kicks Buddy then grabs him in an armlock)
  Miles: Call me an elf one more time! Call me an elf!
  Buddy: You're an elf.
  • Even after Miles Finch leaves, Buddy still isn't convinced that he's not an elf, but concludes he must be a South Pole one.
  • Even before Buddy shows up, we get plenty of gems in their meeting, with the staff writers trying and failing to come up with an idea for a new children's book. The first guy suggests that they go for one with tomatoes, but Finch rejects it since according to him, tomatoes are vulnerable and they don't want kids to feel vulnerable too. The second guy suggests they go with a tribe of asparagus children who's self conscious about the way their pee smells. Finch looks at him like he's crazy. His macho swagger as he drops his notebook on the table with unflinching confidence, then starts bragging about his million-dollar idea, like he's a Wall Street executive bragging about the company he just bought out, hilariously displays just how much of a diva he is.
    Walter: Apparently, all we have is vegetables. I have no time so, you know, if you got a story here...
    (Finch just sighs and pulls out his notebook, dropping it on the conference table)
    Finch: I've got about five or six great starts here. (Confidently pounds the cover of his book with his fingertips for emphasis) I've got one idea that I'm especially psyched out of my mind about. You know, it's one of those ideas where you're just like, uh... Yes!
  • Later, Finch is called a hypocrite, since he himself wrote about a peach (also vulnerable) that lives on a farm.
• [answering a phone] "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"
  • And that the caller immediately hangs up without saying anything.
• Buddy hitting every single button in the Empire State elevator. The poor sap going to the top keeps a straight face all the way.
  • Then, when Buddy gets off at his floor.
    Buddy: "Oh, wait! I forgot to give you a hug!"
    (door closes before he can)
  • When all the buttons are pressed, he claims it looks like a Christmas tree.
• [after being hit with a snowball] "Owwww! Son of a nutcracker!"
  • Earlier, while feeling useless, he calls himself a cotton-headed ninny muggins. The elves in the room gasp as if he just dropped an f-bomb.
• Trying to buy women's sexy lingerie for his dad (because it's advertised as being "for someone special," you see). Yes, really.
  • The Brick Joke of Walter eventually receiving the gift at his desk, much to his confusion.
  • ...followed by his secretary walking in as he's looking at it.
    Val: (bemused) What's that?
• Buddy's synopsis of his journey to New York: "I traveled through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest, past the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gumdrops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."
• Buddy's first impression of the mail room. "This place kinda reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me."
  • The funniest part? If you look at the layout of the set, you'll see it is designed like Santa's workshop.
  • Buddy recounting his story of how he came to New York (see above), then asking his new co-worker how he got there. The guy simply grunts, "work release."
  • The guy sharing his "syrup" (liquor) with Buddy, followed by the two of them hanging out drunk in a couple of mail bins, though it ends on a sweet note with the two of them tickle-fighting gleefully.
    Guy: I'm twenty-six and I've got nothing to show for it.
    Buddy: (dazed) Oh, you're young, you're young. My papa, he didn't make head tinkerer 'till he was 490.
    (The guy howls with laughter before he and Buddy start tickle-fighting)
  • Buddy dancing on the table, distracting the other workers from work. All set to "Whoomp! There It Is" by Tag Team.
• When Buddy overhears Walter and his coworker whispering, he chimes in with "I like to whisper too."
• Buddy demonstrating to Jovie how there's no difference between singing in private and singing in front of other people... by essentially yelling in song as loudly as possible in the middle of a crowded store.
  Buddy: I'm SINGING! I'm in a store and I'm SINGING! I'm in a store AND I'M SINGING!
  Gimbels Manager: Hey! There's no singing in the North Pole.
  Buddy: Yes, there is.
  Gimbels Manager: No, there's not.
  Buddy: We sing all the time. Especially when we make toys.
  • Buddy's unique description of singing: "It's just like talking except louder, longer, and you move your voice up and down."
• The Bigfoot-esque video of Buddy in the park. It's also captioned, "Ho ho hoax?".
• When Buddy finds Santa's sleigh crashed in the central park, Santa mistakes Buddy for an attacker at first and defends himself.
  Santa: "Back off, slick! You're scaring the deer!"
  (Buddy promptly slips and falls backwards to the ground)
• When Michael looks up the name of the female reporter in Santa's List and reads that she wants an engagement ring and her boyfriend to "stop dragging his feet and commit already," followed by her deer-in-the-headlights stare as a couple of women behind her laugh.
• Upon arriving in New York, Buddy passes a cafe advertising the "World's Best Cup of Coffee," then runs inside and enthusiastically congratulates.
  "YOU DID IT! CONGRATULATIONS! World's best cup of coffee! (Beat) It's great to meet all of you!"
  • Later, on his date with Jovie....
    Jovie: (sipping it while blindfolded) It tastes like a crappy cup of coffee.
    (Buddy chuckles knowingly as she takes off the blindfold)
    Jovie: It is a crappy cup of coffee.
    Buddy: No it's not. It's the world's best cup of coffee!
• The end where Buddy's adoptive dad realizes he has not one but two normal-sized people to look after.
• Buddy filling in the male part of "Baby It's Cold Outside" while Jovie is in the shower. While she freaks out, he puts his hands over his eyes and attempts to run out, and runs right into a locker face-first.
  • The look on her face as she mouths the last few words of the verse while slowly realizing what's going on is priceless.
  • And afterwards, she asks him why. He replies that it was because he heard her singing. She replies, "Are you sure it didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?", to which Buddy responds, earnestly, "I didn't know you were naked."
• During the single saddest moment in the film, we get this little bit of comic relief during Buddy's goodbye message (written on an Etch-A-Sketch, of course).
  "I'm sorry that I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."
• When Walter asks Buddy how he got the photo of him and Susan Wells.
  Walter: Tell me, tell me, tell me, uhh... Where'd you get this picture?
  Buddy: (without a hint of irony in his voice) Papa Elf gave it to me.
  (Walter stares at Buddy in complete silence for two seconds as he realizes this is going to be a lot harder than he thought)
  • And then when they leave the police precinct, Buddy tries to hold his hand, only for Walter to smack it away without a second thought.
• Upon meeting Buddy, Walter merely assumes he's a Christmas gram and impatiently asks if Buddy is going to sing him a song, forcing Buddy to awkwardly come up with something rambly and off-key on the fly.
  "U-uh... I-I'm here... w-with my da-a-ad. And he wants me to sing him a song. (chuckles nervously) And, um... I... was adopted, and you didn't know I was born. But I'm here now, da-dee! And, guess what? I love you! I love you! I love you-ou!"
  (Buddy falls silent and looks sheepishly at Walter, who's just confused.)
  Walter: (as if stating a proven fact) "Woah. That was weird."
  • Buddy's nervous chuckle is the only time he's ever shown to be self-aware. Even he thinks this is weird!
• The Running Gag of Buddy putting candy in all his food and drink.
  Buddy: "Please pass the maple syrup."
  Emily: "I didn't put... it's spaghetti."
  Buddy: (to himself) "Oh, y'know, I always carry some..."
  (pulls a little bottle of syrup out of his sleeve and empties it onto his spaghetti)
  Emily: "You... like sugar, huh?"
  Buddy: "Is there sugar in syrup?"
  Emily: "Y-yes..."
  Buddy: (gleefully) "Then, yes! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup!"
• Buddy downing an entire two-liter bottle of Coke at dinner. Minutes later, he lets out a massive belch (courtesy of Maurice LaMarche) and, when finished, laughs and turns to Michael asking, "Di'ja hear that?" as if he didn't just uncork the belch heard 'round the world. Michael can only roll his eyes and say, "You are so weird."
• Buddy complimenting a woman's purple outfit by calling it very "purpley".
• Buddy thinking the radiator is an "evil box" because it makes a weird noise.
• Buddy telling his dad Walter before Walter hangs up for work: "Oh, I painted a picture of a butterfly!". As enthusiastically as a child would.
• Buddy piling mint candy, jellybeans and broken up pieces of chocolate Pop-Tarts into his spaghetti before devouring it. Even funnier knowing that actor Will Ferrell threw up after filming that particular scene.
• When Buddy gets his DNA test, he is eating cotton balls, then when his finger is pricked, he claims it has a heartbeat. It's around that time he meets the little girl.
  Buddy: "I'm an elf. Well, technically I'm a human, but I was raised by elves."
  Carolyn: "Oh. I'm a human. Raised by humans."
• Buddy doing a Big "NO!" when he finds out that Walter is on the 'naughty' list, followed by the Evil Dead-style extreme close-up of Santa's list showing Walter's name.
• Buddy having fun saying the name "Francisco" over and over.
• Santa's advice to Buddy
  "First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It's not free candy. Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas who all claim to be the original but the real one's on eleventh. And third, if you see a sign that says, 'Peep Show', that doesn't mean they're letting you look at presents before Christmas."
• Buddy's list of activities to do with his father include ice skating, eating sugar plums and eating a whole role of cookie dough as fast as they can, and snuggling. Walter is so confident that Buddy isn't his son that he promises to do them all, adding that "we'll even paint eggs."
  Buddy: "Well, paint eggs? That's Eas-!"
  (cuts himself off from the shock of the doctor pricking his finger, draws a deep breath and Screams Like a Little Girl in agony)
• Walter tells Buddy to loose his tights "as soon as possible." Cue Buddy dropping his trousers right there in the kitchen... just as Emily walks in! Emily screams, followed by Buddy screaming.
• Papa Elf describing how the only other two jobs an elf can do is build shoes while the old cobbler sleeps and baking cookies in a tree, followed by examples of both: in the former, the elves snark that the cobbler is a "lazy bum" who "couldn't make a clog." In the latter, we see the consequences of using an oven in an oak tree during the dry season when several elves run screaming from a tree that's just burst into flames, one of them crying, "I wanna make shoes!"
• Michael reading Santa's list and announcing that a man named Dirk Lawson wants a spa day. Cut to a biker bar where a bunch of beefy, tough-looking men all turn to face one of their peers, who just looks sheepishly back at them.
  Dirk Lawson: Must be another Dirk Lawson.
• Buddy excitedly telling Michael that he's seen a dog then asking him if he's also seen one. He then adds, "You probably have".
• Papa Elf explains that before Christmas Elves, Santa used gnomes and trolls as his minions, but the gnomes drank too much and the trolls weren't toilet trained. We then see a drunken, burping gnome and a troll in a diaper farting.
• Just the way the film goes over the top and portrays the Central Park Rangers like they're the Horsemen of the Apocalypse or the Nazgul.

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