Funny / EVE Online

The Game

• Some of the item descriptions and skill explanations have jokes written in for people who care to read such details.
  • The ever popular "The Device" which simply states "This is a thing. It does stuff."
  • The description for the thermodynamics skill: "Allows you to deliberately overheat a ship's modules in order to push them beyond their intended limit. Also gives you the ability to frown in annoyance whenever you hear someone mention a perpetual motion unit."
  • The certificate system is used to guide players in how to become better at particular fields through skill training, with certificate descriptions explaining what the skills involved in it are useful for in a fairly straightforward, informative way. This is the description for the Hull Tanking - Elite certificate:
  This certificate represents an elite level of competence in the infamous practice of "hull tanking". It certifies that the holder can fully use all modules relating to hull tanking. The holder is aware that "real men hull tank", and also that hull tanking is really dumb. With this certificate, you've maximized your ability to rely on your structural systems to absorb damage, although hopefully you're smart enough to know what a daft idea that is.

Missions

Most of the descriptions for the missions you can take from agents aren't very noteworthy, but a few of them stand out.

• Delivering a Doctor: This mission in the Sisters of Eve epic arc involves the aforementioned doctor being kidnapped by pirates, who are now demanding a ransom in exchange for her life. This would be a tense situation for the Sisters...if the pirates hadn't demanded their payment in planetary currency ^note Due to the insanely high conversion ratio between planetary currency and ISK even a staggeringly large amount of the former is pocket change compared to what you make from doing the very first mission in the tutorial. The Sisters decide to just end it quickly by paying the ransom outright and letting the pirates go, both out of concern for the scientist's life and because the kidnappers are almost pitiable for handling the ransom so poorly. It ends up not even mattering when the pirates decide to earn themselves New Eden's equivalent of a Darwin Award by attacking you.
  • The cherry on top is that you are given the ransom as a mission item to give to the pirates. Item Name: "A Lot of Money". Item Description: "This is a lot of money." It is absolutely worthless and useless outside of the mission.
• Attack the Angel Hideout: When running security agent missions, you're usually tasked with things like destroying pirate bases, retrieving cargo from dangerous areas, or intercepting convoys carrying viral agents before they can release them into a planet's atmosphere. Judging solely by the name, you would think this mission is just like any other. Then the agent says, in all seriousness, they "have an important task for you": kill their mother-in-law. Really. I'm not making this up.
  • The mission apparently has a variant where the agent finds out◊ their mother-in-law is involved after you do work for the agent and is no less amusing for it.
• The Voting Trail: Three back-to-back missions that look like they're going to result in you disrupting some political intrigue between the Caldari and Gallente, but turns out to be the result of a dirtside politician puking on a Caldari Navy officer back when during a diplomatic summit, which the latter has never lived down and is out for revenge. The mission agent even lampshades the how utterly dumb the whole thing is.
  • Then there's the message the officer (who's flying an Ibis!) sends you when you warp onto the field. Not to mention how everyone planetside thinks the politician must be some great hero because the Caldari were after him.

Official Media

• The stunning visual effects and soundtrack of this Odyssey development video.
• Flying USB Rifter through the CCP Office
• The Citadel update cinematic trailer. CCP seems to know its player base well.
• The Invasion cinematic trailer makes an impressive showing of the Triglavian new World Ark and the fleet of ships surrounding it, but the hapless trio of capsuleers who stumbled upon it are hilarious examples of what many players act like, especially the Tristan pilot with his faint Joisey accent and apparent ineptitude.
  *Triglavian ships power up*
  Tristan: Uh, guys?
  Garmur: We are definitely running.
  Tristan: Oh shit, I have implants in this clone!

Player vs. Player and Community-Related

• Titans can use their jump drives in two ways: to teleport from one system to another or to open a "bridge" that smaller ships can pass through, with the latter most often used to "hot drop" a fleet of smaller ships onto an active battlefield. Every so often a player will misclick the first option when they meant to use the second, stranding their very expensive ship in hostile territory, and it is always, always hilarious. The Battle of Asakai mentioned below was even started by one of these goofs!
• As a response to the "This Is EvE" trailer featured in the Awesome section, we have "This Is REALLY EvE" (NSFW). Also done earlier by Russians the day after the original in "This is RU EvE".
  • The video is cut to imply that whoever was screaming at the end was doing so because of their ship getting blown up, but no, he just decided to start screaming "ALLAAAAAAAAHHHH!" at the top of his lungs for no discernible reason.
• This gem from Fanfest 2009.
  We're CCP! We march on fearlessly!
  Excellent is what we strive to be!
  If you're going to follow us to the top
  HARDEN THE FUCK UP!
• TEST Alliance in and of itself is like a walking (flying?), talking fleet of CMO Fs waiting to happen:
  • A TEST aid flotilla to the members of OWN, in which TEST stirred up a ton of drama by providing reimbursement to OWN pilots who were being underpaid and overtaxed by OWN leadership (despite the alliance controlling 6 undisclosed tech moons) and had to overpay for Rifters (very good attack frigates). OWN imposed a no-contact policy between its pilots and TEST pilots and blamed Goonswarm, despite the fact that the Goons had nothing to do with the drama and remained neutral.
  "A TEST freighter flew unescorted and unscouted to deliver critical aid in the form of exotic dancers."
  • During a patch update sometime in November 2010, they put up Territory Control Units over the long downtime, gaining sovereignty in something like 14 systems with no effort at all. To clarify for non-EVE players, the TC Us require time to come online (8 hours, to be exact), and that means a fleet usually has to defend the TCU for those 8 hours lest someone else come in with their own fleet to destroy it. However, by onlining over downtime, nobody was able to log on to destroy them. CCP deemed this an exploit and removed all the units, causing cries of favoritism and whatnot while TEST claimed this was all a massive troll aimed at getting that exact reaction. Hilarity Ensued.
• The 'Incarna' update brought with it new models and clothing for player characters, but someone wanted to go a little further than that. Warning: it's as hilarious as it is disturbing.
• What caused the Battle of Asakai, one of the biggest PvP battles in EVE Online's history: A single Titan pilot mis-click, sending himself into enemy territory alone rather than flying his teammates in using Warp Bridge. Details on the Awesome page.
  • All that for a low-level moon mining structure...which happens all the time, but this battle, in particular, managed to draw out bigger alliances like Pandemic Legion, Goonswarm, and TEST into the clusterfuck for some reason. Among the resulting wreckage, none of which are the first Titan.
• What caused the Battle of B-R5RB? A member of the N3 Coalition forgot to pay the bill to a fortification they had set up. It resulted in a battle that surpassed the Battle of Asakai in sheer scale, with 7,000 players joining in.
• "The Anime War" in April 2017, fought over the so-called 'anime ban' in WAFFLE Alliance's chat channel... Further details can be read in a PC Gamer article here.
  PCG_Steven: (On r/EVE) "This is it. My writing career has peaked. It's all downhill from here."
  • Come August 2019, Brave Collective started their own Anime-ban-induced civil war!
  Jintaan: (Also on r/EVE) Not This Shit Again.
• April 1st, 2018: CCP publishes a dev blog hyping the release of, among other things, cat ear cranial implants. Reddit's reaction was...enthusiastic.
  VashMudflaps: YEEEEEEEEES MOTHAFUCKING CAT EARS OH YEAH BABY
  Dantelion_Shinoni: WHY. DID. IT. HAVE. TO. BE. A. APRILS. FOOLS. JOKE. I. ACTUALLY. WANT. THOSE. THINGS.
  • And then Hoboleaks (a site that shows what the game's next patch will be) got in on it as well.
  • The Hair Accessory Shipment (Damaged) was later added to the game, lampshading their nonexistent status
• Nidia Masters, one of Pandemic Horde's long-suffering directors, expressing his approval that Horde's capital ship pilots have finally gone a full 24-hour period without any unauthorized use of jumpgates.
• For a while, there was a rumor that some players went to an apartment of another player and made noise to disrupt their sleep. This is, obviously, quite illegal, and extremely unlikely, and the fact that some players actually thought it was plausible says something about their gullibility, the dedication of the community, or both.