- If you're possessing a rat, a guard might see you and squish you underfoot, growling, "Ugh, rat!" All from the rat's point of view.
- And imagine the guard's surprise when that rat he was right about to step on turns into the single most dangerous man in the city.
- The Creative Kills video shows us a kill that is a bit of a mix of Nightmare Fuel and funny: stopping time right as a bullet leaves a guard's gun, possessing the guard, then running right in front of the time-stopped bullet, unpossessing the guard, reverting time back to normal and watching as he is hit with the very bullet he fired at you. That's taking Hoist by His Own Petard to a whole new level.
- Watching the High Overseer take the Captain to see a portrait of himself, only for him to realize that it...uh...went missing.
- In one area, you can find two bodies, one with a sword sticking out of his chest, sitting at a card table. Looking at the score card, you'll notice the score sits at 130 to 3 when the writing is abruptly cut off.
- Finding Piero peeking on Calista taking a bath. He tries to make an excuse and then admits that he's just rather lonely.
- You can scold Piero and make him apologize, then proceed to look through the keyhole yourself.
- Even better, Piero's response to being scolded is to plead with you to be discrete because he couldn't bare the thought of her knowing what he did. He does this by appeal to Corvo as both a man of honor and because Corvo could kill him at any moment with ease before politely asking him not to mention this incident, all in his usual monotone.
- And then Corvo walking into the bath and asking if he can join her.
- Should Corvo leap into the bath with her, she panics and you get a Non-Standard Game Over citing that the Loyalists disbanded due to "irreconcilable hostilities."
- You can scold Piero and make him apologize, then proceed to look through the keyhole yourself.
- Some of the Enemy Chatter is amusing, like a guard telling one of his fellows that he needs a bath, or two Bottle Street goons exchanging dirty limericks at the Dunwall Distillery- to whit:The nobleman laid with a scullery maid,/So loudly they made quite a riot;/ The nobleman's wife took a butchering knife/and carved herself some peace and quiet.Mook 1: Heheh, oh, I get it! The wife done cut 'em both, right?Mook 2: ...Yeah, that's the gist of it.
There was a young sailor of Morley/Who fancied a woman most sorely./He gave her his cash/ She gave him a rash,/ And that's all, there isn't no more-ly!Guard 1: So how old's your sister again?Guard 2: I don't need shit from you.
- And of course, the response:
- Miss White's reaction to Corvo's "costume" in Lady Boyle's Last Party:I do love a man with poor judgement!
Miss White: Waverly's in red tonight, that wanton thing.Miss White: Waverly's in black tonight. In mourning for her reputation, I expect.Miss White: Waverly's in white tonight. Perhaps she's pretending to be a virgin.
- If you get her a drink, Miss White will give you much needed information, as well as her (catty) opinion of Waverly Boyle. There's even a line for each of Waverly's outfits.
Partygoer: "I even had my servants sew extra pockets on my costume for tonight."
- If you rob something from the mansion in front of the guests, they'll... tell you to not worry, everyone does it.
- The entire mission can be hilarious from beginning to end, if you do it right: signing your own name on the guestbook (which actually gets mentioned in a note on the Lord Regent's desk in a later mission), the various reactions from the guests to your...costume, listening to gossip, courteously fetching a drink for another guest, informing your target to her face that someone is there to assassinate her, effortlessly winning an impromptu pistol duel (and the guards don't even care!) - and eventually leaving the party with no one the wiser and getting the achievement/trophy "Well-Mannered".
- Also, Esma Boyle's reaction to Corvo telling her that someone here to kill her. Please note that none of her dialogue is in any way sarcastic. She is completely serious.Esma: Oh, but this is perfect! I love it! What happens next? Are you going to tie me up?
- Corvo's first potential answer is "Never mind." However, if he chooses that, she tells him not to stop and implores him to come with her.
- Her journal specifically says that she's lonely and is willing to have sex with the first man who asks and then the second man as well. It all gives a really kinky vibe to the creepy stalker/assassin angles.
- Know that pesky guard that won't let you upstairs? Blink past him. He'll stare in confusion at the empty space and never realize where you actually went.
- Corvo can even be a creeper and join the Ladies' Boyle whenever they use the toilet. The developers even programmed them to have their own unique dialogue, all of them are a variation of 'Are you serious?'
- Understated, but still hilarious:The Outsider: Sokolov believes that there are specific words and acts that can compel me to appear before him. He searches old temples in Pandyssia and ruined subbasements in the Flooded district. He performs disgusting rituals beneath the Old Abbey. But if he really wants to see me, he could start by being a bit more interesting.
- Everything involving the art dealer, Bunting, in the Golden Cat Bathhouse: Finding him already strapped into an electrical zapping device, him mistaking you for his courtesan and saying your footsteps have gotten heavier and asking if you've put on weight, his blatant confession to crimes and his safe combination under shocks, and the fact that you can have a heated sword and gun battle next to him without him missing a beat or realizing anything is wrong.
- You can even use your powers to possess him! Of course he's tied down and blindfolded so you can't see or do anything, but still.
- You can also steal his invitation to Lady Boyle's party from his apartment. When you turn up to the party two missions later and flash his invitation, the guards say they ejected a man earlier for "impersonating" you. Naturally, you waltz in like you own the place - and leave behind the actual Bunting, who's sulking near the fence.
- If you choose to go with the nonlethal route in the duel with Shaw, the two men helping still react as if he's dead... Despite the fact that he can be clearly heard snoring. Not exactly students of Natural Philosophy, are they? Then again, they don't seem concerned that he died at all and decide that the Boyles are the ones who need to clean the mess while they go have a smoke.
- Piero and Sokolov are long-running rivals, insulting each other's plague remedies, feuding over efforts to utilize whale-oil, and generally having a good old scientist dustup. Finally, towards the end of the game, you encounter them both in Piero's workshop... amicably discussing their respective plague countermeasures and talking about how combining their approaches has real merit.
- Even better, they are doing this as the City Watch lays siege to the workshop. They're both so utterly enthusiastic and excited about their mutual brilliance and love for SCIENCE! that you'd be forgiven for thinking they're not even aware that exploding bolts are pelting the workshop until you drop down to find them hiding under desks... while having their conversation.
- Speaking of these two, pay attention during the low Chaos ending: when the Outsider shows the two with the cure remedy, Sokolov can be seen forcing a restrained man to drink some kind of...concoction.
- In this case, it's implied that Sokolov and Piero together discovered a cure to the plague, and he's actually treating a Weeper. But both of them look happier at what they've created than the lives they've saved.
- And even earlier than that: after kidnapping Sokolov and preparing to interrogate him about the identity of Lady Boyle, Piero will give Corvo some advice on dealing with the man.Piero: Whatever you do, don't trust Sokolov. Especially not on the subject of cetacean anatomy.
- And then, in between Piero venting a bit more about all that Sokolov has cost him, and how he'll never forgive Sokolov for it, he hesitantly asks:Piero: Could you — as a favour — try and leave him intact for me? There's just a part of his theory of voltaic action I need clarified.
- And then, in between Piero venting a bit more about all that Sokolov has cost him, and how he'll never forgive Sokolov for it, he hesitantly asks:
- When you find Havelock's first audiograph entry in his room, at the end he realizes he doesn't know how to turn it off.
- Later, the machine disappears from Havelock's room and winds up in Samuel's possession, and in the Boatman's first recording he mentions that he fished it out of the river. Guess the Admiral's no good with machines.
- When you duel Daud he has some taunts that he throws your way. One of them cements him as a Deadpan Snarker.Hit harder! You're not fighting Lady Boyle now!
- When you go back to the Pub after being betrayed by the loyalists, one of the first mission hints you get is "Many city watchmen remain standing." If you activate the improved arc-pylon invented by Piero and Solokov,note you get another hint: "Few city watchmen remain standing."
- You can get the same hint the old fashioned way too, by bringing all those watchmen down personally.
- In "The Knife of Dunwall," Daud finally finds a guard who actually did get his own squad after what happened last night, and another who's sick of his colleague talking about whisky and cigars.City Watchman: Sir, I just wanted to say... congratulations on getting your own squad.—-Rothwild Butcher: Do you ever think about anything other than whiskey and cigars?Other Butcher: 'Course.
- Lurk's deadpan snark. The mask helps.There's a man in a boat keeping an eye on the slaughterhouse. If I weren't such a pure and innocent soul, I'd say he's up to no good.
- A note about lockpicks in Arnold Timsh's house, stating that lockpicks (which aren't present in the game mechanics) don't exist.As for lockpicks? A fable. I've never known such a thing to truly exist. Have you?
- There's a point in the flooded district where Corvo can come across a pair of assassins, one of whom is training the other. The student is told to cross from one side of the room - the side Corvo is on - to the other, without being seen. Corvo can then follow the student through the course, without being seen by either of the assassins. (This may be funnier for players who recognize it as a Shout-Out to the original Thief.)
- The fact that Piero and Trimble were such horrible shots that their Duel to the Death had to be turned into a coin toss.
- Ah, Lizzie Stride. Specifically, Lizzie Stride reclaiming her gang after Wakefield sold her out.Lizzie: I forgive you! All of you! I'm filled with love. But, the following people each owe me a finger: Logan, Douglas, Bang-Bang, Ferris, Pigface, the Bakers and Annabelle.Annabelle: Shit.Lizzie: Two from you, Annabelle. Have a good night!
Gang Member: So many fingers... Guess, Lizzie is actually pissed this time.
- Even funnier when walking around the boat after that and hearing two gang members whisper to each other.
- In Brigmore Witches upon catching a Bone Charm from a clogged toilet. Daud's reaction is about what you'd expect.Daud: (disgusted) This better be worth it.
- The non-lethal takedown of Barrister Timsh in The Knife of Dunwall DLC is pure hilarity and poetic justice. Barrister Timsh, the target of that level, amassed great wealth by accusing people of harboring the plague and confiscating their property for Lord Regent. If Daud tosses a smelly bundle into the ventilation system, the visiting Watch Officer complains that Timsh's building smells like a Weeper den, and Timsh hands him the document that he thinks gives him immunity from confiscation of property for the Lord Regent. Instead, the document he hands over is a falsified letter, claiming that his property was to be confiscated for the Lord Regent a month ago. Timsh is so shocked that he actually faints, and the guard won't even carry him off because Timsh might have the plague. In an imported save for Brigmore Witches, the sequel DLC, Timsh can be encountered pleading in a cell at Coldridge Prison. Schadenfreude doesn't begin to describe it.
- Taking out Delilah Copperspoon non-lethally is positively hilarious, particularly if she's already unconscious, because Daud will complete the ritual for her. He throws her on the altar, and she gets sucked into the Void. She grabs on to him, and he pimp-slaps her before she gets sucked in. Even if she completes the ritual, her final fate is infinitely amusing.
- A couple of the assassin NPCs in Brigmore Witches can be overheard commenting on their growing lack of faith in Daud. Their reactions to his presence (and his responses) are intensely amusing.Whaler: (if Daud blew up the slaughterhouse) We could turn Daud in. Split the reward.Daud: I promise to go quietly. (walks away, they stare at each other, then both Whalers immediately Blink out of the room)
- If you spared Timsh, one of your assassins will mention that he's in the same cell block as Lizzy Stride, to which Daud has this to say:
- If Daud leaves an unconcious Rothwild in the same room as Ames, leaves and then comes back, he will find Rothwild with a screwdriver in his head and the most fake-remorseful Ames ever.Ames: I am sorry, but Mr. Rothwild is no longer with us
- After rescuing Emily from the Golden Cat, during the boat ride to the Hounds Pits, the following exchange occurs:Samuel: So you did the business, did you, Corvo? I'm not one to speak against my betters, mind you, but if anybody deserved their fate, it was those Pendletons.Emily: What business are you talking about ?Samuel: Oh! I, uh... Grown up business, girl. I mean, Your Ladyship. Forgive me.Emily: It's okay. I heard a lot of grown up business at the Golden Cat.Samuel (embarrassed): Oh. I should concentrate on piloting this boat.
- Some of Emily's dialogue is pretty amusing:Emily: I made a list of all the swear words the admiral uses! But Callista made me throw it away.
- During a low chaos run, when approaching the room where Havelock has locked Emily up she threatens him... rather childishly.Emily: Admiral Havelock! If you don't let me go this instant I'll make you stand in the corner until you learn to behave!
- The texts you can find in the game as incredibly varied, ranging from journal entries to the ravings of the insane to world-building texts to songs and poetry... and to badly-written pornography.
Funny / Dishonored