Spoilers Off applies to all "Moments" pages, so all spoilers are unmarked.
- Odval's introduction, as Bean escapes the tavern.Odval: You've had your fun, now are you ready to get married? (points to a sedan chair being held by four guys) Would Your Highness care to get in?
(cut to Bean tied to the bottom of the chair, as Odval sits in it)
- The background signs in Dreamland.
- "Ventriloquist puppets! Disturbing! Creepy! Cursed!"
- The medicine shop - "Now with three kinds of medicine!"
- King Zog is commanding Bean to get properly dressed for her wedding, so she proceeds to take her shirt off and walk out of the room.
- Bunty knows her princess:Bean: What is this feeling?
Bunty: (leaning in from the doorway) Sobriety, ma'am?
- Cloyd and the Enchantress watching Bean and Luci's progress:Enchantress: The bonding has begun. This could take weeks, or even years.
Cloyd: We'll need chairs.
Enchantress: Dark chairs.
Enchantress: It's fire, Cloyd. It's supposed to be hot.
- Later on, Cloyd forgets that fire is hot, and burns his finger on it.
Cloyd: I know, I was there.
Cloyd: There's been a complication: they've been joined by a tiny dork.
- Cloyd's comment on Bean meeting Elfo:
- The priestess of the new religion doesn't even bother hiding that it's all made up.Priestess: If I talk loudly and with enough confidence, you dopes will believe anything I say!
- Elfo is hosted by a poor farming couple, who are so humble that they get uncomfortable with his praise of their non-candy food and kick him out."Thanks again!"
"You're ruining our lives!"
- Apparently almost everyone in Elfo's village has a name consisting of a word that describes them ending in "-o", which leads to some gags. For instance, the peeping tom elf who Elfo calls a "weirdo" turns out to actually be named Weirdo. Later, when he starts off to leave the village, he's warned that no one who has left has ever returned, "not even Returno!"
- The gnome warriors being swatted aside with an understated "Yikes!" in unison.
- The Talk, Oona-style.Oona: It vas difficult for me, with the tentacles.
Bean: I don't have tentacles...
Oona: Your husband vill have tentacles.
Bean: Are you trying to say "testicles"?
Oona: I don't know. Just leave your eggs on the nightstand and get out of there.
- Thanks to Bean's actions, the wedding goes horribly wrong. As in, the groom accidentally impales himself on a chair of swords.Odval: He's dead.
Guysbert: Um, actually, if someone could just slide my head up a bit, I'd be fine.
- His parents decide to call in his brother, Merkimer. Immediately, he makes it clear what he's like (and everyone decides to ignore Guysbert's plight).Merkimer: Don't feel bad! She would've left him for me anyway!
Guysbert: I'm still alive.
Priestess: Hush, you, (covers his head with a handkerchief) there's a wedding in progress!
- His parents decide to call in his brother, Merkimer. Immediately, he makes it clear what he's like (and everyone decides to ignore Guysbert's plight).
- Bean tries to get rid of Merkimer by taking him on a cruise past a nearby island of sirens, where the captain warns the island of mermaids and the nearby island of walruses should never be mixed up. It's the walruses who are the sirens.
- The fact the Sirens are walruses doesn't stop Merkimer from copulating with them offscreen. He and his harem ultimately come to the rescue later on.Luci (to Bean): Didn't you always want a husband that screwed thirty walruses?
Bean: Yeah. Yeah, I did. (Kicks Luci off the boat)
- The fact the Sirens are walruses doesn't stop Merkimer from copulating with them offscreen. He and his harem ultimately come to the rescue later on.
- The party boat captain casually mentioning that Merkimer's bachelor party to Mermaid Island has gone a lot better than most. Because only one person died, instead of everybody.Captain: I try not to advertise that.
- Ultimately, the Merkimer problem solves itself when he drinks the enchanted pig's blood and turns into a pig at the altar.
- "Dad, I cannot marry this pig! (the pig-turned-man crashes through the chapel window) Or that one!"
- Elfo tries to talk sense into Bean.Elfo: No, you're not a murderer, Bean! Well, I mean, you did kill that one guy....(cut to Prince Guysbert, whose head is still impaled on the sword throne)Guysbert: Nope, still alive! But, uh, suffering greatly!
- Bean goes to a poison shop. The attendant offers a slow-killing poison, a poison that kills through kindness (and belladonna) and then one so poisonous they can't even hold it in a bottle. Which he's holding. Then, after he dies, the next employee comes out, glances at the body, and cheerfully asks if Bean has been helped. The moment Bean leaves the shop, someone puts a "Now hiring" sign in the window
- Bean's "eulogy" for Merkimer.Bean: As Merkmier's fiance, I'd like to say a few words. (Beat) Let's head back.
- Zog finally lays down the law.Zog: The wedding is cancelled!
Zog: Also, the bar is closed!
(everyone gasps even harder)
- The pig blood scene. Both horrific, and hilarious.Bean: Did you know pigs are 80% blood?
Luci: Not anymore.
- Luci debuts his catchphrase when Bean has to choose between life with Merkimer or death:Luci: Bean, death is the easy way out. So I say do it! Do-it-do-it-do-it-do-it!
- Bean weighing in as Elfo and Luci debate death or Merkimer: "Hey, guys, while you were talking... the branch broke."
- As Bean gets a moment of inspiration, she and Luci are not on the same page.Bean: (after her Eureka Moment about Mermaid Island) Of course! Mermaids! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
(pan out to reveal Luci is stuffing a diseased chicken into his mouth, feet first)
Luci: Probably not.
- One of King Zog's greatest treasures is a lemon in a fancy box. Luci is not impressed.Luci: It's just a lemon. It's what we feed kids in Hell.
- Zog watches them steal it, and is outraged, since it's a treasure of the Great Lemon Crusade.Zog: Countries were decimated! History rewritten! Maps redrawn!
Odval: In fairness, sire, you were never going to eat it.
- Zog watches them steal it, and is outraged, since it's a treasure of the Great Lemon Crusade.
- Oona's reaction to the snakeroot she takes to "soothe her nerves"; after eating a handful, her pupils grow huge, her teeth become sharp, she balls up her fists, and she starts wordlessly screaming.
- The best part comes later, when Bean looks out the window to find her in the courtyard; Oona is still screaming in the same way, and running in circles around a fountain. Bean watches her do this for a comical amount of time.
- Bean, Elfo and Luci decide to steal Oona's snakeroot and get high on it too.
- The effect the snakeroot has on Elfo.Bean: I'm not feeling anything.Elfo: Me either. M'either. Meither. Meither, meither, meither, meither, meither, meither, meither, meither. (He chuckles) Meitherrrr... What's happening?!
- Bean then starts hallucinating that they start a music band.Bean: Wow. My God, you guys, we should start a band. (She, Elfo and Luci start clapping rhythmically) Yes, we sound amazing. We'll fix up an old carriage and tour the country, playing what we want to play, never selling out, never splitting up. Elfo, you're out of the band!Elfo: What the hell?Bean: We're a duo now. The fans didn't even notice. Luci, you fell off a balcony, or were you pushed? We'll never find out. Dreams come true because I am a solo act now! The fans love my voice. I have dreadlocks, but then I shave my head, like a true artist. Why is the crowd booing? Oh no, I'm the talentless one! Elfo, you came back! Luci, I thought I pushed you. I mean, we're together again. Let's get out there. We're back on top. Nothing will stop us now. Oh no, I have cancer. What? (Bean collapses to the ground)Elfo: I dedicate this next song to the memory of Bean. (He and Luci start clapping rhythmically again, and Bean joins in).
- The effect the snakeroot has on Elfo.
- Odval surmising Zog's problem with Bean: "Your daughter appears to be what we now call 'a teenager'."
- Pendergast's own contribution to the discussion: "According to the holy scriptures, your first mistake was educating her."
- After Big Jo exorcises Luci, he demands his lawyer. Another demon who has also been exorcised.
- Another sign gag, on the broken bridge - "Bridge out - next time, pay your #~*! bridge tax!"
- This religion thing is still in its early stages.Big Jo: O Lord, our only God, brother of the other God...
- Luci, possessing Bean's body, makes her head spin ala The Exorcist.Luci: Hold on, there's something I've always wanted to try.
(He spins Bean's head around.)
Luci: So cool! I didn't even know that the human body could do this.
Bean: It can't. (Falls over. Body unspins the entire way.)
- This exchange:Big Jo: I shall cast thee out, demon, with these sacred tools.Luci: You're a sacred tool.
- Luci getting exorcsied, freaks out:Luci: (as Big Jo puts Luci-in-a-bottle in his bag) You can't do this to me, man! I want my lawyer!
(a demon in a bottle next to Luci, distinguished from all the others by a tie, speaks up)
Demon lawyer: Uh, I'm in here. Don't. Say. Anything.
- Truly great final words from Big Jo:Big Jo: Oh! You haven't defeated me yet.
(He's slapped by Elfo and falls into the volcano.)
Big Jo: Now, you haaaaaave!
- "Hand me 10 ccs of brick!"
- Chazz, the escaped lunatic / spa worker annoying King Zog by clamping him to a table.Chazz: Does it hurt when I do this? (pokes Zog) What about when I slap you on the belly like this? (slaps Zog's belly) Okay, just one more question: Have you ever been clamped naked to a table by a lunatic who doesn't work for the spa?
(Zog starts trying to break free)
Chazz: Please don't rattle the clamps. It enrages me.
- The "Feelings Stick" scene, as Chazz continues to screw with Zog.
- Bean trying to pass off Bunty as the Princess to Sven.Bunty: Oh, that's right. I'm a princess, I am, and this is me bed what me whole family lives on. (gasps as she touches the sheets) Oh... so soft... (she instantly falls asleep)
- This has no impact on Bean and Sven's attempts to get it on. When Elfo comes to play Moment Killer, she's still utterly asleep, they've just moved her to one side.
- After Elfo sees Odval's three eyes, he exclaims, "Ooh, neat! I'm gonna name 'em Winky, Blinky and Soul Stealer!"
- After the last episode, Zog sentences Bean to join a convent of nuns, and doesn't fit in. She insists she doesn't deserve it.Bean: You throw one little party and Vikings take over the kingdom. Come on, who hasn't been there?
(all the nuns glower furiously at Bean)
Luci: You have got to learn to read a room.
- Once things with the nuns go south, they return Bean to Zog. Things don't go any better.Bean: I swear, I'll never have a drink again.
Zog: You're drinking right now!
(cut back to Bean, who is suddenly holding a frothing tankard in her hand)
Bean: How'd that get there?
Luci: Heh-heh. You're welcome.
Bean: I won't throw another giant, awesome party while you're away, ever again.
- Bean keeps at it:
Passer-by: Aw, really?
(Bean makes a "not really" motion at him)
- Little Orphan Annex - Everyone Must Go!
- As a despondent Bean walks away from the execution, she passes an old man in a barrel of water:Old Man: Move along. You're bad for business.
Bean: Guess I'm just not cut out for the hectic lifestyle of the big city.
Old Man: Eh, it's not for everyone. (Bean walks off) Me flavoured water, fifteen cents a cup! Come taste m'knees! Fifteen cents!
- A Dankmirian guidebook revealing that all of the people are as dry and frosty as Oona.Oona: (in her trademark deadpan) Is true. I was class clown. Is joke. (beat) Or is?
- The entire scene where Bean (who's heavily intoxicated after Luci slipped some alcohol into her water) shows up to the state dinner and makes a complete jackass out of herself, embarrassing her whole family (and by extension Dreamland) in front of their Dankmirian hosts."Dad, you should be proud of me! I finished my speech and all the nachos!"
- The enraged Dankmirians pursue the group from DreamlandLuci: Just once could we go on a family vacation without having to run away screaming?
- Luci and Elfo slow down the Dankmarians chasing them by repeatedly bowing at them.
- Oona is completely nonchalant about their escape boat breaking in half and leaving her family behind:Oona: (calling back) I'll see you at home.
- Derek escaping Dankmire.Derek: Mom, I'm afraid!Oona: Just stay near your father!Derek: That's why I'm afraid!
- The Swamp Monster suddenly eating the hillbillies. Especially the Swamp Monster eating them just as they're bragging about how it strikes when you least expect it. And it only leaves their ankles. One of which promptly falls over.
- "We should get home before we pass out in the street." (Smash Cut to exactly that)
- A wasted Bean, Elfo and Luci get found by the plague patrol.Plague Patroller: (lifting Bean onto the cart) So tragically young... (lifting Elfo) So tragically short... (lifting Luci) Eh, this one had it coming.
Elfo: Are we in the plague pit?!
- And then he dumps them in the plague pit ("Kids buried free with parents") where they wake up. And they're not the only ones still alive.
Roger: You are!
Elfo: Who was that?
Roger: Name's Roger!
Bean: You knew that was there the whole time?
- Believing they're going to die when the pit's lit on fire, Bean laments having never experienced bliss with Elfo (and probably Luci) in the short time they've met. The elf attempts to console Bean by kissing her... but then she corrects him in that she meant a drug called bliss and not the feeling bliss. Luci breaks up this awkward moment and lifts a pile of corpses blocking the way to the ladder
Luci: Yeah I saw it on the way down.
Bean: You coming, Roger?!
Roger: No thanks!
(Bean waits for a few seconds and just climbs up anyway)
- The door attendant to the Den of Wonders mistake Elfo (a green elf. Understandable enough...) and Luci (a demon that other people mistake for a cat) for children.
- Bean's hallucination about Elfo's supposed girlfriend, where a silhouette of her pops up from a giant tulip. Then Bean hands Elfo over to the silhouette while the tulip closes up with them in it, floats into the air and shapes into a heart that starts beating while Elfo starts grunting... from Luci punching him over and over outside of the hallucination.
- The fact that Bean came to the conclusion that her drug-induced hallucination of Elfo's made-up girlfriend was a "vision of the truth" and sends Pendergast, Turbish, and Mertz out on a dangerous quest to find her. And then the made-up girl turns out to be exactly how Elfo described physically.
Pendergast: "And what, shall my reward be for accepting this dangerous mission?"King Zog (from inside the castle): "How about the salary I already pay you?
- Pendergast, in a moment of trying to get the typical 'knight does quest for princess reward' gets a scathing retort from her father:
- The knights make a surprisingly catchy song about their quest.We're going on a mission to help our friend Elfo
We're pretty sure he's lying, but we still have to go.
Found out how the Valley of Scorpions got its name
Turbish: I got the stinger on my dinger, and now it's all inflamed.
(Whispering) Sing a little softer we're in avalanche terrain
Knight: You got it! (Gets hit by a small avalanche)
- The royal family watching the medieval equivalent of television. Oona gets tired of watching comedy.Oona: Can we have one dinner where we're not watching Jester?
Zog: I'll hit mute. (drops the Jester into the trap door)
Jester: Oh no!
Derek: Personally, I prefer to watch the news.
Zog: Hey! News!
The Herald: Is your dinner poisoned?! The answer may surprise you. But first we go live to the courtyard for the return of the knights! (turns around) Come along.
- Elfo's "girlfriend", the giant woman that the knights had captured, turns out to be more than she looks. On their dinner "date", she coughs up Turbish's horse (still alive somehow), reveals she can speak and that her name is Tess, and is just a regular person who's confused by the entire situation she's forced to go through.
- Sorcerio accidentally creates a shampoo that can make any animal laugh. Cue the laughing horse.
- The Omnicon: The Book of Spells and Easy Sunday Dinners."Simultaneously abridged and unabridged using magic".
- Learning of the Eternity Pendant, Cloyd takes action:Cloyd: Summon our stealthiest assassin.
Assassin: (appearing from behind Cloyd) Right here, sire!
(Cloyd jolts in alarm, dropping his glasses)
Cloyd: Don't do that!
- "My lady, knights, and... Mertz's mother, who's decided to come along for some reason."
- The Cave of the Single Trap. Which comes in two parts.Malfus: How did you get past the single trap of two parts?
Sorcerio: I am Sorcerio, wizard of wonder, and your trap is no match for-
Malfus: Parties of three or more? Yes, I really should do something about that.
- When Bean and Sorcerio fall over the edge of the world, Bean notices Luci falling with them.Bean: Why are you falling?
Luci: Eh. Mrs Mertz was looking at me like she was about to say something.
- Not to mention his utterly unfazed "Whats up?" when they notice him. Not like he has to worry about the fall killing him, after all.
- Pendergast starts to get annoyed at Bean's lack of concern over the quest's cost:
- Sorcerio pulls out The Omnicon to ask the Griffin about the Eternity Pendant.Sorcerio: Did anything similar to this [the pendant] fall in?
Griffin: No. But that exact thing fell in.
- Big Jo confronting Luci again.Big Jo: (brandishing a bottle in one hand and a bladed gauntlet in the other) We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.
(Luci immediately incorcises himself into the bottle)
Luci: I am all about the easy way.
- At the beginning of the episode, Zog is feeling pensive in Bean's absence.Zog: (yelling out at the sky) BEAN, IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, SAY SOMETHING!
Man: PUT ON SOME PANTS!
- Sorcerio creates the pendant meant to give Zog immortality and powers it with a drop of Elfo's blood. It starts glowing for a few seconds and it shorts out afterwards.
- In spite of this, Sorcerio suggests testing it by having someone kill Zog.
- Zog, wanting to avoid that scenario, calls for someone other than him to test it on. Luckily, Sorcerio has the still living Prince Guysbert nearby (who was kept alive by the thought of gazing upon Bean (he still doesn't get the hint)... and rotten food scraps). Sorcerio puts the pendant on him, giving Guysbert the strength to stand up and pull the sword out from his head. He happily exclaims, "MY HEADACHE IS GONE!". And then the pendant shorts out again, causing his brains to fall out from the sword wound. And then he falls over and stabs himself in the chest while wearing the same expression.
- After being locked up in the High Security Meat Vault, Bean is freed by Odval.Bean: I wasn't expecting that.
Odval: I wish you the best of luck embarrassing some other kingdom.
Luci: But were you expecting that?
- The Elf King showing the elf attitude to outsiders.Elf King: Humans bring nothing but pain and treachery.
Bean: I also brought booze.
(The elves immediately crowd around Bean)
- As Elfo goes to talk with his dad, he checks on his friends.Elfo: Let me just check on my friends.
(Bean is still handing out booze to the elves)
Elfo: Yeah, they're fine.
- As Elfo goes to talk with his dad, he checks on his friends.
- The use of turkeys as messenger birds. Doubles as a humorous jab to the ravens used in franchises like Game of Thrones, as well as a stealthy Shout-Out to Benjamin Franklin, who once lobbied to have the turkey used as the national bird of the United States (versus the eagle).
- There's just something oddly funny about the Mood Whiplash that occurs when, immediately following Elfo's death, Odval solemnly declares "send a turkey".
- Bunty can't believe that Dagmar is back, and keeps poking her in awe.Dagmar: Don't poke the royal tit, dear.
- Odval continues to be a sexist asshole to Bean:Odval: Women are not permitted to address the council.
Bean: You're the only one in here!
Odval: Then it's unanimous.
- The turkey messenger service appears again, this time offering service to Dankmire! Considering that it takes a boat to get there...
- Dagmar takes Bean through a secret passage to a place the king will never go: A library.
- Luci is annoyed that there is mayhem going on and none of it is his doing:Luci: I should be the one killing everyone! I should be the one creeping everyone out!
- Bean finds a tight-fitting demon suit in Dagmar's wardrobe, prompting her to remark that she doesn't want to imagine her mother wearing it. Cloyd then reveals it's actually his, he then takes the outfit, one of the dresses and a bunny outfit before leaving in a hurry.
- The insane ancestors of the Maru royal family include a man who married a duck, and a woman who tried to drown her grandchildren. Fortunately, her grandchildren were all ducks.
- After browbeating the pirate crew into obeying her, Oona takes some snake root after ordering the crew to set sail for Dreamland. Cut to her roped to the ship's mast like a figurehead, screaming all the while.
Oona: Do not ever steal my drugs again.
- Later, Oona and Bean have a reconciliation. Oona forgives Bean everything, except:
- In a bit of the series' typical Black Comedy, one of the Freeze-Frame Bonus signs in the castle catacombs reads "These Are Human Remains, Not A Xylophone".
- When Zog and Ursula retire from the party to their chambers, the scene cuts to the party, where there is a loud "THUMP" sound and the chandeliers begin shaking.Odval: At least the lizard sex was quiet.
- In a bit of Black Comedy, the torture wheel Bean is strapped to has a little rubber pointer at the top like a game show wheel, so that whenever she's spun around it bonks her in the head.Bean: Owowowowowowowowow...ow...ow...ow...ow.
- Stan the executioner is sympathetic to Bean's plight. Not so much the old guy who's been locked up since he was a kid for throwing a snowball at the castle.Every twenty years, he keeps going on about this "pre-trial hearing"...
- The Archdruidess telling everyone at the burning to join her in prayer... that Bean, Elfo and Luci suffer for eternity in Hell.Elfo: That's not how a prayer works!
Archdruidess: Shut up!