- At the end of 'Georgie Must Die', Earl is given a key to the city by the Chief Elder for giving Georgie a well-deserved punch on behalf of annoyed parents everywhere. Earl's response?Earl: Lotta good this does me; there's no door to this city!
- From the same episode, Roy entertaining the Georgie audience by singing "Brick House." Even better, the kids get into it!
- Any Earl-Baby interaction. Always good for a laugh.Earl: Good morning my family who loves me.
Baby: Not the mama!
Earl: All right, that ends right now. I have had it up to here with this "Not the mama". I am not "Not the mama", I'm your daddy! And you only get one, buster, so that is what you're gonna call me. Say "Daddy." (Beat) Say, "Daddy!" (Beat) Okay. All right, all right, say, "Dah..."
Earl: Say, "Dee..."
Earl: (While Baby goes Daddy over and over) Franny! Fran! He loves me, listen to him!
Baby: (Singing) Daddy, daddy, dad-dad dad-dad-dy...Not the mama!
- Earl singing "How Lovely to Be a Woman" in 'And the Winner Is'.
- Baby being named "Aaah Augh I'm Dying You Idiot".
- Mr. Richfield's campaign ad. Especially the fact that he (presumably) bullied Sid into giving him a glowing endorsement.
- Richfield losing his temper at the debate while being restrained by his support staff.
- From "Nuts to War"
Baby: Give me a cookie!
- This dialogue:
Fran: Here. Now what do you say?
Fran: No that's not it. What is it?
Baby: Give me!
Fran: What's the magic word?
Baby: Why? You don't know it either?
Fran: I know it and so do you.
[a mouse snatches Baby's cookie and runs back into the hole]
Fran: Oh no. Crying isn't gonna help.
Baby: My cookie's gone!
Fran: Because you ate it.
Baby: The cookie creature took it!
Fran: Oh, so it was the cookie creature.
Baby: Don't talk down to me!
Fran: This is between you and the cookie creature.
Baby: Oh well, thanks for nothing!
- Charlene is nervous about performing for the troops, so Roy advises that she pretend the soldiers are "in their underwears". Charlene realizes that this technique means she'll be seeing teenage boys in their underwear, so she eagerly advances toward the stage. Earl, however, is less than thrilled about this, so he barks at his daughter to imagine the boys with pants on.
- This dialogue from 'What Sexu-Al Harris Meant'. Earl has just been told by Fran to help Monica get the tree-pushing job at Wesayso;Earl: A female tree-pusher? You can't be serious! That's ludicrous! I'd be a laughingstock! (Gilligan Cut to Richfield's office) Mr. Richfield?
Earl: There's someone outside I'd like you to meet.
Richfield: (Sees Monica) Ahh, you brought me a female. Nice gesture. Thing is, I already have a wife.
Earl: Oh, thank you! But, uh...actually...she's here for the (Mumbles) treepushingjob.
Richfield: WHAT!? A female tree-pusher!? You can't be serious, that's ludicrous! You're a laughingstock!
Earl: Just as I predicted.
- The scene from "Terrible Twos" when Baby slingshots his baby bottle at the TV. What show is playing? Blarney.Baby: Eat glass Blarney!
(Baby slingshots his bottle at the TV)
Baby: DIE, SCUM, DIE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
- "Driving Miss Ethyl"
Ethyl: [reading road map] According to this map, we've wandered completely out of known civilization. We've passed the Mysterious Gorge and the River of Blood and now we're deep in the heart of the Valley of the... Roosters.
- This dilaogue:
Earl: What?! Your eyes are shot! Let me see that map. Here we are...and it's not Valley of the Roosters, it's Valley of the Monsters. Monsters! That doesn't even sound like "roosters".
(he and Ethyl realize what he just said)
Ethyl: See any... roosters out there?
Earl: No, just an inky dark terrifying void.
Ethyl: Maybe we should turn around.
Earl: (agreeing with her for maybe the first time ever) Good idea.
(A large monster then approaches them)
Earl: Uh, cock-a-doodle-doo?
- And then it turns out that the monster is actually very friendly, greeting them with a "Howdy!" and giving them directions.
- When Earl gets in trouble for speeding, he gives the excuse that his mother-in-law has to be driven to the hospital. More specifically, the mental hospital because she's a dangerous lunatic. When the cop doesn't believe Earl's story, it looks like Ethyl will ruin everything when she scolds her son-in-law for lying to the policeman, but then she claims to be pregnant with three bowling balls and starts howling like a maniac, causing the cop to believe Earl's story without question. It turns out Ethyl was just faking insanity so they can get away.
- This bit from "Unmarried... With Children":Earl: This is one of those moments in life that's just miserable and rotten for every one of us.
(Ethyl enters celebrating)
Ethyl: (singing) Happy days are here again! My daughter's free from fat boy! My daughter's free from fat boy! Happy days are here again!
- "A New Leaf":
- Robbie, Earl, and Charlene's behavior while high on the happy plant.
- Hippie Richfield. Bonus points for singing Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze," unless you're watching on Netflix, Watch ABC, or Hulu, though the alternate scene they used is still funny.
- Earl and Roy's co-worker Ed acting all paranoid due to being under the effects of the happy plant.
- The Blarney Home Video Library commercial from "Into the Woods".
- From the same episode, the antics of Woody, especially when he says "I've got milkshakes, pixie sticks... RAW COOKIE DOUGH!!!"
- "Germ Warfare"
Fran: It's the phone bill and it's just a little more then I expected.
- This dialogue:
Earl: 4,563,000 dollars?!
Fran: That's our phone number.
Earl: No more being sick. No more doctors.
- Earl tries to tell the sick Baby that everything will be alright. From Baby's perspective, we see that his illness has caused him to hallucinate his father promising to do terrible things to him and the rest of his family claim that they are impostors who ate his real family for breakfast. Yes, this kind of thing would freak out Baby, but the over-the-top nature of the scene makes it downright hysterical.
(Baby's point of view)
Hallucination!Earl: No more juice! No more food! No more fun! We're going to make you wear tight, scratchy diapers! And take you to a big, scary department store and leave you there! (laughs evilly)
(back to reality, Baby is freaking out)
Earl: Hey, Fran. Come look at the kid. I think he's feeling a whole lot better.
Fran: I don't know, Earl. I'm not so sure.
(Baby's point of view again)
Hallucination!Fran: And I'm also not the mama!
Hallucination!Earl: And I'm not the papa!
Hallucination!Charlene: We ate your real family for breakfast! Haha!
Hallucination!Robbie: And now we're gonna eat YOU! HAHAHA!
Guy: Sickness, be cured! The Guy In The Woods commands it! (Nothing) COMMANDS IT! (Still nothing. Guy looks up tiredly) Wisdom? (KRAKOOM!)
- The visit to The Guy In The Woods is a riot too, as the Guy's SFX department clearly aren't paying attention when it comes for the Dramatic Lightning.
- Many of the Dino TV show spots seen throughout the series.
- Lyzzard Skyzzard's "I'm Better Than You" music video in "Switched at Birth".
- The "The Earl Show" bit in "Family Challenge".
Baby: "Don't touch that dial."
- Baby playing with the TV remote in the same episode, especially this scene:
(pushes button on remote)
Baby: "We'll be right back."
(pushes button on remote)
Baby: "Your mileage may differ."
(pushes button on remote)
Baby: "Tell him what he's won, Bob."
(pushes button on remote)
Baby: "How hot was it?"
(pushes button on remote)
Baby: "This concludes our broadcast day."
(aims remote at his face, pushes button and goes to sleep)
- Just about any time Richfield yells "Sinclair, in here now!" but the one that takes the cake is in What "Sexual Harris" Meant. Richfield is presiding over a hearing to determine if Al "Sexual" Harris' comments towards and subsequent firing of Monica constituted sexual harassment and gender discrimination. Monica easily puts down just about everything that the Wesayso representatives do to try and ruin the hearing for her and they decide that they need someone to discredit her. Richfield yells "Sinclair! In here now!" into the camera broadcasting the trial on television. Earl is watching at home and immediately freaks out, running all the way to the hearing to testify.
- Earl attempting to potty train Baby. All of it.
- Of special note, Earl at one point thinks he flushed Baby down the toilet, leading to him pulling an all-nighter trying to get him out. Charlene eventually has to break the door down (since she really has to use the bathroom), leading to this priceless image◊ (which was used in the second version of the opening theme sequence).
- When Fran and Earl try to use Censorship by Spelling, Baby uses his alphabet blocks to spell "They think I can't spell". Earl also has trouble spelling "diapers".
- Earl says that the toilet is a friend and that the best way to greet a friend is to sit on them and give them a "big present". Baby replies, "That's disgusting!".
- The creatures don't understand civilization, which leads to some funny conversations.Creature 1: "Civilization is filled with bizarre concepts. That's why I've always steered clear of it."Creature 2: "Me too!"Creature 1: "Why did you leave?"Baby Sinclair: "Daddy made me go potty! (the creatures groan in sympathy and shake their heads) Yeah."Creature 2: "What's a potty?"Creature 1: "Well, another affectation of the civilized world. You see, apparently when nature calls you've got to go to this one particular room and sit in a special chair."Creature 2: "You're making this up!"Creature 1 and Baby Sinclair: "Nope."Creature 1: "Wait, wait, wait. It's even more peculiar than that. Everyone uses the same chair! (everyone groans in disgust)"Creature 2: "What about when you've gotta go and someone's already using the chair?"
- Earl's lunch making out in the episode, "Charlene's Tale".Earl: Come on, cut it out!Lunch couple: *Looks at him* Hump! *Started kissing each other and Earl slammed the lid shut.*Earl: They didn't even know each other before I defrosted them.
- Earl watching a commercial for alcohol in "Career Opportunities"."Alcohol: The more you drink, the less you think!"
- One of the show's running gags was an in-universe TV series about science called "Ask Mr. Lizard", and someone named Timmy always dies in the experiment, culminating with Mr. Lizard exclaiming "We're going to need another Timmy!"
- Especially one episode where Timmy is told to put on safety goggles, much to Earl and Baby's disappointment... but still dies anyway.
- "Monster Under the Bed":
- Baby is scared to go to sleep after watching a scary movie, so Earl gives him a bat to attack monsters with if they come for him. Earl tells Fran to turn off the light, but Baby immediately thinks Earl is a monster, and begins whacking him on the head. Earl yells for Fran to turn the light back on as he's pummeled by his own child, but Fran is too late to stop Earl from passing out.
- When Robbie and Charlene are left to babysit Baby for the night, he begins crying about a monster again. After Charlene is abducted by a real monster, he cries for Robbie to help. Robbie comes in with the vacuum cleaner, trying to tell his little brother that he's got a monster-killing device.
Monster: And it took me 8 years to get the permit!!!
- Once the kids are captured by the monster, they learn that their house was accidentally built on top of his, and he's spent about ten years digging through concrete to try to get to the surface.
Police chief: Hey there, monster. Ever share a hot cocoa with your dad?
- When the police first begin hostage negotiations, the monster answers the phone as "Hello, Monster under the Bed, Monster speaking!" He's only mildly annoyed that the police want to talk to the kids, but lets them do it anyway. During the broadcast of the crisis, the Monster is represented by his old graduation pictures.
- The police don't help that much anyway.
Monster: (gasps) Yeah... Yeah I did! Wow, that really brings back memories! Seems like you really understand!
Police chief: You're right monster, we care so darn much... NOW RELEASE THOSE KIDS, DIRTBAG!! Or we'll come down there and turn you off like a light switch!
Monster: If I go, they go with me!!
Police chief: You don't have the guts! Do it! Do it!
Monster: Okay! (begins hastily preparing his stew)
Police chief: He's clearly unstable! (cops cock their guns)
Howard Handupme: And it appears that negotiations have broken down between the police and the monster, and we are inching ever close to an almost inevitable firestorm.
Police chief: Gets us home by 6.
- Then just as the battle is about to begin, everyone pauses to watch a commercial about cotton candy. Everyone, including the monster (who's already got Baby in his stew pot) sings along.
- Baby comes up with the idea of simply moving the house away from the monster's burrow. Howard Handupme calls in an expert to see if it can be done. The expert has a diorama of the Sinclairs' house on a flat piece of wood, and simply moves the diorama a few inches. "Sure!" And sure enough, the monster agrees to the arrangement.
- "The Golden Child":
Fran: Earl, if you want a third child again, there's only one thing to do.
- When the Elders inform Earl of the prophecy of the golden child, the Chief Elder reads that the child's father will be courageous and wise. Earl lets this revelation get to his head, which causes the elders to use Wite-Out on the book and write that it is instead foretold that the child's father will be a blithering idiot. Earl even asks if he can do that.
- This exchange when Fran instructs Earl to get Baby back from the Chief Elders.
Earl: Aw geeze, Fran, I'm not in the mood. 'Course, I could get in the mood. Couple o' cocktails. Rub my back.
Fran: Go get our son and bring him back.
- Richfield's exasperation at having to explain the concept of a suggestions box to Earl and Roy in "Employee of the Month".
- Baby invoking Richfield's wrath by calling him "smoo" in "Baby Talk".
- "License to Parent"
- Fran finds to her annoyance that Earl isn't listening to her, so she tries to perk up his attention by saying she'll take off all her clothes and dance naked in the driveway. Earl still doesn't pay attention to what his wife is saying and all her statement accomplishes is that it makes Baby want to dance naked.
- Earl's pathetic and unsuccessful attempt at bribing the Parent Patrol officer.
- To get back his Parenting License, one has to take different tests of what they would do in everyday situations with their children. One of the tests is called "First Day of School". The one right after is "Your Child Ate the Teacher".
- The Dragnet-style ending where we see the Parent Patrol officer, Robbie, and Baby lined up as if they're posing for mug shots as the narrator explains their crimes and punishments.
- "Charlene's Flat World"
- Earl expresses contempt toward a drawing Baby made by decrying it as a stupid and ugly green blob. Baby then informs his father that he calls the drawing "Daddy".
- The revelation that the muse made a serious cock-up by giving Charlene the idea that the Earth is round and Copernicus a recipe for brownies when it was supposed to be the other way around.
- Fran, Ethyl, Monica, and Sid's wife getting drunk in "Wilderness Weekend".
- "The Son Also Rises"
- Baby encouraging Robbie and Earl to fight, even ringing a bell as if starting a wrestling match.
- When Fran explains to Robbie that being head of the household is a responsibility for someone mature, Earl then uses X-ray specs on his wife and childishly gloats that he can see her underwear.
- One "ride" at "Wesaysoworld" was literally just a cardboard box. Charlene goes inside, and the attendant pushes the box over. Charlene's "Ouch!" sells it.
"Oops! The ice got a little bit warm, so now all we have is... wet sticks."
- From the same episode, Fran tries to get Baby some "Ice on a stick".
- In "Unmarried...With Children," Earl and Fran's attempt to renew their marital vows includes a test similar to The Newlywed Game. Earl does not do well.Bob the DMV Worker: Earl, you said "Pudding Snacks." And Fran, you said..."The birth of our first child."
- The zoo's attempt to breed Ling Ling and Chang Chang, two "rare, imported humans" that are both very obviously male. Said attempt involves placing them in a cage together and poking "Ling Ling" with a stick.
- In "The Last Temptation of Ethyl", Ethyl is watching the grass grow...on DSPN complete with PGA-style Color Commentary.
- The "Exploding Cop" segments particularly with how they escalate with the bad things happening to him, ending with him well, exploding.
Funny / Dinosaurs