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Funny / Die Hard 2

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  • The exchange between the SWAT team leader and O'Reilly, right before O'Reilly and Stuart's henchmen reveal themselves and open fire:
    Sergeant: Hey, asshole! What do I look like to you?
    O'Reilly: A sitting duck!
    [O'Reilly shoots the SWAT officer in the head, killing him instantly, and immediately dives as the other SWAT officers open fire]
    • Made funnier still in the TV edit, where "asshole" is replaced with "turkey".
  • Earlier, the moment where Baker and Thompson infiltrate the church dressed as utility workers, and this Pre-Mortem One-Liner:
    Custodian: Yeah, I kinda feel like a piece of me is dying along with this church.
    Baker: Uh, you're right about that. [pulls out a pistol and shoots the custodian, killing him]
  • McClane escapes an exploding (parked) plane via ejector seat. The camera remains still and McClane flies towards it. His expression and choice of words ("OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!") is absolutely priceless.
    • Especially when McClane tries to get out of the parachute.
      McClane: Where's the fucking door?
  • Early in the film where McClane confronts Lorenzo about his men abandoning a crime scene after McClane kills one of Stuart's henchman, Cochrane. McClane is upset about this, and asks Lorenzo to seal the area off, but Lorenzo's reasons include people at the airport who need to get to their destinations, including...
    Lorenzo: I got a fucking reindeer flying in here from the fucking petting zoo!
    • Made even funnier when another employee at the airport comes into the office while he's talking, and Lorenzo cuts himself off mid rant to shoo her away.
  • This exchange between McClane and Major Grant:
    McClane: Guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole after all.
    Major Grant: No, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole.
    • Made also even funnier on TV, where "asshole" is replaced with "rascal".
    • The Call-Back later, when they're fighting after Grant's Face–Heel Turn is revealed.
    Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kinda liked you!
    McClane: I got enough friends! [kick]
  • Shortly after Esperanza's plane lands, he steps out of the door, proclaiming, "Freedom!" McClane immediately steps in front of him and punches him in the face: "Not yet!"
    • Not to mention the music.
  • Holly zapping Dick with a taser on the airplane.
    Dick: But at least the truth is not among the hostages because I, Richard Thornberg, just happened to be here to put his life and talent on the line for humanity and country. And if this should be my final broadcast— *gets tased*
    Holly: Amen to that, Dick!
  • Chief Lorenzo has a brother who’s also a cop in the airport. The same one who gave John a parking ticket at the beginning of the film. He greets John with a sarcastic “Merry Christmas”, complete with an ear-to-ear grin. John can only respond with a defeated "Hi".
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  • John's reaction when an airport officer demands to see his badge in the baggage claim.
    Airport cop: Where's your ID?
    McClane: [Badge is missing] On its way to Cleveland?
  • Thornburg and a flight attendant towards the beginning:
    Thornburg: Do you know who I am?
    Flight attendant: Yes. We've seen your program. Your episode, "Flying Junkyards", was an objective look at air traffic safety.
    Flight attendant 2: It wasn't nearly as edifying as "Bimbos Of The Sky", was it Connie?
    Thornburg: You think you're funny. You think you're funny. Fine. I've got your number.
    Flight attendant: And I've got yours. So park it, sir.
  • The stewardess' reaction to Thornburg's objections against sitting near Holly on the plane, after having just gotten done badgering them about not getting the privileges of first class.
    Stewardess: [To Holly] What did you do?
    Holly: Knocked out two of his teeth.
    Stewardess: [smiles] Would you like some champagne?
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  • Garber's deadpan reaction to McClane narrowly escaping death from Esperanza's plane by ejecting.
    Garber: You lucky fuck.
  • This gem between McClane and Coleman as they race for the helicopter.
    Coleman: Jeez, you get me this story and I'll have your baby!
    McClane: [beat] Not the kind of ride I'm looking for.
  • All of Holly and Thornburg's exchanges:
    • When Thornburg notices nearby planes out the window:
    Thornburg: See? You're intrigued. That's my gift, Mrs. McClane. I notice things. Things other people wouldn't see. That's how I make people curious.
    Holly: Don't you mean nauseous?
    • Later:
    Holly: Listen, Dick. That is your name, DICK, if you're going to continue to get this close, would you mind switching aftershaves?
    Thornburg: Anything else?
    Holly: Stronger mouthwash might be nice.
  • McClane wants the unencrypted walkie-talkie that Marvin the janitor has found:
    Marvin: You like it, huh? How about you give me twenty bucks for it?
    McClane: How about I let you live?
    Marvin: Man knows how to bargain.


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