Funny / Dick Figures: The Movie

• To drive away a French chick Red was having sex with, Blue uses a French phrase book to say something to drive her away. What does he choose to say? "He has a lot of penis crabs." It actually works.
• Blue in his room, panting and moaning Olivia Munn's name as his hands move rapidly just below the camera. But then it pans down...
  Blue: There! Done with this hand-crocheted towel of Olivia Munn! (deadpan) Time to jack off.
• This exchange from Blue to Red:
  Blue: I'M a loser?! I once caught you masturbating to Animal Planet!
  Red: That was ONE TIME! You're just racist against elephants!
• Red actually does something nice for Blue at the end of the movie, saying it's for his friend. How does he respond?
  Blue: (utterly deadpan) "I must be dead."
• When it it revealed that Lord Takagami is the Raccoon's father , The Raccoon immediately has a flashback from his childhood.
  Father-San/Lord Takagami: If you ever want to fight evil, you MUST keep your elbows straight!
  Raccoon: Father! One day, I want to go to America!
  Father-San/Lord Takagami: That is NOT a country yet!
• The Big Bad of the movie, Lord Takagami, supplies some hilarious lines:
  Lord Takagami: We are the Takagami Demon Army. Our blades burn like fire, and our fire stings like ice, and our ice is REALLY FUCKING COLD.
• After it is revealed that Lord Takagami is Father-San, the Raccoon's father.
  Raccoon: YOU are Lord Takagami?
  Lord Takagami/ Father-San: Did you ever wonder why we have the same last name?
  Raccoon: ...IMPOSSIBRUUUUUUUU!!!
• The Raccoon's family all have the same voice as him. That alone is worth a few laughs.
• "Seize their souls! From our point of view, THEY are the villains! Not us! It is ONLY rational from our side of the story!"
• Blue's reaction to Japan, after experiencing it's weirdness.
  Blue: (deadpan) I'm gonna die here.
• The third piece of the Great Sword of Destiny is located inside a mountain. When attempting to find said mountain, Red just looks for it under his foot.
• Red trying to disguise himself as a crab.
  • It actually works. Unfortunately, this leads to his hands getting gnawed on by two people.
• The fact that Red is scared less of demons than of cops. Red exclaims that it's because demons don't have guns.
• When Red and Blue first enter the Raccoon's store to look for a gift for Pink.
  Red: [gasps, picks up a bear trap] You should get her this cool hat!
  Blue: Yeah, try it on.
  [...]
  Red: [CRUNCH!] Fits perfect!
  Raccoon: Did you touch that fucking bear trap?!
  [Red has the bear trap stuck on his head and is bleeding profusely.]
  Red: ...No. Idiot.