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Funny / Diaries of a Madman

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  • Celestia and Nav's trip to the theatre:
    Navarone: So you aren’t bringing guards?
    Celestia: I won’t need them. I prefer not having them when I go on hoof.
    Navarone: Eh, I'm unimportant anyway. If anyone's aiming, it’ll be for you.
    Navarone: Hey, I'd miss you! But I prefer living too much to take a bullet for you. I'd definitely hold your blood in and rage at the heavens if you got hurt, of course.
    Celestia: My hero.
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  • Nav's "friendship report":
    Celestia: And what did you learn, Navarone?
    Navarone: Ponies are occasionally kickass friends.
    Celestia: Try again.
    Navarone: Uh. If some dick comes to challenge me to a duel, tell the princess on him?
    Celestia: One more time.
    Navarone: Look, Princess, I'm not good at the Aesops. Given the choice, I would have just taken my crossbow down there and deep sixed that sumbitch. It would have dealt with this asshole, though it probably would have made the rest of the ponies in town pretty terrified. But to be quite honest, I don't really give a damn anymore. If they don’t want to accept me, fuck 'em. With these wings growing out of my back, I’m here in this world to stay.
    Celestia: I'm going to pretend you stopped three sentences sooner. Now give it a proper ending.
    Celestia: Close enough.
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  • After Nav gets defenestrated by Filly!Twilight.
    Navarone: I don't know what came over Twilight. She knows I hate getting thrown out windows.
    Rarity: She's done this to you before?
    Navarone: No, but she’s smart. She should know that no one likes being thrown out windows.
  • Nav's snarky response on his reluctance to model for Rarity in his pegasus form:
    Rarity: I don't see why you have such an unreasonable detestation toward the fashion industry, Navarone. You really must get that sorted out. Maybe this is a chance to do that!
    Navarone: I'm quite fine with my irrational hatreds, actually. They help keep me warm at night, when I'm alone and unable to sleep.
  • Nav on the idea of having a fully grown dragon around as a friend:
    Navarone: I have this picture in my head now of me riding into Washington, DC astride a huge, majestic dragon, my wings fully outspread and a sword held high above my head, proclaiming that spot the new Mecca of the world, where I would rule humanity as a god emperor…
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  • After Nav and Taya bump into Cadance in Chapter 34:
    Navarone: Taya, activate cuteness!
    (nothing happens)
    Navarone: …Taya? (sees her running away down the hall) Man, she must really hate the idea of filly games.
    Cadance: Navarone, what are you doing?
    Navarone: Getting ready to run from another princess. You?
    Cadance: Hunting down humans and forcing them to listen to relationship advice. You know, the usual.
  • The gang trying to convince Nav to stop running away from problems:
    Twilight: Navarone, you really have a problem. Why can't you just admit it?
    Navarone: Oh, I know you're right. I do run from my problems. What I'm trying to figure out is why that’s a bad thing.
    Twilight: Running from me is what made me angry enough to poison you.
    Navarone: I got better.
    Fluttershy: Running from my home had you flying through town wounded and naked.
  • After Nav uses Twilight to make him invisible so he can 'assassinate' Celestia during the Gala...
    Celestia: I should disqualify you for cheating, Nav.
    Celestia: That's why I said I should disqualify you. Twilight, what were you thinking?
    Twilight: He had his crossbow hidden! He just said he was going to give you a surprise!
    Celestia: It was definitely surprising.
  • Nav using "weaponized cuteness" on Rarity:
    Navarone: Taya quick! Use cuteness!
    Taya: *uses her Puppy-Dog Eyes on Rarity*
    Rarity: *raises an eyebrow*
    Navarone: It isn't working! Cute harder!
    Rarity: *face-hoof*
    Navarone: She's growing weak. Quick, finish her with a hug!
    • And then later on in the story...
    Navarone: Sup, Marshmallow?
    Rarity: Don't you 'sup marshmallow' me!
    Navarone: Taya, activate cuteness!
    Taya: (after curling up in Nav's lap, voice cracking) You… you aren’t gonna hurt my daddy, are you?
    Rarity: That's cheating!
  • Nav stealing Celestia's crown, and everyone else's responses. Rarity screams with horror when she finds out Nav has placed it on her head, AJ barely reacts, Rainbow poses for pictures while wearing it, and Sweetie Belle's mind temporarily shuts down.
  • Spike getting drunk during Shining Armor's bachelor party, and mailing Celestia a bunch of sex toys. And some pony's mustache.
  • Rock's demotion after the following:
    Navarone: So Rock, how's the job as a guard captain?
    Rock: I got demoted.
    Jocasta: He spent too much time hitting things and not enough time guarding things. By all rights, he should have been arrested.
    Rock: That building deserved it!
    Navarone: And what did the building do?
    Rock: Blocked my pursuit of a criminal—
    Jocasta: That turned out to be innocent.
    Rock:A criminal. I removed the building. By the time I got to the other side, I realized someone else had already caught him.
    Navarone: What was the building?
    Rock: Some kind of hospital or orphanage or something. I don't pay attention to collateral damage.
    Kat: I remember that. Those orphans were whining for days!
  • Derpy somehow managing to end up in Canterlot Castle. On her way to the kitchen!
    Derpy: Oh, hey Nav! I was trying to get to my kitchen to get some milk.
    Navarone: Uh. I think you took a few wrong turns. How did you get here?
    Derpy: I am not a clever pony.
  • Nav's Epic Fail of a nickname for Cadance. Even he acknowledges how bad it is.
    Navarone: Sup, Can-can?
    Cadance: What? Where did that even come up?
    Navarone: …I honestly don’t know. Let's just pretend I never said that.
  • This exchange after Nav helped 'relieve' some of Twilight's stress on a chariot ride to see Celestia.
    Navarone: (stepping down out of the chariot) Twilight, you coming?
    Twilight: You bet I did!
  • Twilight's scream of rage at finding out Nav and co. have beaten her to the Crystal Heart.
  • Nav (as 'Egill') trolling Fleur when she tries coming on to him.
  • Nav and Pinkie drugging the Gala. Particularly Cadance's reaction, where she asks to know what food to look out for, so she can make sure Shining Armor has some.
  • Blackberry squeeing over finding out she has Kat for a patient, along with Kat's terrified reaction.
  • Almost every interaction Nav has with Braeburn.
  • So Nav and Chrysalis find an obviously magical sword in the middle of a perfectly preserved shrine, lying atop an altar of sorts. Nav wants to leave it right where it is, reasoning that it's a trap. Chrysalis rolls her eyes, picks it up... and a Giant Spider comes out of nowhere.
  • In chapter 82, Navarone is trying to back up his laptop in case Celestia comes to destroy it. Celestia enters, followed by Twilight, and asks if Navarone has anything to share. Navarone declines, and Celestia just leaves, with an open-mouthed Twilight behind.
    Celestia: Come along, Twilight.
  • After the first tournament, Celestia states that Navarone's effortless win was hideous and entirely out of the spirit of the tournament, which is obviously false. What makes this hilarious is that she's clearly used these tactics before, many a time: what she takes exception to is the fact that Navarone used them in a blatantly obvious way, thus showing off what she's been doing this whole time.
    Celestia: What you did was nothing short of brilliant, and yet at the same time so darkly underhanded that I feel dirty congratulating you for it.