The very first scene in which we see Gru. Wearing a grim expression on his face, he's assembling a gun. He points it, pulls the trigger... and out comes a balloon shaped like a unicorn. Then the viewpoint pulls back and we see that he's preparing Agnes' birthday party.
"It is I, Gru...zinklebelle, the most magical fairy princess of all."
"I'm sorry, I did not see you there."
"You know, you really should announce your weaponsafter you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example... (shocks Gru) Lipstick taser!" This moment even provides the current page image.
Silas: I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom. Minion 1:Hmf! Bottom. Both Minions: Hahahahahahahaha!!! Silas:(sneers disapprovingly) Hilarious...
Gru's parting insult to Ramsbottom on their first meeting.
Gru: Here's the tip. Instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE THEM A CALL! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt. Ramsbottom: Ramsbottom. Gru: Oh, yeah, like that's any better! (Minions burst into laughter)
Agnes telling Gru what makes him a boy... his bald head.
Agnes: It's really smooth... sometimes I stare at it, and imagine a little chick popping out. Peep, peep, peep.
When Jillian comes to Gru's door to set him up with a date with her friend Shannon, and Gru really doesn't want to go...Problem is, he's letting Agnesmake excuses for him.
Gru:*makes 'zip it' movement* Agnes: He's...putting on lipstick! Gru:*quickly swings his arms around, trying to convey 'stop'* Agnes: He's swatting out flies! Grus:*slices hand beneath chin* Agnes: He's chopping his head off! Gru:*covers his head and groans loudly* Agnes: He's...pooping?
Lucy unleashing a flurry of martial-arts moves... on falling cupcakes. "Wasn't expecting that... or was I?" She then boasts her moves are "a mix of jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare, and kruuumppppiinnnn!"
Little Girl: How come you're so fat? Gru:(In a bad falsetto) Because my house is made of candy, and sometimes I eat instead of facing my problems. (hits the girl on the head with his wand with each word)
It makes glorious sense in context. Gru had originally hired a woman to come in dressed as a fairy princess, only for the woman to bail. Gru doesn't take it well.
Gru: You know, I hope you're able to sleep at night you crusher of little girls' dreams!
The minions' rendition of the song "I Swear" by All-4-One and/or John Michael Montgomery at Gru and Lucy's wedding.
When El Macho is dancing for his customers, he decides he needs a partner. He also decides that the woman walking by outside is as good a partner as any, and just reaches out and yanks her in.
Whilst Gru and Co. are in El Macho's restaurant, he states that they should come along to his Cinco de Mayo party. While this in itself isn't funny, his comment to Gru most certainly is: "You are right Cabeza de Huevo, they must get to know each other better"! For any Spanish speakers, this is obvious, but for those who don't speak it, he called Gru an 'egg-head'
Made even TOTALLY funnier when a Minion (Stuart, apparently) is dressed as Lucy and says the following...
Stuart: Eeehhhh... No.
One of Stuart's expressions when Gru was hesitating simply screams "Just call her already."
And who could forget that scene when Gru burns the helpless telephone? He even says, "I hate you!" when he burns the phone!
Who thought it a smart idea to give axes to the Minions?
The Minion with the axes just keeps running forward swinging the axes around. He chops Gru's desk to bits and then tears through another wall to the outside. They're not on the first floor. You can hear the Minion scream as he falls.
Before that, the Minion who ran in with the hose says something that sounds like "We've got this under control!" Yeah, you don't.
Margo's expression when she saw Antonio for the first time.
Especially when she tries to chat with him.
Antonio: Cool glasses. Margo: Uh... (chuckles nervously) Antonio: Im Antonio. Margo: Im...Margo. Antonio: I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me? Margo:(nervous) Uh,... sure. Im... Margo.
Gru: Kyle, NO! Do not do your business in the petunias! (picks him up and drops him in the neighbor's yard) There. Those are Fred's. Go crazy.
(Kyle's pee incinerates Fred's flowers)
Gru:(Wicked chuckle) Good boy....
The minions holding auditions for their upcoming movie, but they're continuously blocked by a black wall.
At the end of the audition, in the midst of trying to swat a moth, a minion begins to fall and another minion tries to catch him but falls with him. The last minion shrugs like, "Screw this," then jumps after them, screaming, "BAILAAAAAA!"
Gru and the minions send Dr. Nefario off with a "21 fart gun salute." This leads to:
Dr. Nefario: I counted 22.
(He and Gru look at a minion who laughs bashfully)
And also, the way Dr Nefario exits Gru's evil lair. His scooter is still very...slow.
Dr. Nefario: This may take a while.
Margo decides to create an online dating profile for Gru.
Margo: What celebrity do you most resemble? Gru(oblivious to what she's up to): Uh... Bruce Willis? Margo(immediately): Uh - no. Agnes: Humpty Dumpty! Edith: Oh! Oh! Gollum!
Agnes' excitement for the arrival of the fairy princess.
As well as her absolute glee when 'she' shows up.
Agnes (and her sisters) also not being fooled by Gru's Paper-Thin Disguise as the fairy princess also helps as well.
Agnes: (whispers in Gru's ear) I know it's really you, Gru. Im just pretending for the other kids.
Gru trying to find the serum in Eaglesan's shop, using a device Lucy has planted on him. He has to walk around the shop, get near everything he can, to find it...problem is it's on his lower-abdomen (specifically, his belt buckle) so when he tries to pick up a signal he's pelvic-thrusting at everything.
The sound the device (or rather, Lucy) makes when it detects the serum: "MEE-MAW, MEE-MAW, MEE-MAW!"
Basically anything to do with the minions. From the 'Brave Knights' scene to the 'Minion Island' scene to the 'Ice Cream Party' scene to the 'Hunter Posing with Dr. Nefario and El Macho' scene. I swear, the developers probably spent more meetings trying to pick the best minion scenes to put in the film. So much so that they're gonna make minions film. Which would probably be about why the minions end up with Gru and why they adore him so much.
The robotic way that Agnes recited her poem. Made even funnier by Gru's lampshade of it:
"Wow. That—was...something else! I really liked the way you smiled at the end—? Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less...like—a zombie, o-kay...?"
The Minion Golfing scene. Totally a throwaway gag, but hilarious. Minions A and B put the girls to sleep. Minion A says something to Minion B, and then the movie cuts to Minion A dresses in a golf outfit, with Minion B laying on his back with a golf tee/ball in his mouth. Minion A takes a couple practice swings at the ball, looks directly at the camera, and then lowers the club to the level of Minion B's head. He winds up...and is interrupted.
The minion with the golf club is Kevin (who attacks the house later on in the film once he's mutated) while the other one (the shorter and chubbier one) is Jerry. You can hear Gru say their names in the 'Ice Cream Party/Irish Drinking Song' scene.
Gru's attempt to do the dance-step password for El Macho's underground lair, only to keep tripping up and triggering booby traps.
The chip-and-guacamole hat.
Anything to do with El Macho's pet attack chicken.
Gru: I really hate that chicken. (The chicken activates the rocket with Gru and Lucy on it)
When Gru uses Lucy's lipstick taser to take down the mutated Eduardo.
Gru: Lipstick taserrrr!
Lucy: Aw! He copied me.
The conversation when Agnes sees Edith grabbing coins from a wishing fountain.
A quick example: when the AVL is showing Gru the footage of the serum's testing, he sees the bunny mutate into a horrible monster. The Minions accompanying him look horrified, but if you look at Gru, he has this big smile on his face like it's the coolest thing ever.
However, when the monster bunny begins to attack the scientists, Gru's face is priceless.
Gru: You don't usually see that in bunnies.
Lucy's Love Epiphany on the plane. After seeing Gru in both magazine ads and in her fellow passengers, she decides to just open the plane's window and jump out with a hang-glider. But before that she turns to the stewardess she was talking to and cheerfully shouts "Thank you, Gru-Stewardess!"
Stewardess: (confused) You're welcome!
Special mention should go to the baby with Gru's head.
Baby Gru: I made a boom-boom.
The cat being sent back down to earth. It was like "We have no use for cats here. Go forth and get adopted."
The minions getting abducted by the ice cream truck. Especially the last minion who tried to run for it but was distracted by an ice-cream and then got taken too.
Oh, and the funny way the minions were running past the young children towards the ice-cream truck.
Gru simply plowing into every other car in the lot at the Cinco de Mayo party.
The entire date scene, including the part where they carry Shannon home.
Lucy: Wow. Looks like your date's out for the count. Almost as if she's been hit with a moose tranquilizer.
(Shannon makes a moose-like sound and falls unconscious into her dinner plate again. Lucy then winks at Gru, but he doesn't understand.)
Lucy: Yeah, I'm winking 'cause that's what actually happened.
Blink-and-you'll-miss-it example. Gru and Lucy sneak into Eduardo's restaurant after closing hours to see if they can find the serum. They find something, but it turns out to be a jar of "secret salsa." Cut to Eduardo returning...and then cut back to Gru and Lucy, who apparently figured they might as well have a snack, because they're dunking chips in the salsa and eating it instead of continuing the mission.
"HE'S SO FLUUUFFFYYYY!!!"note This quote is only in the junior novelization.
"I'M SO HAAAPPPPPPYYYY!!!"
The scene where Gru is rowing and one of the minions directs him through a megaphone.
Which pops up again later, and is probably funnier because it's a Minion directing another Minion to pick up Gru and Lucy...and rowing right past them.
Gru: They'll be back.
"Uh, hi everybody. I'd like to make some toast."
The entire "never grow up" scene:
Gru:(Kisses Edith's forehead and playfully bops her nose) Good night, Edith. (Walks to Margo and kisses her forehead) Good night, Margooo-woah-woah-woah-woah, hold the horses, who are you texting?
Margo: No one, just my friend Avery.
Gru: Avery... eh, Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?
Eduardo's mountain top manor is quite ridiculous from an architectural standpoint. It's a sprawling complex designed for a much bigger site; a good chunk of the estate is suspended off of the flattened peak by wooden beams.
Also the previous scene when a minion was tasting the jelly, then realizing how awful it tastes, he screams and smashes the jar on to floor and all minions begin to run amok.
The entire introduction flashback for El Macho is Testosterone Poisoning-ridden HILARITY, but especially clever is a subtle Funny Background Event within it that involves a fellow taking a siesta...who doesn't even stir when El Macho punches out the door right near where the man is sleeping!!!
At the climax there's Gru's reaction when he notices that Nefario brought the girls with him.
Gru: You brought the girls?!
Dr. Nefario: Yes! Oh... Was that wrong?
Edith is put at the controls of one of the two jelly-shooting Vulcan cannons. She's a bit of an Addams type: her expression of joy clearly shows this is the most wonderful thing that she's ever been allowed to do.
When El Macho is about to press the button that will launch the rocket Lucy is strapped to, one of the Minions snatches it while swinging on a rope and shouts, "Tallyho!", only to then immediately smash into a buttress.
When Gru is on the rocket that Lucy is strapped to, he cut the bonds that are securing the explosives and the shark. This, in turn, causes the explosives and the shark to fall. We don't know what happens to the explosives, but the shark lands on the counter of a sushi bar. Everyone there promptly cheers.
Eduardo showing off the Mexican flag on his hairy chest. Even better, Lucy looks almost hypnotized by it, while Gru, who is shielding his eyes, urges her to look away.
Gru's face when he walks Kyle and passes Dave walking his UFO.
When everyone is watching a movie and the UFO gets so scared by the UFOs being attacked that it blasts a gigantic hole on the TV screen and wall. Gru and the kids stare in shock, and the minions cheer. Cue Gilligan Cut to Gru kicking the UFO and Dave out.
When Kevin, Stuart and Bob see Agnes fall off her bike and is about to cry, Kevin and Bob angrily kick and stomp on the bike. Also counts as Heartwarming because it shows that they did not like seeing Agnes getting hurt.
When Agnes blows a kiss at Kevin, Stuart and Bob and they fight to receive that kiss.
Panic in the Mailroom:
The ENTIRE thing! But especially when Mike (the one who looks like Dave) starts randomly changing back and forth from his normal self to an Evil Minion, all while Ken is laughing and eating popcorn.