- The "penis cookie" scene.Smoochy: (gears in his head spinning rapidly as he sees just what the cookies are shaped like) Oh... Oh! Oh...my! It's a... Uh... It's a... It's a... It's a... IT'S A ROCKET SHIP!!!
- Randolph's enraged rant in which he tosses around euphemism after euphemism for "penis" like grenades. In front of children who just laugh.Rainbow Randolph: What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you sick fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! It's a PENIS! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! A wayne! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made it. He made this. It's made from dil-dough.
- Immediately after he gets escorted out, Randolph remarks, "I'm Rainbow fucking Randolph, and I know the way out-", before immediately falling down the stairs and slamming straight into the wall and spitting out a tooth.
- Randolph's enraged rant in which he tosses around euphemism after euphemism for "penis" like grenades. In front of children who just laugh.
- There's also Randolph crash-tackling the man asking for donations to "Save the Rhinos!"
- "When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker." Totally different caliber of joke from the rest of the movie.
- The looks Stokes give Burke when Buggy goes all narcoleptic at the salsa bar. It's like "Seriously? This it the guy we're counting on?!"
- "You got da hammer, Roy?" "I always got me hammer, Tommy."
- Also pretty much every line from the Irish Mob.(Bang bang bang bang bang)
Randolph: (laying on the couch with an ice pack on his head) I'm trying to sleep, asshole! Read the fucking meter another time!
(The Irish Mob kicks his door down)
- (at Spinner's funeral) Tommy: "All right, boys. Let's go pray and get shit-faced."
- Also pretty much every line from the Irish Mob.
- This:Randolph: She's right, you've got to keep your dignity intact — (spills coffee on himself) — OWW! MY BALLS! They're on fire!
- Tommy: "You must know some fairy tales then. Hey, Donny! Tell him the one about the worthless prick who gets his head chopped off with an ax!"
- The mere idea that Merv Green and his children's hospital charity aren't even strictly associated with an organized crime syndicate; they're just so corrupt that they are de facto mobsters.
- Randolph's surprise phone call to Sheldon (who doesn't recognize his voice):Randolph: You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, motherfucker! SAFARI! (mimics elephant trumpeting)
Sheldon: ...well, how do you like that!
- When the cops assist a rather shaken Randolph:Cop: Are you okay?
Randolph: I dunno; I'm kinda fucked up in general, so it's hard to gauge...
- When Randolph leads Sheldon to what he thinks is a gig for children, the look on Sheldon's face when he finds out it is a Nazi rally is priceless, it just shouts Oh, Crap!. A link can be seen here.Sheldon: (metaphorically about to crap his pants) I hope I'm dreamin'.
- "Hey, little nipple-nibbler! The rhino's a Nazi!"
Funny / Death to Smoochy