- Thomsen's inebriated but thinly-veiled rant against the Nazi leaders, smartly steered against Winston Churchill just a second later. Thomsen crowns it all with his "I'm not in the condition to fuck" line while semi-comatose in the toilets. Bonus points for that line actually being spoken in English in both dubs.
- During his first meal on-board the U-96, Leutnant Werner got food sprayed on him twice when Number One and Navigator Kriechbaum passed by the table and knocked his hand over. Herr Kaleun and the Chief Engineer responded in kind with a smirk.
- Or when he's taking pics of the crewmen in the torpedo room and he's slapped in the face with a greasy towel. Overlaps with Tearjerker based on your perspective.
- The Captain yelling "Not yet!" in English at the British, who must be "celebrating our sinking in the casino!".
- The 1WO goes looking for the medic when the chief spots crabs in his eyebrows. He opens the hatch to where the medic is working to find half the crew with their pants down being inspected for crabs.
- In the uncut version, Werner and Kriechbaum are sharing a moment on the conning tower when they are suddenly joined by Johann, the mechanic in charge of the engine room.Werner: So, Johann, fresh air is good for you, right?Johann: [spits over the deck] Nah. [goes back inside]Kriechbaum: [to Werner] They're strange, these engine room people.
- "It's A Long Way To Tipperary", for the sheer incongruity, and the camaraderie of the crew. And especially for the way der Alte sings it with such a straight face as the others laugh.
- "U-Boot Spezialcocktail. Neidisch?"
- In the theatrical cut, as the Captain is inspecting the crew, the Chief Engineer says that he's going to give a speech. The Captain then asks if they're ready and orders them to man their stations.Chief: Nice speech, huh?
- After surviving the first destroyer attack, the crew turn the torpedo room into a tropical bordello, complete with one of them dancing in a grass skirt. And then at the end, the boatswain arrives with bad news: Schalke lost 5-0, no chance for the playoffs. The crew is appropriately dismayed.
Funny / Das Boot