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Hi. I'm Daria. Go to hell.

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     Season One 
  • This gem:
    Mrs. Manson: Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's.
    Daria: It's Daria.
    Mrs. Manson: I'm sorry...Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?
    Daria: Um...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
    Mrs. Manson: Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
    Daria: Last time I took one of these tests they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.
    Mrs. Manson: That's a different test, dear. In this test, it's two people, and you tell me what they're discussing.
    Daria: Oh, I see. Alright, then. It's a guy and a girl, and they're discussing...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
    Mrs. Manson: (slowly puts down sheet of paper with a cross look on her face. Daria just smiles.)
  • On "Sick, Sad World"
    Presenter: Incredible! Here you are; blind, deaf and barely able to walk and yet you conducted simultaneous affairs with members of the royal family. What audiences want to know is: How did you do it?
    Old Man: Huh?

The Invitation

  • Daria and Jane discuss a picture Jane drew the previous summer:
    Daria You're really bursting out of the picture plane here.
    Jane Yeah, that model was quite bursty. I think she had her "bursts" done.
  • This discussion goes as follows:
    Daria: If you want to go, just make believe you're me. When you're popular, all unpopular people look alike anyway.
    Jane: [takes Daria's glasses and puts them on] "Hi. I'm Daria. Go to hell." [takes them off] It won't work. My face is too expressive.

College Bored

  • Daria's fantasy about college life.
    Professor: Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year, but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school.
    Daria: I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student.
    Professor: But I don't want you to study. I want you to teach.
    Daria: Well...
    Professor: Not here, of course. On our Paris campus.
    Daria: Oh! Okay.
    Professor: Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!
    Daria: How come, even in my fantasies, everyone's a jerk?

Cafe Disaffecto

  • When the fat woman faints in front of Daria and Jane:
    Jane: Do you know CPR or anything?
    Daria: I once gave the Heimlich Maneuver to Quinn.
    Jane: Did it work?
    Daria: She wasn't choking.
    • But it doesn't end there:
    Jane: <beat> We should be doing something now. I'm sure of it.
    Daria: Yeah, I think you're right.
    Jane takes a photo of the unconscious woman with her camera.
  • When Daria and Jane are being dressed down by Ms. Li for refusing to sell chocolate to the hypoglycemic woman:
    Ms. Li: Did she ask you to feed her the chocolate?
    Daria: No.
    Ms. Li: How do you know it wasn't for her family?
    Jane: She has no family. She ate them.

This Year's Model

  • Brittany's dreams are crushed when she's not picked to be a model, and when she sees Kevin posing with another girl, we get the following conversation:
    Brittany (to the other girl): Alright, you may have him now, but I'll always be his first! You can't take that away from me!
    Slutty Girl: I can.
  • Romanica calling Helen while she's getting a brazillian, leading to a lot of shrieking that would sound bizarre on Helen's end.
  • Romonica's runway instructions, coupled with Daria and Jane's commentary.
    Romonica: All right, ladies. Now, when you stride down the runway, you're walking towards your car. You've spotted a headless corpse in it... and it's a brand new car!
    Daria: And a smelly old corpse.
    Jane: In a really bad outfit.
  • Romonica tries to entice Jane to become a model. Jane shows her a sketch she did of Romonica and Cloud as vultures preying on the corpse of a model. Romonica barely contains her anger when she states that Jane would rather be on the design end of things, while Cloud thinks it's Actually Pretty Funny.

Pinch Sitter

  • Mr. D and his class are "discussing" cults:
    Mr. D: Can anyone give me another example of a group using coercive techniques such as peer pressure, chanting, and social isolation to achieve control over its members? Brittany?
    Brittany: Cheerleading?
    Mr. D: Ah, Brittany. Sometimes, despite a complete lack of insight, you stumble upon an interesting answer.
  • Daria and Quinn's reaction to the Gupty parents:
    Daria: Ten dollars surcharge if I have to spend more than 15 minutes with the parents.
    Quinn: That's fair.
  • The level of braindeadness exhibited by the Gupty kids.
    Tricia: Sugar is bad.
    Tad: Sugar rots your teeth.
    Tricia: Sugar makes you hyper.
  • The ending after Daria and Jane successfully "deprogram" the Gupty kids.
    Tad and Tricia: (Singing) I am cool, and that is it, and everyone else is full of... full of... full of...
    Mrs. Gupty: Tad!
    Mr. Gupty: Tricia!

Too Cute

  • "Oh, Daria, don't be shy... Show me your boobs."
    • To elaborate, Daria had been given a pair of silicone breast implants to examine by a shady plastic surgeon. And those fake boobs are a gift that keeps on giving. As soon as Jane does get to see them:
    • Immediately after, resident lech Upchuck shows up, and his inquiring mind wanted to know.
    Upchuck: Good day, ladies? What's in the box? Art project? Science experiment? Adorable little pet?
    Jane: A little of each, Upchuck. Take a look.
    Upchuck: (examining the implant) Hmm. Call me country bumpkin, but what is it?
    Jane: It's a fake boob.
    Upchuck is visibly Squicked out, shudders, puts it back, and leaves.
    Jane: Guess he's not quite ready for a physical relationship.
  • Earlier, Jane and Daria were having a phone conversation about Daria's visit with Quinn to the plastic surgeon.
    Daria: So, first she tells Quinn that she can fix her up for $6,000.
    Jane: Miss Pert and Pretty? What could she possibly need for six Gs other than a new personality?
    Daria: Wait there's more. Then she tells me that for 20 Gs she can fix me, which means she can make me look like Quinn.
    Jane: What do you want to look like that loser, for? She needs $6,000 worth of plastic surgery!
  • Quinn's efforts to raise the money herself don't go that well, either:
    Quinn: People are so shallow! Here, this is all I got and it's for you, from Upchuck.
    Daria: Why?

The Big House

  • Quinn's Drama Queen reaction to the parental crackdown.
  • "I believe it was Jefferson."

Road Worrier

  • Daria, Jane and Mystik Spyral stuck in traffic in The Tank, while "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. plays. It's immediately lampshaded:
    Trent: This is just like that REM video...except you can't hear anyone's thoughts.
    (Daria looks straight ahead)
    Caption: Thank God.
  • Daria has been through a Humiliation Conga, which she sums up in the diner's restroom.
    Daria: I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...
    Jane: And all in front of Trent.
    Daria: Now turn the knife counter-clockwise.

The Teachings Of Don Jake

  • Trent and Jane trash-talking about their relatives until Trent mentions their Aunt Bernice who wears straw hats — who turns out to be sitting right next to them.
    Jane: Who's Aunt Bernice?
    Trent: You know, from Middleberry. She wears those straw hats. Thinks they're country or something. They look like the kind they put on horses to keep the sun off their heads.
    Jane: (noticing that the woman on her other side is wearing said straw hat) You say she's from Middleberry?
    Trent: Yeah.
    Jane: So we'd be flying out of the same airport.
    Trent: Yeah, yeah, Janey. What's your point? (Notices Aunt Bernice)
    Aunt Bernice: Hello, Trent.
    Trent: Um, Hello, Aunt Bernice. (Beat) I like your hat.
    Jane Facepalms.
    • Aunt Bernice driving past Jane and Trent and smiling evilly as she honks the horn.
  • Jake's campfire story, which turns out to be yet another story of how his father was a selfish, drunken bastard.
  • Daria: "DAMMIT. It's MY turn to say 'Dammit'."
  • Trent talking to his Uncle Max:
    Uncle Max: (drunk) I always liked you, Trent. You were my favorite!
    Trent: And why is that, Uncle Max?
    Uncle Max: 'Cuz you're a BUM! You're a lousy BUM! You're a rotten BUM! You remind me of MYSELF! Ya know why?
    Trent: 'Cuz I'm a bum.
    Uncle Max: Thaaat's right, ya bum! (grabs Trent in a headlock)
    • "There he is! Behind that pack of zebras!"
  • "Mom, get the painkillers! Quinn...get the camera!"

    Season Two 
Arts 'n Crass
  • The episode opening with Jake crying over losing his client.
    Jake: "I got a great idea," he said. "A million dollar idea," he said. "Cigars for pets. What do you think?" he said. "I want you to be honest," he said. What the hell made me believe him?!
  • Jake getting penne pasta dumped on his head after he tries to explain to Helen that Daria and Jane's poster about the covert bulimic girl is not as negative as everyone else thinks it is.
    • "It's oxidizing."
  • Mr. O'Neill and Ms. Li finding Daria and Jane's defaced poster. And later in the principal's office:
    Ms. Li: Did you really think you were going to get away with it?
    Jane: Well, it'd be stupid to say yes now.
  • Trent detailing his escape plan to the girls:
    Trent: All right, here's the plan. I'll sit right here with my foot on the accelerator, ready to burn rubber.
    Jane: Trent, pull over here and make sure you turn off the car in case you fall asleep, okay?
    Trent: Alternate plan. Cool.
  • The Running Gag of the episode has Brittany doing a poster, to which a teacher says "I see [the drugs and the alcohol/the gang] but I don't see something that indicates a 'No'", to which Brittany grabs her lipstick and traces a giant "don't" circle.
    • This returns as a Brick Joke when Daria and Jane destroy their poster with it.
    • To close the episode, Brittany announced that she won the contest.

The Daria Hunter

  • Field Trips drive Mr. DeMartino to drink.
    Jake (steps in the tent and comes face-to-face with Mr. DeMartino): Oh, hi. It's, uh, raining cats and dogs out there.
    DeMartino: What a unique perspective on the situation
    Jake: Little nip to warm you up?
    DeMartino: Mr. Morgendorffer, I am a teacher responsible for dozens of students on a fairly hazardous field trip. Do YOU think I should take a little nip?!
    Jake: I guess not.
    DeMartino: NO! I GUESS NOT! GIMME THAT! (snatches the flask from a shocked Jake and starts chugging like there's no tomorrow)
    Jake: Say, did you by any chance go to military school?
    DeMartino: HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT!?
    • Several hours later, Jake and DeMartino are drunk and trading stories about their messed-up childhoods.
    Jake: (pouring the last of the whiskey into the flask cap, tearfully): I didn't mean to step on Dad's contact. The next day, he shipped me off to military school.
    DeMartino: My mother didn't want her DATES to know she had a son. So, I spent a lot of time at the NEIGHBORS. Strange, twisted people.
    Jake: I know! I had the same neighbors.
  • Daria and Jane going to see the "Great White" exhibit, where the woman in charge gives them a story that's basically Jaws before she starts going off on a rant about Richard Dreyfuss.

I Don't

  • Pretty much any exchange between Daria and Amy.
  • Daria hates being fitted for her bridesmaid dress.
    Daria: I will kill you. And bury your body, in this dress.
  • The stories that Daria tells her fellow bridesmaids, and the comments provided by Daria's even more deadpan escort, Luhrman.
    Daria: I'm an exotic dancer. You know, at a club. I take my clothes off and dance for strange men."
    Luhrman: She's really very good.
  • The scene where Erin introduces her not very brightly looking husband, who works for the government - Intelligence.
    Luhrman: I'm sorry, what did you say you do? I thought I heard Intelligence, but that can't be right.
  • Mack and Kevin go to the bridal expo, despite the fact Jodie and Brittany asked them not to. Just after they finish their conversation, a man selling wedding rings tells them that he also sells wedding rings to same-sex couples, but what they decide to do with them is their business.




  • One of Daria's and Jane's unfinished movies adapts No Exit with squeaky-voiced clay dolls and inanimate objects.
    • When Trent comes back and laughs at Daria acting out the play ("Help! Hell is other people."), Daria miserably responds, "On second thought, Hell is myself."
  • Daria's (after waking up from a nightmare in which she and Jane are the Fashion Club) line to Jake about parent-child bonding:
    Daria: Dad, it's 4:00 am. I just woke up from my worst nightmare: resembling my sister. You're reliving an instance of parental neglect from forty years ago. You call this parent/child bonding?

The New Kid

  • Helen's abandonment of her usual treacly hospitality when Ted's particularly new-age parents push her too far.
    Helen: Now listen here, hippie!


  • Daria's in the hospital with a rash.
    Jodie: "So you're a little red. It could happen to anybody."
    [She and Mack glance at each other.]
    Jodie: "...Well, it could happen to lots of people."
  • Jake yelling at an unseen driver when he hears that Daria is in the hospital.
  • The revelation that the rash is actually a stress reaction to being near Trent.
  • The running gags concerning the mysterious Mrs. Sullivan and what happened to Brittany's ha-"Never mind that now!"
  • Mystik Spiral's song that they're performing at the beginning of the episode.
    Trent and Jesse: OW! MY FACE! OW! MY NOSE! OW! MY FACE! OW! MY NOSE!

Fair Enough

  • When Quinn is practicing her lines for the fair's production of The Canterbury Tales in the car:
    Quinn: "I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing. I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing. I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing."
    Daria: With a hey-nonny-nonny, tra-la, tra-la. Would you give it a rest?
  • Mr. DeMartino as The Black Knight knocking down the Three J's and yelling, "Next!"
  • Daria and Jane protesting to the carnie about letting a hysterically sobbing Stacy onto the Ferris wheel with them.
    Daria: Excuse me, you can't do this.
    Jane: We're human beings, damn it!
  • The unnamed pissed-off teenager harassing Jake throughout most of the episode, especially the dinner theater part where he calls him, "Pops" and instigates the food fight when Jake gets angry over Quinn embarrassing herself in the play.
  • To keep Kevin from performing his part in the play, Brittany continually tells him that they just haven't reached school yet. And he keeps falling for it.
    Kevin: Now babe, I know it doesn't take this long to get to school.
    Brittany: Are you suuure?
    Kevin: Aw, man!

Pierce Me

  • The ENTIRE phone scene where Daria and Trent don't get to speak freely to each other, including Helen's Double Entendre "Don't you think it's a bit late to be soliciting people?!"
  • Daria reading the list of body parts that the piercing parlor does and mistakes "vulva"note  for "uvula"note .
    Daria: Uh, I don't think that's how you spell "uvula"
    Piercing Parlor Clerk: It's not "uvula".
  • Daria's shown Jane her new piercing.
    Jane: So you did go out with Trent.
    Daria: Shopping for your birthday present—oops. He wanted to surprise you.
    Jane: And he got me a hole in your navel. That is a surprise.

Write Where It Hurts

  • At the beginning of the episode, Kevin saying something so profoundly stupid it makes Mr. O'Neil cry in frustration.
    Mr. O'Neil: Now, keeping that in mind, I want you each to select a book from the list in front of you for a report on its moral intention. <Kevin raises his hand> Yes, Kevin?
    Kevin: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! <to Brittany> I got one, babe! I got one!
    <Mr. O'Neil breaks down sobbing>
  • Jane advises Daria on an English assignment:
    Jane: Well, what's your definition of true?
    Daria: Something that says something.
    Jane: What, anything?
    Daria: No, something, about something.
    Jane: Let me get this straight, you're telling me that you want to write something, not just anything, that says something about something.
    Daria: Right.
    Jane: Gee, who'd ever believe you having trouble communicating.
  • Daria's Jane Austen-esque story. One moment includes Daria explaining to Quinn that when she said Tren-er, Mr. Lane causes "bemusement rather than endearment," she basically meant, "He's flaky." Another comes at the end of the story, when Quinn's talk of marriage inadvertently scares away Mr. Lane and his "hunting party", which consisted of 1800s versions of Jesse, Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie.
    • Also Quinn's period-film pronunciation of "huh?"
  • During the story about her family in the future, Quinn tells her kids to watch something educational. A couple seconds later, Sick Sad World is heard. Daria and Quinn yell, "Not that!"
    • More specifically, you don't even hear the title. Just the announcer's unmistakable voice, incredulously proclaiming, "Breast implants for chickens?!"
  • The end.
    Jane: Daria, you think maybe someday you'll let me read your story?
    Daria: No, but I can show you the one I wrote where you run away with Kevin.
    Jane: WHAT?
    • The story in question is a parody of The Graduate with Jane as Benjamin stopping Kevin's wedding to Brittany. He runs away with her while Brittany excitedly throws the bouquet in the air.
  • Continuing the funny Daria and Jane exchanges:
    Jane: So, how's the story coming? Or does it disturb you if I talk while you're writing?
    Daria: It would disturb me if I were actually doing any writing.
    Jane: What's the problem? Take people you know, and have them do anything you want. {curls and raises her fist} I'd make 'em crawl, I tell you. Crawl!
    Daria: Easy there, tiger.
  • Daria's story where Helen and Jake are laid back and wish Quinn could be more like her, to the point that Quinn runs out of the house in tears over what Daria's "perfection" has done to her. And Daria feels they should at least tell her about the eight lane highway that was built outside the house during the night. Cue the sounds of a car crash and Quinn screaming "Ow! GOD!"
  • The story about Jake as a power hungry knight seeking a hag version of Helen to grant him power.
    Jake: Unholy mother, sister of Satan, tell me what you see in your filthy brew! Say what the mists of time hold for me!
    Helen: Have you my payment? The tender liver of a newborn babe.
    Jake: I um, was in a rush, will you take a check?
    Helen: A CHECK?! Have you two forms of ID?
    • Hag Helen then uses her powers to switch identities with Jake, so that she's the power hungry knight who wants to rule while he's the hag.
      Helen: Tell me you can bring me power! Power to crush my enemies, to triumph over all!
      Jake: I can't wait to taste this stew!
      Helen: For I swear by the unholy imp that spawned you, I WILL rule the land!
      Jake: But what do I get to rule?
      Helen: Silence, toothless hag!
      Jake: You don't have to get personal.
    • Later at Mr. O'Neil's suggestion of including a card game in the story, Daria rewrites this story, but with Mack and Jodie instead of Jake and Helen.
      Jodie: Have you my payment? The tender liver of a newborn babe.
      Mack: Hmmm... I'm a little short on livers. Tell you what: play you a quick game of five-card stud for it.
      Jodie: Jacks are wild.
  • At the beginning of the episode Jake tries a stew that he made, but at the first taste, he begins coughing and gagging Helen comes in to talk to Daria as they both ignore Jake's carrying on in the background until...

    Season Three 

Depth Takes a Holiday

  • Despite the episode being considered too weird to be a Daria episode, the first meeting of Daria and the holidays is a good time for hysterical giggles. If anything, because it was just as random and unexpected for Daria as it was for the viewers.
  • Jane throughout the episode:
    • "Yeah, bollocks!"
    • "No Guy Fawkes Day?!"
    • At one point Jane's just whistling and asks Daria to name the tune.
      Daria: Jane's theme?
      Jane: Damn you, woman!
    • Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day try laying another guilt trip on Daria and Jane.
      St. Patrick's Day: Let's go for a little walk. I'm buying.
      Jane: You're buying what?
      St. Patrick's Day: Oh, we'll figure that out when we get there.
  • After seeing what life without holidays is like:
    St. Patrick's Day: You see Daria, you really had a wonderful life.
  • "I'm a teen holiday, and it sucks!" sung by the Sid Vicious Expy that is the personification of Guy Fawkes Day.
  • Daria later finds St. Patrick's Day and Valentine's Day Bound and Gagged inside her living room closet.

Daria Dance Party

  • Brittany refuses to go to the dance with Kevin, as the last time, she caught him making out with another girl. She convinces all the cheerleaders to refuse him in solidarity, and an increasingly-desperate Kevin goes to Daria for advice. The entire dialogue ends with Kevin thinking Daria wants to go to the dance with him, and him bluntly refusing. Jane's response is hilarious.
    Jane: *high-pitched yell* BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY!?

The Lost Girls

  • Jake's persistent confusion over the definition of the word 'edgy.'
  • Kevin and Brittany's colorful outfits for "School Colors Day."
  • Daria gets tasked with transcribing for Val. Instead she just writes "What am I doing here?".

It Happened One Nut

  • Tiffany attempting to council Daria on self-esteem in a really funny Lampshade Hanging of her Verbal Tic. In fact, everything Tiffany says in subsequent episodes becomes a CMoF because of this one scene. It's probably...just...because...she few never...really noticed...she talks like thiiis......and that that...might make it length...with people...
    • What clinched the scene was that if you pay attention, the camera does a slow zoom as Tiffany's talking, and pauses every time that she does.
  • Jane trying to stop Trent and his bandmate from going the the nut place so he doesn't see Daria working there.
    Jane: LOOK!! Monster trucks and naked models! NAKED! NAKED! NAKED!


  • "Gah, Gah Dammit!", especially after other drivers catch Jake's road rage.
  • When Ms. Li announces the hurricane advisory has been upgraded to a hurricane warning, Jamie asks if everyone's going to die. Ms. Li replies "Not on school property!"
  • When Brittany sings, "They Must Be Worried", she spreads out her arms on the first two Title Drops, smacking Daria, Jane, and Kevin in the faces. On the third title drop, the three of them try to shield themselves from Brittany, but she just keeps her arms down.
  • While crammed in a shed next to Brittany:
    Daria: Um... Brittany? Do you mind pointing those things in another direction?
    Brittany: Sorry.
  • Quinn and Helen being on edge because of the storm:
    Quinn: I saw this TV movie about this really cute family of teens who got stranded during a hurricane. When they got nervous, they'd drink cocoa.
    Helen: Now, sweetie, there's nothing to worry about.
    (Door slams)
    Helen: Looters!
  • Then there's Helen's phone call to Trent. We can't actually hear Trent, but guessing what he was saying is hardly rocket science.
    Helen Morgandorfer: Hello! Trent? You haven't seen the girls? (pause) Are your parents there? (pause) Are they in town at all? (pause) Have you done anything to prepare for this hurricane? (pause) Yes, Hurricane! Trent, I want you to come over and wait for the girls here. You'll be safer. (pause) Then put some on! And get over here, now, young man!
  • After Jake and Trent's musical number when they decide they have to find Daria and Jane:
    Jake: Your daughter and my sister are out there-
    Trent: That doesn't sound right.
    Jake: and we've got to find them! It's our duty, dammit!

Lane Miserables

  • When Jake opens the door and expects one of Quinn's dates but instead sees Monique, a girlfriend of Trent's. His reaction is hysterical considering he's been accused by Helen of not paying attention to his daughters.
    Jake: Wow! I really don't know my kids!
  • After making peace with the idea that Trent wouldn't be a reliable long-term boyfriend, the episode ends with Daria having an involuntary fantasy where she and Trent are married and wealthy.

Jake of Hearts

  • This exchange following Jake's heart attack:
    Jake: That's it, sweetie! Avenge my death.
    Daria: You're not dying, dad.
    Jake: Avenge me!
    Helen: Jake you're going to give yourself a... never mind.
  • The DJ's from the same episode try to get the fashion club to go on a date with Upchuck:
    Sandi: Tiffany, dear, would you please explain to the Spatula Man why a bumper sticker cannot possibly compensate for the shame and permanent reputation damage involved in a single date with Charles Ruttheimer?
    Tiffany: Upchuck... eww.
    • Just before that when "The Spatula Man" attempts to dive into the crowd.
  • Helen's conversation with Eric during dinner before Jake's heart attack.
    Quinn: Daddy you're using all the cheese!
    Helen: Hey! What did the doctor tell you about cheese? (on the phone): No, not you, Eric! How would I know what the doctor told you about cheese? Why sure I'd love to hear what the doctor told you about cheese.
    • Jake's rant after that until he notices his arm is numb and passes out in the guacamole.


  • The show cuts to the commercial bumper right after Daria finds out the money needed to bail Jane and Mystik Spiral out of jail went missing, then immediately cuts back to the show (with a Record Needle Scratch, no less, so that Quinn could debunk Daria's suspicions that the hitchhiker stole it. (Quinn gave him the money so he could buy her some new clothes.)
  • Max crying about how the state trooper was going to drag him out of the car and beat him after Jane, Trent, and the rest of Mystik Spiral were detained for a minor traffic violation and not having the fine to pay it off.
  • Daria reading through Trent's lyric notebook and her response ("Please let this be a first draft").

Jane's Addition

  • Jane: Trent, I don't care if [Daria] forgives you, I'm never speaking to you again.
    Trent: You just did.
    Jane: Damn!
  • "The Emotional Trauma Cycle of a High School Student", a video assignment Daria and Jane completed about the "5 Stages of Grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). It ended in "Acceptance." Acceptance meaning Jane receiving a college acceptance letter.
    Daria: Stage Three: Bargaining.
    Jane: Please mom! If you don't make me go back there, I'll clean the garage every month for the rest of my life!
    Jane playing her mother: We have a garage?
    • "Stage Four: Anger" consisted of Mr. DeMartino freaking out over the two approaching him with a microphone. Even better, there's an animation gag where his arm goes behind his bulging eye.
  • The epic lampshading of the Morgendorffer's family dynamic.
    Helen: Meeting!
    Jake: Golf!
    Quinn: Date!
    Daria: <<Sarcasm>>.
  • And then there's Upchuck's video presentation, which is just a single shot of his smarmy face with triumphant music playing.

     Season Four 
Partner's Complaint
  • Jane and Brittany are working on a class assignment together at Jane's house note  when Trent walks in.
    Trent: Hey, Janey. Hey Da... [sees Brittany] WHOOOAAH!

A Tree Grows in Lawndale

  • Brittany grieves over Kevin refusing to play football or date her after spraining his ankle. Daria overhears, and decides to put some of Brittany's nonsensical laments into a Stylistic Suck song: "Armpits have feeling/but not for me/Now what do I do/With lips empty?" Mr. O'Neil reads the lyrics, and praises the depth and raw emotion. After Daria gives Brittany credit, Mr. O'Neil gives Brittany an A.
  • Jake is relating that, according to the local newspaper, property values have dropped dramatically since Lawndale High's football team started losing. Helen has this to say:
    Helen: Jake, that's The Lawndale Shopper. It's written by an eighty year old man who, if you recall, had to be taken off the roof of his house by the fire department because he thought he was being chased by screaming mice.
    Jake: That doesn't mean it isn't true!
    Quinn: Oh daddy, mice don't scream.
    Daria: Yeah, you're thinking of lobsters.
  • When Kevin wrecks the motorcycle into the tree, Jane comments on how this reminded her of a monkey crashing a bicycle at one of her birthday parties as a child. Daria's response is essentially, "And this is different how?"
  • When trying to figure out a way to get Kevin back to his old self, Tom asks, in response to something Jane and Daria said, "Why not send him back to elementary school?" Daria's immediate response is, "Because he wouldn't meet the minimum scholastic requirements."
  • Kevin's sudden recovery, complete with saccharine music and slow-motion.
  • When Kevin returns as the QB, he's lifted up in victory by his teammates, but quickly dropped. Upchuck reassures everyone that he landed on his head.

The F Word

  • This exchange between Mr. O'Neill and Mr. DeMartino, while they and Ms. Barch watch the football game:
    Mr. O'Neill: Gosh, Anthony, this is marvelous! It's nice to see our students so enthusiastic and excited!
    Mr. DeMartino: You mean, instead of the way we usually see them, wishing FERVENTLY for our DEATHS?!

Mart of Darkness

  • Frankly, the entire episode.
  • "CHEESE LOGS!!" one of the best [1]s.
  • Jane wants to get some art supplies, but she didn't mention that she wanted gummy bears. Sure enough when she vents to Daria about it, Daria actually sides with Tom (since Jane didn't mention those were art supplies) and asks if he eats paint, too.
  • Tom feeling like he is Surrounded by Idiots.
    Tom: "What would anyone do with that much ketchup?"
    Jesse: Uh... Put it on hamburgers?
    • Trent looking for headlights for his car, only for him to not know what model. He says "Oh, that's important isn't it?"
  • Jesse using scented candles and deodorant as a substitute for bathing because chicks dig it more. Cue the fashion club walking behind them saying "UGH! What is that smell?"
  • Quinn is on the phone with Stacy when she breaks a lace on her bag. She freaks and says she has to get off the phone. She then goes, "No, it's not you... No, it's not you... Ok, fine! It is you! Bye!" Stacy can be heard crying as Quinn hangs up the phone.

Legends of the Mall

  • "Dad, you G-D idiot."
  • The story of Metalmouth is pretty creepy...up until this moment:
    Mr. DeMartino: Of course, some of you may take COMFORT in the fact that the ROCKS inside your HEADS are harder than wood, BUT I asSURE you that (a radio reception starts inside his teeth)..GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UUUN!!!!! (covers mouth)
    Trent (VO): They picked up radio stations.
    Mr. DeMartino: So, if I may reTURN to our discussion on drill safety, this is the chuck and (reception starts again)..not the fortunate one, cause girls just wanna, they JUST—(it stops) Wait a minute. Chucks— (begins again) JUST WANNA HAVE FUUUU-UUUUN!! (ends again) That's why you don't... (begins yet again) wanna, they just wanna, GIIIIIIIIIIIIRLS!!!!!!!!!!
    (The entire class breaks down in laughter and Mr. DeMartino runs out)
    Jeffy: What a doof.
    Kevin: Hey, I know what's fun. Let's drill a hole in my shoe!

I Loathe a Parade

Psycho Therapy

  • Jake and Helen acting as each other for a therapy session...until Jake goes too far and hurts Helen's feelings.
    • There's also Quinn and Daria
    Therapist: Quinn? You try being Daria.
    Quinn: Oh, why don't I just step in front of a train?
    Therapist: Come on, now Quinn. Try being Daria.
    Quinn: I just did.
    Daria: I am NOT suicidal!
    Therapist: OK Daria. You try being Quinn now.
    Daria: OK. Now I'm suicidal.

Groped by an Angel

Jeffy: A guardian angel is like this dude that follows you around and makes sure you don't get into trouble.
Joey: Oh, like a parole officer!


     Is It Fall Yet? 
  • The opening showing all the characters at the beach.
    • Mr O'Neil wiggles his tush in speedos.
    • Upchuck ogles girls while buried up to his neck in sand.
    • Jane paints a zombie apocalypse.
    • Mr DeMartino emerges from the sea covered in seaweed and jellyfish. He freaks out a bunch of kids, while visibly in shock from the jellyfish stings.
    • The song itself has some hilariously downbeat lyrics despite the cheery tune.
  • After being told by Helen that she has no choice about working at Mr. O'Neil's summer camp, Daria replies:
    "What about my feelings? What about my rights?" Beat "What about my bribe?"
  • Tiffany uses a toaster as a mirror saying "this toaster is soooo' shiny!"
  • Trent reassures Daria that Jane will forgive her in her own time. He then starts improvising some lyrics for a song where every line opens up with "Betrayal!".
  • The "bloopers." Highlights include:
    • Quinn shoving Sandi's face into her salad.
    • Sandi flipping David off.
    • Jane and her guide walking in on the art colony girls completely naked.
    • Tom getting an eyeful of an annoyed Helen's cleavage.
    • Mr. DeMartino's eye finally popping out of the socket.
    • Mr. O'Neill in "Kiss Me I'm Irish" boxer shorts on the camp bus, much to the shock and horror of everybody on it.
    • Quinn reading the script while Helen's lifting weights behind her.
    • Tiffany poking herself in the eye while fixing her makeup.
    • Brittany tripping and kicking Kevin in the crotch.
    • Jodie getting her hair caught in the paper shredder.
    • A homeless guy in the soup kitchen barfing on Mack.
    • Link breaking character and laughing
    • Daria groping the commune's sleazy teacher with a creepy smile on her face.
    • Kevin being forced to demonstrate mouth-to-mouth on Mrs Johansen while she's wearing a swimsuit.

     Season Five 
Sappy Anniversary
  • Jake's meltdown after his computer crashes in the middle of a project he was working on.
    Jake: Damn computer! It ate everything! Big, fat, smug, damn stupid crappy piece of crappy crap!

Lucky Strike

  • Ms. Li: Students of Lawndale High. Your attention, please.
    Jane: Is that the voice in my head that tells me to "kill and kill" again?
    Daria: No. Satan's voice is lower and he has a British accent.
  • We need a lot more money! / This really isn't funny! / You don't pay us enough to buy honey!
    [after complaints by some teachers]
    Mr. Demartino: Hey! I threw out the rhyme about the bunny!
    • The teachers then get Mr. O'Neill to write them a new chant. He enlists the help of Trent.
      Have you ever been to the children's zoo? When the birdies say "cheep", they're talkin' 'bout you! (beat) Nah.
  • The moment Quinn starts talking about how her sub was flirting with a student, Daria gets up from the table and brings the phone to her mother like it was instinct.
    Helen: Daria! Get me the- (sees Daria in front of her with the phone) Thank you.
  • This exchange:
    Ms. Li: Don't think you can intimiate—intermolate—don't think you can scare me with your threat to picket naked!
    Mr. DeMartino: You think I'm bluffing?! This is Goodwill polyester I've been sweating in all night. I want to picket naked!
    Ms. Li: All right! A two percent raise and a space heater for the teacher's lounge.
    Mr. DeMartino: (tugs on collar) Boy! It's getting hot in here!
  • Ms. Li, after a sleepless night of tense negotiations, announces the end of the strike on the PA system:
    People of Mars! I mean, students of Lawndale High. This is your leader... um, principal. What was I saying? Oh! The teachers... the teachers... the strike's over! Your teachers will be back tomorrow! Good ni... day.
  • Despite the fact that the substitute was hitting on Tiffany, his metaphore about "the older man making bloom the young flower" goes completely lost on Tiffany.
    Tiffany: You're writing about gardening?
  • Daria as Substitute English teacher. Hilarity Ensues.
    • Daria: Ok, We know Mr. O'Neall asigned a play and you're pretty sure the title didn't contain the word "Alien". Do you remember anything else?
      Joey: Uh... I think the guy in the cover was wearing tights.
      Daria: Uhm. Since there're no wrestlers in dramas on the syllabus, I'm guessing Shakespeare.
      Jeffey: Wait, I remember now! He's a stalker. He follows girls home from parties and peeks on their windows.
      Daria: Romeo and Juliet.
    • During all the classes, Daria kept calling any ofthe J's "Joey, Jeffy or Jamie".
    • Daria: Thanks, "Joey, Jeffy or Jamie". Lawrence Olivier in his present state couldn't have done better
      Jamie: Cool!
      Jeffy: What does "Woe" mean?
      Daria: It's like the feeling you'd get if the Superbowl were preempted by Antiques Roadshow.
      Joey: Whoa!!
      Daria: See?
    • Daria: Ok, you've read the play, tomorrow you take the test. [all the students whine] Sorry, orders from above. I'd suggest you cheat off your neighbours, but considering who most of you are sitting next to...
    • After giving Jeffy's test back_
      Jeffy: A "B"! You mean, you think Mercutio had a thing for Romeo too?
      Daria: No, but you argued your point well, and I thought your ideas for "keeping him out of the locker room" were original, if a little close-minded.
    • Sandi got a "D-" on her test. Why?
      Daria: I should have failed you too. See, in Shakespeare's version Romeo never goes by the name "Leonardo", or takes a swim in his clothes. But I gave you an extra credit for realizing that the movie and the play were somehow connected.
    • Stacy realized that they shouldn't have copied from each other.
  • As Upchuck is spying into Ms. Li's office as the teachers threaten to go on strike.
    Upchuck: Ooh! I like what I'm seeing!
    Jane: Watching Ms. Li change into her support hose again?
    Daria: That's another habit that'll lead to blindness, Upchuck.
    Jane: But in this case, you'll wish for it.

One J At a Time

  • Daria's mother convinces her to finally invite Tom over for dinner to get to know her parents, but she's worried that Jake's eccentric personality and temper is gonna scare him off - but of course, she needn't worry as we get some of the funniest "male bonding" between Jake, Tom and Quinn's third boyfriend that week when they all storm out of the house mid-dinner to catch a squirrel and go go-karting.

     Is It College Yet? 
  • "Curse-B-Gone. No animals were harmed in the making of this product, except the ones we sacrificed."
  • Mr. DeMartino getting punched in his good eye after he forces Mr. O'Neill to break up with Ms. Barch.
    • Later, when Ms. Barch takes Mr. O'Neill back, DeMartino bangs his head against the stage pole in frustration.
  • When Mr. DeMartino is congratulating Daria on getting the Outstanding Academic Achievement Award, he actually says, "You go girlfriend!"


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