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Cthulhu Saves the World is a lighthearted comedic game parodying many RPG tropes and featuring tongue-in-cheek Lovecraftian humor. Naturally, the funny moments are bound to be there.

As a moments page, all spoilers WILL be unmarked! Read at your own risk!


General

  • The creature descriptions are mostly unhelpful, but they are a good source of chuckles. Highlights include:
    Crab: Immune to massive damage from weakpoints.
    Angry Breeze: Quite possibly the lamest monster ever.
    Ninja Spirit: It's easy to be stealthy when you're a ghost.
    Beltman: Needs more belt.
    Ghost Knight: How a ghost can wear armor is one of the biggest mysteries.
    Lobster Rat: Lacks the lobster's yumminess.
    Necromancer: The female necromancers are much cuter.
    Sea Ghoul: Surprisingly, only the 7th worst pun in this game.
    Nyarlathotep: Try saying that five times fast!
    Dark Priest: Ah! What a nice little Cthulhu effigy!
    Mech: Made in China.
    Vampire: Doesn't sparkle in the sun.
    Evil Snowman: Never give a snowman an evil magician hat.
    Hellhound: Picks on his wimpy brother, the heckhound.
    Fire Faerie: Burns you if you don't listen.
    Trashie: Don't forget to take him out!
    Medusa Head: Not the ugliest body part.
    Nightmare: Pinching yourself won't help.
    Tcho: His friends call him Tch.
    Grim Reaper: Thinks his brother is too cheerful.
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  • Several of the monsters in the game, due to mere absurdity of them. Among orcs, wizards, zombies and vampires, the player can find himself fighting angry breezes, lobster/rat hybrids, men with outfits made entirely of belts, undead seagulls, hordes of chipmunks, cows with machine guns, evil ice cream cones, living bags of trash, and etc.
  • Some of the insane sprites are also a good source of laughs. For example, Necromancers raise their books and get mad facial expressions, making them look like angry librarians, Ghost Knights and Spiri-Knights have their heads fall off, Brainsquids grab on their brain like in horror, Dark Mirrors shatter as shadowy humanoids climbing out of them retract inside, Angry Breezes, Zappers, Shelfies and Heavy Books spontaneously catch fire, and etc.
  • Inspecting bookcases, drawers, gravestones, and shelves can give you a lot of humorous messages. For details see below.
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  • When you save or load the game, the game would like to give you a warning regarding the safety of your hard drive.
    Warning: do not dismantle your hard drive while saving, loading, or viewing your save files.
  • If you decide to view your annals in Necronomicon if you didn't even start your game, your achievements will be listed as:
    Master of not beating the game
    Vanquisher of nothing
    Champion of LV 0
    Winner of 0 points in Score Attack
    Has not completed the Highlander mode.
    Hoarder of 0 gold

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Main mode

  • In the very first cutscene of the main game, after Cthulhu gets his powers removed by a wizard, he has been washed up on a shore. After he laments about his plans getting ruined, the narrator explains that the world is save, since Cthulhu doesn't know that the only way for him to reclaim his power is to become a true hero. Cthulhu overhears that and boasts to narrator that now he is aware of the way to gain his powers back.
    Cthulhu: Mwahahaha! Foolish narrator! While you were busy explaining the situation to the player, I was eavesdropping! Now, I too know the way to regain my power!
    Narrator: Whoops.
  • After Cthulhu swears to become a true hero and save the world (only to destroy it later), the narrator starts explaining the controls to the player while Cthulhu comments on that in either hammy or snarky manner.
    Cthulhu (after explanation on how to run): Mwahahaha! Foolish game developer! By giving me the ability to run, I'll finish this silly game in half the time! I'll be able to sell it back to the game store before the trade-in value drops!
    Narrator: Yeah, that's not going to happen.
    Cthulhu (after explanation on the menu): I can save at any time? What is this, a first person shooter?
    Cthulhu (after explanation of combos): Are you done yet? If it's all right with you, I'd like to actually play this game sometime this year!
  • The moment Cthulhu notices Umi being attacked by two slimy monsters, he proudly proclaims that by saving her he will become a true hero. Unfortunately, narrator is quick to ruin his expectations.
    Narrator: That would work for a normal person, but you have a lot of evil to atone for. It will take many heroic deeds before you're even remotely close to being considered a true hero.
    Cthulhu: Fhtagn! Then I will kill the monsters anyway, just for the sake of violence!
  • After Cthulhu slays two slime monsters who attacked Umi, she immediately falls in love with him. The narrator even proceeds to show us her Crush Filter where she sees Cthulhu as a Knight in Shining Armor of a sorts triumphally standing on one of slime monsters' corpses surrounded by hearts, with him captioning the image as "Warning: Image displayed may not reflect reality."
    • Umi then asks for Cthulhu to let her assist him on her quest. Cthulhu then immediately asks her can she do anything other than being attacked by monsters, after which Umi says she has an affinity with the creatures of the sea and calls them her friends. Cthulhu refuses. And then Umi tells him she's got a trident to stab things with, which prompts Cthulhu to change his mind and accept her into group.
  • During their first chat, Cthulhu asks Umi is it a live starfish in her hair. After she states it is, Cthulhu gets disgusted. Apparently, Cthulhu believes that people with live starfish in their hair are more disgusting than tentacled Cthulhumanoids like himself.
    Cthulhu: Is it a live starfish in your hair?
    Umi: Yes. Her name is Penta. Isn't she cute?
    Cthulhu: A live starfish in your hair... And people think I'm disgusting!
  • The encounter with the Three Heroes of Goodly Justice.
    • After the trio makes their sort of Badass Boast, Umi gets gushed out over the fact that Cthulhu is a dark fiend.
      Umi: You're a dark fiend? You should have told me! That's so sexy!
    • After that, Dash notices Umi and accuses Cthulhu of using his vile magic to brainwash her and demands her to be released. Cthulhu?
      Cthulhu: Puhleeze! If I was using my magic to ensnare someone, I would have picked someone much hotter.
      Umi: Hey!
    • Cthulhu then asks narrator does he gets hero points for beating up annoying heroes. After the narrator says no, Cthulhu then says he'll still beat them up anyway.
    • Elonalina (the cleric) then says that virtue will always triumph over evil, but Umi points out Switchblade (the thief) doesn't look virtuous, with him hiding behind the cloak and all. He immediately resorts.
      Switchblade: I have a skin condition - leave me alone!
    • And eventually, after their defeat, Umi expresses concern over their fates. Cthulhu tells her not to worry, since they are adventurers, and probably already respawned at the nearest church.
  • In Miskatonia:
    • If you enter one house, one kid will ask Cthulhu what's wrong with his face, as it's all slimy. Cthulhu replies it's to terrify him, but the kid responds that he's not scared, much to Cthulhu's dismay.
      Cthulhu: Fhtagn! Curse this curse!
    • In Miskatonic University, the bookcases contain other books made by Lovecraft, but their content is drastically different. Highlights include The Colour Out of Space being the educational book about "exotic colors such as gleen or burple", The Whisperer in Darkness being a romance novel much to Cthulhu's disgust, Pickman's Model becoming a morbid nursery rhyme about Pickman going on a murder spree over his lost model train, and etc.
    • At one point you can encounter another Cthulhu... which is the dog named Cthulhu. The narrator even lampshades the fact how odd is the fact it shares the same name with the Eldritch Abomination that is destined to end the world.
    • At bar, there is a man who says there's a million gold bounty for those who manage to kill Cthulhu. Cthulhu is mad...not because there's a bounty for him, but because he believes the bounty is too low, and he worths gazillions!
    • At the inn, you can go to the second floor, where the little girl stands in front of bookcase. Talk to her, and...
      Girl: Agh! Get out of my room, you horrible monster!
      Cthulhu: I've still got it!
  • At the Shrine of Heroes, Cthulhu points out that a metal gate, which is on the other side of a wall, will stop him and Umi from going forward, and they'll have to find a switch to lift the gate. Umi is amazed by the fact he can see through walls, and he says that yes, he's the coolest.
  • After finishing the Shrine of Heroes chapter:
    • After his defeat, Sharpe discovers Cthulhu is now trying to be a hero and joins the party. After that, Umi suggests celebrating in Miskatonia's bar, to which Sharpe eagerly agrees. But unfortunately for Sharpe...
      Umi: I'm sorry, Sharpe. This cafe has a strict ban against sentient sword policy.
      Sharpe: But, but...party!
      Umi: Sorry!
    • After that, Umi tries to begin a date with Cthulhu and starts asking him questions about himself. But Cthulhu completely ignores her, having his own problems.
      Cthulhu: Where's that barkeep! Cthulhu demands a big foaming mug of...milk! Oh did you say something?
      Umi: Pay attention when I'm speaking to you!
    • And then, a man bursts out of the door, informing that the city of Dunwitch has been overrun by zombies. In a Shout-Out to Bad Dudes, for extra fun!
    • Once Umi points out how did he manage to get here, since the bridge between Miskatonia and Dunwitch has been broken for ages, he handwaves this by saying he fixed it on his way here.
  • In Dunwitch, the party notices the town being overran with zombies. Umi and Sharpe are very eager to kick zombies' asses...but Cthulhu isn't pleased. He facepalms and then explains that zombies are noble creatures that are free of sanity and enjoy every whim that comes to it, and that he will not authorize killing more zombies than needed.
  • Inspecting bookcases, shelves and drawers gives you a lot of humorous messages. The first bookcase you inspect states that it's filled with brochures of the houses in other towns, prompting the narrator to snark about how people living there would prefer to live somewhere else than here. Inspecting one drawer prompts narrator to ponder why are they called drawers, suggesting naming them "droors" or "rectangular box thingies that go in and out". And there's also a bookcase containing the copy of children's tale "Pop Goes the Hamster: A Cautionary Tale", disgusting Umi and amusing Cthulhu. And there's this bit:
    Narrator: You find an incredibly powerful artifact in the drawer! <…> Nah, just messing with ya!
    Cthulhu: Curse you, narrator!
  • After defeat, Nyarlathotep laments about how did he lose, considering he must be more powerful...because he has a longer name. Cthulhu immediately tells him off, telling him to accept defeat with dignity.
  • Even through the Ape Princess would make your teeth grind, the banters of characters before and after fighting her are worth the chuckle. Turns out Umi doesn't appreciate the fact that she wasn't Cthulhu's first girl.
    Sharpe: What manner of beast is this?
    Cthulhu: The Ape Princess. Don't let the princess title fool you - this is one princess you do NOT want to date.
    October: Speaking from personal experience, Cthulhu?
    Cthulhu: Um...
    Umi: Grr.
    <…>
    Umi: Was that thing that just tried to kill us seriously an ex-girlfriend of yours?!
    Cthulhu: Girlfriend? No! We just had a dinner once or twice. It was nothing!
    Sharpe: Watch out! Umi is seriously angry!
  • In Providence:
    • When you enter one house, and then talk to a woman, she gets scared...of Sharpe! October even lampshades how she ignores Cthulhu and chooses a giant floating sword to be afraid of. Umi tries to console Cthulhu with pity fear, but Cthulhu is having none of that.
    • One kid threw his ball into a well and now he laments about how he lost, in his own words, his sole source of entertainment by throwing it into a stupid well.
    • In the bar there is a strict no shirt, no service rule. Cthulhu's response?
      Cthulhu: No shirt can contain the awesomeness that is Cthulhu!
    • In one house, there is a bookcase containing a book called "Little Girls".
      Cthulhu: I love this book! So touching! Hey, stop looking at me like that!
  • After Paws takes Cthulhu and his party aboard the spaceship, explains his motives and joins the party, characters start referring to him as a cat, angering him. Cthulhu stands up to him telling he's not a cat...only to call him big kitty, much to his annoyance. And Umi keeps referring to him as a kitty ever since.
  • When encountering Pawz, he tells how disgusted he is at how Paws stooped so low to working with humans, but then he quickly takes his time to say hi to Cthulhu.
    Pawz: I never thought you'd stoop to working with humans. Oh, hi, Cthulhu. Long time, no see.
    Cthulhu: Hey.
    • And then Paws explains that associating with humans had taught him that there's more to life than subjugating planets, and October is quick to lampshade they've just met several minutes ago.
  • After Pawz's defeat, Paws explains all they need is to press a few buttons. Umi says she already took care of it. Cue the boom.
    Paws: What did you do?!
    Umi: I just pressed a Big Red Button! Wasn't that right?
    Paws: That was the self-destruct button, you idiot!
  • After the party escapes the crashing ship, Cthulhu proudly proclaims that he had saved the world, just like the game title said he would. Unfortunately, narrator ruins his excitement and says Cthulhu is still not a true hero.
    Cthulhu: What?! I saved the world!
    Narrator: Only once though. Come back after you've saved it multiple times.
    Cthulhu: I'm starting to dislike you, narrator.
  • At Water Shrine, Cthulhu and his party meet Dacre, an absent-minded priest who went to the shrine for the magic healing water. However, his senile mind makes him not very good at conservations.
    Dacre: I'm glad you came! Deep within this shrine is a pool of magical water. It's essential we get some. Forgot why.
    Umi: To help the sick people in Kingsport.
    Dacre: No, that's not it. Something about sick people in Kingsport.
    • And earlier, we have Umi assuming Dacre to be Santa Claus.
  • In the aforementioned Kingsport:
    • While everybody suffers from disease, there is one old woman...who asks where did she leave her grocery list.
    • And of course, fun with inspectable items. There is one drawer which says that inside it is a case. Inside the case is a box. Inside the box is a smaller box. Inside the smaller box is a smaller case. Inside the smaller case is a tiny box. Inside the tiny box is nothing. And at one point, the game actually lampshades how the player actively inspects every bookcase or drawer in hopes of finding something useful (which the player probably already does). And there is the book titled "The World is Square".
      October: What an old text! People haven't believed the world is square in ages. Everybody knows the world is actually a rectangle.
    • After you cure all the sick people in Kingsport, everybody shows gratitude to Cthulhu. One kid who lamented about the Three Heroes of Goodly Justice not being around stopped supporting them and started praising Cthulhu, much to his amusement.
      Kid: Forget the three heroes of goodly justice! They can't compare to Lord Cthulhu!
      Cthulhu: Yes! Take that, stereotypical heroes!
  • After you travel from one port to another, there are sailors standing in front of buildings, denying Cthulhu & co. pass, because "these buildings are for sailors only". After you speak with the fourth one, Cthulhu & co. start pondering is there anything behind these doors, and eventually assume that the developer was too lazy to make a new map, so he put sailors there to block doors, which turns out to be true, as narrator panics about them being found out.
  • During the chat after Kingsport, it turns out Sharpe does not enjoy swimming.
    Umi: I love sailing! The smell of the seas, the roll of the waves...
    Sharpe: So...very...sick.
    Sharpe: I'm [sic] don't know...ugh!
    Sharpe: A seasoned warrior never loses his lunch on the battlefield. Gurgh!
  • In volcano, when you trigger the chat option, Umi asks Paws is he a boy or a girl. Paws then laughs it off and reveals that Ultharians have no boys or girls, and that each Ultharian is its own gender. However, he allows the party to refer to him as "he". And Umi, of course...
    Umi: Okay! Paws is a boy kitty!
    Paws: Why do I even bother?
  • In Alhazred:
    • When the town is under the threat of volcanic annihilation, you can talk to one girl, she asks Cthulhu is volcano going to destroy the town. Cthulhu, in a fit of Brutal Honesty, answers that yes, it will burn them all down to crisp, making girl cry in fear. Umi calls him out on that, and Cthulhu had to console her by telling that they will take care of it.
    • In the church, there is an old man deep in prayer. Narrator says it's best to not disturb him.
      Cthulhu: Hey, man! Wake up!
      Narrator: I said don't disturb him!
      Cthulhu: Dude, I'm Cthulhu. I don't take orders from disembodied narrators.
    • In the same church, when talking to nun, she asks had Cthulhu came here to prey for salvation. Cthulhu states he just likes to walk around and talk to people, explaining it as a force of habit.
    • And again, fun with inspectables. In one drawer, there was a full-grown cat stuffed inside, with the narrator stating you'd never believe it would be possible until you'd saw it with your own eyes, another drawer is full of water, one bookcase has a book titled "Pompeii: Don't Let it Happen to Your Town!" (mind you, Alhazred is built near massive volcano), and other has a book titled "Lava and Passion".
      "My passion is like lava, destroying everything in its path. My passion is like lava, hiding inside me and then exploding forth. My passion is like lava, the fire, not the soap. The book goes on like this for page and page. You quickly give up reading it."
    • After you talk to an old woman after defeating Ember and having him join your party, she thanks Cthulhu for defeating the dragon...and then notices said dragon behind him.
      Old Woman: Thank you for saving our...wait, what's that behind you?
    • And then after you talk to a woman and she thanks Cthulhu for saving them, Cthulhu asks why after that he's still not a true hero. Narrator trollingly responds:
      "The standard for hero status is higher when you're a force of unspeakable evil."
  • When you're in overworld and fly on Ember, you can't save your game. But if you try, anyway, the game would like to remind you that...
    Saving is a lot like surgery - something that's best avoided while flying about on a dragon. You'd better land first.
  • In the Innsmouth:
    • There is a chest which contains an item that increases the will of every other character by 20. What item? A very smelly and rotten fish, which increases the will of characters by them resisting its nauseating stench.
    • In one bookcase, there is a book that instructs what to expect when you transform into a fish man. Chapter 1 tells about early warning signs. Chapter 27 tells about swimming with other demons in R'lyeh.
    • As Cthulhu and co. find the inn to sleep in, they get suddenly attacked by villagers. Cthulhu is having none of that and thoroughly thwacks them. Then, after discovering that Dagon is trying to steal his cult, he sets off to the Marsh Foundry. From that moment and even since, the woman in charge of inn always apologizes to Cthulhu for trying to kill him earlier.
  • In the chat option in Marsh Foundry, Umi brings up Personality Blood Types as a subject of talk. She explains herself as B Positive, which makes her a very energetic person. When she tries to ask others, however...
    Umi: What kind of blood do you have, Cthulhu?
    Cthulhu: Ink.
    Umi: Ink? I'm not sure what personality ink goes with.
    Paws: Uranium blood here.
    Ember: Acid.
    Umi: Is there anyone here with normal blood?
    Dacre: I forgot!
    October: Pain. What I feel when I bleed in the dark recesses in my soul. I linger for the light but yearn for the darkness.
    Umi: Agh!
  • Before the fight with Dagon, he calls Cthulhu out of becoming a lapdog to humans and says he doesn't deserve cultists. Cthulhu tried to defend himself, but Umi is unhelpful in this case.
    Cthulhu: That's not true! That's impossible! I deserve cultists! Tell him, Umi!
    Umi: Well, you are a pretty swell guy! Do swell guys get cultists?
    Dagon: Poor, poor Cthulhu. Let me put you out of your misery!
  • After Cthulhu defeats Dagon, he finally becomes a true hero. Unfortunately, his own allies realize that it means Cthulhu will reclaim his horrible power. Dacre then proceeds to kill the moment.
    Sharpe: Oh no.
    October: Is Cthulhu going to devour the world now?
    Paws: All that work for naught.
    • Later, as Cthulhu proceeds to destroy the world, the narrator notices how the player is (assumingly) dissatisfied with the ending. As the narrator unsuccessfully tries to convince the player to change his mind, he unwillingly rewrites the ending to a "super happy ending", expressing disgust to it. Eventually, he snaps and shouts there will be no super happy ending and adds the final obstacle to Cthulhu's way.
  • In R'lyeh, the player encounters the Three Heroes of Goodly Justice again. They claim they claimed the 7 crystals of light and have the power to stop Cthulhu, and they begin the fight, as strong as before. Exactly as strong as before.
    Sharpe (after the battle): That was surprisingly easy.
  • One of the chests in R'lyeh increases all your stats by 15. What item is contained? Well...
    You got nothing! The disappointment makes you stronger! Everyone's strength, magic, agility, vitality, and will goes up by 15!
  • In the Soulcaster Cave, there are monsters from Soulcaster you can speak with. Well, you would've been able to speak with them, if they were actually willing to talk to you back.
    (on the first rat) The monster rat doesn't want to talk to you.
    (on the second rat) That's the ugliest rat you've ever seen!
    (on the skeleton) Skeletons can't talk. Has Breath of Death VII taught you nothing?

Cthulhu's Angels

  • In the intro, after October finds a hologram-displaying device on the beach and then agrees to help Cthulhu to save the world on his behalf, Cthulhu gives her some money to help.
    Cthulhu: It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
    October: Thanks, but that's not even enough to buy a cheap weapon, much less save the world.
    Cthulhu: Curse you, inflation!
    • Later, Cthulhu says that October's allies should be all hot chicks, or else he wouldn't be able to call them his angels. October agrees, but she's weirded out with this task.
      October: That's very bizarre and sexist request, but I shall do.
  • After that, October sees Elonalina getting attacked by monsters. After she saves her, Elonalina thanks her and October offers her to help her save the world on Cthulhu's behalf. As Elonalina refuses due to her fanatical views, October just tricks her into joining by saying she'll just leave her to get killed, promptly scaring her into assistance.
    • Later, Elonalina tries to join, but her name is too long to fit in the status box.
      October: What happened?
      Elonalina: Ha ha ha ha ha! You must be using one of those horid [sic] little retro RPG engines. Not me! Nothing but the best in 3D polygon rendering technology for this sexy body!
  • During the chat option, Elonalina (who agreed to go by Elona to join the party) explains how she separated from her group. Even October agrees it's the funny moment.
    October: So how did you get separated from your group?
    Elona: I, uh, fell from the bridge.
    October starts giggling.
    Elona: Stop that!
    October giggles uncontrollably.
    Elona: I mean it!
  • As Elona finally rejoins the Three (or rather, Two) Heroes of Goodly Justice, they accuse her of betrayal due to associating with the necromancer, even refusing to listen to her excuses. It's Switchblade's poetic rebuttal and Elona's angry reaction that sell it.
    Elona: No! It's not like that! See, there were these monsters and then she rescued me and she said Cthulhu was different now but I didn't believe her and then we went to find you and here we are!
    Switchblade: Enough with your lies! Your evil is as clear to see as the mountains on a day with minimal fog while standing near them!
    • After Dash and Switchblade were defeated, Elona gets a short-lived My God, What Have I Done? reaction. After October points out that she saw them surviving and crawling away, Elona calms down...kinda.
      Elona: Really? Well, in that case... TAKE THAT, YOU PUNKS!
  • Later, as October and Elona cross the bridge, they notice how uneventful the trip was, as they expected something to attack them. The narrator overhears them and decides to give them something to fight...by bringing a bridge to life and having them attack the heroines. Later, after the battle, Cthulhu warns party to watch out for narrator, as he would backstab them every time. Narrator responds with an Evil Laugh.
  • In Miskatonia:
    • In the café, when talked to bartender who recalls about the Three Heroes of Goodly Justice telling the stories of their achievements, Elona tries to impress her with the story of them defeating the aforementioned evil bridge. However, bartender didn't find this story interesting, and October had to remind her that they have no time to show off.
    • Meanwhile, the girl in the inn who was afraid of Cthulhu in the main campaign, when talked to, gets scared of October and her party for different reasons. One might think she's afraid of everything.
    Girl: Agh! Get out of my room, you sexy models!
  • In the Shrine of Villains (which replaces the Shrine of Heroes from the main mode), Cthulhu tasks his angels to destroy the cursed sword Sharpe on the top of the shrine. However, Umi managed to reclaim it before they managed to reach it. As a result, her personality was split in two: one is an Ax-Crazy Large Ham Comedic Sociopath, other is still ditzy nice Umi. Hilarity Ensues.
    Dark Umi: What a ragtag group of adventurers! You are too late! I have claimed the dark sword Sharpe for myself! I can feel its energy flow through my veins! Nothing can stop me!
    Umi: Help me!
    Dark Umi: Silence, you fool! I am so much better than you ever were! I have evolved beyond the scope of a mere human! Just look at my nails!
    Umi: You are right - those are nice nails!
    • As October and Elona learn what happened to Umi, October asks Elona did she learn the exorcism spell. Elona says she didn't, because she thought it was useless back then, but then adds that she discovered that beating people senseless has a similar effect.
      October: Just what kind of healer are you?!
    • After defeat, Umi tries to throw Sharpe away, but it floats back into her hand, and Elona points out it cannot be unequipped, as it's a cursed weapon and only by using scroll of curse removal it can be removed. Unfortunately, nobody saw scroll of curse removal for ages. And Dark Umi returns, which ends up in a hilarious banter as they struggle to fight each other.
      Dark Umi: ...I'm back! Now to destroy you like I should have...
      Umi: No, you don't! This is my body! I'm not letting you kill these nice people!
      Dark Umi: Kill them!
      Umi: No, no, no!
      Dark Umi: Yes, yes, yes!
      Umi: I won't let you!
      Dark Umi: Try and stop me!
  • In Dunwitch, the party meets Molly the Were-Zompire, who jumped out of the portal. She then explains her story of being simultaneously killed by a werewolf, a zombie, and a vampire, and becoming a hybrid monster with a lot of unique powers. Dark Umi is not impressed.
    Dark Umi: You let your guard down and became more powerful? How pathetic.
    • Later, after she joins the party, in the chat option, she is displeased with the fact she didn't get 999 on every stat. Narrator then states that even through she's that awesome, her true stats won't be used to stay true to the other characters.
  • When encountering Paradox Molly, who is the reason behind the Zombie Apocalypse in Dunwitch, Dark Umi asks will killing her cause a Reality-Breaking Paradox. Molly says it won't, much to Dark Umi's disappointment.
  • In the Ghost Forest, the party meets Cthulhu cosplayer named Zarbakovaz. At first, Molly notes he smells like somebody haven't used deodorant for months. Later, Dark Umi says his Cthulhu costume is the ugliest costume she had ever seen.
    Cosplayer: How dare you besmirch the sacred robes of the cult of Cthulhu!
    • Later, October tries to inform him that Cthulhu is a good guy now, in hopes he would let them pass after that. It doesn't work.
      Cosplayer: Foul harpies! You have seduced the dark lord from his true path with your womanly wiles!
      Elona: Although I have womanly wiles out the wazoo, Cthulhu made the decision to be a hero on his own accord before we met him.
      Cosplayer: Blasphemy!
      Molly: Dude, you seriously need to get yourself a girlfriend.
      Cosplayer: Are you volunteering?
      Molly: Uh, no.
    • When you finally get to fight him, it turns out he's a very poor fighter and Zero-Effort Boss. After defeat, October asks the narrator is it the strangest foe they'll face, and narrator states he makes no promises. October then points out that when angry breezes were as weird as the foes go, at least they didn't smell like smelly tofu.

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