Funny / Communication

With eldritch power comes eldritch responsibility

— Consensus, after completely fucking up

Funny Moments pages are Spoilers Off. As such, all spoilers on this page will be unmarked. Proceed at your own risk.

Worm

• After getting Taylor to wake up from her coma, here is the first lines spoken by Consensus:
  Consensus: Try and remember what happened.
  Taylor: What the hell..?
  Consensus: Do not respond verbally to the voices in your head. You are still sane. We’re crazy. But we can help. Probably....Some of us might not be very helpful.
• How does Consensus decide to respond to Taylor's tension towards calling Carol Dallon?
  Consensus: Bah, pussy. This is not going to turn out well. Go ahead and do the social-fu power then.
  Taylor: Fuck you!
• After having been without companionship for so long, The Simurgh has to actually plan her conversations in order to not fuck up basic human interaction at this point of her life... much like Taylor!
• After Consensus gets Taylor too many Charges, CAPSLOCK makes them choose the Final Boss...and Consensus' response ends up making things quite worse.
  Consensus: ...How about no?
  CAPSLOCK: ...YOUR INSOLENCE ENRAGES ME!!! VERY WELL! I RELEASE ALL OF THESE CORRUPTED LEGENDS AS YOUR ADVERSARIES! EXPECT NO BOONS OR REWARDS FROM ME!
  Arrogance: Dammit guys, you had to kick the hornet’s nest. I’ma going to go check out these nasties, be back in a bit.
  • Taylor's reaction to this is just as what you would expect:
    Taylor: The Voices did something to piss off something else and apparently three things are now after me.
    Silence*
    Amy: ...But...The Endbringer-
    Taylor: I KNOW! THEY’RE FUCKING IDIOTS! AND APPARENTLY I HAVE TO BE ENTERTAINING OR MORE OF THEM MIGHT COME!
  • In fact, every single player's reaction towards this is positively gold
    (A specific commenter): ...WHAT DID YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS DO WHILE I WAS GONE?!
• After spending dozens of turns preparing for his arrival, evacuating the whole city, and getting as many Charges as possible in preparation to the point of CAPSLOCK deciding that things are getting way too out of hand when it comes to Taylor's growing strength leading to things getting RIDICULOUSLY harder than before, Orion the Endbringer gets killed within an hour after he arrives to Brockton Bay by Taylor...essentially rendering all of that hard effort for naught in the long run and proving CAPSLOCK totally correct about how overpowered Taylor was becoming. The GM's rant about what happened completely sells it:
  TheCompiler: I’m just going to ask, what did you expect to happen once you not only figured out how to kill poor old Robin, but also what you expected to happen to Orion when you have 23 car-sized birds covered in knives that can cut anything swarming him like living angle grinders on a god damned piece of wood? He was Fucked. And I had this whole thing with Robin where he’d take over the Yangban, making them his ‘merry men’ and stealing powers, that would then be taken from him and given to the group...with ROB level energy behind them. Imagine facing almost 50 of him! Dammit, back to the drawing board.. I allowed you too much ramp...eh *shrugs* Live and learn. I'll just have to ramp things up now, after all *whistle* I wonder what Eidolon will think...Goodnight Thread. I'll probably make you suffer in the morning.
  • In fact EVERYONE'S reaction to this development is a great source of amusement.
    (A specific commenter): ...that was disappointing, oddly enough.
  • And then there's Amy's reaction right after Taylor defeats Orion:
    Amy (grappling Taylor with a hug and a squeal): Ohmygodyoukilledanendbringerandyoucanhealandarecuteand-
    Taylor: Wait, what?
    * Amy freezes and disengages*
    Amy(blushing)'':...Nothing.
• When Consensus gains the ability to enter the mind of others, some...interesting things are revealed:
  • Lisa is just as a Deadpan Snarker both externally AND internally of her head!
    Lisa (when asked if Taylor brought enough clothing material): I think she brought enough to clothe most of the local heroes.
  • When get see Amy's perspective on things when the discussion of a harem comes up:
    Amy: ‘I-harem...what!? A harem...hrm. I but, er, um...
• After the clusterfuck that was this Quest's Final Battle, Consensus leaves until the epilogue all while saying last goodbyes...expect this last one who sticks around:
  (A specific commenter): *bowing* It Has Been an Honor and a privilege, Ms. Hebert.
  Finger pokes Taylor's nose before disappearing
  Boop.
• After Taylor defeats the corrupted Minato and wakes up from her fight, she is almost immediately kissed by Amy AND Lisa in rapid session. At that point, Miss Hebert's brain has to be rebooted...TWICE!
  Taylor (internally):...Oh god you actually got me a harem.
• Even on One Last Job, Consensus can't help but Troll the ever living hell of Taylor:
  Consensus (sounds of flipping pages): Booked, work, booked, trash day, dentist, overdue book, I don't know, we're pretty booked....but we think we can squeeze you in~

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

• What happens when Homura meets her first Witch after making her True Wish and it survives her attempt in blowing it up? She simply waves at it, having fought so many Witches at this point that she isn't intimated AT ALL. To even add more hilarity to the whole situation, when said Witch screeches furiously at her actions, Homura just shrugs at back in response.
  • The fight itself is ridiculously one-sided thanks to Homura's new Aspect of Witches. How one-sided you may ask? Homura got bored with how little effort she had to put into killing it!
• On Day 34 of the timeloop, Homura somehow ends up getting dragged into an Dress-Up Episode. The results are quite predictable.
• Then there's Day 39, where wargames are happening. The goal? Defeat Homura before anyone else does. You can guess how this goes.
  Kyoko: GET BACK HERE!
  • How does this end? Madoka of all people managing to get on of Mami's ribbons on her leg before Homura even noticed. It seems that we've finally found the one more broken than Homura's powers!
    Homura: When did you plan this?!
    Madoka just giggles.
• The meeting with the American Magical Girl organization finally happens after so many updates of anticipation...and Consensus just can't help themselves as always.
  Consensus: Probably with the status of the interpersonal relationships on our respective teams! After all we wouldn't want to ship people when they're already in different relationships, y'know? Oh right, we're Consensus: Multiverse Transversing, Irreverent, Shipping, Totally Competent, Everything-Fixing Extraordinaires! Granted, we're probably not as cool as Sabrina, but eh, you win some, you lose some.
  Homura gave a long suffering sigh.
  • And then there's the Americans' reaction towards this introduction:
    Jessica: Your ally is a shipper? I pity you.
    Wendy (elbowing Jessica): Jessica!
• Apparently, just because Taylor's Quest has ended, doesn't mean the she's stop getting into the most wild shit ever. She's still the Queen of Escalation after all.
  • We open up with Taylor and Amy discussing how the former might've overdid it when challenging the Four Chaos Gods of the Warp.
    • Even funnier? It's now two.
  • We get to see Taylor and Yang absolutely ''demolishing' a whole army of monsters on an volcanic planet together...before kissing out in the middle of the whole clusterfuck - which itself is stated in the very narrative to not be *ahem* 'chaste'.
  • And then we see how Taylor and Dragon are doing:
    Taylor: Myriad Twelve to Wyvern, come in Wyvern.
    Dragon: You’re telepathic, Taylor.
    Taylor (while laughing): Come in Wyvern.
    Dragon (sighing): This is Wyvern. What’s your difficulty Myriad Twelve?
    Taylor: Did you have to put so many sexy dragon drones near my flight? A girl could get distracted!
  • We then cut to Lisa bitching at Taylor on how she messed up dealing with some enemies by not killing the the schemer first.
    Lisa: Target the Thinker, Taylor! Target the Thinker!
  • Loyalty finally arrives in order to reunite Taylor with Consensus...which some how devolves into an conversation about an Taylor not wanting to do a Fusion Dance with an Humanoid Abomination version of herself.
    Loyalty: But she needs your help. There’s a MOB coming-
    Taylor: And that is why I diverted it and what happened? Someone put it right back on track.
    * There was a moment of silence. Loyalty’s eyes darted to look at you. She huffed a sigh and stuck out her tongue*
    Loyalty: You suck!
• During the third stage of the final fight, Consensus asks if Homura can take any pictures...and then she actually checks if she does have a camera!
• After FINALLY defeating and killing her personal nightmare, Homura can't help but think how she'll never timeloop again. No more meeting Mami for the first time, no more having to introduce herself to the class, no more excelling in every class simply because she had memorized the material...and is absolutely thrilled that her grades are going to fall!
• When Taylor and the main girls of her harem is called upon to deal with the Incubator invasion, Hilarity Ensues, as it should:
  • The very first conversation demonstrates this.
    Lisa: Hey, Tay? You’ve been messing with time again, you need to-
    Taylor (mentally): Got it: Memories of a Never-was./You couldn’t wait like, five minutes?/Oh wow, they’re really going all out aren’t they?/Oh crap, broadcasting! Broadcast-!
    Taylor (outwardly): Hey Homura, it’s nice to finally meet you.
    Homura (overwhelmed by the five different sentences said by the same woman at the same time): You’re...Taylor?
    Taylor: That’s me! I’m so excited to meet you! I mean, it’s not everyday you meet a sister, right?
    Homura: ...Sister?
    Amy: Don’t bother trying to convince her otherwise. Apparently having a bunch of shipping perverts attached to your soul makes you related.
    Taylor (internally): Amy!
    Taylor (outwardly): Don’t mind her, she’s just annoyed that I’m not letting her get at the Tyranids.
  • Selene's reaction to Homura and Madoka holding hands?
    Selene: You are both adorable. Taylor, why can’t we have some?
    Taylor (laughing nervously): Ha, I have no idea what you’re talking about and this really isn’t the time now, is it Selene?
    Dragon: She always gets like this. Anytime we bring up kids. Apparently she’s "not bothered" by the idea.
    Taylor (at a amused Homura): You just wait until pinkie here is asking the same questions! And don’t give me crap about ‘but we’re both girls!’, at a certain level of power that kind of barrier just doesn’t exist. This will happen to you!
    • And according to Future Madoka, she still doesn't cave in for the next five hundred years. At this betrayal, Taylor SCRAMS.
  • ...So, you know that part when Future Homura and Future Madoka kiss while demolishing the entire Incubator space fleet? Yeah...EVERYBODY saw it...including Junko Kaname. According to the lady herself, that moment has been etched into her brain.

The Familiar of Zero/Zero no Tsukaima

• We basically start off with the whole class's reaction to Louise's summoning Consensus...which is what you'd expect from people of your Standard Fantasy Setting to what is essentially an Sufficiently Advanced Alien.
  Random Classmate: She ate her familiar!
• While giving Exposition to Louise in her room, Consensus mentions giving upgrades to her. Louise's eyes begin dipping down towards her chest before snapping back up.
• When discussing how to explain things to the school's staff, this is brought up:
  Louise: I...will just have to try and explain everything.
  Colette: A wise decision, Director. while the eventual usurpation of authorities is likely inevitable, working alongside-
  Louise: What?! No, not at all! I will not be engaging in such...activities. Usurpation? What the heavens are you thinking?
  Colette(dryly): That you will very quickly become the leader of an army that is all too easily made tireless, wholly loyal and infinite in numbers, Director. Such things will often worry the current authorities, especially if their right to rule is largely written with monopoly of force.
• Headmaster Osmond takes Consensus and Colette's presence pretty well, all things considered:
  Consensus: Greetings Osmond, we are Consensus, an extradimensional hivemind that is speaking to you through a piece of magical technology millions of years more advanced than anything you could possibly conceive! How is your day?
  Osmond: A touch dreary. Though news of the summoning ritual is always quite interesting.
• After picking her first advancement, "Student of Magecraft", Louise is elated by the fact that she can cast magic like her students and immediately tries out a first-year spell...and the usual happens.
• Colette's sheer, uncharacteristic glee at Louise's Manipulative Bitch maneuvering at the beginning of the Guiche and Steve duel.
• Steve's response to Guiche offering Steve to surrender?
  Steve: You must think that I was born yesterday to believe that!
  Louise: ...Did he just..?
  Colette: I believe he did.
• There's this moment in the forest after Louise makes Kirche and Tabitha promise not to tell anyone about what they saw or know about her magic:
  Kirche: Oh, Louise! I knew we could reconcile! I won’t give up hope!
  Louise(mentally): Please do you big breasted whore.
• After Colette herself immediately answers the question of whether or not she is a god, Louise knows by now to read into Consensus's silence, knowing that they never take the opportunity to be silent.
• Derflinger's purchase naturally is full of this.
  Shopkeeper: Are you interested in him?
  Derflinger: Who wouldn’t be?
  Steve: Someone who finds talking swords to be more of an annoyance than a novelty?
  • And then there's this exchange:
    Derflinger: Is Pinky some kind of princess or something? I think I remember working for a princess once?
    Steve: Not so much. My Lady holds no royal title of her own. But power of that level? That is a different matter, one for less open spaces.
    Derflinger: Ooh, Intrigue! Will it lead to stabbing?
    Steve: Quite a lot, I believe.
    Derflinger(gleefully): I can't wait!
• Louise finding the idea of stabbing Wardes in the groin multiple times with a rusty knife morbidly entertaining.
• The fact that Corvid's name is Latin for "the family of crows". Then again what else does one expect from a creature barely a minute old?
• Louise's response to Consensus' expressing their fear of Karin and letting Louise handle the explanations?
  Louise: Founder damn you, you useless imbeciles!
• Consensus greeting Louise in the morning before going on doing this:
  Consensus: Oh, and on a related note: If Colette evr atttains ahuggable avatr fo som e sort, Do so regularly; She deserve's them for teh numerou's atroccitie's against speling and gramer she has to put up within arugula basi's.
  Colette: I understand that they are your advisors, Director, but they seem to make it their mission to aggravate me.
• Steve, Elaine, Anton, Noe, and Lea are hiding in the bushes, making plans on how to take down an army of orcs...when they see one of them go by the nearby river and piss in it. And apparently, the locals drink from there.
• While eating breakfast with Karin, the latter gives Louise the clothing she wore when pretending to be a male in order to give her daughter something practical to wear during training. Cue her daughter being embarrassed at how Stripperiffic it'd make her look and reacting to her mother in those same clothing in her younger years.
• And then there's the following conversation between Louise and Consensus as the former starts running twelve laps around the estate:
  Consensus: Ah, rain. We really wish we were present for the feeling of rain on our skin. It's been so long since some of us have had skin... or noses! Just smell that petrichor! Of course that smell's not coming from the rain itself. Well, not from the water. It's the various plants and other life forms in the soil opening up for that sweet life-giving essence from the sky. Your body is, what, seventy percent water? Granted, it's distributed and mixed with a lot of other stuff to make blood and stomach acid and, honestly, a bunch of humors you probably heard about in medical class. And given how, ahem, medieval your world is, you probably still have pure rain. Not like the ashen stuff of more war-torn realities. You should enjoy this while you can!
  Louise:Shut up. Please.
  Consensus: Did you know on some planets it rains diamonds? The carbon solidifies and pressure hardens it in a thick atmosphere as it falls toward a core that has no ground. Fascinating, and terrifying for the little blobsacks that live there. And on other planets it rains sulfur! Nice, hot, skin-melting sulfur. Sideways, sometimes! Then there are the worlds with skywhales. Lovely creatures, in theory, but a flying ecology means that occasionally you'll get what is colloquially known as dead rain. Ha, well, but this rain, a rain of water, so powerful and pure and glorious, matting together hair and pressing cloth to skin, washing away the grime of constant stress...
  Louise: I’d say it’s rather adding to the mess.
  Consensus: It's an excellent, wonderful blend, a compromise between the softness of the night and the energy of the day, with neither darkness nor light overstaying their welcome! And lightning! Oh, just wait till we tell you about lightning! To hear the skies roar loud enough to wake the dead, it is simply glorious!
  That the sky cracked above her at that moment was surely a coincidence.
  Colette: They don’t have that capability, Director.
  Louise: I know, Colette!
  Consensus: Also watch out for that mud puddle.
  Louise: Fuck you.
  Consensus: Not that we mind you getting muddy, it's good for your health in small doses, but you do need to finish your laps.
  Louise: Fuck you.
  Consensus:Ah, what a WONDERFUL day to begin training...
  Louise: Fuck you.
  • The ending completely sells this scene: Karin joins Louise in her running, information that she only has two laps left...before having to do push ups.
• Prince Wales' reaction to Corvid breaking into his room undetected and sleeping after writing a literate letter?
  Prince Wales: ...you are an odd bird.
• While discussing ship designs for air warfare, Consensus brings up the fact that bees, wasps, and hornets can be used against enemies. Karin asks Louise if this tactic is legit, who just shrugs.
  • And then there's this exchange:
    Consensus: All you have to do is figure out how to get it there with what you've got. And lucky you, you've got a combat expert and a bunch of interdimensional mad geniuses to bounce ideas off of! Except we're going to lunch now so don't expect us back for a bit. We need to introduce you all to pizza soon... Colette, maybe you could provide some good thinking music? Karin, you're in charge, try not to break your daughter before we get back!
    Karin: Excuse you?!
    Louise: Mother, I’m sure they didn’t mean-
    Colette: Did you have to prod the storm?
• Then there the moment when Karin challenges Steve to a duel:
  Consensus: Oooh, this oughta be good. 400 Quatloos on the Lady Valliere! Steve, try not to die too quickly.
  Steve: I must thank you for your confidence, Consensus. Truly, I find myself humbled by it.
• Louise, the rest of the fireteam, Centurion, and Cattleya are at the sidelines and at this moment, Locked Out of the Loop.
  Centurion: My Dear, is this truly necessary? Surely we should at least talk to the man before you battle him simply for being a suitor-
  Louise: Father! He’s not-
  Karin: He is not a suitor, my lord.
• Louise's reaction to Kirche helping out her out with the Familiar Exhibition? "Gods dammit."
  • Then there's when Tabitha gets involved:
    Louise: Consensus insists on the both of you and you seem quite competent. Honestly, I wouldn’t have any problems asking for your aid if I did not believe it came with her attached.
    Kirche: Hey!
    Tabitha: Fair.
    Kirche: HEY! I thought you wanted our help, Louise. All this talk is hurting my feelings.
    Louise: What a tragedy.
• When the trio are discussing just how big of a letcher the Headmaster is to allow Fouquet to infiltrate the school as his own assistant, Consensus chimes in with this:
  "Eh, we've seen bigger letches. The headmaster has nothing on Jiraiya of the Sannin or Master Roshi. Now those two are legends!
• After Louise gives her approval of Steve courting Siesta, we get this:
  Louise: Don’t thank me yet, you’re the one I’m sending to collect her.
  Steve: Excuse me?
• Tabitha and Kirche saving Louise from her date with her traitorous fiancee...by using Corvid fake being a Feathered Fiend, giving Tabitha the excuse to completely soak Wardes.
  • During said "date", Louise deals with having to pretend to not know about Wardes' deception with LOTS of wine.
    Colette: Director, I cannot purge your body of intoxicants until you have access to the Metaphorical Armour. Please, remain alert.
    Louise: Shut up Colette.
• Louise figuring out Kirche is afraid of bugs of all kinds...and has one of her summoned ones chase her around, laughing with Tabitha at the sight.
• When Tabitha and Kirche first get inducted, this exchange about the shared telepathy is what follows:
  Kirche: I, well, it’s one thing to know that you can speak with your soldiers with you mind but it’s quite another to actually experience it.
  Tabitha(through the telepathy link): Indeed, I’ve never used such an interesting kind of communication. The way that your words can move so easily, with just a thought, is something that I never believed was possible. It’s almost like one’s affinity in a way - I know you light candles with barely a thought Kirche, you know what I mean - the ability to simply think and have it be known. It’s really quite an experience. *Louise and Kirche look at her in Stunned Silence* What?
• And then there's the following conversation when Consensus informs Kirche and Tabitha that Henrietta is going to inform Karin about Louise knowing about Wardes's treachery but not informing them beforehand.
  Kirche: Can you imagine? Waking one morning and coming onto the deck of your ship to see her flying at you with a furious expression-.
  Louise: Don’t even say it! She will already be frightening enough as it is; what do you think she will do when she realises I’ve been consorting with you?!
  Kirche: ...Well, its been very nice knowing you Louise but perhaps it is best if I leave...
• Louise threatening to kill Kirche as the latter is hugging the former.
• The first action Consensus chooses to do when granted a body by Benevolence? Trying to sit in and falling off a chair in many different and ridiculous ways.
• This little snippet comes up when the topic of the conception of Tiffania is discussed:
  Louise: If the elves so chose they could have a legitimate claim to the throne of Albion! What was the idiot thinking?!
  Connie: Probably: "Hey that’s a sexy lady, I wanna sex her."
• The following conversation between Louise and Kirche when discussing how exactly they will arrive to Tiffania's home, where Louise reminds Kirche about just how deadly her powers are.
  Kirche: ...you are very lucky I’m your friend, Louise. Most people would run screaming.
  Louise: Most people would also want to sleep with you. There’s no accounting for taste, I suppose.
  *Cue scandalized shriek and short chase through the castle halls.*