Back to the main page.
open/close all folders
- The Batman/Catwoman shipper arc Cat Tales is consistently funny. In the first book, "A Girl's Gotta Protect Her Reputation", Catwoman decides to set the record straight regarding various falsehoods and rumors circulating around her(in other words, a fix-fic for everything that's happened to her since the "Officer Down" arc), by telling her side of the story...in a stand-up routine. A passage from her stage show:So Ive got the trinkets. Brunhilda is still snoring away. Cujo, the killer schnauzer, is still locked in the bathroom. I close the safe, restore the power, slide the window back exactly the way it was 8 minutes flat. Personal best for a private residence where I didnt have the floorplan going in. I drop down to the alley and there he is The Batman. Caped Crusader. Dark Knight. Guardian of Gotham. Crime Fighter extraordinaire. I am Vengeance, I am Justice, I am in desperate need of a personality transplant Batman.
In full regalia looking like Sir Lancelot dipped in tar but not yet feathered.
And he speaks: I dont think those jewels belong to you.
I salute you, Worlds Greatest Detective.
- And later, after Bruce sits through her performance and is forced to consider some hard home truths, he talks to Dick Grayson:Am I a self-absorbed, self-righteous, inflexible prig?
Dick suddenly felt like he was playing a LucasArts Adventure Game. He imagined four possible responses to Bruces question appearing under his chin:Thats how I addressed your Fathers Day card.
Is that prig with an R Yes.
Why are you having new stationery made up?
YES YES YES! IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND TRUE, YOU ARE THE KING AND LORD OF THE LAND OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRIGS!
And no matter which response the player chose, the character would say: Why no, not at all. Why do you ask?
- Every part from Harvey Dent / Two-Face's perspective. In one instalment, Two-Face has been tormented with paranoia due to being free from Arkham at a time of year (hinted to be the anniversary of his parents' death) when Batman tends to be especially vicious to his Rogues Gallery, and has been frantic about the possibility of Batman catching up to him. When Batman eventually does catch him at the end, he's just so relieved that the sword has finally dropped that he happily offers Batman a free shot to punch him right in the face.
- And later, after Bruce sits through her performance and is forced to consider some hard home truths, he talks to Dick Grayson:
- A Young Justice/Teen Titans fanfic had these relationship status options on the superhero networking site:
- I am:
-enjoying marriage privileges others do not have
-still in that disgusting touchy-feely phase
-sex, please, we're Arrows
- Paganpunk2's fanfictions involving Batman often involve Mythology Gags and snarking, so there are loads of funny moments. One in particular comes from "To Catch a Predator," where Bruce and Dick have split up to try and find a missing girl (who, as it happens, Dick has considerable Ship Tease with). Panicking because Dick isn't answering his radio, Bruce considers reasons why he might not be answering. Maybe he's still looking for her, maybe the storm is interfering with communications, maybe he knocked out all the guards and she was so grateful that they...
- Cue Bruce slamming on the mental brakes and thinking that no, they had better not be doing that, no matter how many guards he took out.
- A few from Bat Brats:
- Damian trying, and failing, to hide he's attracted to Stephanie Brown.
- Blackfire nicknaming Dick "Mr. Butt"-because she discovered he's Nightwing from that.
- Starfire's solution to her romantic rivalry with Barbara: seduce her and form a threesome.
- Everyone fears what will Blackfire do to test Barbara's worthiness to marry Starfire, as when she tested Dick she set up a fake alien invasion of Tamaran. What does she do? She verifies if she can pull herself over a bar, because, differently from Dick, she has already proved herself in anything but strength, and wouldn't even need that additional test if her crippling didn't make Blackfire doubt she had kept up the training of the rest of her body.
- Blackfire loves her sister, she just can't stand the fact she exists.
- Blackfire's concept of Cool Big Sister-at least when she's not trying to kill her.
- Winging With the Waynes, a reality show similar to Jersey Shore with the Waynes as protagonists.
- Joker is in Arkham's hospital wing, getting bored due Blackfire shattering his arms and legs... So, to prevent he comes up with too many horrible things to do when he heals, the Red Hood from Earth 3, AKA Owlman's Joker, shows up with Jokers from many other dimensions to exchange funny tales. Including Caesar Romero's, Martha Wayne, and one that is his universe' Alfred. And the latter two escape with the Joker before Red Hood gets everyone back to their universes.
- Everything about Control Freak's unrequited crush on Blackfire. The Russian radars mistake her for a ballistic missile after she first finds out.
- Eventually he's led to believe she's dating Jason Todd, and his complaints while he tries to drown his sorrows at the Iceberg Lounge's "Special Room" starts annoying all the other patrons... Then Joker walks up, compares Tamaraneans to Klingon and his situation to Quark trying to impress Grilka... And Control Freak decided the best way to impress Blackfire was to steal Batman's power armor and kryptonite and defeat Superman.Bane: "Why did you do that?"
Joker: "Come on, you wanted to hurt him too-it's just you don't have the sense of humor to make it funny."
- A few days later Harley, who has left Joker and is now affiliated with Batman, shows up to find out who's trying to break in the decoy Batcaves in the sewers, and after she realizes what Joker has done she has an Evil Laugh that the Clown Prince of Crime justifies to Control Freak with a quick explanation:"You see, Superman is a dick, and she's already enjoying the lesson you'll give him."
- A few days later Harley, who has left Joker and is now affiliated with Batman, shows up to find out who's trying to break in the decoy Batcaves in the sewers, and after she realizes what Joker has done she has an Evil Laugh that the Clown Prince of Crime justifies to Control Freak with a quick explanation:
- The advertisement for Lazarus, the Wayne Enterprises' miracle drug reverse engineered from the Lazarus Pits' chemicals, based on this. Plus, Ra's al Ghul's reaction.
- Adrian Tullberg's short fics can be quite funny. Two notable examples:
- In "Commentary", a report on the passage of the Superhero Registration Act, as well as the public unmasking of Spider-Man, as it would appear on The Daily Show. Jon Stewart's comment on J. Jonah Jameson:"That's right ... Peter Parker took photos. Of himself. And sold them to this man who never, ever wondered why this one guy could get nearly all the photos of Spider-Man... all the time."
- And the fact John lampshades most of the stupider parts behind the logic of the Superhero Registration Act,such as punishing the superheroes when it was clearly the job of the supervillain. But the crowner is how he ties it to the the Bush Administration, making the governmental botch-up a LOT more realistic.
- Oh, and a certain fourth-wall breaking cameo by a certain Merc with a Mouth beating a certain reporter with a baseball bat...
- In "Alternative Strategy", when The Avengers and the Fantastic Four are informed by the President of the imminent passage of the SHRA, they immediately announce their retirement and begin loudly announcing plans for the future, which involve Reed creating a synthetic gasoline that would put American oil companies out of business. A suddenly terrified President immediately announces he would veto the SHRA sight unseen.Reed: I was waiting for Johnny to get off the phone talking to some girl and I devised a method for creating artificial gasoline.
VP: You invented a new form of gas?
Reed: I never liked Sudoku.
- In "Commentary", a report on the passage of the Superhero Registration Act, as well as the public unmasking of Spider-Man, as it would appear on The Daily Show. Jon Stewart's comment on J. Jonah Jameson:
- The The Avengers fic Two Out of Three (Ain't Bad) All of it is hilarious, but special mention goes to this scene:Steve pauses, taking in the picture before him: Tony in a ratty t-shirt and sweats, flour streaked from his waist to his hair, an abandoned spatula in a bowl filled with goopy substance, the canister of syrup sitting to the side."I didn't know you cooked," he says. Tony isnt sure whether to be gratified or offended. He goes with gratified, because that's just better all around."Yes!" he says. "I can cook. I'm a great cook. Of pancakes. Do you want some pancakes?"Jesus. If he's going to turn into a babbling mess every time Steve talks to him, he should just quit now. Or perhaps invest in some index cards....Then again, having to whip out index cards every time he talks to Steve would be kind of terrible. Also, what if he drew one that was unrelated to the conversation?(He can imagine it now: "Hello, Tony.""Hey, Cap.""How's the weather today?""Uh — something something Dodgers? What? Useless piece of paper—oh, um, sunny?")Yeah, no."That'd be wonderful, Tony, thank you."For a second Tony is confused, because, him being terrible at conversations about the Dodgers? What? But then he realizes: pancakes. Right."You're welcome," Tony says, and vows to make the best damn pancakes Steve has ever seen. He's a genius, he can do this.
"You should have some vegetables with that," Steve says finally."There are no vegetables," Tony points out until Steve somehow manages to produce a cucumber. "Okay, right, yes, give it here."
- Also this part; there's just something so hilarious about the image:
- In Deeds (or To Be Worthy) Loki has this to say about Mephisto:Loki: He is beneath me. His idea of villainy is to play practical jokes on Spider-Man.
- After spending most of the zombie apocalypse fanfic Polarity hinting about how much he fantasizes about Ms. Marvel, the Shocker gets saved from being dropped from a mile in the sky by Ms. Marvel and MACH-IV. As MACH-IV zooms off after the Vulture..."Hold on, Herman," Ms. Marvel said, grabbing me with her other hand and helping me onto her back as we hovered what-felt-like-miles above Manhattan. "Grab onto my shoulders and lets head down.""Roger."After a few seconds..."Herman, those aren't my shoulders.""Oh, right."A few more seconds."You can let go of them now.""Sorry."
- From Calculator, sequel to Bunny Slippers, courtesy of Loki:
- Cohabitation in the Twenty-first Century, an epistolary fanfic about Steve and Bucky writing down rules for each other as roommates and quickly devolving into petty bickering, brings forth the Like an Old Married Couple hilarity in full force:Steve: You like cats.Bucky: I hate the smell of cats.Steve: We can get a cat if you want. Animal therapy is supposed to be very helpful.Bucky: I don't need a fucking cat.Steve: You can name it anything you like, but if it's something dumb I'm just calling it Kitty.Bucky: Fine, I'll get a cat and I'll call him The Great Bambino, and every time you call him Kitty, I'll hide your iPod again.(later)Steve: Are you hoarding all the clothes and building a nest in the wall like a rat?Bucky: If I was a rat, I wouldn't be getting The Great Bambino. And if I was a rat I'd be like the ones in the Rats of Nimh.Steve: I think maybe you should talk to your therapist about that.Bucky: Wait. I changed my mind. Next week is Don Bluth movies. You can hold my hand when Littlefoot's ma kicks it.Steve: Dammit Bucky, I don't need to hold your hand when a cartoon character dies.Bucky: Uh-huh. You DO remember Charlie B. Barkin, don't you??Steve: Shut it.Bucky: Is that why you suggested a cat instead of a dog? Are you still broken up over Bessie?Steve: What? Bessie? Bucky, I haven't seen that dog in nearly ninety years. I mean — 24? years? but — you know what I mean.Bucky: That would be a YES then. Don't worry, The Great Bambino is gonna fill that hole in your big super soldier heart.Steve: Yeah, fill it up with hairballs.