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Funny / Civil War II

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  • Deadpool's poster. He'll root for both sides!
  • Black Panther's reaction to Carol and Rhodey making out in front of him.
    Black Panther: Ancestors please, grant me the strength not to throw up in the mask.
  • When Queen Medusa decides it's time to reveal Ulysses, veteran members of the Avengers all gather in Tony Stark's pantry to avoid being overheard.
    Spider-Man: Okay... Is this a recipe swap?
    • Later, they attempt to have Jean read Ulysses' mind so he can share his visions with everyone present.
    Jean: What I'm going to do is create a limited hive mind between you and everyone else here. That means you can actually show them what you see and what you do. But you won't show them everything. You won't show them every weird thought you have in your head.
    Ulysses: But, I don't have any weird thoughts in my head.
    Jean: Everyone does. You should see what She-Hulk is thinking about right now.
    She-Hulk: Hey, not cool.
    • And when it fails...
    Jean: His mind is like a closed system.
    Spider-Man: Like a Macbook?
    • And when everybody realizes that the potential use of Ulysses' power is going to be a huge dividing point, there's a big spread of everybody in the room—pretty much every major player in the Marvel universe at the time—all staring intently at Ulysses. Except for Spider-Man. Who's got half his mask lifted up so he can continue eating while the others debate. Crystal seems to be the only one who's noticed.
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    • Then Tony presents a rather... Interesting scenario in order to illustrate his point.
    Tony: Let's say this guy here comes running up to us and says, "Oh my God I just saw a vision of the Hulk making out with Ultron... And a baby popped out... And the baby was reincarnated Hitler"?
    Tony: No doubt.
  • When Ulysses has a serious vision, the Inhuman royal family all rushes into his room. Including Johnny Storm, who's naked save for a bedsheet wrapped around his waist.
  • While a bit morbid, considering it's in the middle of Tony's speech on how intervening to change the future got Rhodey killed, and it could have been any one amongst them, we get this gem:
    Tony: It could have been you, and Hawkeye, I'm frankly shocked that it wasn't you.
  • In first tie-in issue with Spider-Man, Tony attempts to recruit Miles on his side and keeps using the word "profiling". When Tony's done speaking, the first thing out of Miles' mouth is asking if he's using that word because [Miles] is black.
  • In Nova's tie-in, Sam has trouble with Mole Monster's invasion of New York since the other heroes aren't responding to his distress signals. Soon he ends up getting help... from The Captain of all people. And he's just as crass and surly as ever. Even funnier, he actually ends up teaching Sam an actual life lesson in his drunken rants and even inspires some character development for Nova. All this while remaining perfectly in character.
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  • In Totally Awesome Hulk #9, after Carol confronts Amadeus, the latter asks if he thinks she can stop him if he ever goes on a Hulk-like rampage. After they leave, he proceeds to do just that... only to reveal that he turned a mountain-side into a message: MADE YOU LOOK.
  • Deadpool #15 - Deadpool breaks into the Triskelion to... use the potty. And ends up getting into a fight with Black Panther. Golden moments include:
    • Deadpool mocking T'Challa for not seeing his arrival from Ulysses, then playfully mentions his theory on what will happen in A Song of Ice and Fire, which hits T'Challa's Berserk Button.
    • Deadpool finally using the loo... and the horrified look T'Challa gets when he sees Deadpool's pants around his ankles.
    • Miss America quickly turns around when she catches Deadpool in the hall with his pants still down.
    • Deadpool kicks T'Challa in the groin. T'Challa returns it in kind, leading Deadpool to groan out that his kid is gonna be an only child.
      • And the kicker about this? The entire issue is a Civil War II tie-in In Name Only!
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  • Gods of War #3 has Ire asking Spider-Man if he was a spider who dreamt of being a man or a man who dreamt of being a spider. Spidey's response?:
    Spider-Man: Uh, no one's ever— Why? Why would you—? Why?!
  • One of the stories in the first issue of the Choosing Sides miniseries features Trull the Unhuman, an alien who is trapped in the form of a steam shovel, and who is trying to take over the world with an army of sentient steam shovels. He claims that he was the conqueror of Delta Centurius before he got stuck on Earth, but now finds his attempts to conquer Earth constantly thwarted by Ghost Rider, elephants... and paved roads.

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