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Funny / Chronicles of Darkness

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Moments of funny from Chronicles of Darkness.

Official Gamelines

Fan-made Gamelines

In General:

  • The first edition corebook gives us this gem when describing the setting:
    "Superficially, most people in this fictional world live the same lives we do. They eat the same food, wear the same clothes, and waste time watching the same stupid TV shows."
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  • Antagonists gives up this nice little jab when describing how many amateur hunters can fall into Arbitrary Skepticism:
    Many potential alliances never happen because hunters either don’t believe each other, or miss references because they don’t fit in their personal views of the supernatural: “I saw a vampire drinking someone’s blood. What? Werewolves? No, that’s stupid. I’ll be some vampires can turn into wolves, though. (If you don’t believe people are this tunnel-visioned or arrogant, spend an hour on an unmoderated forum anywhere on the Internet).
  • Two hunters are discussing a new mission they have been given. One complains that it seems like a wild goose chase, to which the other replies "Yeah, well, you know what else they said was a wild goose chase? Finding Bigfoot. But where is he now? In federal prison because he never paid his taxes."
    "There's a tree in my basement."
    "It gives me magic powers."
    "Yer nuts. Gimme another beer."
  • Reliquary (the book discussing Relics and other artifacts) provides this line while discussing how apples can mean trouble:
    "An apple could be the logo of a company (like an electronic company, just to pull an example out of nowhere) which is the front for some smug, overconfident villain."
    • In the same vein, there is this bit about what churches are ready to do to protect their relics:
  • For all the horrifying things given in the God-Machine Chronicles, some of the sample Angels provided here have downright hilarious weaknesses. Highlight include:
    • An angel disguised as a cop who is vulnerable to donuts (as in, they cause him Aggravated damages when he touches them);
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    • One disguised as a servant in a diner who cannot refuse a request for a cup of coffee;
    • One who has to subtly reveal his true nature when spoken in Spanish... which wouldn't be that bad if not for the fact his human form looks Hispanic, has a Spanish accent and doesn't speak Spanish, not to mention the God-Machine's main enemies are all natural Omniglots.
    • Then you have the Lady in Red, an Angel whose task is to ensure two specific people will end up forming a couple, even if she has to ruin their already existing relationships in order to succeed. In other word, her entire role consists in re-enacting your typical Fan-Preferred Couple fanfic plot.
  • Similarly, some of the God-Machine Chronicles sample situations described to show how humans occasionally interact with the supernatural are hilarious in how casual they are:
    • A woman comes to deliver a pizza in an appartment finds out her "client" is a man with the head of a fly who is using said pizzas for... something with his larvae. Instead of killing her, the fly-man just takes the pizza, shoves money in her hand and closes the door, as if this was a perfectly normal situation.
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    • A drunken student trying to drive his way back home gets assaulted by a being of light, who... knocks him unconcious and temporarily takes away his keys so he won't kill himself on the road. Talk about an unusual way to avoid traffic accidents.
    • A woman is taking the elevator, when a cyborg-like creature walks in, waits next to her saying nothing, then leave as if nothing weird happened.
  • Hurt Locker introduces a Fighting Style Merit known as Avoidance, best-described as the fighting style of of a Dirty Coward- which is as funny as it sounds. Moves include looking so unthreatening people will neglect attacking you, tricking your opponent into hurting themselves (or your allies) or flat-out Playing Possum.

Alternative Title(s): New World Of Darkness


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