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Catch Your Breath

  • Chapter 15: Kei's first impression of Kakashi goes thus:
    First impression of Kakashi Hatake: He's a pint-sized jackass.
  • Chapter 18: "DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
  • Chapter 37: Kei and Gai's Chunin Exam match. It involves a shinobi-speed Groin Attack. See Cringe Comedy on the main page for further details.
  • Chapter 39: Kei suffers acute Cuteness Proximity and Cuteness Overload when first introduced to Kakashi's dogs.
    PUPPIES!
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  • Chapter 41: The shuriken training exercise. Kei refuses to participate, Obito complains, and Kakashi refuses to let his teammates forget it. And then Minato arrives. With a Lipstick Mark on his head courtesy of Kushina.
    Obito: "Kakashi had a dumb idea and was trying to get us to do it."
    Kakashi: "If you can't write your name in shuriken, you don't understand accuracy."
    Kei: "So basically, it's a dumb exercise for impressing girls."
    Minato: "...So, like this?"
    [One storm of metal later...]
    Minato: "Never underestimate a teenage boy with a girl to impress."
  • Chapter 42: Team Minato's training exercise, summed up here:
    Minato: "I have to admit, I expected slightly less in the way of attempted murder—so, Kei, were you even trying to get the bells, or were you planning on salvaging them off my smoking corpse?"
    Kei: [shrug] "Six of one, half-dozen of another."
    [later]
    Minato: "I didn't really expect you to [get the bells]. Even if a certain someone took that as an excuse to blow up half the forest around here."
    Kei: "Guilty as charged."
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  • Chapter 47: Kei's bonus section refers to Obito as "Schrodinger's Ninja."
  • Chapter 49: Obito's POV ends in one.
    Obito: ...since Kakashi's looking at me, I guess pretty much everyone else is and whoops there goes the advantage of a surprise attack. Uh.
    Guruguru: "Uh-oh."
  • Chapter 76: Nagato finally figures out that Kei is a girl.
  • Chapter 77:
  • Chapter 83: Turns out that Kurama is a little sensitive about his handwriting.
  • Chapter 84: Kakashi encounters a really bad book, and then goes on to toss it to Kei. It even has a tag on the CYB sideblog under the fitting name #horrible book.
    Kakashi: "I give up. Do you want to read this?"
    Kei: "Is it horrible?"
    Kakashi: "The pacing's bland, I hate the main character, and I've gotten through the first chapter and I'm pretty sure the main couple hasn't met. Your call."
    [a few seconds later...]
    Kei: "The branch Roku had added to the fire burst asunder with a muted pop as the coals underneath heated the gnarled length of wood to the point where a small cache of water or sap that had somehow evaded the rays of the sun for untold decades exploded into steam…" [...] "How did this make it past the editing stage? Because this is…"
    Kakashi: "Yeah. And that's just a campfire."
    Kei: "It's an abomination," [...] "…Did the author just use five synonyms for 'green'? He's talking about a tree."
    [another few seconds]
    Kakashi: "I almost wonder how bad it can get."
    Kei: [narrating] About fifteen minutes later, he ended up hurling it across the room and out the room's door just as it opened. I never did figure out exactly which part of the book pissed him off.
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  • Chapter 88: Kei walks in on Genma and Raido, post-sex, and takes quite a while to catch on to the situation.
  • Chapter 95: How Naruto's little sister Tatsumaki is born and everybody's reactions to her first cries.
    At that moment, little Tatsumaki apparently decided that all of this was entirely too much excitement for the few hours of life, because she immediately started screaming.
    I watched a jolt run through all of the shinobi present—or at least the ones who didn't have kids of their own. Which was...all of us except Sensei and Kushina. While we'd been around Naruto throughout his first two years, to varying degrees, there was a special pitch in an infant's voice that hit our brains like nails on a chalkboard. Parents built up an immunity over time, based on their love for their children. Which, again, most of us were not.
    Somehow, the room was deserted inside of four seconds. Tenzō and Tsunade made the most graceful retreat, given that she had work and he'd spent the most time around Naruto during the kid's tantrums.
    Obito and Rin? Gone.
    Jiraiya and me? Headed down the hall and away from the noise.
    But we did manage to hear Naruto's second reaction to having a new sibling: "Make it stop!"
  • Chapter 109: Kei's first birthday gift to Kakashi for his birthday party goes something like this:
    Kakashi: "The bearer of this coupon is entitled to one meal with and paid for by Keisuke Gekkō, because I'm a jerk who skipped the bill."
    Obito: "Seriously, Kei?"
    Kei: (defensive) "Hey, I ran out of ideas and I do owe him."
  • Chapter 120: When Kei's students find out that Kei and Kakashi are dating. While they're walking Kakashi's ninken on a D-Rank mission.
    Aiko: "Kei-sensei, I have a question! Oh, oh! Kakashi-sensei, I wanna know something from you, too."
    Kakashi: "Ask away."
    Aiko: "Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?"
    [A pause and Luminescent Blush on both Kei and Kakashi's parts]
    Aiko: "I knew it! Kei and Kakashi, sitting in a tree~. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
    Pakkun: (howls, bringing the other ninken in) "First comes love—"
    Kakashi: (strangled) "Dismissed."
    [POOF!]
    Roku: "...Does this mean we don't get paid?"
    • Also what Isobu ends the chapter on, much to Kei's growing dismay. Best Turtle Friend, indeed.
      Kei: "We've got a long way to go."
      Isobu: "Let's get down to business-"
      Kei: "Isobu, please don't tell me you have that memorized."
      Isobu: "Of course I do."
  • The B-Plot chapter titled The Canine Warriors, where Wataru and Miyako are out on a joint mission with Fuse Inuzuka, Yatsu Hyuuga, and Kakashi's future parents, Sakumo Hatake and Satomi Inuzuka. Yatsu finds out in the most simple and rather frightening way on what not to say in front of Wataru when Miyako is around.
    Wataru: "Works for me."
    Yatsu: "Who cares if it works for you? You're with your girlfriend."
    [Narration] There's another scraping metal sound. Somehow, Miyako has acquired a kunai and is patiently sharpening it. With the rest of the team's eyes on her, Miyako glances up with deliberate slowness and puts her hand against Wataru's arm.
    Sakumo: [after a few seconds] "Leave your personal problems in the village."

Ocean Stars Falling

  • Kei's adventures on the very first island:
    • She spends about a day on her own, investigating a random island and unable to identify the signs that she's in One Piece. Within a minutes of waking up, she and Isobu discover that they've been physically separated—though the seal-forged bond is still there—and start playing in the ocean. Isobu, due to carelessness, accidentally swamps part of the island. The result: Kei gets fish dinner without a fishing line, and has to spend a few minutes dragging stranded sharks back into the waves (while complaining the entire time).
    • The next day, with Isobu hidden, Kei's island is visited by the Whitebeard Pirates. She boggles at Teach's immense size, accidentally offers the visitors poisonous fish for lunch (which makes them immediately question her sanity), and ends up briefly playing doctor when Portgas D. Ace—due to another narcoleptic episode—literally crashes lunch. Not long after, her attempt to not make a splash are ruined by unfamiliarity with local physics; instead of landing neatly on the deck when tossed by Ace, she accidentally ends up in the mainmast rigging due to applying In a Single Bound ninja skills at the wrong moment. Fee Fi Faux Pas basically sums it up.
  • Later on, Kei ventures off on her own to try and find the other jinchuriki with just Isobu for company, only to meet no success. In doing so, she accidentally fakes her own death and puts the Whitebeards into mourning mode. Which, as a later chapter suggests, involved everyone getting spectacularly drunk.
  • Ace's first meeting with Isobu involves the two of them having a brief confrontation. Isobu is basically a Kaiju that talks, which understandably wigs Ace out something fierce. But ultimately, he takes that information more in stride than the idea that Isobu might get to Teach first.
    Ace: "Get back. That's—"
    Kei: "The thing that ate my boat? Only because I asked him to."
    Ace: "It—That’s a Sea King. You can talk to Sea Kings?"
    Kei: "No. Isobu is a Tailed Beast." [...] "If he talks, he’ll probably hurt your ears and won’t really be able to hear you unless you yell back, Lucky you’re a Logia, right?"
    Ace: "I—uh, I guess so?" [clears throat] "Portgas D. Ace, at your service!"
    Isobu: "You already know my name, and as far as I am concerned, there is no line. Whichever of us finds that traitor first will be the one to kill him."
    Ace: "He is mine."
    Kei's thoughts: Arguing with a giant turtle monster. Oh, he's definitely one of a kind.
  • Part of traveling with Portgas D. Ace means dealing with his habit of eating massive amounts of food and skipping the bill. Kei, being both baffled by this behavior and much more responsible, pays every restaurant Ace rips off.
    Kei: [under her breath] "Ace, you’re a fucking cheapskate."
  • It takes five chapters and several months for Kei to realize what setting she's been dropped into. How does she remember? By seeing Luffy pull a dine-and-dash in Alabasta and immediately getting a flashback to the pirate rap from the 4KidsEntertainment version of One Piece.
    • Prior to this, Kei's been on a search for a particular type of paper in order to make seals, and buys a box at a ridiculous markup. Given that she's traveling with Portgas D. Ace, it's perhaps inevitable that it ends up getting set on fire, dunked in the ocean, and almost destroyed. Kei's so distracted by the potential loss that she almost misses Gaara showing up.
  • Straw Hats, meet Shukaku. Once the obligatory screaming is over, we get this:
    Luffy: "So cool! Gaara, Gaara, is that your friend? Is he your mama? Is your mama a tanuki?"
    Gaara: [nonplussed] "No."
    Luffy: "Aw, that's not as fun."
  • Ace and Kei head to a new island, which happens to be where Yugito Nii has been stranded for a few months. Kei's worrywort tendencies come into play instantly.
    Ace: "Not seeing a giant killer pussycat."
    Kei: "Not yet you’re not. She’ll make her way over here when Yugito sees us."
    Ace: [unimpressed] "What's the strategy?"
    Kei: "If Yugito decides to hit me in melee? Don’t be there."
    Ace: "Helpful. What am I supposed to do if it turns out all she wants is a giant yarn ball?"
  • Yugito and Kei do fight, which knocks both of them all around the beach and eventually into the ocean. What stops them? Isobu and Matatabi finally arrive to yell at their respective human partners. This calms things down for a few minutes...until Yugito realizes that Ace took advantage of the fight to steal her dinner. She immediately decides to kill him instead.
  • Yugito and Kei follow along with Ace's infiltration of the G2 Marine base. Yugito immediately despairs when she realizes Ace's infiltration strategy is actually working, while Kei ends up stealing a filing cabinet because she felt the need to participate somehow. The entire filing cabinet.
    • Yugito also ends up stealing something: A transponder snail she names Komushi. Kei has this response:
      Kei: "So, does that mean you'll finally call Captain Whitebeard yourself instead of making me give the updates? Because if you skip out again, I'm going to start making things up."
      Ace: "Given your reaction to the stuff I actually do, I say you can do your worst. Besides, I can just top it next time."
  • Saiken's first appearance is popping out of the ocean and constricting Isobu, causing huge waves that nearly swamp both the Nautilus (Kei's trade-in boat) and Ace's Striker. By all rights, he's an intimidating figure. And then he starts talking.
    Ace: "...Is that seriously his voice?"
  • Naruto's introductory scene. He rides over to the group on Yang Kurama's back, hugs Kei, has an argument with Yang Kurama that reveals he tried and failed to teach Naruto manners, nicknames Yugito and Utakata immediately after hearing their names, and then gets distracted while admitting that he's already attacked a Marine base on his own before being reunited with everyone. It even turns out he stole a Black Transponder Snail in the process, as a part of a mission for the Revolutionaries.
    Naruto: "I dunno, like, these guys in white? I know the sign said ‘Marine’ but I mean, isn’t everything on the ocean sorta marine? Like, by definition?"
    Yugito: [baffled] "You’re…not wrong."
  • Isobu does, in fact, manage to pull a Kill Steal on Teach. Entirely fed up with the man's ambition and having bigger problems to deal with, he splats the man like a bug between his hands.
  • Team Jinchuriki (comprised of Kei, Utakata, Yugito, and Naruto, alongside their partners) plans a stealthy infiltration of Impel Down to get Ace out alive before his execution date. They've managed to knock out all the guards on the entry floor, find incriminating paperwork and information, and start putting together a communication relay based on Isobu's smaller clones. And then the Straw Hat Pirates show up, traveling via the Thousand Sunny while the ship is suspended from Chomei's grip. Luffy even enters the scene via leaping from the still-hovering ship all the way down to Impel Down's front door. The ninjas immediately give up on the stealth option after that.
  • The actual Prison Break goes thus:
    • Fu makes her first appearance, and Kei immediately equates her to a girl version of Luffy.
    • Kei utterly fails to get anybody else to strategize because "the first step in any plan involving the Straw Hat Pirates was also the first step in not following the plan."
    • Usopp takes out the marksmen in the first level with his slingshot, which unfortunately knocks them directly into the razor grass and other environmental hazards they've been using to corral the inmates. While freaking out the entire time under his breath.
    • Later, to announce their arrival in the next level:
      Zoro: "108 Caliber Phoenix!"
      Luffy: "Gum-Gum Bazooka!"
      Franky: "Strong Right!"
      Robin: "Clutch!"
      Fu: "Scale Powder Blizzard!"
      Utakata: "Why do you people call your attacks?"
      • Kei later joins in when she and Luffy split off later in the saga, weakly justifying the practice by saying Luffy is insidious.
      Fu: [after a Combination Attack] "Three Sword Style Gum-Gum Diable Mouton Jet 600-Caliber Phoenix Cannon! It's just as awesome as Luffy said it would be!"
      Kei's thoughts: …Wait, how had Luffy remembered what that technique was even called when he couldn't remember most people's names?
    • Yugito proves that she's Not So Above It All when the group heads into level three and faces down the Minotaurus. Instead of instantly leaping to attack the Awakened Zoan like they have everything else so far, Zoro, Sanji, and Yugito Rock–Paper–Scissors for the right to maim it.
      Utakata: "I think we're going to have to think about splitting up. While some of us can fold space-time to end up back outside of the prison, the longer we can maintain chaos the longer we have to escape."
      Utakata: [suspicious] "Has anyone ever told you that you're too young to have that as your first option?"
      Naruto: "You want a distraction. I can be really distracting. Anyway, most of my explosives aren't that big."
      Kei: "I have the ones that are."
      Utakata: "I can't decide if you're a bad influence of some kind, or if you're just enabling his destructive tendencies."
      Naruto: "Come on, Uta, live a little. Explosions are cool!"
      Utakata: "I can't work like this." [storms off]
    • Yugito accidentally inspires a Instant Fan Club among the Impel Down prisoners. They end up following her out of the prison to start the Cobalt Lioness Pirates around her.
      "Our goddess is here!"
      "We're saaaaved!"
    • Kei's group runs into Sadi-chan on the next floor, whom Kei immediately pegs as a dominatrix. Naruto doesn't know what a dominatrix is and assumes she's using her whip to abuse animals (like the Jailer Beasts) and prisoners. He's right, but...
      Kei's thoughts: "That was… Uh. Not what I would have concluded. Given the outfit, the whip was probably more of a… Fuck it. I wasn't explaining that to anyone, even under threat of torture. Kushina would eat my soul with a side of rice."
    • Brook is a part of the group that heads into Level Five. "I do believe this door would be giving me goosebumps…if I had any skin! Yohohoho! Skull joke!"
    • The Level Five team end up running around in circles in the snow for a while, only to belatedly realize that the reason they keep getting lost is because Luffy keeps moving the vivre card while trying to follow it.
      • They also take the time to make puns:
      Chopper: "Brook, can you see anyone in the upper cell block who isn't too frozen to talk?"
      Brook: "I can't, and I can't even say it's because I don't have eyes!"
    • Also while on Level Five, they actually stop and ask for directions before remembering the vivre card problem. However, the person they ask is an inmate, and he's basically insensate because they just beat him up for trying to eat Chopper. After telling them to go to hell, and attempting to direct them to the wolf-infested forest, he passes out before he can aquiesce to Luffy's demand for "better directions." Then the group remembers the vivre card and promptly forgets about him.
    • Kei meets Emperio Ivankov for the first time. Or rather, doesn't. Other than noting the bizarre proportions of humans in One Piece, she misses the entire introduction past the electric guitar riff because she was so busy talking to Isobu in her head. When she comes back to the conversation, it's because Chopper has been tugging on her pant leg for a while.
    • Kei is more confused by the idea that the leader of the Revolutionary Army is actually named Dragon than she is by Luffy being revealed as his son. This reaction is shared by exactly no one, though Brook doesn't know who Dragon is in the first place.
    • Kei and Luffy continue to Level Six, but their search is...frustrating.
      Kei: "This feels like we're going in circles."
      Luffy: "We can't be going in circles! There are too many corners!"
      Kei's thoughts: I paused. He wasn't…wrong.
    • Ace, after being freed alongside Jinbe, gets caught up on Luffy's adventures since he last saw his goofy baby brother. Which include flying to Impel Down from Sabaody Archipelago (and belatedly explaining how he recruited Fu and Chomei on a Sky Island), escaping Admiral Kizaru after breaking up a slave auction and punching a Celestial Dragon, and then the Impel Down break-in currently in progress.
      Kei's thoughts: Ace kinda looked like he wanted to literally twist his brother into a knot and wrap him in bubble wrap for the rest of his life.
    • As they're figuring out how to leave:
      Kei: [upon being asked by Jinbe] "There's a plan in place to confront Akainu if we have to."
      Isobu: Twelve percent of a plan is not a plan.
      Kei: [silently] Five Tailed Beasts is, though.
  • After utterly annihilating Impel Down, things start to settle down a bit. Kei and Ace have an overdue conversation, but with a few gags thrown in.
    • Yugito subjects Ace to Marshmallow Hell because she decides to give him a hug while he's sitting on barstool. Though not certain if it was intentional, Kei jokes about Ace getting a nosebleed after Yugito leaves, and remarks that Yugito fills out the outfit she's wearing better than Kei used to, solely to see if Ace reacts. He does.
    • After the serious discussion of morality, Ace ends the scene by passing out on the bar.
  • The group finally decides to call the Whitebeard Pirates, because they've been out of contact for an entire day and finally have Ace back safe:
    Thatch: [answering] "This is the Moby Dick, but you probably already—oh, to hell with it. Kei, did you find Ace?!"
    Ace: [cheeky] "Present and accounted for." [notices the expression on the transponder snail's face] "Wait, shit—"
    Thatch: "YOU ORANGE-HATTED PYROMANIAC JACKASS! Do you have any idea how worried we were?!"
    Unnamed Pirate: "Someone get Thatch away from the snail before he strangles it."
    Marco: [strained] "Thatch, hand over the snail."
    Thatch: "YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK OVER MY DEAD BODY!"
    Kei: "Thatch, everyone's all right. We got Ace out with no trouble."
    Jozu: "But… Didn't you just tear a hole in Impel Down?"
    Kei's thoughts: Aaaaaand I realized belatedly that going incommunicado when I'd ordered it meant that the Whitebeard Pirates didn't know what we'd planned to do, much less what we'd actually done.
    [Naruto and Luffy start to laugh.]
    Ace: "Uh, sure. Tore right through it."
    Janey: "…Kei, what did you do?"
    Thatch: "You hesitated."
    Vista: "And do you have any idea how long that list is? That's not very reassuring!"
  • The Tailed Beasts are revealed to have graffitied Impel Down's Gate of Justice on the way out. The messages are "KURAMA WUZ HERE," "YOU CAN'T SPELL," and "SHUT UP."
  • Apparently, Grand Line seagulls can strip a Sea King of meat. Or so Ace says.
  • Saiken describes Utakata's idea of how to kill Admiral Akainu as "awful, lonely, and has too much lava in it."
  • Kei realizes that the Revolutionary Army was actually using Naruto as an agent and that he hadn't just taken on a Marine base because he was bored. She seriously contemplates breaking "Uncle Sabo" and Dragon's legs.
  • The Straw Hat-Revolutionary-Impel Down-Jinchuriki coalition fleet raised enough of a stink to get one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea sent after them. And the lucky winner is... the Kuja Pirates. Mostly because they were in the Calm Belt anyway.
    • Isobu's first impression of Hancock's weird habit of "looking down" on her opponents so much she's literally bending over backwards is to compare her to "that bird that drowns when it rains." Kei identifies it as a turkey, before clarifying that actual turkeys don't do that.
    • Each member of the group sent to meet Boa Hancock and her crew manages to No-Sell her Mero Mero Mellow attacks. Jinbe just closes his eyes, Yugito and Kei both Ignore The Fanservice, Luffy is Luffy, Ace dodges the heart-shaped projectile, Isobu is a Tailed Beast, and Utakata points out that he's Happily Married to someone "hotter than [Hancock]." Each admission is a blow to the psyche, and eventually Hancock just collapses in disbelief.
      • When asked, Utakata explains that he meant his remark literally; Mei has the Lava and Boil Release bloodlines.
      • Almost as if as a consolation prize, it turns out Luffy was only even at the negotiations to yell at Hancock about Sanji being Taken for Granite. Through a telescope aimed at the Kuja ship.
    • Somehow, this devolves into Boa Hancock asking Utakata for relationship advice. Specifically, she wants help getting Luffy's attention. Utakata considers this, alongside Hancock's unfamiliarity with the concept of "dating," and decides to start drinking as much booze as he can to cope with the ridiculousness.
      Utakata: "Can't drown. It'll have to be one or the other, and I choose 'drink.'"
      Hancock: "Oh, this could easily be step four!" [writing in a notebook] "Drinking…contest. More drinks!"
      Kei: [whispering] "Does she know that this isn't how this is supposed to go?"
      Jinbe: "Honestly, I'm not sure how 'this' is supposed to go anymore." [sigh] "So much for a plan."
  • Most of the on-screen jinchuriki and their partners have had to get used to the idea of being yo-yo'd back to each other via using the summoning technique, because any other contracts are voided by the rules of the universe (as far as anyone can tell). Kushina and Killer B, having only made appearances over transponder snails because they're with the Red Hair Pirates, have to be told. They decide they have to test this immediately and end up summoning Yin Kurama and Gyuki practically on top of the Red Force.
    Kei: "Probably should've told them to do it away from people, but…"
    Utakata: "They can figure that part out."
  • Sabo and Koala crash the main cast's beach party, literally. Shukaku even has to use his sand as a landing pad to make sure they're both unharmed (and captured). Thanks, Kuma.
    • After getting that misunderstanding sorted out, Sabo finally explains how Naruto met the Revolutionaries:
      Sabo: "He woke up and said, 'Hi, I'm Namikaze Naruto. This is Old Man Yang! Who are you?'"
      Kei: [Face Palm]
    • Being brothers and equally prone to Anger Born of Worry, Ace and Sabo's reunion involves a fistfight. With fire and Armament Haki. All the while, the two of them are shouting at each other until:
      Sabo: "That wasn't my choice, you reckless jerk! I saw a newspaper with your fucking face on an obituary, and everything came back to me! What kind of brother are you to make me worry like that?!"
      Ace: "How should I know?! I don't control what gets printed or what idiot thinks I'm dead!"
      Sabo: "Take better care of yourself!"
      Ace: "I was in prison!"
      Sabo: "That's no excuse!"
      Ace: "They stole my fucking boots, Sabo! My boots! You think I would give those up if I had a choice?!"
  • Kei starts singing "Under The Sea" while the group is traveling toward Fishman Island in a Saiken-made bubble. Isobu later decides to show her up with his skills, while simultaneously scaring away the local Kraken.
    Kei: Really? You break out things from Pokémon at a time like this?
    Isobu: Are you jealous of my range? You were not going to win any awards with your mermaid song earlier.
  • When the group reaches Fishman Island, the Tailed Beasts actually don't stand out as much as they have everywhere else. Instead of being viewed as dangerous Kaiju, they almost blend in. They immediately take advantage of this and find a Bubbly Coral merchant willing to make floaties for them.
    Kei's thoughts: And that was how five Tailed Beasts cost us several hundred thousand beri in glorified pool rings.
    • Saiken in particular has a lot of fun:
      Saiken: "Look, Uta! I'm flying!"
      Utakata: "Try not to hit any buildings."
      Saiken: "You're not looking!"
      Shukaku: "Bwahahaha! You're as graceful in the air as you are on land, Saiken! Do a loop!"
  • The Whitebeard Pirates greet Team Jinchuriki and the Straw Hats by throwing a huge party, capped with a Drinking Contest that runs late into the night. While Yugito and Kei bow out early, and basically everyone else either goes to bed (the kids) or passes out (most of the pirates), Utakata decides to stick it out and ends up beating Whitebeard himself.
    • The kids, meanwhile, take a chance to be the ones baffled by circumstances:
      Gaara: "Is this a thing? Until I got here, I didn't think 'drinking contests' were real. Only Zoro and Nami ever do it."
      Naruto: "I don't think it works as well with sake because each bottle is so expensive. Unless you're Granny Tsunade or something. Wait, Zoro and Nami? I get Zoro, but isn't Nami too small for this?"
      Gaara: "I don't know. She drank a lot at Whiskey Peak and everyone passed out except her. Nami and Sanji said I couldn't join in; not that I wanted to. So, I just watched until Baroque Works tried to kill us."
      Naruto: "…Weren't you only on the crew for like a week?"
  • Matatabi briefly lets her predatory instincts get the better of her and ends up pinning Marco to the ground after mistaking him for prey. Ace is too busy laughing at the all-powerful phoenix to bother helping him out. When informed of the mistake, Matatabi tries to apologize by grooming him, but ends up bowling Marco over entirely.
  • One of Saiken's specialties is Comically Missing the Point. Whether he just gets distracted by wordplay or concludes that the best way to revenge on Admiral Akainu is to kill a Celestial Dragon on purpose and in public to draw him out, Saiken is probably one of the sillier Tailed Beasts. Take his encounter with Vander Decken IX:
    Saiken: [to Utakata] "The funny fishman said 'Death or marriage.' Am I supposed to marry him since I'm not dead?"

Shell Game

  • In this story, Kei is fifteen and it's only been a month or so since she took on Minato in the big ol' exhibition match and hung out with the Akatsuki Trio in their hometown. Perhaps predictably after all the more physical successes, Kei's attempts to score well on the UA entrance exams fall flat because she's never attended a Japanese public school.
    Kei: (silently) Hey, Isobu.
    Isobu: Yes?
    Kei: Riddle me this: How am I, a freaking special jōnin, supposed to answer this question?
    • She doesn't get any better. She understands that as a Reincarnation she has certain advantages in some topics, but has to give up art, literature, and mathematics as probably failing grades. All the while, Isobu (who has never attended school) continues to taunt her.
      Kei's narration: But dammit, Kei at least knew some things. Even if her English was informal, she’d done her time in the appropriate school system. Time to get some use out of it. It was just a matter of muddling along until she could get to the practical. Why couldn’t a friggin’ hero academy of a high school just involve knocking muggers unconscious? Kei knew how to do that. Without killing anyone, even!
  • Kei also refers to Isobu as her live-in Jiminy Cricket, "in the exact opposite way a conscience was generally supposed to work."
  • It turns out later that when Kei took the entrance exams, she smashed twenty-seven of the assessment robots, only to land in the General Education department. Just as planned, admittedly, but it gets brought up later mainly as a way to needle her about her entrance exam scores.
  • Kei's brother Hayate shows up repeatedly in this story, because Obito is her primary contact with Konoha and wants not to be lonely in Tokyo. He turns out to be prone to messing with people and all too happy to liven up Kei's "boring" student life.
  • Kei's homeroom teacher is Midnight. Kei refuses to have the conversation about what a dominatrix is with Isobu. She ends up missing class introductions due to being hauled to the principal's office to clarify mission-specific issues, which later turns out to be the first step in her reputation for being a delinquent. By the time she makes it to the Sports Festival, she has a solid reputation as a Book Dumb troublemaker.
  • Obito and Kei both obtain cell phones. Worse, Obito discovers kaomoji and begins using them constantly. “Done! ᕦ( ᐛ )ᕤ”
    • Kei and Obito also end up with screen names, because they're using a group chat program. Kei's is TMNT-TNT, Obito's is GreenThumb due to his Zetsu arm, and Kakashi's eventual screen name is Defib. Much later, Uraraka's is SpaceSlam and Kirishima's is EijiRiot, as a homage to his hero name and that of his idol.
  • Kei's first encounter with Shigaraki in her V2 form. While she knows he is dangerous, every other line of her thoughts indicates she doesn't really care. Touching one of the chakra tails even ends up burning his hand horribly, to which her response is a completely insincere "whoops."
  • Shinso Hitoshi is briefly surprised to find that Kei isn't afraid to talk to him like other students are. Turns out that, actually, Kei didn't know what his Quirk was because she'd been pulled out of class during introductions on the first day of school. She doesn't change her behavior afterward, but it's far from the last time Kei's strangeness baffles him.
  • Kei pulls a prank on Obito with a Ramune bottle. He's later mentioned to have bought some of his own and taken them back to Konoha to mess with other unwary souls.
  • The Sports Festival is announced! Isobu's reaction:
    Isobu: That said, I do appreciate the idea that it is a free-for-all for using these “Quirks.” It is an opportunity to stretch without being punched by a superhero.
    • Kei also attempts to speak to the other students about it:
      Kei's narration: Before Kei could give an answer other than, “Um,” because she was trying to figure out how to phrase “I’m biding my time until I can legally throw down” politely, the bell rang.
  • Kei comes up with nicknames for people whose names she doesn't know. These include:
    • Creeper and Facepalm (Shigaraki)
    • Enginelegs (Iida)
    • Blondie McSplode (Bakugo)
    • Eyebags and Purple Kid (Shinso)
    • Freezer Burn (Todoroki)
      • Isobu also joins in later, deciding that Todoroki is "the lukewarm human."
  • Hitoshi meets Hayate and get caught up in the Snark-to-Snark Combat between Kei and her brother. After hearing tidbits of the story of how Kei got promoted that one time, he demands to know who taught them to fight like that.
    Kei and Hayate: "Mom."
    Hitoshi: "That explains so much."
  • Hitoshi has a POV chapter immediately after this. While running from apparently-murderous bank robbers scares the hell out of him, Hitoshi has a chance to breathe after Hayate and Kei kick the crap out of them and they reach a safe spot. His thoughts go thus:
    When people talk about falling in with a rough crowd, Hitoshi thought distantly, they probably don’t mean a pair of Eraserhead lookalikes.
  • There is a Running Gag of Kei's Making a Splash powers repeatedly destroying her cell phone. When called out on this later by Obito, she admits that she could find a waterproof phone or accessories, but refuses to do so because it'd take more effort than just buying another burner.
  • Hitoshi and Kei strike a deal: Kei trains him physically, while Hitoshi tries (often) to tutor her in the multiple school subjects she's failing. Unfortunately, Kei's standards on physical fitness are based on those of a shinobi, and Hitoshi is an Ordinary High-School Student.
    Hitoshi: "Please… Just let me focus on Modern Literature. If I have…to also tutor you in math…before doing this? I am going to die."
    • Obito shows up to help, which eventually inspires Kei to a) ask Gai for training advice and b) have Obito participate.
      Kei: "I can show you how to throw Obito today, but only because his Quirk means we don’t need mats." [indicates the ground] "Softer than concrete, but I’ve had concussions that say otherwise. So has he. And he already knows how to fall, so there’s that too."
      Hitoshi: "At this point I’m not sure who got the better deal here."
      Kei: "I did say I was fine if you cut it down to just Modern Literature. Let’s go. We’re wasting daylight."
      Hitoshi: "I hate you so much already."
      Kei: "Big words for day one! Come on, it’ll make you feel better to throw Obito around."
  • Kei, Kakashi, and Obito go on patrol in Tokyo. After accomplishing precious little, the three of them decide to goof off by visiting Akihabara. Kakashi initially refuses, only to be tempted by the idea of getting new books.
  • In the middle of a fairly serious chapter, this happens:
    GreenThumb: think im gonna miss the sports festival (ಥ╭╮\\)
    GreenThumb: gonna be busy
    GreenThumb: so you go kick their asses without me b(^_\\)
    TMNT-TNT: But should I? I don't want to make them all cry.
    GreenThumb: look
    GreenThumb: you are my best friend
    GreenThumb: and the scariest girl in town
    GreenThumb: SO STOP HUMBLE BRAGGING
    GreenThumb: if you dont make it to round three
    GreenThumb: i will flip a table
    GreenThumb: (╯°□\\)╯︵ ┻━┻
    GreenThumb: and tell purple kid the same
    TMNT-TNT: Or you'll flip a table?
    GreenThumb: ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д\\)ノ︵ ┻━┻
  • On the day of the Sports Festival, Hitoshi makes the mistake of asking Kei why she seems kind of nervous. While he agrees that Bakugo is a target for the entire competition, Kei bursts his bubble with one clarification:
    Kei: "I once blew up my teacher when I was thirteen."
    Hitoshi: ...
    Kei: "He shouldn’t have taught me how to make the stuff I used, and anyway he was fine. Teleportation Quirk. He started making fun of me afterward, and then said I could try again."
    Hitoshi: "The more I hear about your school, the less I want to."
  • Kei once again faces off with the robots from the Hero Course entrance exam. The results are predictable.
    Kei's thoughts: Ta-fucking-dah.
    Present Mic: "Class 1-C’s Gekkō sweeps all the frontliners in the Robo Inferno away! That’s a wash for the robots!"
  • Kei briefly gets put under Mind Control by Monoma. When Isobu notices, he's understandably furious even though Kei dismisses the incident as a part of the game. Meanwhile, Hitoshi is indignant enough to make a point to target Monoma's team during the cavalry battle. A reviewer phrases Isobu's repeated intrusion into Kei's thought process like this:
    Shalalala—KILL THE BOY
    • While the team is discussing strategy, Kei gets an idea. Hitoshi immediately (and correctly) figures This Is Gonna Suck. Worse, their teammates are totally on board with Kei's plan, which they actually put into practice.
      Kei: "Say, Shinsō-san?"
      Hitoshi: "What?"
      Kei: "How much do you weigh?"
      Hitoshi: "…Why? Because the look in your eye…"
      Kei: "I just wanna know if Ojiro-san and Shōda-san can catch you if I throw you."
  • Kei earns the emnity of the media and Present Mic for using the Hidden Mist technique to cover the entire field in impenetrable mist only she can easily navigate. In general, Present Mic's announcer persona is this.
    Eraserhead: "Class 1-C’s Gekkō put out a fog cloud of some kind. Her team must be trying to stay concealed."
    Present Mic: "What kind of media circus can it be if nobody can see anything?!"
    [later]
    Present Mic: "What’s this? Folks in the cheap seats get a bird’s-eye view of a showdown between Bakugō and Monoma! Gekkō, clear it for the rest of the crowd! Don’t keep us all in suspense!"
    Eraserhead: "That would ruin the idea of ‘stealth.’"
    [later still]
    Present Mic: (horribly off-key) "I can see clearly now, the rain is goooooone!"
    Kei's narration: There was a muffled thud as Aizawa-sensei probably tried to hit him.
    Present Mic: "Hey, watch it! But it looks like Team Todoroki has gotten all the points from all those frozen opponents! Talk about putting the competition on ice!"
  • When Kei checks her phone during lunch, Obito's text alerts all come in. He turns out to have been sending tourist-like observations of life in a city while stalking Ingenium through Hosu City and saving cats from trees, complete with eyepatch-bearing kaomoji.
  • Obito and Kakashi continue their mission of trying to track down Stain in the next chapter, though they take the time to cheer on Kei's progress during the Sports Festival. When Kakashi tries to point out that she doesn't actually want to win, Obito responds to his killjoy tendencies first with mockery, and then with this: +゚*。:゚+凸(◕‿\\✿)+゚*。:゚+
    • Kei then reminds them that they're next to each other and therefore within punching distance. The text messages stop after that.
  • All of 1-C agree that Izuku Midoriya's tactics are terrifying and he's best set at the other end of the tournament bracket from them.
  • Ojiro beats Kaminari by using his tail to ground out all of the voltage launched at him.
  • Obito and Kakashi follow Ingenium around long enough that they do manage to run into Stain. It's a Curb-Stomp Battle against him, but the punchline is Obito breaking character and begging Ingenium for a chance to take a picture with him. Ingenium does, but Obito only realizes after he's sent the picture to Kei that he still has one of Stain's knives sticking out of his arm. In the next chapter, Hitoshi overhears Kei screaming at him over the phone.
  • While not actually a villain, Bakugo gets a double dose of Meaningless Villain Victory because Kei is his second opponent in the Sports Festival tournament. Due to water dousing his explosions and an experience advantage, Kei hands him a Curb-Stomp Battle...and then walks out of bounds to disqualify herself just before Midnight was about to declare her the winner.
  • Over the next week or so, Kei runs into Bakugo multiple times as he fully believes she was holding back and wants to settle their score once and for all. He's right, but Kei refuses to rise to the bait. She even compares him to an angry Pomeranian.
    • This eventually results in other classmates getting in on the one-sided rivalry, either by running interference between Kei and Bakugo or just distracting him so she can leave the school in peace.
    • Hitoshi eventually gets the last laugh after his match with Bakugo by grabbing him with his Quirk and making him sit in time-out with Thirteen for the better part of an hour.
  • Kei runs into Eraserhead on ninja patrol and ends up stuck in his capture weapon, due to being mistaken for Serial Killer Himiko Toga. When the misunderstanding is revealed, both simultaneously, silently agree to never mention the mix-up again, given that this is not long after that Vlad King pointed out how similar they look at first glance.
  • To celebrate Hitoshi becoming Eraserhead's kinda-apprentice, he and Kei go visit a cat cafe. While there, Kei briefly tricks him into both wearing multiple cat-eared headbands and holding still for a picture. Kei's Cuteness Overload also makes a repeat appearance, because ultimately her weakness is always cute, fuzzy things. It's short-lived, but adorable.
  • During the Nomu attack, Kei, Hitoshi, and Izuku take refuge in a storefront filled with panicked civilians. When Obito comes to the rescue (or near enough), his big entrance goes like this:
    Air rippled.
    “I’m here and—holy shit,” said Obito’s voice from the back wall of the store, “are you guys all right?”'
    Several of the civilians screamed.
    Obito screamed back, startled.
    Shinsō sighed.
    • One of the civilians in the shop suffers from Skewed Priorities.
      Somebody in the back piped up with, “Uh, about your skirt—”
      “We’re about to die and you’re focused on that?!” hissed someone else.
      “I don’t want to be a casualty in a hero fight!” wailed a third stranger.
      Kei shook her head and scooted back into concealment. Some things weren’t worth addressing when there was an ongoing supervillain attack happening just outside.
    • When a Nomu grabs Izuku, Kei and Hitoshi chase after it because of course they do, ducking and dodging around other fights along their path. The chase comes to an abrupt end when Eraserhead arrives on the scene with a flying double kick to the Nomu's face and hands out a brutal beating once Izuku's safe. When Kei goes to wonder how the heck he knew to show up, she looks to Hitoshi first.
      Shinsō, nearly doubled-over panting, held out his phone. The contact photo on display had a photo of a black cat wearing a miniature version of Aizawa-sensei’s combat goggles and capture weapon. The call was still ongoing.
    • Kei's first impression of Stain involves a lot of internal screaming. She goes back and forth between considering the facts of the situation, any moral high ground held by anybody, and argues with Isobu, before eventually giving up and admitting that she "kinda just wants to see Stain get set on fire."
    • Obito immediately lets Kei (and more importantly, Shoto) know what Stain's Quirk does, in the most obnoxious manner he can.
      Obito: "So, fun fact: Stain’s Quirk paralyzes you if he swallows your blood! Get cut and you’re screwed! It sucks and I hate it!"
      Kei: [Face Palm]
    • Kei concludes that part of the reason that Stain's been so successful is simply because most people are not expecting to be jumped by jerks with katanas and knives on a daily basis in a modern city. Kei, however, is. She's been the jerk with the katana on multiple occasions.
    • Obito caps off the encounter with one Incredibly Lame Pun after another ("tip of the iceberg" around Todoroki Shoto and "handy" when referring to his Zetsu arm) and immediately groans at his own word choice.
  • Todoroki gets his own POV chapter, which reveals that Kei is absolutely a weirdo who lets slip details about her Child Soldier status, but Shoto doesn't know enough about normal behavior to call her out on it and is deliberately being kept in the dark about the rest. Instead, he notes her resemblance to Eraserhead and is eventually—almost accidentally—invited to the after-school sparring sessions that Kei and Hitoshi have already been holding. It's described as a social event or study club, but with punching.
  • Kei contemplates the day so far, once given a breather in a subway station while the disaster upstairs is handled. She describes Hitoshi's particular experience as a rollercoaster from hell: "Yay, internship! Hooray, cats! Oh no, the city’s on fire for some reason! Oh shit, villains are attacking! Okay, let’s be heroes! Hey, give me back my friend! WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GEKKŌ?!"
    • When getting grilled by Eraserhead over her decisions over the last two hours, Kei has an internal monologue that doesn't match any of what she actually says.
      Aizawa: "Did you give him a chance to walk away?"
      Kei: [silently] Wouldn’t have if I was alone, but… [aloud] "Yes. He didn’t take it. Same with the guy you brought down."
      Aizawa: "Is there anything else you could’ve done to get away without attacking him with your Quirk?"
      Kei: [silently] Probably, but it would’ve involved me stabbing him with his own knives. A lot, given how bullheaded Stain is. [aloud] "It seemed like the only option that would keep all of us safe."
    • And although Kei was given this talk as a way to prepare her for Chief Tsurugamae's Good Cop/Bad Cop routine, Kei is too surprised to realize he has a dog head to actually be intimidated by him.
    • Kei lets Isobu choose the movie for the night, as an apology for not being able to fight that day. He picks the most classic of kaiju movies.
  • Kei manages to annoy Isobu into submission by singing "I Know a Song (That Gets on Everybody's Nerves)" in her head until he drops the topic.
  • Kei admits that Yaoyorozu's Quirk is awesome...and then adds that she'd probably use it to make swords all day if she had it.
  • Hitoshi and Kei finally get a chance to see the 1-A students' costumes via photos, and generally everyone seems to agree that they're nice. Shoto even gets to make a pun about how his suit is both hot and cold, though no one's sure if he does it on purpose. And then they get to Yaoyorozu's costume.
    “That’s…inspired,” Shinsō said at length, staring at the screen.
    Yaoyorozu didn’t blink. “I think it’s got plenty of public appeal, doesn’t it?”
    Kei considered which answer would be least likely to cause offense. She discarded the first three. And the fourth.
    If I could—
    Help. Help, helphelphelp. I don’t even know where to start.
    • The discussion of costumes ends with a mutual challenge—a few-holds-barred sparring match between Kei and Momo. The day afterward, Kei feels guilty for effectively goading Momo into a Curb-Stomp Battle, and explains the problem to Hayate. She takes a second to notice that she's stunned him to silence by showing him the photo that started it all. After realizing what's happening, Kei dryly remarks that maybe the costume has some uses.
    • Once again, Kei ruins a fight's entertainment value by covering the entire area in mist.
    • Hitoshi refuses to believe Hayate's Adorably Precocious Child act, because he witnessed the kid breaking a grown man's fingers within fifteen minutes of meeting him for the first time. He also calls Kei a ninja for being able to scale a building, which is not the first time Hitoshi's been so close to the truth and dismissed it out of hand.
    • Kei decides to "pull a Fourth Raikage" to get to Yaoyorozu, and Isobu jumps on the chance to try saying the jutsu's name when it happens, just for the hell of it.
    • Kei belatedly remembers that she's supposed to be maintaining a cover, and then gets tasered for hastily making the adjustment while within arm's reach of Yaoyorozu.
    • Yaoyorozu and Kei's sparring match ends not with a bang, but with a pair of teenage girls frantically yelling at each other in frustration, bursting out laughing at their own ridiculous, and then deciding to be friends.
  • While otherwise gearing up for a serious meeting with All Might about the things she's seen on her mission, Kei muses that he and Eraserhead (the teacher she interacts with the most, outside of Midnight) would get along better if All Might took him to a cat cafe.
  • After final exams are over, Hitoshi gets invited to hang out for the afternoon with Kei, Kakashi, and Obito. Seeing all of them together, Hitoshi soon picks up on their innate grace that can only come from combat training, long-standing camaraderie, and unfamiliarity with modern conveniences he takes for granted.
    • He even wonders (silently) if they come from some kind of extreme sports hotspot, a dojo retreat, or even a ninja training camp, before once again dismissing the possibility. In doing so, he not-so-obliquely reveals that he has no idea what small towns are like.
    • Hitoshi concludes something important about Team Minato: "Maybe that was why Gekkō seemed so unaffected by the random assholes who ran around UA. And casual violence. And solving problems by punching them or ignoring them. The people she grew up with were all worse."
    • What gets Obito to start laughing, though, is that he can immediately tell that Kakashi's mooning over Kei and that she's completely ignorant of it.
    • After ice cream, the three shinobi have different idling activities: "juggling the empty ice cream bowls and used spoons (Uchiha), observing the oncoming disaster (Gekkō), or reading from that magical disappearing novel (Hatake)."
  • Izuku gets his first POV chapters in the Camp Arc, when undergoing training. The description of his state of mind, once he discovers that there are people haunting the camp who shouldn't be there, is "juggling anxiety chainsaws."
    • Jirō, Kaminari, and Ashido try figuring out why the forest seems so wonky, only to get caught up in a genjutsu that keeps turning them around and steering them back into the clearing where everyone is making dinner. The three of them eventually get so frustrated and unnerved by the experience that rumors of ghosts spread across the camp, long before the Test Of Courage.
    • Izuku panics over the thought of meeting Kei in her V2 form again, after coming to the correct conclusion that the masked people involved in the USJ incident and the ones haunting the camp are the same group. He goes to Aizawa just before the Test Of Courage, trying to tell him about the problem, only for Aizawa to force Kakashi to appear and apologize for spooking him. Izuku is so nonplussed that he ends up just staggering back to his friends in shock.
      Uraraka: "Deku?"
      Izuku: "I think I just saw a ninja."
      Todoroki: "Other than Aizawa-sensei?"
      • Several reviewers point out the hilarity of Hitoshi repeatedly almost figuring out Kei's deal before dismissing it as ludicrous, while Izuku has had far fewer interactions with her but immediately realized the "mysterious figures" are the vigilantes from the USJ. Izuku has the bigger picture, but can't connect it to Kei herself because he doesn't know her that well, while Hitoshi has the opposite problem. The author admits that if the two boys ever compared notes, Kei's secret would be blown wide open.
  • The next chapter, while dramatic, has a few moments:
  • Obito takes over narration for the next chapter, and about the third thing he does is complain about everyone using puns around him. At least Ragdoll isn't doing it on purpose.
    • Obito decides to go for the I Shall Taunt You option on Magne and Spinner, picking up on on Spinner's reverence for Stain and "stomping on his buttons like an arcade machine" to get Spinner too angry to focus on his actual targets. It works, and Pixie-Bob avoids a nasty head injury as a result.
    • Obito's nickname for Dabi? Staple-Face.
  • Apparently, at one point Kei tried to ride pillion on Hitoshi's bicycle around Tokyo. The result? Both of them took a spill down an embankment and nearly ended up in a river.
  • Before Kei and Hitoshi visit Izuku in the hospital, Hitoshi makes a throwaway joke about Kei being a ninja and nearly gives her a heart attack. She throws out a lie that seems to land and assumes Hitoshi was just kidding. Dramatic Irony kicks in when one realizes that not half an hour later, Izuku reveals that he's basically figured out Kei's secret night gig and gets Hitoshi to help fill in the gaps.
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