- The Batman/Catwoman shipper arc "Cat Tales" is consistently funny. In the first book, "A Girl's Gotta Protect Her Reputation", Catwoman decides to set the record straight regarding various falsehoods and rumors circulating around her(in other words, a fix-fic for everything that's happened to her since the "Officer Down" arc), by telling her side of the story...in a stand-up routine. A passage from her stage show:So Ive got the trinkets. Brunhilda is still snoring away. Cujo, the killer schnauzer, is still locked in the bathroom. I close the safe, restore the power, slide the window back exactly the way it was 8 minutes flat. Personal best for a private residence where I didnt have the floorplan going in. I drop down to the alley and there he is The Batman. Caped Crusader. Dark Knight. Guardian of Gotham. Crime Fighter extraordinaire. I am Vengeance, I am Justice, I am in desperate need of a personality transplant Batman.
In full regalia looking like Sir Lancelot dipped in tar but not yet feathered.
And he speaks: I dont think those jewels belong to you.
I salute you, Worlds Greatest Detective.
- Again from the performance:I'm a perfectly healthy, well-adjusted catburglar who taunts my uptight priggish adversary with my considerable physical charms in ways that blur the line between sexual harassment and performance art! Right? Nothing crazy about that!
- And later, after Bruce sits through her performance and is forced to consider some hard home truths, he talks to Dick Grayson:
- Am I a self-absorbed, self-righteous, inflexible prig?
Dick suddenly felt like he was playing a LucasArts Adventure Game. He imagined four possible responses to Bruces question appearing under his chin:Thats how I addressed your Fathers Day card.Is that prig with an R Yes.Why are you having new stationery made up?YES YES YES! IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND TRUE, YOU ARE THE KING AND LORD OF THE LAND OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRIGS!And no matter which response the player chose, the character would say: Why no, not at all. Why do you ask?
- Selina: No concussion, no Brainiac chip Fop. No ditzypoof, no coldhearted, thieving bitch Tea. I think Im getting the hang of it. Youre both very strange, but thats okay, cause its a lovable strange, and normal is overrated anyway.
- Two-Face accidentally killed Poison Ivy's pet flytrap with a heat lamp. Cue REVENGE FOR IVAN, REVENGE FOR IVAN, DIE PLANT-KILLER DIE!
- From one of the earlier stories: Hugo Strange and his "transformation" courtesy the FAB! television show, including a back wax, remodeling, and placing his mannequin (don't ask) in his living room as a piece of artwork.
- Most of Jean Paul's (AzBat) internal monologues with Azrael. Also, "Pheromones!"
- At one point, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) has a crush on a former Joker henchman. Batman is not amused.
- Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, and Catman go on a road trip to Key West. Hilarity Ensues. Highlights include Catman getting abandoned along the side of the road with "a neo-Nazi hillbilly", Joker almost drowning and receiving "the kiss of life" from a lifeguard, Two-Face (NOT Harvey Dent!) graffitiing the south most point in America with "tWoFacE woS HEre", Catman getting into a brawl over pizza and a disrespected cat, and the whole crew getting literally locked into shackles and chains - upside down.
- From the same story - Twoface kidnaps Nightwing because he thought that Nightwing and Poison Ivy were together (it was a Gotham Post story - don't ask). He flips the coin to determine Nightwing's fate. Harvey Dent ends up giving Nightwing romantic advice on how to win Poison Ivy's good side. Cue Brain Bleach for Nightwing.Nightwing: "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU ON, TWO-FACE?!"
- From the same story - Twoface kidnaps Nightwing because he thought that Nightwing and Poison Ivy were together (it was a Gotham Post story - don't ask). He flips the coin to determine Nightwing's fate. Harvey Dent ends up giving Nightwing romantic advice on how to win Poison Ivy's good side. Cue Brain Bleach for Nightwing.
- A recent story had Susannah Pelacci and Anthony Marcuso getting married while Rogues, convinced it was Catty's wedding, ran around messing it up or trying to fix it, as their natures entailed. This leads to hilarious events such as Clayface running around as Catwoman (never getting her breast size right), the Riddler getting his pants frozen to the ice sculpture, and Poison Ivy and Mad Hatter trying to thwart each other's efforts at mind-controlling the guests. But the high point comes when the priest starts reading the vows that Joker "improved."
- Dearly beloved, Father Ercolani read, We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in passionate bliss as he thrusts the throbbing arrowhead of his love-spear through the honeyed petals of womanhood into her quivering love pudding If anyone here has an objection, he read confidently, to this man and this woman being united in holy matrimony, let him bite down on a batarang and take it like a man. Ha. Ha. Ha
Funny / Cat Tales