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Funny / Castle

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Here's some funny moments from Castle:

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    Season 1 
  • The moment when Beckett and Castle first meet in "Flowers For Your Grave" - Beckett approaches him at a party for Storm Fall (because she needs help with a series of copycat murders), and Castle assumes that she's a fan (which she is) and that she wants him to sign her chest (she doesn't).
    • Beckett brings out her personal library of Castle's books to demonstrate how someone is murdering like in his books. He immediately notes that she has all his books.
      Castle: Looks like I have a fan.
      Beckett: Yeah, a really deranged fan.
      Castle: Oh, you don't look deranged to me.
      Beckett: What?
      Castle: Hell Hath No Fury? Angry wiccans out for blood? C'mon! Only hardcore Castle groupies read that one.
  • When the team wear bullet-proof vests captioned POLICE, Castle wears one as well... but his vest reads WRITER. Castle special-ordered the vest at the beginning of the series. A hilarious Running Gag.
  • In "Nanny McDead," Beckett tells Ryan and Esposito to check the names of all the maintenance workers on duty that day; Castle questions this and wonders why not run the names of all the neighbors, citing the fact people really don't know all that much about their neighbors—and in the process, weaves a hypothetical story that leaves Montgomery unnerved enough to demand who lives in the apartment Castle mentioned in said story:
    Castle: What do any of us know about our neighbors in this city? You think the guy living next door to the Son of Sam knew he was living next door to the Son of Sam?
    Montgomery: He's right. Neighbors in Berkowitz's building had no idea he was the Son of Sam killer.
    Castle: Thank you. What about the guy in 8-B? Who? You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful, The kind of girl that a guy like him would never have a chance with. We all know girls like that, don't we? Well, at first it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, Concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, He wanted to tell her he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms, and gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best...disappear.
    [Nobody speaks. Then...]
    Castle: Just saying, better story. Coffee?
    Montgomery: Let's see what we can find out about those neighbors. And someone better tell me who the hell lives in 8-B!
  • The dramatic confrontation between Beckett and Castle and the teenage murder suspect in "Hedge Fund Homeboys", which is all very dramatic and sinister and dark... until Castle, as soon as the kid's gone, petulantly explodes with "I hate that kid!"
  • Castle finding a person of interest in the Case of the Week in "Hell Hath No Fury":
    Castle: [to Beckett by phone, in an "I win" tone of voice] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute?
    • From the outtakes: "What's got two thumbs, and a date with a prostitute?" THIS GUY! (0:20)
    • This moment:
      Castle: What turned you off, that he was wearing a rug?
      Castle: Too soon?
    • Castle's over the top reaction to a sleazy suspect's alibi. Seen here.
      Castle: You are LAME! YOU ARE SO LAME! La-la-la-la-laaaaaaaaaame!
      • What makes it funnier is that he's shouting so loud, you can hear a faintly muffled "LAAAAME!" from inside the interrogation room.
        Castle: You are Lamey McLamester!
  • The end of "Hell Hath No Fury", in which Beckett — finally getting some comeuppance for Castle's casual disrupting of her life and routine — sneaks into a reading he's hosting at a bookshop and distracts him through her decision to wear a gorgeous pink dress. Score one for Beckett... until, at the end of the scene, she learns what the character he's basing on her is to be called:
    Beckett: What kind of name is 'Nikki Heat'?
    Castle: A cop name.
    Beckett: It's a stripper name.
    Castle: Well, I told you she was kinda slutty.
    Beckett: Change it, Castle.
    Castle: Hang on a sec. Think of the titles! Summer Heat, Heat Wave... In Heat.
    Beckett: ... Change the name, Castle.
    Castle: No.
    Beckett: [moving forward threateningly] Yes.
    Castle: [grabbing a nearby cardboard cutout of himself and holding it in front of him like a shield] No. Sorry.
    Beckett: Castle—
    Castle: I have artistic integrity, Beckett...
    Beckett: 'Artistic integrity'! Change the name! Today!
  • The Teaser of "Always Buy Retail" ends with Castle having the oddest look on his face for someone being orally serviced.
    • Another bit of funny in "Always Buy Retail" is when Castle, for once, gets to tease Beckett, and makes Caskett shippers squee in the process:
      Beckett: You probably saved my life.
      Castle: Probably? I definitely saved your life. And you know what that means, don't you? It means you owe me.
      Beckett: Owe you what?
      Castle: Whatever... I... want. [starts slowly approaching Beckett, who has a dazed, slack-jawed expression on her face] And you know... exactly... what I want, don't you? You know what I really... really want you to do...?
      [He leans in to whisper in her ear]
      Castle: Never... ever... call me "kitten."
      [Castle backs off and walks away, looking incredibly smug and self-satisfied, leaving Beckett stunned for a few seconds... then she recovers, grins, and bites her lip]
  • The entire sequence of Castle and Alexis playing laser tag in "A Chill Goes Through Her Veins", complete with made up roles to play.
    Castle: Run, young rebel, but you'll never defeat the forces of Voltar!
    Alexis: Death to Voltar! Death to Voltarians!
    Castle: I sense fear in you.
    Alexis: Ha! You sense nothing!
    • And then Martha walks in on them with absolutely no regard for the epicness of their pretend fight.
      Castle: We are so totally doing battle on the field of honor here, Mom!
    • And then, Beckett knocks on the door and is greeted by the sight of Castle and Alexis in laser tag gear and Martha in a facial mask, and her expression makes it clear she's very concerned about what she just walked into.
  • From the same episode, Beckett and Castle re-enacting the murder...while the poor schlub who now lives in the apartment follows them about in confusion.
  • The climax of "Home is Where The Heart Stops." Just watch.
    • Even better? After that episode, pay close attention to the music playing whenever Castle gets himself an action sequence!
    • And after that action sequence, Castle starts humming again before Beckett shuts him up.
    • In the episode "Last Call", the pianist plays a few bars after he sees Castle.
  • And this one from the same episode:
    Castle: How often do people die in neighborhoods like this?
    Beckett: Same as all the other neighborhoods, Castle. Just the once.

    Season 2 
  • In "Deep in Death", Castle is wearing a wire for an operation, with the others listening in outside. When the show comes back from commercial, Castle re-caps a conversation that happened offscreen.
    Ryan: ...does he realize he's summarizing a conversation we just heard in its entirety?
    Esposito: I dunno.
  • Castle's comment on the bad spelling of a message left behind at a murder scene in "The Double Down":
    "I'm just saying! Whoever killed her also murdered the English language."
  • In "Inventing the Girl", right after Lanie deduces the shape of the murder weapon from the victims' wound.
    Castle: So... she was stabbed with the Washington Monument?
    • Castle getting all Squicked out when he finds out that a supermodel that he'd gotten a date with is actually one of his daughter's old friends. The next time he sees her, he talks to her as if she were still a child.
    • Beckett being confronted with her past as a model by Ryan and Esposito. She first nonchalantly explains it away as an one-time deal and an easier way to make money than waitressing. Then she threatens to kill them if they ever tell Castle about it.
  • The bathroom stall scene at the end of "Fool Me Once": Beckett sneaks into a girls bathroom stall to finally start reading Heat Wave only for Castle to pop up in the stall next to her, effectively scaring the shit out of her to the point where she can't form anything other than a sputtered "WHAT???". Castle only came in to tell her that the sex scene between Rook and Nikki happens on page 105 and then leaves. Beckett sits stunned for a moment, bites her lip, and then actually turns to page 105. The look on her face as she reads is priceless. Oh heck, why not read it yourself.
    • And once you're done reading the chapter, you can see Beckett's reaction to the alleged scene here. The drastic change of her expression is great. It's almost like she's saying to herself, "OK, he's gone, I can stop pretending to be outraged."
  • The ending of "When the Bough Breaks", when Castle and Beckett learn from different phone-calls that their partnership is going to be extended a bit longer than either of them anticipated... at the same time.
    Castle: Would I be interested in doing three more 'Nikki Heat's?
    Beckett: Yes, I am aware the Mayor is facing a tough re-election this year.
    Castle: I'm sorry; how much?
    Beckett: No, no, I would love to help the department out in any way I could.
    Castle: [excited] No, no, forget the other offer! For that kind of money I'll do a dozen 'Nikki Heat's.
    Beckett: [Suddenly agitated] He wants me to what?!
    Castle: [Still on-phone, but noticing Beckett's reaction and very worried] Oh — well, that was kind of a one-time only situation with her and me...
    Beckett: [yelling] Three books?! That'll take forever!
    Castle: [sinking feeling] You already spoke to the Mayor...
    Beckett: [To Castle; furious] I am gonna kill you!
    [Castle tries to defend himself, but Beckett returns to the phone]
    Beckett: No, no, no sir, I wasn't talking to you. I, ah... [seething] no need to thank me sir. I am happy to help his honour out in any way I can.
    [Beckett hangs up the phone and stalks towards Castle, glaring daggers at him]
    Castle: [panicking] Ah hah... you know what... I think... I'm gonna... Paula, I'm gonna... I-I-I-I'll call you back.
  • The opening of "Vampire Weekend":
    Alexis: [to Castle] "Didn't you wear that like, five years ago?"
    • "... Or else Father won't be quite himself tonight... Muhahahahahahahahahaha—* cough* "
    • "I'm giving you the bird."
  • This exchange between Castle and Beckett in "Famous Last Words" while discussing whether or not the current suspect looks capable of murder.
    Castle: Does he look like a killer to you?
    Beckett: Everyone looks like a killer to me. It's a job requirement.
    Castle: [narrowing eyes] Do I look like a killer to you?
    Beckett: Yes. You kill my patience.
  • The scene in Sally Niedermeyer's apartment in "Kill the Messenger". First the team breaks into her apartment, in full SWAT gear, expecting to find a dangerous terrorist but instead find a little old lady in a rocking chair with an oxygen cannula. In the next scene Kate is apologizing to Mrs. Niedermeyer, the door is being fixed - and Castle, Esposito and Ryan are sitting on the couch with cups of tea and cats on their laps.
    • Which makes you wonder: did she get up to make them tea, or did she have them do it?
  • Jessup is a Funny Moment all by himself!
    Beckett: You were stalking Buckley?
    Jessup: Stalking is a pretty damn ugly word. Let's not use 'stalking', okay? I was just trying to feel the guy out, you know what I mean? Try to convince him, you know. In case you guys haven't noticed I'm somewhat of a wordsmith you know. A real master of uh, you know...of uh....
    Castle: Words.
    • When Jessup is revealing his dreams of being a locksmith to Castle and Beckett in the car:
      Jessup: I've always been good with locks. When I was in the joint, I was thinking how can I take this and make it more productive, you know? So, I've been applying for locksmith schools, but, you know, they won't let me in on account that I'm a felon. Can you believe that?
      Beckett: A felon who wants to be a locksmith. What could possibly go wrong there?
      Jessup: You don't have to be mean about it.
      Castle: Yeah. Wow.
      Death Glare; cut to Castle relocated to the back seat of the car with Jessup.
  • Infomercial mogul/drug smuggler Johnny Vong in "Sucker Punch": "I come to this country on a boat—now, I OWN A BOAT!" Complete with Castle and Esposito imitating him with the goofiest looks on their faces.
    • "I OWN A BOAT!" recited by Johnny Vong, Castle, and Esposito IN UNISON, don't forget.
    • Castle's attempt at butching up.
  • In "The Third Man", after Beckett hears about Castle dating Bachelorette #3:
    Beckett: I have no life.
    Lanie: No, Mr. Bishop [indicates the Body Of The Week] has no life. That's why he's on my table.
  • Beckett's attempts to keep it cool when she meets a certain baseball manager/player in "Suicide Squeeze". Her face is hilarious.
    Beckett: That was Joe freaking Torre. I gotta call my dad!
    • Particularly since Castle and Torre — who know each other previously — are just casually shooting the breeze and clearly not really paying attention to Beckett, who in turn is clearly attempting to psychically communicate with / scream at Castle to get him to introduce her while simultaneously keep cool.
    • Hehe. Suicide Squees.
    • Those occasions when Castle and Alexis invert the parent-child relationship are always comedy gold.
      Alexis: Dad! You'll spoil your dinner!
      Castle: [mouth full of whipped cream] This is my—
      Alexis: NO.
  • Pretty much all of "The Mistress Always Spanks Twice" but especially this bit:
    Lanie: Look, I'll do the chocolate, I'll even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel? I prefer slippery to sticky.
    Castle: [grabs Ryan's arm] Does she know we can hear her?
    • Ryan & Esposito researching BDSM websites. The whole scene is a sea of silly reactions and various unseen Noodle Implements. When they get to an image of some weird position. They're certain that said position is impossible. Castle agrees....but Beckett doesn't.
      Ryan and Esposito: WOAHHH!
      Esposito: No, no, no, no, no.
      Ryan: How do you even get in that position?
      Esposito: I don't know, but you should try that with your, uh, girlfriend, honey milk. As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna buy this for you right now.
      Castle: Oh, jeez. How do you even get in that position?
      Ryan: Right? It's not even possible.
      Beckett: Oh, it's possible.
    • Before that, we get this....
      Esposito: What does that thing do?
      Ryan: Looks like a potato peeler.
      Esposito: Yeah. Oh, that is nasty.
      Ryan: Oh!
      Castle: And illegal in 12 states.
    • Just the phrase "dominatrix-client privilege" is hysterical enough.
    • The utterly sweet, Adorkable Ryan being completely out of his element around the very sexually forward ladies in the club, and the ladies leading him around by the nose because of it.
    • Esposito is reduced to shocked submissiveness after one of the mistresses makes him take off her tightly laced boots.
  • There's also the bit in "Tick, Tick, Tick..." when the FBI agent talks about how Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook had sex in the book, and Beckett denies she and Castle have. Leonard Roberts' character has the oddest not-quite-a-smirk on his face as he turns away.
    • And in the same episode, Beckett is surprised to learn that FBI Special Agent Jordan Shaw is a mother. This comes in handy, however, when she has to tell Castle (who acts like a twelve year old) to stop playing with the high-tech gadgets in the back of the specially equipped SUV.
      Shaw: Put. The Taser. Down.
    • Also in "Tick, Tick, Tick..." Castle takes some creative liberty with the engraved bullets that spell out "NIKKI":
      Look, it spells "Kinki!"
  • One line in "Boom" had Firefly fans laughing:
    Castle: [reacting to shooting the gun out of the bad guy's hand] I was aiming for his head!
  • The beginning of "Boom," when Castle found Beckett alive, hiding in her bathtub.
    Castle: [seeing Beckett] Kate! You're alive! Oh, and you're naked!
    • Beckett, feeling supremely awkward about this, keeps asking for something to cover herself (a towel, her robe), with the recurring problem that they're all on fire.
    • The conclusion of that scene:
      Castle: Are you in any pain?
      Beckett: Well, not nearly as much as you. It's killing you, isn't it.
      Castle: What?
      Beckett: Having to wait this long to tell me how you banged down the door.
      Castle: You want me to start from the beginning?
  • Castle preparing for the unlikely event of his death when he thinks he's been cursed by a Mayan mummy in "Wrapped Up in Death".
    Castle: *stares seriously at Beckett*
    Beckett: What?
    Castle: Nothing.
    Beckett: Castle.
    Castle: ...If something were to happen to me, I want you to watch out for Alexis.
    Beckett: *turns to look at him*
    Castle: She looks up to you. And, if her boyfriends get frisky, you can shoot them.
    Beckett: Nothing's gonna happen to you.
    Castle: But if it does.
    Beckett: ...Okay. *smiles*
    Castle: And, would you also go into my closet and get rid of my porn collection before she finds it?
    Beckett: *Death Glare*
    Esposito: *appears* Don't worry bro, I got you covered on that.
  • In "The Late Shaft," the line producer on a TV talk show learns that the (murdered) host had been sleeping with her (very young) daughter:
    Producer: "He was banging my daughter right under my nose? I will kill him!"
    Castle: "He's already dead."
    Producer: "Well, I will kill him again! I don't care; where's the corpse?!"
  • In "Den of Thieves", Beckett calls Demming, whom she's been semi-flirting with since the episode began (Castle is less than pleased, of course). He is already walking in the room, though:
    Beckett: I was just calling you!
    Demming: What a coincidence. I was just coming to see you.
    Castle: Wow. It's like we're all on the same case.
    • "His alibi checks out...looks like he WAS coaching an underprivileged youth basketball league, after all."
      • Castle, utterly miserable with jealousy at the too-good-to-be-trueness: "Oh, geez."
  • In "Food to Die For", Alexis is upset as she is torn between going to the Hamptons for the weekend or studying for her upcoming exams. Castle, meanwhile, is playing with some liquid nitrogen, and comes up with a solution...
    Castle: Maybe by this weekend I'll find a way to take this tank of liquid nitrogen and build it into a weather machine. I'll make it rain, your friends will have to cancel their trip, you won't have to choose and then, we can Take Over the World! Mwahahahaha!
    Alexis: Not helpful.
    Castle: But evil!
    • A moment later he drops his watch into the solution and then comments, "Look, I froze time."
  • Another gem in "Food to Die For" that sends Caskett shippers squeeing. Beckett suspects her old high school best friend of being the killer and ends up taking Madison downtown in the middle of the latter's date with Castle. Beckett and Castle argue Like an Old Married Couple, but what follows is priceless. Note how she doesn't deny what Madison is saying.
    Madison: No, I get it. You're hot for Castle. You wanna make little Castle babies!
    Beckett: Maddie! He can hear us!
    • And afterwards, Castle confirms that he did hear everything. Beckett actually gets disoriented for a while after that.
  • In "Overkill", the entirety of the 'cry talk' scene. It may be a cliche, but there's a reason people still use it.
  • Also, in "Overkill":
    Castle: [demonstrating a shaving cream] This stuff will change your life! [squirts it onto Esposito's hand]
    Esposito: [in surprise] It's hot!
    Castle: It's hot!
    Ryan: It's hot?
    Castle: It's hot! [squirts some onto Ryan's hand]
    Ryan: It's hot!
    • Who knew that repeating two words five times could be one of the funniest moments of an episode?
    • The best part is that it cuts to Lanie and Beckett, who are watching them and rolling their eyes, obviously thinking "Boys!"
      "This is like Sex in the City, only with boys..."
    • A brilliant blink and you miss it bit: as Lanie is saying the line, a musical rift on the Sex and the City theme plays in the background.
  • Castle and Beckett's reactions to Lee Copley's alibi for not killing his best friend in "A Deadly Game".
    Castle: Let me— Let Me Get This Straight... You— your alibi for killing your friend is you were doing his— his wife?
    Lee: [sheepishly nodding] Yeah.

    Season 3 
  • When Castle ends up a murder suspect very briefly in the season opener, "A Deadly Affair", Beckett attempts to interrogate him. It's hilarious. And at one point he calls Ryan "Annie Oakley".
  • In He's Dead, She's Dead, when Beckett reads out the victim's letter predicting her own murder, Castle makes a sound between a gasp and a squeak that is so hilarious it just had to be ad-libbed.
  • Castle's explanation in "Punked" of how a man was killed with a 200 year old bullet turns out to be... time-traveling killer. Normally, this would be par for the course if he hadn't turned around with a huge smile and hand up for a high-five which is promptly ignored by Beckett and Lanie.
    • Castle walks into Alexis and her boyfriend Ashley with a replica revolver in his hand. It's important to note that he had no idea Ashley was there.
      Ashley: Sure, if it's okay with your gun. [Beat] I mean, dad.
    • After Castle's inadvertent Twerp Sweating has caused Ashley to spend a minute or two hysterically blabbering about how much he respects Alexis and Castle himself before leaving, Castle's deadpan reaction is priceless:
    • Castle tries to interrogate Beckett on what she wears beneath her clothes. The look on his face after he suggests "Commando?" may cause sides to split.
  • The shooting range scene from "Punked", which culminates in a gun-aiming rig that the Mythbusters would be proud of. What really sells it is the cop who happened to be using the shooting range at the same time. First he got pissed off that Castle was hitting the unnamed cop's target, then he realized what was going on and started helping them.
    • Esposito, in a neck brace, gets bowled over by a fleeing suspect just as he and Ryan arrive at a steampunk bar. He ends up with even more braces and casts. It turns out to be a prank, but it doesn't stop him from wincing in pain when Castle claps him on the shoulder.
  • From "3XK":
    Montgomery: Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old.
    Castle: Could be me.
    Montgomery: With a dysfunctional relationship with his mother.
    Castle: Still me.
    Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job.
    Beckett: Definitely you.
    Castle: Just for that, I'm basing my next book on Esposito.
    • Made even more hilarious by Beckett's shocked look.
  • In "Almost Famous" the case takes Ryan and Esposito to a male striptease agency which, coincidentally, is holding tryouts that day. As soon as they walk in the door, the owner matter-of-factly sizes them up, informs the athletic Esposito he already has enough 'A-Rods' note  on his books, but informs Ryan that he does have women requesting 'that skinny Twilight dude like crazy', tosses him a male G-string to try on and informs him it's 'one size fits all, we can pad if need be'. Once the situation has been cleared up:
    Ryan: I can assure you, this would fit.
    Owner: [smirks knowingly] That's what they all say.
    • And it keeps on giving; later, while Ryan is making the pair an espresso each and soliloquizing about the unfortunate fate of their victim, a male stripper who had hopes of becoming a professional actor but kept failing, Esposito is behind his back checking out his abs in a window reflection before spontaneously beginning exercises. Apparently the 'A-Rod' crack earlier stung a little:
      Ryan: ... What the hell are you doing?
      Esposito: 'Up to his ears in A-Rods'?! I got an A-Rod for that son-of-a-bitch; three years varsity ball, two years Special Forces triathlon and NYPD police calendar 2007. [At Ryan's expression] What?!
      Ryan: [long-suffering, 'I've heard this all before'] It was a group photo.
      Esposito: I got letters.
      Ryan: You got three. Two of 'em from your mom.
      Esposito: One of them was from my mom.
      Ryan: ['Whatever you say, dude'] Sure.
      Esposito: ... Twilight my ass. [Storms off]
    • One Visual Pun happened when Beckett was trying to get a suspect (a stripper) to come with her. Beckett tells him to "cool it," but he doesn't listen. More firefighter strippers surround Beckett. Then Castle comes with a fire extinguisher and cools them down for her.
      • Later on, when interviewing the stripper in question, he tells them his name is Hans von Mannschaft and speaks in a (painful) pseudo-German accent. He initially keeps up appearances; when Castle tells him his name is a little too obvious, he says he's from a long line of proud von Mannschafts. When Beckett finally dropped the bombshell that he's being questioned for a murder, his Eurotrash demeanor and his accent disappears. Castle tells him, "Be careful, von Mannschaft, your New Jersey is showing."
  • In "Close Encounters of a Murderous Kind", with Esposito's "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" to Castle and Beckett's insistence that the marks on their necks from knockout injectors are definitely not hickeys. Then Ryan walks in.
    Ryan: Hey. Those hickeys?
    Esposito: Yes.
    Beckett: No.
    Castle: I wish.
    Ryan: ...Okay.
    • Also notice how, when Castle first mentions that he wished they were hickeys, Beckett is smiling.
    • The Shout Outs to The X-Files were really amusing. Especially "It's the cigarette smoking man!"
    • A little bit of visual humor: when Esposito announces the vacuum chamber that seems like the obvious murder weapon is completely clean, Beckett exclaims that there's no other explanation. Castle enthusiastically taps his UFO book.
  • At the end of "Last Call", Captain Montgomery tells Castle that he can get a bottle of the scotch for a generous donation to the NYPD Widows and Orphans Fund. Your initial interpretation of Montgomery's giddiness informing Castle is that he intends to snag himself a bottle as well. After Castle is done weeping at the good fortune, he states he'll only make the donation if the others drink with him. Montgomery immediately states "twist my arm" as he brings up a glass no one apparently noticed he was holding.
    • Castle and the gang singing "Piano Man" from Billy Joel. They look to Beckett, and when you think she will just flat-out refuse, she joins in and sings, leading to a Got Me Doing It moment.
  • Pretty much the entire episode, "Nikki Heat," which is little more than an excuse to have two Becketts on-screen at the same time.
    • It starts with Natalie Rhodes beginning to mirror Beckett's mannerisms.
      Ryan: So uncanny.
      Esposito: Spooky.
      Castle: Sexy.
    • Later, she receives an item to "help with [her] research." Two scenes later...
      Beckett: I contacted other precincts to find out who else is investigating her and for what.
      Rhodes: [walks into the room with Beckett-styled wig and pantsuit] Talk to enough people, something usually shakes out.
      Castle: [pencil falls out of hand, as Beckett stares at Rhodes] Just like I dreamed it...
      Beckett: [GLARES at Castle]
      Castle: ...Did I say that out loud?
    • This scene just keeps on giving, as it is immediately followed by...
      Random officer: [enters and hands Rhodes a report] Here you go, Beckett.
      Rhodes: Thanks, Johnson. [turns to Beckett] It's "Johnson," isn't it?
      Beckett: [agitatedly snatches the report] It's Velazquez. And you are not me.
    • And then capped off with...
      Beckett: [harsh whispering after Rhodes leaves] You cannot tell me that that is normal.
      Castle: [softly] She's just committed to the role. [leaving the office] You should be flattered.
      Beckett: [to self] Yeah. Sure. Until she steals my boyfriend and kills me in my sleep.
    • The morning after Rhodes tries to seduce Castle, she talks to Beckett:
      Rhodes: Can I ask you a question?
      Beckett: Sure. [takes a huge swig of coffee]
      Rhodes: [Beat] Is Castle gay?
      Beckett: [HUGE Spit Take]
    • After a thorough deconstruction/lampshading of the Caskett UST, she asks:
      Rhodes: You're Nikki Heat, he's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Could you talk to him?
      Beckett: [completely dumbfounded] And say what?
      Rhodes: I dunno, give him permission or something.
      Beckett: [mouths a few words, then settles on:] I need to go... [points in random direction] over there. [exeunt stage left]
    • Next scene, Beckett observing Rhodes doing an uncanny impression of her at the whiteboard. She is subsequently joined by Castle.
      Castle: Everything okay?
      Beckett: Do I really do that?
      Castle: Yes. And it's adorable.
      Beckett: If it's so adorable, why didn't you sleep with me? [Beat] Her me, not me me.
      Castle: Oh. Well, a fictional character that I wrote, based on you, played by Natalie Rhodes? It's just...way too meta.
    • And then Ryan.
      Ryan: We really should have a code word so we all know which Beckett to kill when her clone army attacks.
      Beckett: Unless we make a pre-emptive strike.
    • And then Esposito.
      Esposito: What're you guys doing?
      Ryan: Hiding from creepy Beckett.
      Beckett: [exasperated] We're not hid... [gives up] Did you find anything on Greta Morgan?
    • Whenever Ryan is around Natalie Rhodes, who happens to be not only a favorite actress but one of his 'freebie five', he gets an instant case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. The results are hilarious.
      Castle: [After Rhodes has just accurately mimicked one of Beckett's statements in an interrogation] Wow, that was a really good Beckett.
      Ryan: Yeah. Almost creepy-great. Not that you're creepy. Just... great.
    • Which, after a misunderstanding with his girlfriend leads to a fight between them, eventually leads to this encounter between Ryan and Natalie:
      Beckett: She thought you lied to her.
      Ryan: Yeah. And then she found out I was working with you [Natalie Rhodes], which I hadn't told her...
      Natalie Rhodes: What's the big deal about that?
      Ryan:... You're on my list.
      Natalie Rhodes: What list?
      Ryan: My list. My 'freebie five'. [The others begin to look alternately amused and mortified as Ryan explains further:] The five celebrities you could sleep with if you had the chance to... [Realizes he's saying this to her face] And, ah, now she thinks that last night we... A-and I should probably stop talking right now I should call her is what I should do. [Scurries away as quick as he can]
      Natalie Rhodes: [Beaming] 'Freebie five', huh? Wonder what number I am.
      Beckett: Why does that not surprise me?
    • And who could forget that one scene where not only does Natalie Rhodes debrief Castle about the investigation- stealing a particular detective's thunder, but also grabs the coffee from him that was supposedly for Beckett?
      *After Beckett practically dragging Castle to a nearby room*
      Beckett: She took my coffee, Castle!
      Castle: It's just coffee...
      Beckett: Then what's next? My soul?!
  • While investigating the murder of the proprietor of a magic shop in "Poof! You're Dead", Castle and Beckett track down a local street magician to question him. As soon as Beckett introduces herself as a cop, he lets out a nonchalant "abracadabra" and disappears and a pyrotechnic flash of smoke. Castle stands there absolutely amazed... Beckett grabs the top of the box he was standing on and pulls it open, then pulls him out, delivering one of her best lines ever: "Alakazam, jackass."
  • It's mostly a serious and pretty grim episode, but "Knockdown" still has at least one laugh-out-loud moment; when Esposito and Ryan are getting a fingerprint sample off the arm of a witness, a rather excitable and apparently not-entirely-stable young woman who excitedly jabbers about how she always attracts jerks, like the guy who once faked his own death to get out of a relationship with her, only for her to run into him in a bar. At this point, Ryan — who, like Esposito, has been listening to all this with an expression crossed between long-suffering patience and mild alarm — blurts out "Unbelievable!" which gets the perfect response from Esposito; a Death Glare which conveys the sentiment 'dude, don't encourage her,' as loudly as is possible for a non-verbal facial expression.
    • Even in the middle of a very tense scene, Esposito manages to crack the greatest timed "your mom" jibe ever.
      Esposito: [to a man torturing him and Ryan] You're too late! The cops already know and your mom.
    • How about Castle's mini-fangirl moment after the Big Damn Kiss, both the way he accidentally muttered, "That was amazing" and then touched his face right before they go in to retrieve Ryan and Esposito? Hilarious.
    • Also, Beckett calling Castle "Chuck Norris" after he pounced on Lockwood and beat the snot out of him.
  • In the episode "Lucky Stiff", Beckett & co. move in to arrest a pair of murder suspects, who are in the middle of recording a rap with the title (or at least the recurring motif) "Get On The Floor". Beckett orders the technician to cut the music.
    Suspect: What the hell, yo, that was slammin'!
    Castle: Three armed cops and a writer makes four. You're under arrest - so get on the floor.
    • Even better, after the case, Beckett sings the same song while playing guitar.
    • Looking over the many things the victim bought after winning the lottery, one of them is real estate on the Moon. Castle's response:
      Castle: "Get out of town! He's right down the crater from me!"
      Beckett: "Why does it not surprise me that you have property on the Moon?"
      Castle: "You know what, laugh it up. When the Earth is a desiccated husk, you will be begging to come live with me in the Nectaris Basin."
  • "Setup" is a pretty serious episode, but there is one pretty funny scene where Lanie accidentally calls Esposito 'baby' while at the victim's crime scheme and of course there's a bit of teasing involved.
    Lanie: [to Esposito] Not everything, baby.
    Beckett: [whispers] Did you just call him baby?
    Lanie: [makes a face] Ooh. Did I?
    Castle: [mouths] You did.
    • You haven't heard of the Serenity?
    • "Best. Dad. EVER."
  • In "Countdown", Castle's reaction to saving himself, Beckett, and the entire city by yanking out all the wires to the dirty bomb. It may cause sides to split. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome as well.
    • The scene after that:
      Beckett: We were just doing our job. Actually, I was just doing my job; I don't know what the hell he was doing.
      Castle: Hey! But that's true.
  • The first suspect in "One Life to Lose" is a diehard shipper who hated the murder victim because "she was being swayed by the Can-Fonsos." Actually, her whole Die for Our Ship rant was hilarious in a meta kind of way.
    • To say the least. She organized fans to send the network head (in-universe of Castle not in-universe of the show-within-a-show) a crate of axes!
    • This little moment, after Castle and Beckett have hit a roadblock:
      Castle: Maybe we should sleep on it.
      Beckett: [shoots him a knowing, flirty look]
      Castle: Separately! [mock-affronted] Katherine Beckett, I never!
    • Martha telling Beckett and Castle about her surprisingly brief role on a soap opera when she was younger:
      Martha: After my character married [an actor's] character, Joseph Fox, she was kidnapped, buried alive, trapped in a cave with bears, kidnapped again, and held hostage in the sewers of Paris.
      Beckett: How long were you on the show?
      Martha: Three weeks.
    • After discovering the victim's 'mother' was a con-artist pretending to be her birth mother to swindle her out of her money, and that she had been written into the victim's will before the victim found her out (thus giving motive), Esposito arrests her as she's leaving the country. After she's brought to the station, she proceeds to give the hammiest portrayal of a grieving mother ever, outside of the soap the victim wrote, to the point where Esposito, Beckett and Castle are visibly trying hard to prevent themselves from openly laughing out loud at her.
      Mother: Everything in New York reminded me of Sarah. I had to escape the agonising truth that she's dead. Now, if denial... is a crime... I plead guilty.
      Beckett: Good to know. How do you plead on murder?
  • In "Law & Murder", a witness is being questioned for a description of someone he went for a "big, scary black guy". He can't seem to come up with a more accurate description. He turns to face Beckett (standing behind him on his way out of the precinct) to reiterate "he's a big, scary black guy" one last time, only to shut up in front of the black police officer also standing behind him. Only it turned out he stopped talking because he recognized the guy on the TV behind said officer as the very person he was trying to describe.
  • When Castle asks Ryan to help get some pictures of Alexis' friend kissing Ashley off the Internet in "Slice of Death".
    Castle: Listen, if I gave you a website, could you have your friends at Tech attack and take some pictures down?
    Ryan: Did someone find naked pictures of you again?
    Castle: Not me, it’s Alexis.
    Ryan: [looks up uncomfortably]
    Castle: [realizing] It's for Alexis.
    Ryan: This just got awkward. What’s this about?
    • Montgomery's line when learning that the body was found in an oven at Authentic Nick's, not Terrific Nick's.
    Montgomery: Oh thank God, the wife loves Terrific Nick's; I don't have the heart to tell her it now comes in full body flavor.
  • The poker night scene in "The Dead Pool" where Dennis Lehane, Michael Connelly and Castle give Alex Conrad some "friendly hazing" as they go over the Case of the Week.
    Michael: "Do you know what I did after I wrote my first book? I shut up and wrote 23 more."
  • "To Love And Die in L.A." has a lot of funny moments, but the scene where Beckett and Castle get the suspect "interrogated" at the movie set for the Heat Wave movie. The actors playing Raley and Ochoa have hilarious dialogue as they bring the suspect in.
    • And we have this great exchange after Esposito shoots a perp.
      Perp: You shot me in the leg, call an ambulance man.
      Esposito: My partner's already on that.
      Ryan: 9...1... what comes after that one?

    Season 4 
  • In "Rise":
    Beckett: By the way, I want my gun back. [hands Gates a folded up paper]
    Gates: Hmmph. [opens paper, there's a giant hole in the center of the paper from how many times Beckett got a bullseye] *raises eyebrow*
    • Also from "Rise":
      Agitated Suspect: Get out of here!!
      Castle: [quietly] Okay.
      Beckett: [continues yelling and interrogating]
  • The interview with the superhero wanna-be Red Maroon in "Heroes and Villains", who is trying to ape Lone Vengeance's schtick:
    Red Maroon: I wanna be his disciple. Maybe... his partner. I mean, it's my destiny.
    Castle: He doesn't want a partner.
    Red Maroon: How do you know?
    Castle: 'Lone Vengeance'. Lone.
  • At one point in Head Case, Castle and Beckett visit the pornography producer who was funding the experimental medical process the victim was working on. The two subjects clash in this exchange:
    Castle: "Would you do it? Would you get the implants?"
    Beckett: (glances down) "I don't think I need 'em."
  • "Head Case" has Castle's startled reaction to finding the cryogenic pods with people actually inside them.
    Castle: Judging by by the size of 'em, you'd almost expect there to be—
    [wiped window reveals contents]
    Castle: PEOPLE! Jeez!
    [The others look.]
    Castle: [still reeling from the discovery] They're people. [turns to the others] They're people.
    • The fire escape chase. "Talk about taking a header!"
  • Esposito and Ryan undercover as teenagers in Kick the Ballistics.
    Esposito: Oh, snaps! Is that Philip? I ain't seen you in a minute!
    Ben (to bodyguard): He thinks I'm my brother. Happens with the gweilo (A Catonese term for non-Chinese people).
    Esposito: Wazzup?!
    Bodyguard: Move along.
    Esposito: Man, why you touchin' on me? Betta check yo toe! Man, tell him, Philip. Tell 'em we boys. Tell yo boy, Thor, that we boys!
    Bodyguard: Go outside.
    Esposito (being lifted and carried away): Man, tell him Philip! (Ben just stares) Man, Philip, you changed!
    • The conversation Beckett, Castle, Ryan, and Esposito have back at the precinct is hysterical, too.
      Beckett: What the hell were you two thinking going to see Ben Lee when Gates specifically said to stay away?
      Esposito: Who's gonna tell her, Beckett? Not me. [to Ryan] Do you plan on telling her what we did?
      Ryan: Not me. Castle?
      Castle (while taking a picture of Ryan and Esposito in their "teen clothes"): Who? Me? No way.
      Beckett: Nice, smartass.
  • In "Eye of the Beholder", almost any time Beckett is driven to act like a seething jealous fifteen-year-old by Serena Kaye's obvious interest and flirtations with Castle. It culminates in Beckett stumbling upon the two kissing each other (Castle's trying to distract her), upon which her reaction is priceless. The way she blurts out "Hey!" is a little less "Hey, you're under arrest under suspicion of murder," and more "Hey, get your hands off my guy!"
    • The funniest part is before Beckett interrogates Serena; Castle tries to explain himself but Beckett refuses to listen, keeping him out of the interrogation room. A moment after she closes the door, Castle makes a choking gesture in her direction.
    • In fact, almost anytime Beckett gets a case of the Green-Eyed Monster regarding other ladies taking an interest in Castle belongs here; Stana Katic does a great job of playing our normally stoic, sober and mature detective clearly struggling with her inner teenager (and almost losing) at such moments.
    • Castle's mother walks in on him while he's typing up a novel on his laptop. This exchange ensues:
      Castle: Hang on, I'm about to toss a guy off the Brooklyn bridge.
      Martha: Well, I'm sure *checks the computer* Damien Carter would appreciate a short reprieve.
      Castle: Too late, he just went kersplat.
    • When Castle sees that Serena Kaye is in Gates' ofice, he spits out the coffee he's drinking. Even though Ryan is right next to him, he only catches it in time to look up in bewilderment at the spray that arches in the air over his head.
  • From "Eye of the Beholder," Esposito's reveal of the hotel where a famous art thief may be staying cuts to... an awkward elevator moment with Ryan, Esposito, a SWAT team and the hotel manager.
  • In "Demons," Castle is giving Beckett a boost up to investigate a secret passage:
    Beckett: "Okay, grab my legs." (sound of grabbing, Beckett gasps) "Castle! I said legs!"
    Castle: "Oh, legs. Sorry."
  • In "Cops and Robbers", Ryan and Esposito might not have has had as much in the way of Heartwarming and Awesome moments as the other characters, but they do get one of the funnier moments in the episode, when debating on whether to enter a potential person-of-interest's apartment without a warrant or probable cause:
    Ryan: Did you just hear that? I think I heard someone yell out "Help, police!"
    Esposito: [High-pitched, squeaky mumble] Help! Police! [Normal] There it is again.
    [They burst in]
  • Ryan, Esposito and Castle dressed as Elvis impersonators in "Heartbreak Hotel".
  • In "Cuffed," the irony of Esposito telling Ryan about how being stuck together makes or breaks a relationship. Actually the episode was funny even without the parallels.
    • In an otherwise tense moment, a crazed smuggler faces Esposito and Ryan and threatens to shoot "the pretty one". The boys pause to give each other the briefest of searching looks.
    • Castle and Beckett's attempt to push the freezer, resulting in an intentional Does This Remind You of Anything? moment of Ship Tease by the writers. Brilliant.
    • When Ryan and Esposito let the bad guys go in order to get Castle and Beckett out, Ryan lifts the hatch and sees only the tiger in the basement, which prompts him to let out a panicked, mournful, "It ATE them!"
    • Beckett mentioning the possibility of being handcuffed to Castle all night again. "But next time, let's do it without the tiger." "...Next time?!"
  • In "Til Death Do Us Part", the victim of the week is found to be a bit of a womanizer when Lanie examines him. Later, the "a bit" part is scratched out when Ryan and Esposito turn up no less than fifteen women (aside from the first in the hotel room) who were involved with him. One wonders how he found time to earn money.
    Castle: It's like the start of The Bachelor, but there's no Appletinis.
    • Castle's quite intimidated by Martha and Alexis' answers to what either of them would do to a guy cheating on them.
    • From the same episode, Esposito's jealousy over Lanie having a plus one for Ryan's wedding.
      Esposito: You think I should pull her phone records?
      Ryan: *chokes on his drink* What?
      Esposito: I am not going to your wedding if I don't find out who this guy is.
      • Related to this, Esposito spends much of the episode trying to find his own 'plus-one' for the wedding as not to be outdone. At one point, he's chatting up a pretty uniformed officer at the espresso machine when Beckett yells for him to join them over a development in the case. Unfortunately, this distracts him sufficiently to cause him to accidentally spray a jet of water right in the officer's face. Looks like he struck out there.
    • Beckett and Castle's interview with the pickup-artist. After he's spent the entire time casually bragging — and horrifying Beckett — with his exploits:
      Pickup Artist: You know, you have some beautiful eyes.
      Beckett: ... Seriously.
      Pickup Artist: What, it's a numbers game. I strike out 90% of the time .
      Beckett: Thus restoring my faith in my gender.
    • Ryan spends the episode 'cleansing' for his wedding by fasting and drinking lime juice. After a week and a half of this, he gets so distracted by the sight of food that he attacks Esposito over half a donut.
      • Earlier, he objects to Esposito calling wads of cash he found in the vic's apartment "a lot of cake."
      • Ryan finally caves in when he just stares at a collection of Chinese food the others have ordered and Esposito and Beckett encourage him to eat something. The latter tells him he's "got the posture of a feral cat."
        Ryan: Guys, I've made a sacred vow to the woman I love- *Castle grabs one particular box* Is that Mushu Pork?
        Espo: Yes, and it is delicious. Come on, bro. Just eat.
        Ryan snags the box and picks up even more goodies on the way back to his desk.
    • A significant portion of the episode consists of Castle, Beckett and Esposito fretting over whether or not to tell Ryan that Jenny is logged in the book recording all of the victim's conquests (at a date after the two had started dating). When they try to carefully ease into bringing it up by mentioning the book, Ryan casually expresses curiosity if Jenny was in the book (her having already told him when he described the case to her), throwing the other three for a loop. Ryan explains that he and Jenny weren't exclusive by that time.
  • "An Embarrassment of Bitches" has several.
    • This exchange:
    Castle: Tell me, does the phrase 'corporate espionage' mean anything to you?
    Kay Cappuccio: No!
    [Skeptical, satisfied 'we've got her' pause from Castle and Beckett]
    Kay Cappuccio: No, seriously. I have no idea what it means.
    • Alexis asks Castle if she can go on a college road trip with her friend, Buttons. Castle, like any good dad, asks who's going, who's driving, and who's chaperoning.
    Alexis: [innocently] We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Cragislist.
    • Castle and his mother cringing over said friends name, Buttons Dutton.
    • A dog show loser saying that all the proof he needs that it was rigged is which dog did win before pointing at an Afghan hound wrathfully.
    • Lolita, the Chihuahua with aggression issues.
    • Castle mockingly imitating a suggestive pose Kay is always making on the street, only for a bunch of Paparazzi to start snapping pictures of a horrified Castle, to Beckett's amusement. Adding to the hilarity is that the photographers stop once they realize Castle isn't Jason Bateman and leave, as Castle looks torn between being relieved and offended.
    • The dog therapist. Initially they think she was the victims therapist and is talking about him eating garbage and feces. Afterwards Castle clearly has a hard time taking her seriously and asks if the victim ever watched her sessions with his dog and seems unsurprised to find out he didn't.
  • In "The Blue Butterfly", Castle is narrating the romance of a 1940's PI and a gun moll and accidentally calls her Kate.
    • Because he's imagining the main series characters playing the lead roles; naturally, he and Kate are the PI and the moll. Esposito and Ryan? The guys working for the moll's mobster.
    • Kate initially tries to hurry him along when he's waxing poetic in his narration, but when he ends it on a cliffhanger due to the diary ending there, she wants to know how it ends.
    • After imagining Ryan as an Irish thug, he asks the real Ryan to say "boyo" repeatedly. This eventually results in...
      Castle: Boyo.
      Ryan: Boyo.
      Castle: Boyo.
      Ryan: Boyo.
      Castle: Like a leprechaun.
      Ryan: [exasperated] Castle!
    • And of course:
      Castle: The Blue Butterfly. It's real! It's why Stan Banks was killed— Why am I narrating?
  • In "Pandora", an old friend of Castle's who is heading a CIA operation Castle and Beckett have stumbled into gives them both one-touch icons on their phones which are a direct line to her. The icon on Beckett's phone is the CIA crest, while Castle's is just a bright red button with "PANIC" in white.
    • Likewise in "Pandora", Beckett's outright jealousy over learning that she's not the first woman Castle shadowed for novel research.
    • And in "Linchpin"
      Beckett: Why don't you ask your girlfriend?
      Lanie: Girlfriend?
      Castle: Fine! We slept together! Okay? It was a long time ago! What's the big deal?
      Beckett: There's no big deal! Sleep with whoever you want. The more the merrier.
      Alexis: Ahem.
    • Castle and Beckett's Oh, Crap! faces make it perfect. Especially since Nathan Fillion manages to give an Oh, Crap! face without changing expression.
  • Ryan being freaked out over the dolls in "Once Upon a Crime".
    • Castle agonising over his mother's one woman play about herself because of what she says about him.
  • The entirety of Ryan and Esposito's misadventures with Ryan's wedding ring in "A Dance With Death." Especially when Esposito can't get the ring off. It results in the following conversation:
    Ryan: How can I tell my wife that I'm not wearing my ring because I lent it to Esposito... To see if strippers would flirt with me?
    Castle & Esposito both just give him a look.
    Ryan (optimistically): Maybe she'll see the humor in it.
    Castle & Esposito exchange looks before speaking simultaneously.
    Castle: Not a chance.
    Esposito: Dead man.
    • Near the end of the episode, Ryan's desperate to get his ring back. His and Jenny's couch has a loose spring.
    • The Same episode has Martha's feud with a critic from her Broadway Days who she initially tries to butter up to for an endorsement for her acting school but quickly renews her old resentment of, leading to a fight which is only resolved her her promising the critic (an aspiring author) that Castle will get her "chick lit" book published.... without asking Castle first.
    Castle: You aren't forgetting her blistering review of your performance of Maggie in 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof', are you?
    'Martha: That was 1983. I think I'm over it.
    Castle: "Martha Rodgers as Maggie the Cat is more of a helpless kitten, mewing and flapping her hands when she doesn't get her way."
    Martha: You memorized it?
    Castle:' I couldn't help it. You walked around the apartment quoting it for months!
    • Also Castle describing a scam from boarding school where people with gas allowances would instead fill up friends cars and get paid in cash, then upon getting looks trying to deny he did it personally, then just begging them not to tell his mother.
  • From "47 Seconds":
    Castle: [to Beckett, about Gates] I think she's starting to like me.
    Gates: No I'm not.
    • Also from "47 Seconds":
      Castle: [to Alexis] These pancakes are usually reserved for breakups and Dancing with the Stars result shows. What's the occasion?
  • "The Limey" when Det. Colin Hunt is distractedly trying to open a crate before the security guard nabs him and mentions the guard must have been working "harder than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest" complete with a stereotypical American "cowboy" accent.
    • Beckett peeking at the naked Colin just before the commercial break.
    • Lanie scoffing at Kate acting like it was a secret that she's in love with Castle, effectively lampshading the Everyone Can See It trope the show gleefully uses.
      • Just the whole opening sequence. Lanie finally convinces Kate to tell Castle how she feels. Kate says she needs to find the right time, while Lanie counters "there's no time like the present." Castle then pulls up in an obnoxious red sports car with a giggling blond in the passenger side, directly contrasting both women's comments about how Castle wasn't really that guy anymore. Lanie's awkward response as she leaves just crowns it.
    • Also, Esposito's question about his part in Castle's plan for entering the Villain of the Week's apartment.
      Castle: Ryan, you'll be here, dressed as a flower delivery boy. Esposito, you'll be here, dressed as a hobo.
      Esposito: [raises his hand] Question... Why's a brown man gotta be a hobo?
      Castle: You want the flowers?
      Esposito: Hobo it is.
  • From "Headhunters":
    Slaughter: You know who I'm mackin' on? This hot new redhead, just started working there. That girl's barely street-legal.
    Castle: Redhead?
    Slaughter: Yeah.
    Castle: About five foot five, blue eyes, intern?
    Slaughter: Yeah. You know her?
    Castle: That's my daughter.
    Slaughter: Seriously? That girl got an ass
    Castle: *punches him*
  • Castle's glee at working a case involving zombies in "Undead Again". After seeing a very zombie-like suspect on a traffic camera, he struts out of the briefing room, announces that "Our killer's a zombie!", and high-fives the first detective he sees. Who returns the gesture without breaking stride.
    • In the same episode, when Ryan asks Castle if he really believes in zombies.
      Castle: No. You know what I do believe in? Driving Beckett crazy.
    • Right after the team watches their zombie suspect on tape.
      Castle: [in his smuggest tone] My friends... [points to the screen with a telescopic pointer] That... [turns around to face the rest] is a zombie...
      Beckett, Ryan and Esposito: ...
      Castle: [struts out of the room] Our killer is a zombie! [high-fives with a random background character]
    • The scene where Castle fools the final bad guy into confessing to the murder by dressing up as a zombie. His makeup is done so well that it even freaks out Esposito, who skittishly insists that Castle stop acting like that, much to Castle's amusement.
    • And when their zombie corpse jumps off the morgue examining table and runs screaming out the door. Castle picks up the wall phone and asks what the code for a zombie running through the precinct is.
  • The first scene of "Always", when Castle stumbles across Alexis struggling to write her valedictorian speech in the early hours of the morning:
    Castle: Either this is the most boring dream I've ever had or you can't sleep either.
    Alexis: It's my chance to say something important — something worthy. I don't want to blow it, but I feel like I have nothing to say.
    Castle: [Looking through the reference texts she has in front of her] You mean 'nothing' compared to the great sacred texts of mankind, or Winston Churchill's speech to Harrow, or Steve Jobs' address to Stanford... you know, maybe you should pick some speeches just a little less daunting to compare yours to. Like Say Anything..., or Twilight!note 
    Alexis: It's not supposed to be this hard!
    Castle: You know, the most worthwhile things in life are often the most difficult. For example... [Castle's phone rings, interrupting him; the caller ID is for Beckett] Wow. That really is a smart phone.

    Season 5 
  • In "After the Storm", Castle and Beckett have just woken up from a passionate night, ready to go another round. They then hear the last three words they ever wanted to hear at that moment:
    Martha: Richard! I'm home!
    • Later in "Still", they would remember this as their scariest moment ever.
    • In the same episode, right as the man who shot Beckett is about to shoot one of the team with a hidden gun as he's pretending to follow demands and pulls out a file from a hidden safe, a hidden pressure trigger is set off and an explosion blows him right to hell. While the look on his face was entertaining by itself, comedy sets in with Esposito's very casual observation right afterwards.
    Esposito: He's gone.
  • "Cloudy With a Chance of Murder" Castle going through the case of the week in his head in order to help... avoid accidental man-reactions. And then when Beckett barges in and catches him with a woman shoving her boobs in her face, he blurts out that he had a "Eureka!" Moment to either distract her or make sure she doesn't react incorrectly to the situation. Beckett is some combination of flabbergasted, confused, and shocked.
    • And when he tries to make it up to her at the end of the episode and they talk things through, they're about to kiss until Beckett stops.
      Beckett: "I can't, it's too soon. I keep seeing her boobs in your face."
    • When Castle and Beckett go to confront the killer at the news room, the camera pans across all the suspects we've been introduced to over the episode, all of whom are staring at Castle and Beckett tensely... except for an obnoxious sports reporter who's been hitting on Beckett all episode, who's just grinning smarmily at her and holding his fingers to his ears in a typical "Hey, call me babe!" gesture.
  • In "Secret's Safe With Me," Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito bust a thief trying to cut into a safe he stole from a storage locker. As soon as they bust in, guns drawn, and announce themselves...
    Ryan & Esposito: [start snickering]
    Beckett: Shut up.
    • Castle's face when Beckett mentions that she has a box of stuff "from her kinky past".
    • Gates' Squee moments, first at finding that a doll she has looked for a long time is at the precinct, and then when she FanGirls a bit at Castle with his books.
    • Castle's petulant tantrum when Ryan bursts his bubble about finding the precious necklace while the safe is being cracked.
      Castle: You know what I love about this case? Finding a pretty pink bracelet in my belongings.
      Ryan: You know you're gonna have to return that —
      Castle: [Exploding] I know, Ryan! I know that! I ju—Can you just let me have this moment?! This one, small, Treasure Island Indiana Jones moment?
      Ryan: Right. Got it.
      Castle: [Petulant] Well, it's too late now. It's ruined.
    • "I have worked...a lot of cases, waiting patiently for the day that I can unequivocally exclaim...THE BUTLER DID IT!
  • "Murder, He Wrote". The whole episode.
    • Castle and Beckett plan a weekend romantic getaway in the Hampton's. It goes about just as well as you'd expect when a murder victim falls into Castle's pool, just seconds after Beckett dropped her robe to reveal she "forgot" her bathing suit.
    • Prior to working with the police on the murder case, Beckett is assumed to be a hooker by the chief when she asked to keep her name out of the public record, and he continues to assume so until he looks her up (after arresting her and Castle) and begins grovelling at her feet.
    • Beckett is in a romantic mood... And Castle cannot stop thinking about the case.
      • And the Ironic Echo later in the episode when Castle's the one in the mood for love, but much to his frustration Beckett's the one distracted by a sudden inspiration about the case.
    • Ryan and Esposito are desperate to find out who Beckett's secret boyfriend is. Ryan finds out during an interrogation with the drug ring victim's partner, who lets slip that the chief of the Hampton's police department was working with two consultants: Castle and his girlfriend Beckett. Ryan gets far more aggressive when he's grilling the suspect about Castle's mystery girlfriend compared to the actual murder. And then Ryan's utterly gobsmacked reaction when the suspect remembers the name of Castle's girlfriend...
      • The scene after. Ryan's phone call to Castle to fill him in on the details ... knowing full well that Beckett is there with him. Castle and Beckett flap like headless chickens trying to 'casually' find out what he knows, while the grin on Ryan's face as he strings them along somehow manages to be both innocent and utterly evil. At one point, in a panic, Castle and Beckett start yelling at each other without saying a single word out loud.
    • When the suspect's cornered, he takes a hostage and goes on a rant about how much he hates people like Castle, wealthy visitors to the Hamptons who "pollute our beaches and throw your money around like you think you're better than us!" Castle can't help himself and defensively blurts out "I don't think I'm better than you!"
      • "Sorry about the whole 'accusing you of murder' thing. Still buddies?" "Yeah."
  • It's mostly a serious episode, but "Probable Cause" gets a good one when Ryan and Esposito reveal to Beckett that they know the secret Beckett and Castle have been keeping; when Beckett incredulously asks them how, Esposito confidently replies "Well, it's us," in a fashion that suggests they're such brilliant detectives they totally figured it out — as if Ryan didn't happen to stumble on it almost entirely by accident and Esposito hadn't only learned about five minutes ago when Ryan told him.
  • "The Final Frontier". We've got Nebula 9 megafan Beckett surrounded by people who mock her favorite sci-fi show (including her own boyfriend and the actors of Nebula 9); Castle's hilarious cry of "OH MY GOD!" at the sight of his daughter walking by in a very, very revealing cosplay (which is quite jarring considering the very modest clothing we usually see her wear), Castle being so flustered by this, his "What... are you... doing here... dressed... like that?" comes out as Shatner Speak, and their failed attempt at "discussing" the incident later that night (which ended in Castle hastily running into his office and Alexis heading straight out the door without another word); and the crowner of the episode: Beckett's epic troll, teasing Castle with a sexy dance in her Nebula 9 cosplay, only to reveal that she's wearing the very horrendous Creaver mask that leaves him running (at first bumping into) out the door.
  • "Swan Song" has most of the crew end up hamming it up for the documentary crew following them around. One of the most hilarious has to be Esposito, who started out hostile to the camera but ends up playing to them the most. Through it all, Castle is just having loads of fun while Beckett looks annoyed as all hell.
    • A real kicker is the way the writers executed it through the characters' behaviors.
      • When Esposito starts hamming it up for the cameras, the audience expects it as it seems in line with his character.
      • Castle was expected, as it's in his very nature to show-off his rugged handsomeness, but he goes to extra lengths to ham up his usual behavior for added affect, Breaking the Fourth Wall by inserting cues for cutting to black and rolling theme music (and then humming the jingle that plays over the show's title card).
      • However, we soon get Lanie sexing it up in the morgue, ditching her scrubs for a low-U neckline and suggestive eyebrow wiggling at the camera, as well as some unnecessary perking of her chest (calling Beckett down to deliver findings that are usually done over the phone, just for the sake of some screen time).
      • And then we have Gates sucking up to the camera; specifically, by trying to act the Benevolent Boss of the station, a facade that her subordinates are visibly biting their tongues about when watching her. This also brings to mind the ending, when Gates is about to give Castle and Beckett an earful over the footage she reviewed for the documentary. Castle and Beckett fear the discovery of their relationship that might have been caught on tape. Nope. Turns out Gates is furious with Castle's immature behavior during her PR speech about the professionalism and maturity of the 12th precinct.
      • Even funnier after "Still". All the problems Kate and Richard went through to prevent Gates from seeing that video were all for nothing.
    • Gates welcomes the camera crew to the precinct and assures them they'll be welcomed and accommodated. Cue a lot of shots of blank, sullen and hostile looking detectives. It ends on Esposito and Ryan sitting at Ryan's desk looking into the camera with awkward smiles.
      Esposito: ... Welcome.
      Ryan: Welcome.
    • Castle indulges in a bit of Leaning on the Fourth Wall:
      Castle: Looks like John Campbell was in town ... with a few days to kill. [Beat] See what I did there? That was good. Use that. [Behind him, the detectives roll their eyes and leave] Don't use the part where I said "See what I did there" — cut that out, hard beat to black, musical sting. Bah-dah-dah-la-da-la-da[Turns around and realizes that everyone's gone].
    • Castle and Esposito interview a music-writing suspect, who plays a dramatic musical sting for them when they come to a revelation.
    • More leaning at the end of the teaser:
      Esposito: We've got you now, you son of a bitch! [Beat, looks at camera] Am I even allowed to say son of a— [cut to title]
    • And the ending, where Beckett lures a camera man into a supply closet, blows a raspberry at him, and shuts him inside.
  • "After Hours" has Castle and Beckett having a relationship spat even as they are being chased by mob thugs unarmed and trying to protect a witness. The witness also becomes increasingly frustrated and finally ends up playing therapist while offhandedly mentioned that he's qualified to do so because he's done countless therapy sessions—as the patient. Of course, it was all an act since the "witness" was actually the real killer.
    • The guy wasn't totally lying, either. He really did see a therapist, but ended up murdering him. After the therapist described him as a sociopath with homicidal tendencies.
  • "Secret Santa" Esposito getting his butt kicked by Santas.
    • Captain Gates being unable to stop herself expressing her absolute hatred for her mother-in-law, who is currently staying with her family for Christmas, at every opportunity.
    • And Castle's reaction to seeing the victim:
      Castle: And now Santa is dead! When will it end?!
      Beckett: I hate to break it to you, Castle, but there is no Santa.
      Castle: Not anymore.
  • The ex-wife suspect in "Significant Others" was her own One-Scene Wonder while she traversed around her ex-husband's house breaking every valuable piece in sight. If that wasn't funny enough, halfway through, said ex comes home and starts breaking her most beloved valuable pieces. Beckett threatens to throw them both in jail if they toss one more item onto the floor. They do. She takes them to the precinct and the ex-wife gets in one more line, "So worth it!"
    • When Esposito and Ryan hear that Castle has allowed Meredith to stay at his loft (at the same time Beckett is there because her apartment is being fumigated), both of them tell him he is next to a very steep cliff and simulate the sound of someone free-falling. Beckett sends them to check something, and Ryan can't resist repeating the sound as he leaves.
    • Later, when Meredith and Beckett have a "date", Esposito and Ryan tell him to watch out, because that's going to be like two worlds colliding. Esposito makes "Boom" several times.
    • When Meredith and Beckett return from their "date", Beckett starts to tell Castle that he is not the man she thought he was. Castle gets worried, but then Beckett and Meredith start laughing, as it was just a joke at his expense.
  • In "Under the Influence", Esposito takes down a local criminal's hulking bodyguard with a Groin Attack. The next time he goes round to talk to the same criminal, the bodyguard takes one look at him... then puts his hands over his crotch and edges out of the way.
  • Ryan in "Death Gone Crazy":
    Ryan: Never thought I'd say this after graduating the sixth grade - our bra research is in.
  • In "Reality Star Struck" we discover that Gates is a huge fan of "Wives of Wall Street."
    • And then she gets Castle hooked. And then they start debating the show like high schoolers.
      • And then the two both give Beckett the same look and inclination when it comes to questioning Penelope's husband, who's too scared of his wife to say anything. Beckett is at first reluctant but, oh boy was she phenomenal in hamming up the interrogation. Bonus points for easily flipping over that table. Then Castle and Gates get entertained as if it was reality TV!
      • And when Penelope's husband finally admits that they were faking his affair with the victim, both Castle and Gates unanimously scream out "What?!" as if they'd just watched an amazing plot-twist.
  • "Target" is mostly a serious episode, but it does have some amusing moments.
    • Martha makes smiley face pancakes, like Castle usually does for Alexis. Castle taste-tests them...only to find that they taste bad.
    • Kate asks Castle if his attitude about letting Alexis go to Columbia is of acceptance, or denial.
      Castle: Well, it was acceptance until you started applying your fiendish logic.
      Lanie: [interrupting] How 'bout you guys apply some fiendish logic to this?
    • The first suspect in Hasim Farouk's murder is a guy named...Bram Stoker. Yes, Ryan took a pause to make sure he read that right.
      Castle: [raising an eyeborw] Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, died in 1912?
      Ryan: Uh, if it's him, I'd say he's immortal. [shows the suspect's picture]
  • In "Hunt", when 'Jackson Hunt' wants Castle to get off his cell phone and into a car. He throws Castle's phone up in the air and shoots it! Castle takes a mental break from the stresses of the last two episodes to become distraught over the loss of his phone. Forgetting all about the three million in ransom money he has in a case on the ground.
    Castle: What are you doing?! That was a $200 phone!
    Hunt: That's how they track you, now get in the car.
    Hunt: Given how you're feeling so broken up about your two-hundred buck phone, you may want to pick up that three-million dollar briefcase. Take it with you.
    • Becomes even funnier when you realize that this is basically Castle's dad having an argument with his son.
  • In the hilarious "Scared to Death", Castle is convinced now that he and Beckett have watched a "cursed" DVD, they're both going to die. Beckett responds by teasingly telling Castle they should head back to her place for one last hurrah and he gets completely flustered and insists that having sex will assure that they're going to die according to movie cliches. He pretends like her offer hasn't affected him but then walks straight into a pole while trying to exit. Classic.
  • The ending of "The Wild Rover" when Ryan calls out for his crew to back him up. He calls for Esposito and Beckett, and boasts about them as they reveal themselves to the mobsters, giving them each an appropriately badass Big Damn Heroes moment. And then it's Castle's turn...
    Ryan: Castle!
    Castle: [Hesitantly appearing from behind Beckett] Seriously? I didn't — I didn't bring my vest.
    • Bonus points: That line was an ad lib by Nathan Fillion.
    • There was also something humorous about Jenny trolling Ryan by saying that they took all of the fertility tests for nothing. Because she's already pregnant.
  • "The Lives of Others". It starts with Ryan teasing Castle about rear-windowing his neighbors having spotted the binoculars Alexis bought him... and it's just uphill from there. Turns out the whole scenario was set up by Beckett, with the help of Martha, her acting students, Alexis, and everyone at the precinct, to get Richard into the apartment and throw him a surprise birthday party.
    • The retroactive Fridge Brilliance funny of knowing that Beckett's increasing exasperation with Castle's antics is, since she knows precisely what's going on, completely and flawlessly staged.
    • Beckett's line "Would you like a drink from the fridge" seems odd at first. Why would she need to mention that the drink is in the fridge? Then you realize that she's trying to induce a "Eureka!" Moment from Castle.
    • There's a lot of moments that, once you know the truth about what's happening, become Hilarious in Hindsight as it becomes that everyone around Castle is taking great pleasure in keeping the secret from him, with some less able to fully contain it as others.
    • When Castle suggests breaking into the storage unit it leads to one of the funniest quotes of all time:
      Beckett: You're talking about an illegal search.
      Castle: If you do it it's an illegal search. When I do it it's just illegal.
    • Castle playing with his helicopter when it crashes leads to this ad-libbed gem
      Castle: NOOOOOO!!!! *Beat*...survivors.
  • Castle and Ryan pairing up to debate the existence of Bigfoot with Beckett and Esposito in "The Fast and the Furriest". Particularly this moment when Dr. Darryl Meeks is brought up:
    Castle: The Darryl Meeks?
    Beckett and Esposito: [In unison, skeptical] Who's Darryl Meeks?
    Castle and Ryan: [In unison, scoffing] 'Who's Darryl Meeks'!
  • "The Squab and the Quail" has several moments, the first of which is Beckett attempting to get some lovin' from her boyfriend only to be second to a rather intense session of video gaming. Another priceless instance is after a sniper takes a shot at Vaughn through his hotel window, Ryan asks Beckett for an eyewitness account, meaning he has to get as close as Vaughn had been to her at the time of the shooting. He walks over and nearly bumps into her, prompting Castle to ask what he had been doing so close to her. After Beckett reveals Vaughn kissed her, Ryan beats a hilariously hasty retreat.
  • The Reveal in "Still" that Gates has known all along that Castle and Beckett were an item (with a hilariously rhetorical "What, do you think I'm stupid?"), but wanted to maintain plausible deniability. Castle and Beckett are understandably aghast.
    • While Beckett is standing on a bomb, she and Castle get into an argument over who fell in love with whom first. They even call Esposito and Ryan for it.
    • Castle insisting that he can't leave Kate's side because he's her "bomb buddy."
    • Also from "Still", Castle remembers the numerous close calls they've had, only for Beckett to tell him he left out their scariest moment: Martha coming home while they were having sex. And Castle agrees.

    Season 6 
  • The 'house meeting' in "Number One Fan".
    • The scene where Emma asks Castle to prove it's really him and he excitedly replies that he could do it all day long and crush her at that game. It's so adorably perfect and yet inappropriate that it works.
    • Also after Emma accidentally shoots Castle and he wakes up screaming, "CHEESEBURGERS!" at the top of his lungs.
    • The "whoops!" look on Beckett's face after she gives Castle a relieved hug... forgetting that he's just been shot and that his chest is pretty bruised up.
  • Pretty much anything from Simon Doyle, a murder suspect who thinks he's a time-traveler (and might actually be one), in "Time Will Tell."
    • One particular example: at the very end, when what seems to be a conclusive connection between Doyle and the murderer which proves that the two are merely mental patients who were once incarcerated in the same facility rather than time travelers is found... only for Doyle to immediately 'realize' that the Doyle who was incarcerated with the murderer must be a future version of himself who was sent back in time to preserve the timeline and observe the murderer. Beckett's utterly exasperated "oh, come on!" reaction is perfect.
    • And then the Mind Screw the writers throw at the viewers in the end: Doyle vanishes around the corner before Castle can return his time traveling device, and (the biggest one) Beckett spills coffee on the letter that they used to find out who the killer's next target would be, and the spill is in the exact same pattern as shown in the version of the letter recovered from the killer's hideout! And note, this was never even addressed during the entire episode until that moment. Beckett's reaction is priceless (as was likely the viewer's), especially considering that she has to keep it secret because if Castle found out, he'd never let her live it down. Man, the writers really had a lot of fun in this episode!
    • And they never did explain how Doyle vanished out of the cell earlier in the episode. Or how he found Castle and the other maybe-a-time-traveler.
    • Esposito mocks Castle's credulity over the 'time traveller' theory... only for it to backfire on him:
      Esposito: What were you expecting, Castle? Time-travel device? Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver?
      [Esposito chuckles mockingly]
      Castle: You watch Doctor Who?
      [Esposito looks cornered]
    • This exchange, right after after Beckett arrests Doyle for saving her and Castle from Ward:
      Doyle: Real charmer, that one. Can't believe you marry her.
      Castle: How do you know we marry?
      Doyle: From your book jackets. "Richard Castle lives in New York with his wife Senator Beckett and their three children."
      Castle: Senator?
      Beckett: Three kids?
    • Which became a whole lot funnier in season 7 after Beckett was invited to run for the senate!
  • In "Get A Clue", Castle doesn't like that Alexis has a boyfriend named Pi that only ever offered organic meals while staying in Castle's apartment. Or that he moves out with Alexis and lives together with her. In an apartment that isn't so great. With dumpster-furniture. He offers to replace their futon with a sofa he has in storage.
    Pi: I dunno Mister C. What color is it?
    Castle: Free.
  • "The Good, The Bad and The Baby" While Beckett and Castle taking care of a baby is adorable, it's also pretty damn funny seeing them taking turns freaking out. And then, after a night of baby horror, Alexis walks in to see Beckett and Castle slumped over the couch, and Martha cooing over baby Cosmo...
    Alexis: long have I been gone?
    • And the conversation that follows in the precinct:
      Ryan: Whoa! You two look like you got hit by the milk truck.
      Castle: You see this face? That is the face of your future.
      Esposito: That bad, huh?
      Castle: No, no, no, we slept like babies.
      Beckett: Up every hour.
  • "Under Fire": When the arson investigator mentions that the building the crime scene is in is unstable, and that the team should probably leave now that they have what they need for the time being, Castle immediately turns around and flees the building. Beckett just sighs and mumbles "I'm... marrying... him" to Ryan, who just says "Yeah."
    • The even funnier fact is that her line was an ad-lib by Stana Katic.
    • While Ryan and Esposito are trapped in the basement of a burning building and unable to get out, Ryan calls his wife and tells her that if their baby is a boy, they should name him Javier. Esposito quips "You're going to name a white Irish kid 'Javier'?"
  • "Deep Cover" takes place after Ryan returns from his paternity leave. He shows Beckett a picture of his new daughter. Beckett says "She's adorable! But...does she look a little like Esposito?"
  • "Smells Like Teen Spirit" reveals the high school the victim went to would've been the one Casstle graduated from... if he haven't pushed a cow onto the roof with a bunch of his school buddies.
    • When Beckett and Castle are waiting to talk with the principal, Castle reminiscences how he spent more time at the office than in class. He mentions that the principal during his time there hated him and was probably "put out to pasture" by now... when said principal shows up, asking if that was a bovine reference and saying that unfortunately, Castle has returned.
    • And at the end, the principal asks Castle a question that haunted him for years... where did he get the cow. Castle's answer? He knows a guy.
    • When they're interrogating the teenage girl who (supposedly) has psychic powers, the girl gets a bit frightened and starts yelling... and the interrogation room table starts rattling violently. Is it psychic powers? Invisible spirits in thrall to the girl's rage? No, it's... the girl's leg jiggling nervously against the table.
  • In "The Way of the Ninja", a Ninja hurls a throwing star into Castle's phone. At the end of the episode, he finally manages to yank it out - only for him to lose his grip on it, flinging it offscreen. There's a yowl of pain. It's Gates.
    • How about mere seconds after evidence is stolen from Castle by a ninja, he slowly grins?
    • Beckett is going to meet a school friend of hers, who constantly talks about her glamorous life, exotic and interesting guys she's met, and her new embrace of a spiritual life after going on a yoga retreat. Castle offers to come along and regale her friend with tales of their crime-solving adventures, to which Beckett replies:
      Beckett: Definitely not. You are exactly her type, and the last thing I need is to watch someone from my past trying to seduce my fiancé while talking about the goddess that lives in her hoo-ha.
      (Castle's expression is priceless.)
  • "That 70's Show": Esposito, while impersonating a traditional 70s detective, failing to emulate said detective's 'car sliding' move.
    • Also, Martha's over-the-top suggestions for her son's wedding
    • The whole team having to dress up in 70's clothing to avoid frightening a senile witness. And Gates finding out when she comes back from a terrorism seminar early.
    • Near the end, the entire gang has gone to the 70's themed disco club for a night out. Javier comments that he wouldn't ever want to live in the 70's. He retracts that statement a second later when he notices Lanie and Tory dancing in sexy disco dresses.
  • During the beginning of "Law and Boarder", Alexis and Martha gang up on Castle after Kate had broken Castle's long-running Scrabble winning streak.
    Castle: "Richard Castle, One Word Short." I cannot allow that to be my epitaph. [Kate and Alexis exchange a fist-bump] I saw that.
    • A majority of the episode has Ryan and Eposito arguing who gets to be Castle’s best man at his wedding. At the end of the episode, it’s revealed that Castle had already chosen Alexis to be his best man.
      Eposito: Can’t believe we lost to a girl.
  • In "For Better or Worse" is revealed that, when she was in college, Beckett got married. In Vegas. At the Drive-Thru O'Love. And then forgot about it. Finding out that her husband did remember and used it as an excuse to avoid commitment (claiming his wife was in a coma and divorcing her seemed so heartless) is just the cherry on top.
    • The look of sheer rage on Beckett's face when her ex-husband kept on lying to the end and told his current girlfriend that his wife had died without ever waking up from the coma and left him some money in her will that "just happened" to get help him to make up with her.
    • Castle's ever-growing admiration of the guy's BS-ing skills despite, or knowing him probably because of how much that annoyed Beckett.
      Beckett: He knew when I got here, and for 15 years, he's been using that as an excuse not to commit.
      Castle: Coma wife... It's kind of brilliant.
      Beckett: [Death Glare] You mean "despicable," right?
      Castle: Yeah. That's... what I meant.

    Season 7 
  • "Montreal" gives us a gut buster after the drama-fest of the season opener.
  • In "Clear And Present Danger", Esposito finds out that Ryan has been moonlighting as a security guard at a strip club because raising a child in New York is extremely expensive. Espo's mind immediately goes to all the perks he could possibly get since his best friend works at said club until Ryan reveals that he's been moonlighting at a ladies club with male strippers!
    • Later, Espo presents Ryan with a gift to "help" him when he's at his other gig: a blue g-string with "Security" embroidered on the front.
    • Damn near every single moment of "Clear and Present Danger." But if one had to pick a scene, it's Castle taking advantage of the supposedly invisible killer and pinching Beckett's ass.
  • At the beginning of "Meme is Murder", Castle is presenting his latest book, and there is a guy filming for the on-line advertisements. At the end of the episode, they see the video on the Internet. It's a music video of the gag reels.
  • After Castle and Beckett's heartwarming wedding, Ryan and Esposito grouse that they weren't invited (reflecting some audience members' displeasure) and demand that Castle reimburse them for the tuxedo rentals from Castle and Beckett's first, aborted wedding. Castle hands them his wallet and they promptly remove all the cash!
    • Likewise, Laine is upset, ranting about how she was dieting for weeks in order to fit into her bridesmaid's dress and didn't even get to wear it.
  • "Once Upon a Time in the West" has Castle and Beckett "posing" as a newlywed couple to investigate a dude ranch where the victim in their latest case may have been poisoned. They manage to get the victim's room. Beckett starts searching, while Castle opens a door and finds a man wearing only a hat on the other side of it; the guy gives a cheery "Howdy, pardner!" Castle stares for a split second and closes the door, then turns around to Beckett.
    Castle: "I don't know if it comes with the room, but there's a naked cowboy shaving in our bathroom."
    (Beckett gets the greatest "say what?" look on her face)
    • Castle named the horses drawing their wagon Ryan and Esposito.
  • Another fantastic Ad Lib from Stana Katic is in "Bad Santa" when Castle and Beckett go to the strip club to meet Dino and a stripper wanders past Castle, trailing her hands along the back of his shoulders (to which Castle politely smiles at her because he's him) and Beckett growls, "Really?" The funnier part is the camera is on her so you can't tell if she says it to the stripper or to Castle.
  • The whole scene in "Castle, P.I." in which Castle and Beckett both ply each other with wine to try and get each other to share insights into the case they're competing to solve from different angles, and they end up sharing a lot more.
    • From the same episode:
      Beckett: Why would [the victim] be looking at 15-year-old incident reports?
      Ryan: I bet Castle knows.
      Esposito: Are you kidding me? There is no way he's ahead of us on this.
      Ryan: Hey, he got to the morgue before us and that lawyer.
      Beckett: Ryan, he is resourceful, but he is not that resourceful.
      Ryan: He got you to marry him, didn't he?
      Beckett: [sightly winces, conceding the point]
  • “Private Eye Caramba!” has Javiar trying so hard to disguise he’s a fan of telenovas.
  • "The Wrong Stuff" opens up with Alexis and Martha having boys over... with Martha's guy wearing Castle's favorite pajamas.
    Castle: Those were my favorite pajamas. Now I have to burn them.
  • "Habeas Corpse" gives us Ryan and Esposito's talent show routine, set to "Get Lucky." Priceless.
  • In "Dead from New York", Martha is doing a ritual Castle calls "48 Hour First Line", where she will say nothing but her first line in the play she's in till opening night two days later. Said line is "Is he dead?", and as you expect, Beckett is weird-ed out.
    • Castle says they've gotten off easy. One time, Martha's first line was "Come on baby, I'll make it worth your while," which made the most awkward parent teacher conference ever.
    • The scriptwriter of the "Saturday Night Tonight" is a big fan of Beckett, to the point of basing a sketch on her and Castle. She also asks what viewers have been pondering for seven seasons: How do you fight crime in heels? Later, an actress is imitating her poses in a redux of the "Creepy Beckett" moment.
  • In "At Close Range," Det Ryan states he has a gig helping his brother-in-law with a security detail, but he can't tell them due to confidentiality. After Castle makes several elaborate guesses:
    Castle: [excited gasp] Ryan! Is it One Direction? You'd tell me, right? Are they in town?
    Esposito No, they're in Hong Kong.
    • Not helped by Esposito's replying matter-of-factly or Beckett grinning at the whole exchange.

    Season 8 
  • In "PhDead," Castle manages to become a guest professor at a college to help with the case. Against Beckett's explicit warnings not to get involved. When she tells Ryan and Esposito, they stop in their tracks and do full body "This guy's an idiot" expressions. Once they recover they have to run to catch up to Beckett.
    • Drunk Castle. That's all.
  • In "What Lies Beneath," the whole sequence with Castle tracking Esposito. First he gives him an incredibly awkward hug (and places a beacon on him). Then, when he just happens to turn up at exactly the same place as Ryan and Esposito, Esposito realizes what happened, finds the beacon and throws it away. Castle just notes that he can (of course) easily find it again.
  • "The Nose" has Ryan accidentally shooting Esposito in the rear end. Naturally, both men are mocked for it by their co-workers with Ryan accidentally calling his partner "Assposito."
    • Mia is funny with her blunt manner and snapping at people so Castle is amazed when she turns out to be a major fan of his mother.
    • Before Castle can even enter Mia's apartment, he is suddenly attacked by blasts of wind to clean his scent.
    • How Castle manages to get Mia to leave her apartment. Let's just say that the tacos he took earlier did their job.
    • Opening the door for take-out, Castle finds a man holding a gun on him. "Mother, what exactly did you order?"
  • "Castle Cool Boys" is packed with great funny bits:
    • When Slaughter drops by Castle's office, he, Alexis and Martha immediately go into panic mode.
      Alexis: He just said he was an old friend.
      Castle: That can't be good.
    • Esposito and Ryan assume Slaughter is dirty and after a big payday and using Castle to do it, noting how "it's a good thing Castle's not dumb enough to fall for that." Immediately, we cut to Castle and Slaughter together.
    • After chewing out Esposito on Castle's cell phone, Slaughter tosses it out the car window.
      Castle: You know, you can just remove the sim card. I lose more phones on this job...
    • Finding Slaughter's surprisingly clean apartment, Castle is stunned to learn that Slaughter was married to a famous opera singer who he met in musical theater class.
      Slaughter: If you tell anyone, I'll force-feed you your spleen through your nose.
      Castle: I'm sorry, I'm trying to be scared but I just keep picturing you doing jazz hands.
  • "The Last Seduction": Ryan and Esposito have been at each other throats after the events of last episode, and are taking therapy sessions. Their therapist suggest getting someone to distract them from each other. They immediately choose Castle.
    • Castle's surprise to Beckett for their wedding anniversary involves confetti blasters and a banner. Which only works after she agrees to dinner.
      Castle: ...Surprise.
  • Beckett gives chase to a female suspect... while both are wearing only towels and bare feet so it's less "running" and more sliding along while holding their towels tight. Beckett end up grabbing the woman's towel too hard so it falls off, leaving the woman naked in the middle of the spa. On the plus, side it does expose the tattoo on her rear end Beckett had been looking for in the first place.
  • A nice gem investigating a case involving a divorce and a con man.
    Ryan: Maybe the way to find out about this last seduction is with a seduction of our own.
    Esposito: Riiiiight... I have no idea what you mean.
  • Beckett's reaction to Ryan and Esposito sending Castle undercover to a divorce attorney.
    Beckett: So you sent Castle to the city's top divorce attorney when I told you not to involve him in any cases?
    Esposito: Happy Anniversary?
  • Checking out a murder on a cruise ship, Castle and Beckett realize the boat is getting underway.
    Castle: Beckett, I think your crime scene is making a run for it.
  • Castle infiltrates an English language class as a French-Canadian student with the most atrocious accent imaginable.
    • Meeting a classmate from Newcastle, Castle hears the man speak in a brogue so thick, nothing he says can be understood and Castle just nods with it.
    • Even better is how even the closed captioning makes no attempt to translate his words and instead has "Geordie" when he speaks as subtitles.
    • Beckett and Castle go over several students in the English language class who had important jobs in their home countries but are now doing Ethnic Menial Labor. Castle asks what the last one, a janitor at an elementary school, did in his home country and is told that he was... a janitor at an elementary school there as well.
    • Perlmutter (who has gotten noticeably less attractive since his last appearance) expresses delight about how Castle and Beckett have broken up (unaware that they're back together) and talks about setting Beckett up with his identical twin brother Edgar. As Beckett tries to make an excuse not to, Castle arrives, and Perlmutter goes into a jealous rant about "nitwit pretty boys like you" who make it hard for Edgar (and implicitly Perlmutter himself) to find girlfriends.
    • Ryan and Esposito Tempting Fate by talking about how glad they are that their stressful day is almost over, right before they try to open a locker under FBI surveillance and get shoved to the ground and handcuffed.
  • Martha writes a self-help book, then dedicates the book to Castle.
    For Richard. Without your constant stumbles in life, the advice in this book wouldn't be possible.
  • Martha prepares for her book by showing Alexis his "new autograph." It looks exactly the same as her old one but Martha insists that it has "Nuance and depth." When Castle enters, he notes how great the new autograph looks and uses those exact words to describe it as Alexis rolls her eyes.
  • In "Dead Again," low-level safety inspector Alan is poisoned, electrocuted and even shot in the head yet keeps coming back to the shock of everyone thanks to a freak body metabolism and sheer luck.
    • Castle is convinced Alan is a super-hero and keeps trying to "test him" by tossing stuff at his head or trying to get Alan to read his mind.
    • Lanie and Alan begin talking back and forth about a key clue to the case, trading explanations until finally reciting the solution to the case in unison.
    Beckett: Oh my God, is that what we sound like?
    Castle: I certainly hope not. I mean, it was cute but just overly cute.
    • An Asian storekeeper working with the Triads claiming to sense a mystical presence from Alan as a man who cannot be killed. Castle and Alan are briefly awed until they realize he's just trying too stall them and got told that by his gangster buddies.
    • Alan discovers his crush, Gwen, is the one behind the drug operation and the attempts on his life.
    Alan: So, a second date is out of the question?
    Gwen: Aw, you really thought a guy like you had a shot with me?
    Alan: Ouch, I thought dying twice was painful.
  • In "Much Ado about Murder" them finding Castle's mother in the murder victims hotel suite (although it turns out she was just his acting coach).
    • When they question a suspect whose into Method Acting and is acting like she's Ophelia, Castle and Ryan start trying to question her in Shakespearean prose (clearly enjoying it) before an annoyed Esposito threatens to arrest her for questioning unless she talks and she abruptly drops the persona.
    • When the murderer is arrested at the end of the episode that same actress merely asks if that means it's a wrap on rehearsals.
    • Ryan is becoming overly invested in his daughters preschool recital, trying to come up with some complicated choreography (with Esposito videotaping him doing the flower dance). Then when another parent protests he threatens to look into her unpaid parking tickets until Esposito makes his presence known.
    • There's quite a bit of Laughably Evil scenes with the drug lord El Oso. When Castle points out he's a murder suspect due to being associated with a "fair amount of violence" El Oso corrects him by menacingly saying that it's "epic" and "biblical" amounts of violence then suddenly gets all giddy talking about how he wants Castle to write the script for his life story and can keep him prisoner for the next several months until he does. Later, When Castle compares him to Richard III he angrily says "The Hunchback!" and puts his gun in Castle's face threatening before laughing that Castle should have seen his face. El Oso then claims that unlike Richard III he has a sense of humor and goes on about how that is one of the facets of his character that Castle's script must capture.

  • It's not canon, but pretty much the entirety of "Advice from Castle", where a piece of advice on effective presentation from Castle and Beckett to the new head of ABC gets a bit sidetracked with Castle's description of a perfect female presenter, which prompts Beckett to start flirting shamelessly with Castle... much to his surprise.
    Castle: Um... what are we doing?
    Beckett: [Seductively] We're heightening sexual tension. You know, between the male presenter and the female presenter, to create that 'will they, won't they?' vibe.
    Castle: [Eager] Right! And will they?
    Beckett: [Bluntly] No.
  • There is a deleted scene that shows Castle's first meeting with Beckett's dad. And you thought Castle was the king of inadvertent TwerpSweating.
  • The behind-the-scenes bloopers reveal that since Molly Quinn was a minor when the show began, any time Fillon blew a line and cursed in front of her, he'd have to give her a dollar.