Funny moments in Casablanca.
- Louis has a bunch of these:
- "I'm shocked — shocked! — to find that gambling is going on in here!" "Your winnings, sir." "Oh, thank you very much."
- When he's reminded there's a gun pointed at his heart: "That is my least vulnerable spot."
- When first meeting Strasser, Renault notes he’s taking the murder of the couriers so seriously, they’ve rounded up twice the usual number of suspects.
- After Rick rigs a game to allow a Bulgarian couple win enough for a bribe:Jan Brandel: Captain Renault... may I?
Captain Renault: Oh no! Not here, please! Come to my office tomorrow morning. We'll do everything businesslike.
Jan Brandel: We'll be there at six!
Captain Renault: I'll be there at ten. - "How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce."note
- "Make it ten. I'm only a poor corrupt official."
- This:Major Strasser: My impression was that he's just another blundering American.
Louis: Oh, we mustn't underestimate American blundering — I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918. (Burn!) - On Ugarte's death, after a dramatic pause when Strasser reveals the news to Lazlo and Ilsa: "I'm making out the report now—we haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide, or...died trying to escape." The nonchalant way he says it plays the moment for Black Comedy.
- "Major Strasser has been shot. [Beat] Round up the usual suspects."
- When Strasser orders Louis to close down the cafe after the La Marseillaise scene, Louis's initial response is "But everyone's having such a good time."
- The reactions of Sasha, Rick's Russian bartender when Rick assigns him the job of taking the sexy French patron Yvonne home:Sasha: (excitedly) Yes, boss!
Rick: And come right back!
Sasha: (slumps) Yes, boss.... - Renault tells Carl to ensure Major Strasser has the best table, Carl tells Renault he already did because Strasser’s German “and would’ve taken it, anyway.”
- The employees insisting that the roulette game is honest. After Rick had just BLATANTLY given the spinner instructions. Given the context, it's also pretty heartwarming.Customer: Are you sure this place is honest?Karl: (indignantly) Honest?! As honest as the day is long! (huffs away)
- This exchange:Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?
Rick: If I gave you any thought I probably would. - And this:Rick: How'd you get in here? You're underage.
Young Woman: I came with Captain Renault.
Rick: (rolls eyes) I should've known...
Young Woman: (primly) My husband is with me too.
Rick: Oh, he is? Captain Renault is getting broad-minded. - And this:Louis: I've often speculated on why you don't return to America. Did you abscond with the church funds? Did you run off with a Senator's wife? I like to think that you killed a man. It's the romantic in me.
Rick: It's a combination of all three.
Louis: And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Louis: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed. - The "Blind Idiot" Translation of a couple of German refugees who have decided to only speak English, in preparation for moving to America.Husband: Liebchen— er, sweetnessheart... what watch?
Wife: (checks time) Ten watch.
Husband: Such much?- And Karl's reaction: "...You will get along beautifully in America."
- Funnier if you speak German... that's the direct translation of how to ask what time it is in German.
- Also, Karl's panicked feeling for his wallet after the "vultures everywhere" guy bumps into him.
- Ilsa is looking at a tablecloth being offered by a merchant for 700 Francs. Rick approaches and mentions that she's getting ripped off. The merchant declares that there is a special discount for friends of Rick. Only 200 Francs! Rick then goes on to apologize for being in no shape to see her when she stopped by the evening before. The merchant suddenly announces an additional discount for very special friends of Rick, knocking the price down to a hundred Francs even.
- Major Strasser mentions having a complete dossier on Rick, reading off several juicy details of his past exploits in Europe and his unexplained Persona Non Grata status in the United States. Rick takes a look at the Major's notes and has this to say:
- Strasser goes on to prod Rick for his reactions to the idea of the Germans invading Paris, in London, or even New York. Rick responds with typical snark:Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.
- Strasser goes on to prod Rick for his reactions to the idea of the Germans invading Paris, in London, or even New York. Rick responds with typical snark:
- The big moment when Rick and Ilsa meet again; Rick is aghast, Ilsa is near tears and Sam is... taking his piano and stool and getting the hell out of Dodge.
- The deadpan way Sam initially handles Rick sulking in the bar in the dead of night:Sam: Boss...? Boss?
Rick: Yeah.
Sam: Boss, ain't you going to bed?
Rick: Not right now.
Sam: Ain't you planning on going to bed in the near future?
Rick: No.
Sam: You ''ever'' going to bed?
Rick: No!
Sam: (Shrugs) Well, I ain't sleepy either. - Ferrari quipping that he'll be sure to pay himself the cigarettes that he owes Rick's Cafe after buying the place.
- Even Laszlo gets one, when he's talking to Berger, the Norwegian underground resistance workernote .Berger. We read five times that you were killed, in five different places.Laszlo. As you can see, it was true every single time.
- The non-stop argument between Lt. Casselle, Renault's aide (speaking French)note and Capt. Tonelli of the Italian Service (speaking Italian)note . Though "argument" is a generous description, seeing as Casselle is doing all the talking while Tonelli silently grows more exasperated with each scene.Renault. If he gets a word in it'll be a major Italian victory.
