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Funny / CM Punk

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CM = "Comedy Master"? Probably not, but these moments could possibly make you believe so.

  • His shoots with Samoa Joe are the stuff of legend, especially the one about the night Homicide got drunk. "I GOTTA PEE, YO!"
  • From an episode of NXT: Punk and William Regal both agreeing on Daniel Bryan being a better wrestler than his "pro," The Miz, behind The Miz's back (with Punk even holding his arms up and going "this much!").
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  • The week after his Loser Leaves WWE match with Jeff Hardy, Punk impersonates Jeff Hardy.
  • "You dumb bitch, I'm not even holding a microphone!"
  • A small Funny Background Event in the 2008 Royal Rumble: when the Rumble 'stops' during the mid-match brawl between legendary rivals Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Punk can be seen BEAMING in the background, watching two of his childhood icons (Piper being named by Punk as one of the reasons he even got into pro-wrestling) duke it out.John Morrison notices Punk watching, bends down to watch with Punk... and promptly kicks him in the stomach, essentially re-starting the action for everyone.
  • Mother finds Punk on Twitter. Heartwarming and Hilarity Ensues.
  • CM Punk is a guest announcer on the September 21 2010 edition of NXT. This in and of itself is gloriously hilarious, but specifically when one of the Divas is talking about the old "view people in their underwear" public speaking trick as part of a promo challenge, and Punk responds with this:
    You know, it's funny, I'm actually Not Wearing Pants, and that's how I watch NXT every week.
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  • "He's not a chicken, you're a turkey!" How can a reference to a 90s PSA be so funny?
  • During a Natalya vs. Melina match, LayCool were on commentary along with CM Punk, Jerry Lawler, and Josh Matthews. Early on in the match, the four were all arguing very loudly and CM Punk shouted out "everybody shut up!".
  • CM Punk was golden on commentary during the later part of 2010. From his reading of the anonymous GM's email, to his excitement at winning his Slammy, to his confusion as to who Eve Torres was when the other commentators brought her up.
    • Not to mention his theory on why the Bella Twins were so into Daniel Bryan: "It's the Wagner! (singing Ride of the Valkyries) DAN-IEL BRY-AN, DAN-IELL BRYYY-ANNN!!"
  • On the December 6, 2010 edition of Raw, John Cena was clearing the announce table to put Wade Barrett through it. Punk was concerned over Cena spilling his diet soda as he did so the previous week when he did it to Heath Slater. Cena gently hands Punk his diet soda before he finishes clearing the table and Punk tosses it in disgust. Later, Cena handed him one of his arm bands and Punk almost immediately chucked it back at him.
    Punk: This is not the Spanish Announcers Table! Very immature! He spilled my diet soda!
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  • Earlier in the night, the GM sent a message while Michael Cole was in the ring, meaning Punk got to read the message. For once, the audience didn't piss all over the segment. As a matter of fact, they even chanted his name. Punk proceeded to subtly but surely mock Cole's self-important delivery style.
  • Punk was doing commentary on an intense match between Samoa Joe and the Necro Butcher after it had become public knowledge that he was going to WWE. When asked for a wrestler's perspective on how he would react to a situation in the ring, Punk said he would sign a developmental contract and run away.
  • CM Punk didn't call that woman a whore. He said she was a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
    • And he speaks the truth!
  • CM Punk vs. John Cena in a rap battle.
  • From Punk's Twitter: Mickey Mouse in the Nexus?
  • From Twitter (22 May 2011): "'Can you bring tassels back to wrestling please?' Tried it. Didn't work."
  • Punk's 'sit-in' and demand of the #1 contender title on the 6-20-11 RAW culminated with...well, this.
  • CM Punk: "Bring me... Jared, from Subway." The almost cartoonish supervillain quality to his voice makes it brilliant
  • The pure wall breaking of the speech on the 6-27-11 RAW
    CM Punk: Hey Colt Cabana, how ya doing?
    Whoops, I'm Breaking the Fourth Wall!
  • "My first demand is that you bring back WWE ice cream bars." [huge pop] "See, Vince? I just made you a million dollars on ice cream sales right there!"
    • The fact that "WE WANT ICE CREAM" could ever make sense in context to a wrestling show is just hilarious.
    • His second demand? "I want my face on EVERYTHING! Including the turnbuckles!"
      • Just imagine turnbuckles with Punk's free floating head with goofing smile on them. You're welcome.
  • During the early part of Punk's WWE match with John Cena in Chicago at Money in the Bank 2011, the partisan CM Punk crowd began chanting, "You can't wrestle!"— a common chant directed at Cena in situations where the crowd's vehemently against him. Punk actually responded to the crowd. "Who, me?" "NOOOOO!" "Oh, him?" "YEAAAAH!" "Oh, okay."
    • And after that match was over, Alberto Del Rio on Vince McMahon's orders tried to cash in the briefcase he had just won earlier that night. Just when Vince and everyone else thought they knew where this was going, Punk kicked Del Rio in the back of the head and knocked him out cold - then ran out through the crowd with the title belt...while Vince proceeded to have a Villainous Breakdown.
    • The title belt would make another appearance around Punk's fridge.
    • Punk told the story of the Belt in the Fridge at a Con. He drove right home after the Money In The Bank PPV, practically dived into his home since he was exhausted, sweating and thirsty, he opened his fridge to find some water and at this point the title was literately starting to drag him down (keep in mind that the belt is a lot heavier than it looks), as soon as he located a bottled water, he lobbed the title in the fridge. It took him a few moments to realise the hilarity of the situation and posted it on twitter.
  • Punk invades Comic Con and he and Triple H get into it.
    CM Punk: Why don't you have Stephanie McMahon give me a call? I'm sure she's got my number!"
    • Of course, Trips deserves some points for this:
      CM Punk: How's fantasy land?
      Triple H: How's the unemployment line?
      Crowd: Oooohhhhh..
  • July 25, 2011: CM Punk goes one-on-one with... Cousin Sal's 6-year-old son, Archie who correctly predicts the results of that night's Raw and tries to fight Punk to get the gold back in Jimmy Kimmel Live.
    CM Punk: It's not a belt, its a championship title!! It's not a belt. It's not a strap. It's not a trophy. You can't even lift it up!! It weighs more than you do!
  • August 1, 2011: Triple H announces that CM Punk and John Cena's title feud will be settled at Summerslam before leaving the two to their own devices. So Punk removes his belt and raises it victoriously to his theme music. Cena responds by raising his own belt, cutting off Punk's music. Not to be outdone, Punk raises his belt higher, cutting off Cena's music. The next few minutes are spent with the two constantly trying to out-do each other in pops, the audio alternating every few seconds between Punk and Cena's theme songs.
  • "...because unlike you, I don't waste all these people's time bitching, and moaning, and bitching, and bitching, and bitching, and bitching..." Poor, poor Christian.
  • "...and bitching..."
  • "Hey, you wanna see the message my little sister sent me? (pulls out cell phone, reads) 'OMG Kevin Nash WTF thought he was dead LOL'."
    • "Don't answer this; it's a rhetorical question. If Triple H asked you to jump off a building would you? Because I think that would be good for business."
    • While in the ring with Nash and HHH at the start of the August 29, 2011 Raw, he said that, in their cases, the word "Clique" meant the sound their (often surgically-repaired) knees made when they walked, and the sound people's remote controls made when they appeared on television.
  • CM Punk does weather. Nothing else need to be said.
  • His reaction to Triple H making him part of the announcing team on the October 10th, 2011 episode by virtue of being the only one of the four men presently working in the building not involved in the match. He honestly looks like a kid in a candy shop.
    Triple H: And... foxhole buddy... I got a whole table over there lined up with headphones and pipe bombs just waitin' for ya with your name on it. (beat) And if you want... You can go over there and say anything you feel like.
    CM Punk: Wait, you want me to do commentary?
    HHH: I want you to do commentary.
    Punk: (overjoyed) Can I wear your blazer?!
    HHH: You can even wear my blazer.
    Punk: I'M IN!!!
    HHH: Uh... One last thing: when you get down there, I'm gonna need you to do double duty. Not only are you gonna do commentary, if you wouldn't mind — please ring the bell.
    Punk: *rubbing his thumb and forefinger together* Pay, right?
    HHH: Double pay!
    (Punk rushes to table)
    • As well as:
      Punk: Do not adjust your television sets, ladies and gentlemen. We are in Bizarro World.
    • Earlier in the promo, Punk again took a shot at Kevin Nash's aging knees. Even Triple H couldn't help but crack a smile.
      Punk: Your friend, Kevin Nash, runs through the—well, slowly...briskly—runs through the crowd and jumps me and screws me not once, but twice.
  • Punk subverting Alberto Del Rio's Eddie Guerrero spot on the 11/28/11 Raw. When Del Rio hit the chair on the ground and tossed it to Punk, what did Punk do? Toss the chair back and hit the ground while clutching his head.
    • Punk's reaction to this was priceless. He looks down at the chair and looks back at Del Rio like "Seriously? That's what you're going with?" before throwing it back.
  • CM Punk's contract signing with Alberto Del Rio and The Miz. Del Rio runs down all his accomplishments throughout the year, but CM Punk cuts him off right at the end with a massive Shut Up, Hannibal! moment:
    CM Punk: If you say, "Because it's my destiny!", I swear to Jeebus I'm going to start drinking.
    • And his reaction to The Miz saying he took R-Truth and John Morrison out. "Like on a date?!"
    • And his reaction to John Laurinaitis suggesting they take a picture together with a "Are you serious" look on his face.
  • Overlapping with Awesome Music, CM Punk's "tribute" to John Laurinaitis set to "The Touch".
  • CM Punk and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in the same place outside the ring. Hilarity Ensues.
    Steve Austin: You want a beer?
    CM Punk: What?
    (Stone Cold glares at Punk)
    Steve Austin: A shot of whiskey?
    CM Punk: What?
    Steve Austin: Vodka?
    CM Punk: What?
    Steve Austin: Anything?!
    CM Punk: What?
  • Piece of advice for The Miz: When handcuffing CM Punk, like during the WWE Championship TLC match, make sure to cuff his feet, or he will kick your head-whoops, never mind!
  • This article has a collection of some of the more outlandish stuff that happens at house shows and after the show goes off the air. Punk is clearly having a little too much fun when the cameras are off.
  • CM "Drunk" rants takes a sobriety test.
    CM Punk: This whole thing's ridiculous, Teddy and you know it's ridiculous. (to Jericho) You know its.. you're not even cool, it's ridiculous. You have police officer's out here. John Laurinaitis knows it's ridiculous I know it's ridiculous. And the entire WWF Universe knows this is ridiculous.
  • The Miz tries to force a humiliating Lie Detector test on Punk. While Punk rants to Miz just how stupid it is, Miz tries to take the piss out of Punk's reaction. And fails...
    The Miz: (dismissively) Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you were saying. I wasn't paying attention, I apologize.
    CM Punk: Yeah, you didn't pay attention during wrestling school either, jerk!
    (Crowd dies laughing)
  • This is more of a CMoF for the crowd, but when Chris Jericho called out Punk for seeing him go into an English pub, he retaliates by saying "I can't go to a pub in merry ol' England and have some fish and chips with a friend of mine?!". The crowd cheers and then very appropriately starts chanting "FISH AND CHIPS! FISH AND CHIPS!"
  • When taking audience questions during his panel at the 2012 Wizard World convention in Philladelphia, Punk is asked a very simple question - "Are you going to get rid of John Cena's stupid spinner belt?". Cue the crowd & Punk bursting into laughter... Mostly because the question came from a kid, part of Cena's target demographic!
    CM Punk: You shouldn't have got out of the car!
    • Punk explaining the perfect storm of coincidences that made him and Kofi look like drug dealers:
    "We were in Missouri, we were driving. But we had rented the car in one of the neighbouring states, so we have an out-of-state car, driving through Missouri. I have a Chicago driver's license, an Illinois state driver's license. Kofi has a Tampa, Florida state driver's license. He is black. He has dreadlocks. I am covered in tattoos and I look like I know how to make some pretty good meth."
  • During a tag team match with John Cena against Daniel Bryan and The Big Show, Punk decides to have some fun and tries to copy Cena's finishing sequence, complete with "You Can't See Me" taunt.
    • A few minutes later, Cena copies Punk's finishing sequence, and Punk bails on the match, hypocritically saying copying people's moves is uncool.
  • During the buildup to the Raw 1000th episode, Punk and other WWE wrestlers were in a commercial for the USA network to advertise the new starting time for Raw. At the beginning, Vince McMahon tells John Cena to let everyone know that now Raw starts at eight. Cena has earbuds in and doesn't hear the whole message, and so passes down the next best thing to everyone else. Punk gets the word in the office:
    CM Punk: But I don't wanna go to Kuwait.
    • The commercial ends with a shot of CM Punk standing in the middle of a rocky desert, wearing his ring gear, holding the WWE championship belt and a suitcase, looking around at a herd of goats and alpacas.
      CM Punk: Does anybody know where the arena is?
      (Goat bleats in response)
  • On the RAW before Survivor Series (11/15/12), the main event was Punk vs. Cena. Cena won via interference from Ryback - or more like Punk tried to bail on the match only to have Ryback throw him back into the ring to eat an Attitude Adjustment. Cena and Ryback both put their hands on the WWE Title at the same time, leading to an epic staredown. Meanwhile, Punk, who's rolled out of the ring, tries to come back in to grab his belt. As soon as he gets to the apron, he gets a double Death Glare from both Cena and Ryback. He climbs down from the apron and you hear him say (in a whiny voice appropriate to a toddler who's been told to share his toys): "But... that's mine."
  • Way back in 2004, as told on Punk's LiveJournal, he got pulled over by a cop and was VERY offended by the presence of a drug dog...
  • Letting loose an S-bomb
  • CM Punk's Grammar Slam may have you literally crying with laughter.
  • CM Punk chews out a disruptive fan mid-promo during the 8/19/2013 Raw. May also count as a Moment of Awesome
  • Back in his indie days, when a crowd in England chanted "AL-CO-HOL" at him:
    "Keep drinking! I want you to die!"
  • Either face-palming, Corpsing or both during Steph's self-important, narmtastic introduction of her husband Triple H for the 12/9/13 "Championship Ascension" ceremony.
  • CM Punk, Fandango, AJ, and Kofi Kingston go bowling for charity. Hilarity Ensues.
    • Punk spanking Fandango as he heads up to the lane to bowl, then when he tries to do the same to AJ, she immediately turns around & declares "No spanking!" which leads to Punk sheepishly turning around.
  • Even though most of Punk's post-WWE shoot interview on Colt Cabana's "Art of Wrestling" podcast isn't very enjoyable or positive, there is his recounting of his confrontation with Ryback after he repeatedly injured him:
    Punk: ...Either you're doing this on purpose, or you're dumb as fuck.
    Ryback!Punk: I'm dumb as fuck. I'm sorry.
  • On episode 2 of MTV Challenge: Pros vs. Champs, the way CM Punk gets easily manhandled by CT (Chris Tamburello) in one of the challenges a la Squash Match is kind of funny with the way it was set up.
    Lindsey Jacobellis: CM is no stranger to the ring. He knows how to utilize his body weight... maneuver... There's a lot of skills. It's not just strength.
    *CM immediately gets pushed around and over by CT like a little child*
  • CM Punk has stated that he'll never do an AMA (on Reddit, Twitter, wherever). Why? Because he knows how big Batista's dick is, whether he wants to or not, and he's taking that bit of information to the grave with him.
  • Punk's MMA carreer is somewhat of a running gag in the mixed martial arts community for its Epic Fail levels of bad


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