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Funny / Brooklyn Nine Nine Season 7

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Season 7

  • The episode starts with the Nine-Nine having a debate about who would win in a fight if no one was allowed to use their hands.
    Jake: We all know that Scully has the hardest head, but what concerns me is the speed factor.
    Terry: Listen up squad-
    Jake: Not now, Terry! We're having a debate about who would win in a fight if none of us was allowed to use our arms.
    Hitchcock: Everyone agrees that I'd bite the best.
    Charles: Meaningless. True strength comes from the pelvis, not the jaw.
    Terry: There's been an assassination attempt!
    Jake: What?! And you let us just sit around talking about Boyle's pelvis?!
  • Jake, upon learning that he's in charge of the Manhunt for the shooter dubs himself "The Manhunter." Charles calls himself Jake's Sidekick: "The Boyhunter."
    Rosa: Come on, dude.
    • Charles's improvised Manhunter theme song for Jake also includes a bit about The Boyhunter, specifically, how he hangs out around schoolyards (because he wants to protect the kids).
  • Jake plans a belabored quip for his TV interview.
    Jake: I’m gonna be on the news. I’m gonna look straight into the camera and say, "If the shooter is watching, I hope you like living between St. Charles Place and Connecticut Avenue."
    Rosa: I don't get it.
    Jake: It’s from Monopoly. That’s where jail is. Whatever, it was a good line. Keep briefing.
    • Ironically, Holt uses that exact line and gets complimented by the reporter for it.
  • Amy taking out her frustration on one of the police dogs, Sergeant Fuzzypaws.
  • The assortment of pregnancy tests Rosa gets for Amy, including one marketed at teens (which Rosa deems "too dark") and one in gummi form.
  • Terry feeling paranoid about Rosa and Amy talking about him behind his back. Apparently, he's feeling the same way about her girls.
  • Jake turns on the TV to watch his interview, only to find that they instead aired an interview with Hitchcock and Scully (or as they call themselves, the "Wiener Warriors") claiming credit. Cue Big "NO!" from Jake.

     Captain Kim 
  • Jake's failed attempt at a cool exit in the Cold Open.
    Jake: Taking down the bad guys without breaking up our convo. That’s how we do it in the Nine-Nine. [walks down the hall]
    Amy: You're going the wrong direction.
    Jake: Dammit! All these hallways look the same. That was such a cool walk-off.
  • Amy is proud to be a Nationally Accredited and Registered Chaperone, or N.A.R.C.
  • Holt, of all people, attempts to make a scene at Kim's party by pretending to be drunk. It's... not very convincing, to say the least.

  • In the Cold Open, Jake pranks Hitchcock by tying his shoelaces together. Hitchcock somehow gets the laces wrapped around his neck and nearly strangles himself to death
  • The b-plot concerning the Conflict Resolution Seminar. The entire office hates it, even Amy thinks it's boring. Even Holt thinks it's boring and pointless. Even worse... HR sends the "funny guy."
    Rosa: If I get shot in the line of duty, can I get out of going?
    Terry: Legally, you still have to make it up.
    • The HR Guy's laughably pathetic attempts to seem humorous and relatable; amongst other things, he opens the seminar with the most forced, cringeworthy, and predictable ex-wife joke imaginable. When it's met with deafening silence and angry glares, he fails to read the room and keeps going.
    • Amy's attempts to memorize the answers to the seminar backfire spectacularly. She answers every question perfectly and gets the Seminar done in four hours instead of the usual six... but because the seminar legally has to last for six hours, the presenter decides to start resolving Nine-Nine-specific conflicts to fill the remaining two hours.
      Amy: But we beat you... we beat you with study...
    • During the seminar, Scully finally reveals the answer to the question of whether Kelly is his wife or his dog; there are two Kellys, one being his ex-wife and the other being his dog who was presumably named after said ex-wife. And the reason she's his ex is because Hitchcock slept with her.
  • Jake keeps trying to work Harry Potter terms into sex with Amy, such as saying "Mischief Managed" after they have sex. Later, he makes a reference to "trying to put a Whomping Willow into her Chamber of Secrets."
    Amy: Well, I have to get back to the seminar. Also, you've ruined sex forever.
    Jake: Yeah. I heard it. I don't know why I keep doing it.
  • Jake compares Pimento's short term memory loss to the movie Memento, but Pimento and Charles don't get the reference until Charles compares it to Finding Dory, leaving Jake irritably asking if they only ever watch kids movies.
  • Jake rationalizes Pimento's memory loss to his many head injuries. A flashback shows him ramming his head through a car window just as Jake was about to open the door.
    Pimento: Everyone knows the skull is the hammer of the body.
  • Pimento's escape from the neurologist who's behind his new short term amnesia; he busts out of chair he's tied to and climbs out to window... then his memory loss kicks in and he forgets what was happening, leaving him frozen on the ledge out of panic. Jake goes to save him, only to also freeze up in horror, forcing Charles to climb out and save them both.

     The Jimmy Jab Games II 
  • Pretty much anything that comes out of Debbie's mouth is comedy gold.
    • "I can't do competitions. I'm antidextrous; it's when neither hand is good at anything."
    • "I'm just not cut out for this high-stakes world of having fun with friends."
    • Responding to Charles telling her to trust him: "Okay, but only because I trust everyone."
  • Charles' The Greatest Showman-inspired Master of Ceremonies routine, including costume changes and elaborate musical numbers.
  • Hitchcock gives himself an edge by taking Scully's many medications, which are meant to keep Scully normal but give him something akin to superpowers.
    • The fact that Scully keeps a whole tackle box full of pills. He calls it Dorothy.
    • One of the prescriptions is to control Scully's "various swellings." According to Hitchcock: "it's basically just Speed."
  • Jake hurts himself after he hides in the ceiling and the tiles break under him. Later he crashes against a wall and the ceiling breaks on top of him.
    Jake: Why does the ceiling hate me?
  • The flashback to the first Jimmy Jab Games, where Charles accidentally burns his long hair during the bagel lighting ceremony.


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