Funny / Bill Cosby: Himself

• The dentist skit for its exaggerated portrayal of going to a dentist. He makes some priceless facial expressions as well. And then there's the way he talks when pretending that his mouth is numb from Novocaine.
• Breathing "macho style" with his wife in Lamaze class. It builds to the point where he's getting so into it that he imagines them going to parties and being asked to do their routine for impressed audiences...
  Ladies and gentlemen, the breathing Cosbys!
• "Natural childbirth means that no drugs will be administered into the female's body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants."
• "Carol Burnett described what labor pains feel like. She said, 'Take your bottom lip, and pull it over your head.'"
  • ...which is exactly what happens to him when his wife goes into labor and is hit with a contraction:
  "My wife stood up... in the stirrups... grabbed my bottom lip... and said, 'I! WANT! MORPHINE!!' I said, 'But dear...' (tries to breathe macho style) She said, 'YOU SHUT UP! YOU DID THIS TO ME!' And on the next contraction, she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married!"
  • After the child is born, he thinks she looks...weird. He walks over to his wife, kisses her and says, "I love you very, very much, dear. You just had... (Beat) ...a lizard." He goes on to describe the baby: "I mean, because the thing changed colors, like, five times! And I said to the doctor, 'Can you put this back? 'Cause it isn't finished cooking! It needs to cook two, three months!' But the hospital made us take it home."
  • Before that punchline, when it gets to the part where the baby is born, Cosby describes, "Now this...is the greatest...moment..." only to be interrupted at that point by one woman caught on the house mics laughing. Cosby has to pause and looks in her direction as he almost breaks out laughing himself.
• His mother's hypocritical parenting: "Day and night, night and day, work my fingers to the bone, for WHAT?!" "I don't—" "SHUT. UP! Now when I ask you a question, you keep your trap shut! Do you think I keep talking just to myself talk?! ANSWER ME!!!"
• "You know what my father's favorite game was? 'Come over here and pull my finger!!'" And, of course, from earlier, we have what Bill thought his name was thanks to his dad's swearing.

  "Because of my father, I thought my name was 'Jesus Christ' and my brother Russell thought his name was 'Dammit'. My father would say, 'Dammit, will you stop all that noise?! and Jesus Christ, sit down!!' I was out playing in the rain, my father said 'Dammit will you come in here?!' I said 'Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!!'"

• The entire Chocolate Cake for Breakfast routine.
  "I'd always heard about people having a conniption, but I'd never seen one. You don't want to see 'em!"
• "The Same Thing Happens Every Night". "Thing" referring to the kids getting a whupping for misbehaving. Cosby begs his kids not to goof off, to which they reply:
  Cosby: (as kids) "Dear man, thank you for your kindness, and your wonderful attitude about this whole situation, but you don't understand. We cannot sleep through the night, unless we've had a good beating!"
  • After his wife beat the kids with a yardstick:
  Cosby: My wife comes downstairs with a broken stick. She throws it on the table and begins to talk out loud to... NOBODY! "Gonna tell me that you're not going to do something when I tell you to do something. I mean you MOVE when I say move! Think I carried you in my body for nine months so you can roll your eyes at me? I'll roll that little head of yours down on the floor. You don't know who you're fooling with. I'll beat you until you can't grow anymore!
• His bit about how parents sound crazy when they have to repeat everything multiple times to inattentive kids:
  Cosby: Come here, come here, c'merec'merec'merec'mere!!! Sit sit sitsitsitsitsitsit!!! No no nonononononononono!!! Here here here here HERE!!! Stop it stopitstopitstopitstopitstopit!!!