Funny / Bill Bailey

• His "Cockney Rock" version of Bela Lugosi's Dead.
• U2 impression: "Hello! Some old Celtic bollocks!"
• 'The Scale of Evil': "Evil! Taxi! Evil! Taxi!"... "Moooody evil!"
• His techno remix of the Hokey Cokey!
• Reading 'A Brief History of Time' like a Jane Austen novel:
  "'Ah, Mr Knightley, I am confused and not a little annoyed. It seems that even non-rotating black holes create and emit particles at a steady rate.' 'Oh, tush and fie, Emma. Quantum mechanics tells us the particles are created just outside the black hole's event horizon.' 'Oh, Mr Knightley, my synapses are shutting down.'"
  • Applying the Austen treatment to a Tom Clancy novel:
  "'Oh, Mr Darcy, I thank you for the gift of the Uzi.' 'My dear Elizabeth, with its light-weight barrel and high rate of fire it is indeed one of the most sought after light weapons in the world.' 'Oh, Mr Darcy, you da man.'"
• Coming out during the intro to Tinselworm to Justin Timberlake's ''SexyBack'' and selling it.
• His anecdote about test-driving a Prius whose satellite navigator would only understand speech delivered in a bizarre, stretched-out tone of voice, leading the salesmen to demonstrate how to look up restaurants by saying, "Ehhh'm hengrehhh."
• In his bit about how the British might respond when asked how they are, "Not too bad—all things considered." He wonders if they have truly considered "all things", and he recites a long list of things to consider.
• His brutally cynical "Happy Birthday in Minor Key" song, which is about how each birthday is a reminder of your mortality and a step closer to death. It gets even funnier when the last line reveals that he's singing it to a five-year-old.
  It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie,
  It's a cake in the shape of a lie!
  Why use that knife to cut the cake?
  Why, here's the reaper's scythe.
  Happy birthday, cheeky chops!
  It's not every day you're five!

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