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Funny / Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

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  • The classroom session:
    Mr. Ryan: Well Ted, I'm waiting!
    Bill: He's dead?
    Mr. Ryan: So what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short, dead, dude?
    Bill: Well, yeah.
    Mr. Ryan: Ted, who was Joan of Arc?
    Ted: Noah's wife?
    Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
  • Bill and Ted's roundabout conversation at the beginning.
    Bill: Ted, while I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie van Halen on guitar.
    Ted: But Bill... I do not believe we will get Eddie van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
    Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments.
    Ted: Well, how are we gonna get decent instruments when we don't even really know how to play?
    Bill: That is why we need Eddie van Halen.
    Ted: And that is why we need a triumphant video!
    Both (Beat): Excellent! (Air guitar)
  • The entire "Gathering the Troops" (historical figures) montage.
    • Especially Khan and Lincoln.
    Bill: Hey, Genghis Khan... want a Twinkie?
    Genghis (who doesn't speak English): RAAARRGH!
    • Bill and Ted "rescuing" Billy the Kid.
    Billy: Where we going?
    Ted: The golden age of civilization.
    Billy: Where?!
    • That and poor Lincoln, he opens a door, and ends up getting abducted by Genghis Khan.
  • All the historical figures cleaning house, especially Freud and the vacuum cleaner.
    • Complete with the fake aliases. "Bob Genghis Khan" may be the funniest phrase ever said on film.
      • Though they couldn't think of an alias for Lincoln, so they just use his real name.
    • Not to mention the historical figures running amok at the mall, especially Joan of Arc's jazzercise session and Genghis Khan's sporting-goods rampage.
    • And Billy the Kid starts shooting just for the fun of it, followed by Socrates joyfully trying to imitate him with a little dart gun.
      Billy: Yee ha! (fires a shot into the air and runs off)
      Socrates: Yee ha! (fires a toy shot into the air and gives chase)
      • Socrates carries a lethal squirt gun.
    • Billy The Kid and Socrates hitting on women and Freud tries to butt in. He is then called a geek.
    Freud: What is a geek?
    • Genghis, Billy the Kid, and Socrates, while running from the mall security, end up on an ice rink. Cue three historical figures, two of which are infamous fighters, face planting into the ice.
    Genghis & Billy:(attempting to stand up on the ice and realizing they are surrounded by mall security) Bogus!
  • The historical figures' time in jail.
  • There's something hilarious about Joan of Arc's casually matter-of-fact reaction to the jailbreak. She's shown quietly praying, with soft music—and then Bill and Ted abruptly show up, and, displaying no apparent surprise, Joan glances up, sketches the sign of the cross, and offers God a quick "Merci!" in a tone of voice that would be appropriate for thanking someone who tossed her a pen or told her the date.
  • "You DITCHED Napoleon?!" "He was a dick!"
  • "It's the Goodyear Blimp!" That it works on a gang of 19th-Century cowpokes isn't half as funny as the fact that our heroes were expecting it to work in the first place.
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  • Napoleon being turned loose in a bowling alley and a water park. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Bill and Ted facing the "Royal Ugly Dudes" in medieval England.
    Royal Ugly Dude: Put them in the iron maiden.
    (the Princesses gasp)
    Bill and Ted: Iron Maiden? Excellent! (they do an air guitar riff)
    Royal Ugly Dude: Execute them!
    Bill and Ted: Bogus...
  • The historical figures' oral presentation. Most notably, Ted calls out on Napoleon's strategy (regarding the use of a "Water-slide" aka Waterloo)
    • Freud's input in the presentation is to analyze Ted, noting that his father is so hard on him in part due to his own personal anxieties. He offers to do Bill next, who declines.
      Bill: No, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
      (Mr. Ryan and Missy exchange looks.)
    • That's something of a Call-Back to an equally funny exchange earlier in the film:
    Ted: Your stepmom's cute.
    Bill: Shut up, Ted.
    Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
    Bill: Shut up, Ted.
    Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom?
  • Bill and Ted bringing Beethoven with them. They come up to him while he's playing, and when he won't listen to them, they just up and carry him off the piano. He was so distracted, he was playing, well... air piano.note 
    • Also, Socrates randomly bowing to the nobles before they all leave.
  • Sigmund Freud vs. the police examiner:
    Interrogator: Look, I want to know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
    Freud: Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
    Interrogator: (aggravated) Why do you keep asking me these questions?
    Freud (leans forward): Tell me about your mother.
    Camera shifts elsewhere.
    Freud: Would you like a couch to lie on?
    Interrogator: (leaves in frustration) No, I do not want a couch to lie on!
  • The movie's final line from Rufus: "They do get better."
  • When Future Bill and Ted first land outside the Circle K, you can hear one of them mutter, "Oh, I hate this part" as the phone booth makes a rough landing.
  • Bill and Ted distracting Ted's dad by rigging a trash can to drop from the ceiling; written on it is "Wyld Stallyns Rules".
  • Some of the greatest people in history doing household chores.
  • One of the cavemen somehow manage to have gum and is chewing while they approach the time booth. Then they both run off screaming as it teleports away.
  • Bill's reaction to Ted getting seemingly killed.
    Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!


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