- The escaped prisoner: "Nobody masterminded shit. The mufuh doors opened."
- "SHE WANTS YOUR SOOOOOUL!" "SHUT UP! THAT IS NOT ELIZABETH FUCKING DOLE!"
- Arguably even funnier in the movie, where Arthur hallucinates that the dog is Martha Stewart, complete with her face superimposed on the dog's body in the final scene
- Eddie: "Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving...but then we're departing? Which one, Snake?" Snake: "What do you think?" Jenny Herk: "I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity."
- When Monica and the FBI agents are on their way into the airport, only to run into the hitmen. Said hitmen trip and drop the very obvious weapons they are carrying. The FBI agents leave it to Monica to deal with, and she simply removes the pins from the guns, says "Gentlemen", and leaves. This prompts one of the hitmen to note "Well Miami sucks...but the cops are pretty nice!"
- "Got that right."
- Was that a goat?
- "Let's get the hell outta here."
- The Running Gag of the Gator fan calling in and arguing with the radio announcer. Every time the hitmen try to listen in to the news, they just get the same bickering. In their final scene in the movie, we see them stuck on a plane with a bunch of cheering Gator's fans.
- "I really feel like killing someone."
Funny / Big Trouble