open/close all folders
The Monthly Range
The Sirens of Time
- At one point in the fourth episode, the three Doctors find themselves tumbling down a shaft. When they reach the bottom, they discover that the Fifth Doctor's sprained his ankle, the Sixth Doctor's gotten a bit banged up but is otherwise okay, and the Seventh Doctor?Seventh Doctor: I'm fine, thanks!
Sixth Doctor: I rather think I broke your fall.
Seventh Doctor: (Innocently) Sorry!
Sixth Doctor: (Sourly) I'll survive...
- "Land of the Dead": Monica's almost constant snarkiness is frequently hilarious, but "Hallelujah! Soot!" might just take the cake.
- "Winter for the Adept" has a small outtake hidden at the end note where Peter Davison goes off on a Christmassy tangent and breaks down in tears while still in character."A better world. A better way of being. That no man will lift his hand in hostility against another man. A—peace, an all-pervading peace where love and joy and... human kindness flow without cease. And the little baby Jesus—[gasp]—let's not forget the little baby Jesus—! [Hiccup]
"Are you all right, Doctor?
- "The Mutant Phase" is one of the most confusing episodes out there, with a Timey-Wimey Ball the size of Skaro. It firmly reaches Black Comedy, though, once the Dalek Emperor, who's copied himself into the body of a Thal, gets stuck in the middle of the Dalek invasion. Yes, that Dalek invasion. He desperately tries to explain to the 22nd century Daleks that the Doctor is their mortal enemy, that exterminating him won't help because a younger him will still defeat them all in the future, and that time travel is in fact possible. Needless to say, they think he's mad.
- Pretty much the entirety of "Loups-Garoux" goes between CMOF and Ho Yay. But the crowning moment has to be the marriage cliffhanger.
- The Doctor and Turlough smell alien, of stillness and coming snow, breaking ice on the rivers in spring, like the oldest forests — oh, and also goat chop and celery.
- The entirety of the Big Finish audio "Omega" is one big CMoF. Everyone gets to ham it up, but the prize goes to Daland, an in-story Large Ham who proudly tells anyone who'll listen how he won three awards acting in a soap opera on channel 3084 — before taking a starring role as Omega as part of a cheesy reenactment for a Time Lord history tour for old ladies.Professor Ertikus: There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Why are you here on this ship? I thought that the Doctor and I-
Daland: Oh we're just here to conduct the marriage ceremony.
Ertikus: What? Marriage?
Daland: Oh, didn't you know? That's why we're here. Sentia's getting married to the ghost of Omega and they're setting up house in a world of antimatter.
Ertikus: Oh really?
Daland: I suppose I should look on the bright side. It saves me buying them a toaster.
- The Doctor (well, Omega convinced he's the Doctor) gets a great moment where he verbally owns an obnoxious bookstore-bot that nags him into buying a copy of Omega's biography:Doctor: You, my metal friend, are an electronic mugging machine.
Robot: Would you like to consider other related titles, sir?
Doctor: No, I think "electronic mugging machine" will quite suffice.
- The talking Omega dolls in the gift shop. All the Large Ham you could hope for, fun-sized and with an adorable squeaky little voice to boot!Sentia: Can I interest you in a talking Omega doll? It says four different phrases.
Doctor: Sounds like the Omega I know.
Omega Doll: I, Omega, will have my revenge!
- The Doctor (well, Omega convinced he's the Doctor) gets a great moment where he verbally owns an obnoxious bookstore-bot that nags him into buying a copy of Omega's biography:
- "The Kingmaker" has its moments. The mental image of a procession of curious time travellers pestering and paparazzi'ng the infamous Richard III throughout his life has to top it though.
- The Fifth Doctor gets in even more than his usual amount of snark: "I'm a correspondent from the 'Good Cell Guide' and I haven't enjoyed my stay at all. I'm awarding you four out of five slop buckets."
- "I will be your serving wench for this evening. Would you prefer to sit in carousing or non-carousing?"
- "The Gathering": Tegan force-feeds the Doctor his own lapel celery.
- The Doctor tries to use karate to open up a van.
- "Heroes of Sontar": The Doctor's string of meddling in Sontaran military protocol.
- From "Whispers of Terror":Peri: It's a dim and dusty corridor, Doctor. Can't we just leave?
Sixth Doctor: Leave?! Leave?! Do you mean, go away and never know?! Wander for all eternity and never know where we were?! What might have been, what was to come?!
Peri: Don't shout, Doctor! There might be-
Sixth Doctor: SHOUT?! I don't shout! People who have to resort to shouting to get what they want are merely demonstrating the inherent paucity of their argument! It's something that I never, NEVER-
Peri: All right, Doctor!!
Sixth Doctor: Point made, I think.
- "The Holy Terror" starts out as this, but gradually drifts into a majorly effective Mood Whiplash. However, many of the moments from the first two parts at least can count as this, for instance:Crowd: All hail Frobisher! All hail the big talking bird!
- At the end of the play is a bonus disco remix of the crowd chant.
- In "The One Doctor": Trans-dimensional shelving, the Portaloo STARDIS, and absolutely everything about the Jelloid, just for starters.
- Don't forget the end, where the Doctor convinces the Big Bad that he's actually the conman Banto Zame, and vice versa... by making out with Banto's accomplice Sally-Anne.Doctor: Well, if I was the Doctor, I would certainly never do... THIS! (grabs Sally Ann and kisses her passionately)
Big Bad: [Absolutely stunned] Noooo. No. The Doctor certainly wouldn't do that.
- There's also the story-long insult match between Banto and the Doctor. Culminating in Banto's immortal line:Doctor: If I have to endure another insult-
Banto: Oh here we go, another voyage 'round the English language!
- The bit where Banto Zame, Sally-Ann, the Doctor, and Mel all have to take off in Banto's fake time machine, the STARDIS... which is decidedly not Bigger on the Inside, and dematerialises with a toilet-flush version of the TARDIS's vworp-vworp.
- There's also the story-long insult match between Banto and the Doctor. Culminating in Banto's immortal line:
- And then there's the beginning, which starts out all dramatic and even sounds kind of scary and intimidating... until it's revealed that it's just the Doctor gloating about how he's winning at Monopoly to his companion and opponent Mel. The Large Ham is delicious!
- Don't forget the end, where the Doctor convinces the Big Bad that he's actually the conman Banto Zame, and vice versa... by making out with Banto's accomplice Sally-Anne.
- "Jubilee": The completely insane fake trailer at the beginning. Snickering Daleks, Evelyn "Hot-Lips" Smythe, and action-Doctor with a BFG? Oh, boy. Of course, then it takes a severe Mood Whiplash.
- "Doctor Who and the Pirates": What's more insufferable than the grammarian wisecracks of the Sixth Doctor? Those same wisecracks put to song.
- Davros: The Sixth Doctor and some friends have snuck into a restricted hangar, aware that some foul play is afoot, and are observing a shuttle being unloaded from behind some crates, talking in hushed whispers...Doctor: Kim, can you see what's happening?
Kim: They're unloading something...it's horrible!
Doctor: Shhhhh!! Don't raise your voice!
Kim: It's a body. A mutilated body.
Doctor: Let me have a look...DAVROS?!?! [running out of cover] Oi! You there! You! There!
- The Doctor and Davros steadily ratcheting up efforts to dick with each other as they are forced to work together. Seeing two such powerful, vast intelligences reduced to bickering children is simply hilarious.
- Davros has trapped the Doctor in a cave with a nuclear bomb in it. The bomb has a speaker wired into it. Why, you may ask? So that Davros can hammily taunt the Doctor before he gets nuked.
- There's also a great bit where he's working himself up into his usual state trying to get his new pals to stop the Doctor from interfering with his plans, but at the same time trying to keep his Falsely Reformed Villain cover in place as much as possible. Leads to a marvellous Last-Second Word Swap:
- In "Brotherhood of the Daleks", we get to hear the Daleks singing. And surprisingly, they're not entirely tone deaf!
- "Wirrn Isle" has the Sixth Doctor getting fed up with the monsters' trite dialogue:Wirrn: So... hungry... so... long...
Sixth Doctor: Eh, I prefer "so long", if you're offering a choice!
- "Spaceport Fear":
- Mel and the Doctor meet Naysmith. Then they meet Elder Bones:Mel: Hello. I'm Mel, this is the Doctor.
Naysmith: It's their ritual, Elder Bones. She says "Hello, I'm Mel, this is the Doctor", and he ignores everyone.
Mel: [to the Doctor] Got you sized up, hasn't she?
- The Doctor doesn't text well:Mel: [The text is] from someone called "Mindy Ourhead".
Rogers: Mindy who?
Doctor: Mind your head! [he drops from the ceiling on top of them] Hello, Mel. Did you miss me?
Mel: [incredulous] Mindy Ourhead?
Doctor: My finger slipped on the space button. Well, it's hard to text and cling onto an air conditioning vent on the ceiling at the same time!
- Mel and the Doctor meet Naysmith. Then they meet Elder Bones:
- The Fearmonger occasionally has a few of these. Most notably, the Doctor and Ace's entrance to Paul's house.Doctor: Ah, Paul Tanner! Congratulations, you are today's lucky winner! Ace, tell the man what he's won.Ace: A complete set of explanations for the Professor here! And you have no idea what a rare and precious thing that is...
- Also, the Doctor attacking an alien organism with a frying pan while making lightsaber noises. Crazy Awesome much?
- "Bang-Bang-A-Boom!". All of it. Hearing the Seventh Doctor pretend to be The Captain on a Deep Space Nine pastiche is a thing of hammy beauty, but the CMOF is his dinner date with Queen Angvia, the Green Skinned Space... Valkyrie. Even better is that she's voiced by Patricia Quinn, who played Magenta in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and she used the exact same voice in both roles.Doctor: But I have to go! The fate of the entire universe is at stake!
Angvia: The Universe can WAIT! I AM A WOMAN!!
- Another highlight of that story has to be the Doctor winning the Intergalactic Song Contest... by playing the spoons.
- Night Thoughts, apart from being, you know, completely and utterly terrifying at the best of times, has a few awesome moments.Major Dickens: So! This is to be a battle of the minds, is it?Doctor: ... so nice of you to come unarmed...
- "A Death in the Family": After the Doctor is apparently Killed Off for Real, Ace remarks on how calm the older Doctor seems.The Doctor: Not bothered? OF COURSE I'M BOTHERED!! I'M DEAD!
- Minuet in Hell is a Darker and Edgier story involving Satanic worship at a Bedlam House and all the gothic horror that implies. However, there's still more than a few flashes of pitch black humor when the Doctor is trapped in the asylum and his explanations only convince his fellow inmates that he really is crazy. And then they start getting snarky:You're a, what is it again? A Time Master from the planet Chardonnay?
- In "Invaders from Mars", when the Doctor finds himself accidentally replacing a 1940's gumshoe and decides to run with it:Doctor: So, Miss Bee, what's the rumpus? You cracking foxy with me, or is you in trouble with the bricks? They gonna drag you down to the hole because some guy got shot through the pump with a heater?
Charley: ... are you all right?
- The best part of that story, set around the time of Orson Welles's infamous broadcast of The War of the Worlds, is during a confrontation between The Doctor, a gangster (Don Cheney), a Russian spy and a gossip columnist (It Makes Sense in Context) about who has custody of the aliens that have crash landed on Earth. One of Cheney's henchmen comes running up to him, having heard the broadcast:Henchman: Boss! They're here! The aliens! They've landed!
Cheney: WE KNOW THAT YOU PUTZ! WHADDA YA THINK THIS WHOLE GODDAMN CIRCUS HAS BEEN ABOUT?!
- Also, the bit where the Doctor and friends have to perform the rest of The War of the Worlds radio show to fool a pair of real aliens. The Doctor casts himself as the Martian Commander. It goes exactly like you'd expect.
- There's also a really funny bit when the two aliens, Destroyer Streath and Conserver Noriam, sheepishly admit that they're not really the vanguard of an invasion fleet (it's more in the delivery than anything else):Noriam: Oh be quiet, Streath; we can't destroy anything and you know it. We... we... haven't got the... firepower.
- The best part of that story, set around the time of Orson Welles's infamous broadcast of The War of the Worlds, is during a confrontation between The Doctor, a gangster (Don Cheney), a Russian spy and a gossip columnist (It Makes Sense in Context) about who has custody of the aliens that have crash landed on Earth. One of Cheney's henchmen comes running up to him, having heard the broadcast:
- "The Chimes Of Midnight" is considered one of the best Doctor Who stories in any medium. Partly because of its absolutely heart-wrenching plot and tremendously high content of creepiness... and partly because it's done entirely in the style of classic Absurdism.
- At one point, Frederick references Agatha Christie and says he drives a Chrysler. However, as the Doctor points out, it's 1906; Agatha Christie's first novel won't be published until 1920, and Chrysler cars won't exist until 1924. The servants promptly change their story, which leads to fantastic Black Comedy once Frederick is murdered and Mary starts to cry about him and his "Chrysler! Or possibly Bentley!".
- Seasons Of Fear has the Doctor and Charley flitting around time fighting the immortal Alexei Grayle and running into the Hellfire Club's main ballroom. The Doctor explains that it was the room where they did "things" ... "naughty things". Charley asks if they had orgies.Charley: I went to an orgy once.The Doctor: CHARLOTTE POLLARD!!!Charley: I didn't stay!
- Charley spends most of the story dragging around a large sword and getting very disappointed that she isn't able to use it.
- Eight and the ROSM Robot's interactions in "Embrace The Darkness" add quite a bit of levity to what is otherwise a rather disturbing audio:ROSM: Do you have any other information?
Doctor: What's this, idle curiosity?
ROSM: Please answer the question.
Doctor: Uh... I... have no... bananas... today.
ROSM: In the absence of an intelligible response, I shall proceed.
- "The Time of the Daleks": The Eighth Doctor tries describing the Dalek mutants to his newest female companion, Charley Pollard:Doctor: Think of your worst nightmare, think of the most repellent disgusting nauseating thing you can possibly imagine, think of pure evil made malignant flesh!
Charley: Is that what it's like?
Doctor: No, it's a thousand times worse.
- Keep in mind this is also the one with Shakespeare-quoting Daleks.
- "Zagreus", apart from being one hell of a Mind Screw, has the Eighth Doctor telling Rassilon to shut it:Doctor: So what have you got squirelled away [here]? The Hairdryer of Rassilon? The Hoover of Rassilon? The Rassilon Patent Trouser Press? "These creases last forever!"
Romana: I shall be dictating chapter 3 to you now, K9. No interruptions, is that understood? Gallifrey, the vortex, the fate of the universe, they can all go hang.
- When the TARDIS locks Zagreus inside a semi-metaphorical Schrödinger's Cat lead box, Zagreus tells her that he's dead now, so she'd better let him out. When the TARDIS pointedly remarks that dead people generally don't talk, Zagreus tries to convince her that she's mad for talking back to a dead person, so she'd better let him out.
- When the TARDIS disappears in Zagreus, Romana is notified of the occurrence through a message from Gallifrey's watchtower, interrupting the writing of what seems to be a novel starring a very thinly-veiled Expy of the Doctor. Romana gets mad at K9, who was recording the novel, for not telling her of the occurrence. K9, in response, plays back a message from earlier, with her response being to tell him to essentially shut up:
- In "Caerdroia", the Kro'ka tries to Mind Rape the Doctor. This is genuinely terrifying until the Kro'ka has penetrated all of the Doctor's mental barriers and ends up deep inside the Doctor's mental inner sanctum... where he promptly falls down the Doctor's nearby mental waterslide. It turns out the Doctor's screaming was all an act. The Doctor can't stop laughing at him.
- "The Company of Friends"
- "Benny's Story", which features Benny re-teaming up with the Eighth Doctor, manages to sneak in a sly reference to the end of The Dying Days, which ended with Benny snogging the Doctor before the scene "fades to black".Benny: ... and at the end of that [adventure], he dropped me off back in my native time zone and we... erm... shook hands and said goodbye!
- "Fitz's Story" has a construct of the Doctor made, to the horror of the original, from a modified drinks dispenser:"Hello. I'm the Doctor. I get... rresults! GLGLGLGLGL"
- "Benny's Story", which features Benny re-teaming up with the Eighth Doctor, manages to sneak in a sly reference to the end of The Dying Days, which ended with Benny snogging the Doctor before the scene "fades to black".
- "Horror of Glam Rock" is a pretty funny Eight audio in general, but special props go to an exchange between the Doctor and Lucie. She wonders if there's something wrong with her, that she could still be hungry while people are being torn to pieces outside. He assures her it's perfectly okay... then steals her donut.
- Also, there's the special glam-rock version of the theme song, which has to be heard to be believed. Yeah yeah yeaaaaah!
- "Human Resources": Eight gets a great snarky comeback to the Cybermen:You're telling me you don't recognize your archenemy? Surely I'm the most arch enemy you've got!
- "Max Warp" — all of it. The entire episode is a massive, unapologetic Take That! to Top Gear (UK). Space Richard Hammond violently dies in a crash live on air in the opening scene, Space Jeremy Clarkson is a complete and total dick in overly tight jeans, and Space James May is repeatedly told to "SHUT UP" by everybody. In the end, the show is re-tooled into a mellow discussion panel on engines and caravan holidays, which Lucie notes will probably be cancelled within a month.
- In "Orbis", Eight has been stranded without his TARDIS for six hundred years, and is (once again) suffering from amnesia. Another time traveler grabs his former companion Lucie, thinking to use her as leverage against him, but he's forgotten who she is — which, given that she thought he was dead and has spent the last six months mourning him, does not go over well. Her response? Bitch slap him while spelling her name out letter by letter. It works.
- "Master of the Daleks" is, overall, a dark and morbid setpiece where the Earth has been transformed into New Skaro, in an effort to engineer a new timeline. The Master and the Dalek Time Controller have just faced off, the Time Controller having been outwitted in almost every way, and the Master is about to enact his triumph. Cue the Doctor bursting in, followed by a massive party of Daleks and Sontarans fighting one another, completely derailing the Master's plan.
"Do you two just stand around calling each other Master and Controller all day?"
- What really makes the above funnier is that the Master was expecting that the Doctor was going to try and stop his plan. The Doctor wasn't even aware the Master was there. The Doctor broadsided the Master, and he wasn't even trying to - the Oncoming Storm indeed. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- Liv quite rightly observes that there's no way two beings with egos as large as The Master and The Dalek Time Controller could work together for long.
"ANALYSIS OF PREVIOUS BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS OF THE MASTER INDICATES A 100% PROBABILITY OF BETRAYAL"
- And best of all is she's right, especially where the Daleks are concerned.
- "The Maltese Penguin": Frobisher spends almost the entire episode shapeshifted into the Sixth Doctor. Including his voice. This leads to Colin Baker impersonating Robert Jezek playing Frobisher pretending to be the Doctor. It is completely glorious.
- At the start of "Trial of the Valeyard", the Sixth Doctor finds himself back at the space station from "Trial of a Time Lord" and meets the same inquisitor. He then spends several minutes ranting about how he saved Gallifrey many times and that the Time Lords should show some gratitude...and is then informed that he isn't the one on trial.
- There are two main reasons why the Big Finish remake of "Shada" belongs on this page. The first is that the script is by Douglas Adams. The second is the fabulous Ham-to-Ham Combat between Paul McGann's Doctor, and the outrageously campy Skagra, as played by Andrew Sachs. Consider this scene where Skagra is forcing the Doctor to read the Ancient And Worshipful Law of Gallifrey:Doctor: Hrrrt, zubbit, zubbit. Gidge-uh-gidge-uh-gidge-uh, ca-caw! Ca-caw!—
Doctor: Hold on, here's the good stuff. Nuganuga, Hwah, hwah — Of course you realise, I'm paraphrasing.
Doctor: Skagra, you realise this book doesn't make one bit of sense?
Skagra: Doctor, a fool would realise that this book was written in code!
Doctor: This book's written in code!
Skagra: *Face Palm*
- Also from the same audiobook but this time with illustrations by Twirlynoodle.
- Chris describing his efforts to analyse the book:Clare: What about the mass spectrometer?
Chris: Oh, I got a result from the mass spectrometer, all right.
Chris: It blew up.
The Lost Stories
- "Farewell, Great Macedon" (based on an unproduced script from the First Doctor era) has this scene when the Tardis crew are accused of killing Alexander's friends (partially extrapolated from indirect speech):Alexander: I cannot close my eyes to Antipater's argument, for it is true that since your arrival, three deaths have occurred. Nor can I ignore the way you have fought off the accusations like truly innocent men. Therefore, I have decided to compromise. I will punish only one of you. You are to die, Ian.
Susan: No, you can't do that!
The Doctor: I won't allow it, young man!
Barbara: If Ian is to die, then I will die with him!
Susan: And so will I! And so will Grandfather!
The Doctor: Now, just a second, child... er... oh very well then. We'll all die together.
- William Russell's performance as the Doctor here is priceless.
- The Lost Story "Prison in Space" has the scene where everyone, last of all Jamie, realises just who would be best suited to go undercover Disguised in Drag.
Fourth Doctor Adventures
- "The Dalek Contract": Cuthbert asks a Dalek if it is seriously suggesting exterminating its prisoners. The Dalek's response?
- From "The Age of Sutekh", we have Leela taunting Sutekh (yes, THAT Sutekh) by calling him a "horse in a dress" and "horse face". She even asks him if he can trot like a horse! Doubles as an awesome moment.
Tenth Doctor Adventures
- Donna calls the Koggnissenti's machine that causes brain degeneration the stupid machine.
- Before that, when driving a bulldozer, she runs over a parking meter.
- "Doctor, stop saying "Dongle"."
- The Doctor telling Donna the TARDIS doesn't "fizzle", followed by imitating the noise she makes when she dematerialises.
- In "Death and the Queen," the Doctor is showing Donna the Monster of the Week:Donna: Oh... that is one big cloud.Doctor: Yeah. It's deadly.Donna: How do you know?Cloud: I BRING DEATH. THE PRICE MUST BE PAID. I BRING DEATH.Doctor: See?
Doctor: Is that your boyfriend?Donna: Yep.Donna: ... yeah.
- Really, the entire first half of "Death and the Queen" could count. And even several parts of the second half.
Doctor: Not that one, obviously. Or that one. ... err. Do you have any windows in here that aren't stained?
- Like the Doctor being an epic-level Moment Killer for Donna...
- Or Donna finding out about the hang-ups of being 18th century royalty...
- Or Donna meeting her future husband's Jerkass of a mother...
- Or Donna teaching her future subjects to read via Jackie Wilson books..
- Or the Doctor trying to impress upon the queen the situation by telling her to look out the window.
Queen: Are you a window salesman as well?
- And back to Donna again, her defeating the villain with her undergarments.
- The Doctor meeting Donna's new boyfriend:
- Donna's parting words to Rudolph? "Grow up and grow a pair."
- Really, the entire first half of "Death and the Queen" could count. And even several parts of the second half.
Destiny of the Doctor
Trouble In Paradise
- In "Trouble In Paradise", the TARDIS key gets eaten by a goat. The Sixth Doctor has to improvise by holding the goat up against the TARDIS door and telepathically begging her to just let him in already. Then he insists on taking it along as a companion, despite Peri's utter exasperation. The entire audio is one massive Funny Moment, really.
Jago & Litefoot
- Jago & Litefoot & Strax sees Strax asked by a magician to "cut the cards". Strax takes this one literally... and from the account afterwards, also ends up killing a parrot.