Funny / Bend It Like Beckham

• This exchange:
  Joe: Where do you normally play?
  Jess: In the park.
  Joe: No...I meant, what position?
• When Jules' mother shows up at Pinky's wedding, yelling at Jess, she suddenly notices Jess is wearing a pair of her shoes that Jules let her borrow and shouts, "Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!", one random aunt says this gem of a line:
  Aunt: Lesbian? I thought she was a Pisces!
  • Followed by another group of elderly relatives confused about why this crazy woman was accusing Jess of being Lebanese.
    Jess' relative: She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi!
  • And at the house afterwards, the relatives are still giggling about it. Unlike previously in the film, they logically assume due to Jules's short hair she and Jess must have been mistaken for a couple. They also wonder why the mother took Jess's shoes.
• Almost straight after that, Jules is shouting at her mum in the car and finds out her mum thought she was gay:
  Jules: Mother, just because I wear trackies and play sport DOES NOT MAKE ME A LESBIAN! *sigh* Me and Jess were fighting because we both fancy our coach... Joe.
  Paula: *pause* Joe, a man, Joe?
  Jules: Yeah, as in male, Joe! Joe, our coach, Joe, man, Joe! (beat) Anyway being a lesbian's not that big a deal.
  Paula: (hurriedly drying her eyes) Oh no, of course not sweetheart, no. I've got nothing against it. I was cheering for Martina Navratilova as much as the next person!
• After Jules' mother overhears Jess and her daughter fighting and mistakes them for gay, ANY of her expressions when Jess and Jules touch each other. Pretty much all of the character's lines were funny, but its when she has no lines at all that she turns sidesplitting.
  Jules: (after being offered a scholarship along with Jess) Can you imagine? Me and Jess! Together! A pair!
• Jess' final penalty shot to win the final. Set to the tune of Nessun Dorma. Mainly due to the absolutely hilarious WTF look on Jess' faces when the defence transforms into a hallucination of her disapproving family.
• "With our designs, even these mosquito bites will look like juicy-juicy mangoes!"
• "All I'm saying is, there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one of them without a fella."
• In the middle of the movie, Jess' father catches Joe and Jess in a comforting embrace after a stressful game and is not pleased. Later, Jess is recruited to go to America and is elated when her parents give her permission to go. She goes to share the news with Joe. When he leans in for a kiss (as he points out he's not her coach anymore), she stops him. He immediately backs off and looks around hastily, asking"Your dad's not here, is he?"
• At the end, Jess' mother gets her to promise to contact a relative in Canada once she lands in California, and tells Jess' dad "at least she'll have family close!"
  • For those who don't know, it's 1614 miles from Santa Clara to the Canadian border. Depending on where the relative lives, it'd take Jess over two hours by plane or at least two days on a bus.
• Once Jess's mother realises there's no way she's getting out of not letting Jess play in California, she immediately changes her tune and happily says "At least I taught her full Indian dinner. The rest is up to God."