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Funny / BattleTech

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The Tabletop Game/General:

  • Maximilian Liao's freakout when Hanse Davion drops his effective declaration of the start of the 4th Succession War at his wedding, by offering the Capellan Confederation to his wife as a wedding present, is a sight to behold. When he takes a closer look at the fancy wedding dinner plates showing territories, he realises that the ones depicting Capellan worlds reveal the targets of Hanse's planned Operation RAT, and panics, screaming insults at Hanse while gathering up the wedding china as 'military intelligence'. This outburst ends up cementing his nickname as 'Mad Max' and was the start of his spiral into madness over the 4th Succession War, cumulating in his being deposed by Romano Liao. For that matter, the fact that Hanse Davion put vital military intelligence on the frelling wedding china!
  • The writers sometimes get lazy when thinking of planet names. We have:
    • Butte Hold, the domain of the pirate king Redjack Ryan
    • Struggle, the capital of the planet Here
    • A Place
    • Somewhere
    • Nowhere
  • Or they make up clever puns with other names:
  • On the other hand, sometimes they get creative. The planet known to the Draconis Combine as Dunklewälderdunklerflüssenschattenwelt, and to the locals as Bob. The backstory is that the guy who develops the interstellar maps for the game was talking to the line director, and joked about a planet named Bob. The amused director asked for elaboration, to which the cartographer in question made up a story of a planet that suffered Death by Bureaucracy. The ridiculously long German name was the official name but the inhabitants petitioned to change it to Bob. The petition got declined, and much needed terraforming equipment never arrived, because nobody could find the Bob system.
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  • There is a corporation named Wangker Aerospace.
  • In the early sourcebook, City Tech, were several amusing stories, including one of a mercenary group that had a couple of skilled technicians who were also inveterate pranksters. The day after a battle, the Mechwarriors were rather upset to find that their stripped armor had been replaced with scrap from delivery trucks, leaving their 'Mechs plastered with messages like "WIDE LOAD", "LARD" and "processed chicken".
    • One Mechwarrior even went after one of the techs with a wrench!
  • The A Time of War roleplaying sourcebook provides short quotes and stories all throughout. Due to the quotes being a sentence or two at best, most of them are amusing in a Noodle Incident sort of way, but the quote for the Throwing Weapons skill is comedy gold.
    • The quote for Gremlins (Character is basically cursed when it comes to technology) is also hilarious:
    "Ammunition load fail? This is a Wolfhound!”note 
    • In the same sourcebook, the picture for the Training skill features an instructor who Drives Like Crazy piloting a 'Mech with a trainee in the rumble seat. The instructor has a Slasher Smile. The trainee looks like he just wet himself.
  • The artists can get in on the fun. One of the core rulebooks had an illustration of two 'mechs fighting in a duel. One Mad Cat was pointing to a lump of metal on the ground as if to say to the other mech "You're next!". There was another 'mech with the Nose Art of a cartoonish rabbit and the name "Happy Bunny".
    • And not just any cartoonish rabbit, either!
    • There's more than a few of these in the Technical Readout books too, often in the form of little slogans or custom details on a 'Mech's hull. A prime example being what's written on the blade of the Nightsky's hatchet.
      "Insert Hatchet (A) Into Head (B)"
  • One of the units in Technical Readout: 3145 is the Condottiere assault craft, A small craft that is leased, rather than sold, to customers. In a raid in 3139, a Draconis Combine force raided a Federated Suns world. Both sides had Condottieres as escorts or defenders. When they engaged, the Condottieres on both sides promptly ignored each other to attack the DropShips that they were supposed to defend. You see, there's a mutual non-aggression clause in the Condottiere's lease that prohibits any models on opposite sides of a battle from firing on each other.
  • The very existence of Experimental Technical Readout: Royal Fantasy Tournament: A listing of customized 'Mechs fighting in a 3146 Solaris IV tournament. Mechs with nicknames like "Snow White", "Cinderella", "Merida", "Aladdin", "Mulan", "Ariel", "Beast" and even "Leia".
    • The Mechwarrior profiles are even worse. "Leia", for example, is piloted by a mechwarrior named Carolyn Fischer of Team Rebel Alliance, who inherited the machine from her mother, Natalia Portman, fought with the Stormhammers, and witnessed a terrible WMD strike as part of a rebellion.
  • The sourcebook for the Wars of Reaving, a fight between the Clans over perceived corruption caused by Inner Sphere influences, features a conversation between two young Clan Wolf mechwarriors. In it, one of them assures her friend that she can't have been tainted by Sphereoid influences, as she has never left Clan space. Then they both start to reminiscence about watching the In-universe version of the animated series, a holovid produced in the Inner Sphere, as children.
  • The Battlemech games on Noisiel. Imagine the Olympics. Performed by 'Mechs. Now imagine Baseball, rugby, and basketball games. Again, performed by 'Mechs. Now imagine dance constests and an Atlas dressed up like Santa Claus(said Atlas, by the way, won bronze in the costume contest. The medal was indeed to scale, and awarded by another Atlas.).
  • A Dark-Age variant of the old Inner Sphere Standard Battle Suit called the "Baka" swaps out the suit's jump jets for additional weapons. The suit gets it's name from the message that flashes across the unit's HUD when the pilot tries to activate the removed jump jets.
  • During the Clan Invasion, one planet tried challenging the invaders to a game of American football for the Trial of Possession for their world under the idea that maybe the Clans didn't know how to play. Unfortunately for them, the unit that was invading their planet was an Elemental-heavy cluster from Clan Ghost Bear, where football was a popular pastime for Elementals. The defenders noted that while they were utterly crushed it was still the cleanest game they'd ever played because the Clanners considered it a mark of shame if they got a personal foul.
    Tex Talks BattleTech: Sheliak lost 84 to 3. I think the Clanners let them have that three out of honor, respect, and. . . pity.
  • In the House Davion sourcebook on a backwater world called Benedict, the New Avalon Theater group accidentally scared their audience of under educated farmers of their performance of Hamlet. The farmers have never seen holographic projections before, and were freaked out of their seats when they used holo-projections for the ghost of Hamlet's father.
  • Critter-TEK, a source book detailing BattleTech in a universe of Funny Animals and a theme of Major League Baseball. It's almost exactly the same as the 2nd edition printout, including Flyer-TEK (AeroTech), Burrow-TEK (CityTech) and TEK-Warrior (MechWarrior roleplaying system). Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, it sounds funny and yes, you can legitimately play and roleplay with Critter-TEK.
  • The Equipment section of the BattleMech Manual is chalk full of snark and Shout Outs in the form of little quotes under each piece.

The Video Game:

  • Sumire Meyer, the navigator, comes from a planet that has a very avian-rich animal biosphere; essentially, birds, birds, and more birds. Much of her background characterization chatter is dedicated to her antipathy towards birds because of it.
    • Her hatred of birds is also a Take That! directed at Far Country, a BattleTech novel that's become infamous for featuring sentient aliens, specifically alien birds. When Sumire suggests that her worst case scenario for a JumpShip misjump is getting stranded on a planet of birds, she is describing the exact plot of the novel.
    • Her ancestors are originally from Pomme De Terre. French for "potato."
  • One of the possible events allows you to intervene in an argument over the last cup of coffee. It is possible to be mean and take the cup for yourself.
    • Going full Team Dad, treating the guys arguing over the coffee like children, and splitting it between them and berating them for being giant babies over it causes everyone to agree that it was silly and get the High Spirits buff.
  • Another event has your banks threaten to repossess your ship. One of the possible responses to this is to basically bullshit and flatter them into claiming that those threats were made "in error".
  • One event that comes up after you refit the Argo to have a low-gravity swimming pool allows you to grant permission for Skinny Dipping night at the pool after someone was caught doing so. Announcing that you have a recording of this skinny-dipping incident prompts one of your pilots somewhere deeper in the ship to yell "Oh my god!"
    • Prior to this one of the random announcements is Farah noticing a pilot skinny-dipping in the primary coolant tank and reporting it to Darius.
    Darius: I swear, it's like herding cats... roger, Dr. Murad, I'll be right there.
    • They keep doing it even if there is a zero-g pool on the Argo.
  • Yang will lampshade the silliness of the pirate lord "Grim Sybil's" moniker, and then really loses at "Lady Death", Sybil's old boss (and the meanest pirate in the Periphery). You can remark that pirates aren't exactly poets, or you can joke that MechWarrior callsigns aren't much better. Yang agrees, and then uses whatever your Commander's callsign is as an example of how silly they can be.
  • The flavour text for the Gamma Pod of the Argo mentions requests from crew members for not only the aforementioned swimming pool, but for a "Drop Ship-sized bouncy castle".
  • The fact that the progressive achievements for cutting off an enemy 'Mech's arms and legs are "'Tis But a Scratch," "Just a Flesh Wound," "I'm Invincible," and "We'll Call It A Draw."
  • Some of the briefings on bounties can be blackly amusing. Marina Liao could ask you to "add some live-fire exercises" to a Canopian military training drill, for example, or the Aurigan Restoration can claim that "Directorate forces have 'unpaid loans' (read: stolen) on military vehicles" and request that you teach them a lesson on unpaid debt by demolishing those vehicles (read:destroy them to deny them to the Directorate). Of particular note is one of the missions scenarios, where a scientist has clearly been double-crossing both sides of a conflict that she is involved in, and Darius quips about the amount of double-dealing going on.
    • One of the missions from the pirates has them using a bunch of euphemisms, talking about how they have a friend who's being looked after by the state, but decided she wanted to leave and needs a ride. Darius points out that the pirates don't need to obfuscate their intentions for a prison break and wishes they would stop.
    • A different pirate mission will have you enforce a protection racket. They'll word it as if they're insurance salesmen, and Darius is befuddled why the pirates don't just come out and tell the mercenaries they're hiring that they want a lance of mechs destroyed.
  • One of the random encounters involves being held up by pirates in space, with one of the options being to stall with them until help can arrive. Choosing this option results in the player character feigning ignorance over whether the bank code they're supposed to send toll money to has a O or a 0, much to the pirate's very vocal frustration.
  • The timing for your units making post-shot radio calls can result in one of your Mechwarriors calling "target eliminated!" on an enemy 'mech that appears to be very much alive...only for an ammo explosion to destroy the enemy 'Mech a moment later. Also, when performing a physical attack, a mech will fire its support weapons (flamers, machine guns, and small lasers) after performing the physical. This can sometimes lead to one of your mechs punching an enemy to death, then firing a small laser that misses and morosely report that they've "failed to damage the target."
  • Out of all your Ronin pilots, Glitch is not only infamous for her sniping skills but also her very quirky personality and amusing radio call outs. These not only include comical versions of take downs, multi-shots, Massive Damage done, light/heavydamage taken, using jumpjets, losing armor, falling over and being incapacitated but also uniquely at the start of each mission she may make very non-sequitur comments somewhat related to the biome the lance is fighting in.
    Glitch: I LEAP! I SOAR!
    Glitch: Do you think we’ll see bears?!
  • On the flip side, the Ronin pilot Medusa is a complete The Eeyore and delivers every single line in the tone of downcast, resigned snark.
    Medusa: This reminds me of my childhood. *beat* I hated my childhood.
    Medusa: This place is... Picturesque.
  • Any weapon strike to the head deals damage to the pilot. This includes striking the head with the non-damaging TAG targeting laser, presumably by striking the MechWarrior in the eye and giving them a hernia.
  • Idle 'Mechs regularly swivel their torso back and forth as if scanning their surroundings. It gets hilarious when they suddenly turn to look at the allied 'Mech in the hex next to theirs right as enemy fire blows it apart, giving the scene an epic Oh, Crap! feeling.
    • Another thing they can do is swivel to look at an enemy that had just attacked them but missed every shot, in an implied, indignant Death Glare.
  • Anything connected to stability damage can be a source of fun. Unstable 'Mechs often sway violently as if the pilot is completely sloshed. Some 'Mechs (especially the ones introduced in update 1.8 and Heavy Metal) have exaggerated falling-down animations that border on Slap Stick comedy. Conversely, bracing a 'Mech makes them assume a more stable stance that can veer into an amusing Bring It pose.
  • Some Flashpoints basically exist to bring some levity into a fairly grim game.
    • "Bourbon & Battlemechs" has one drop that revolves around destroying a Bad-Guy Bar protected by two hostile lances designated Belligerent Drunks and Hostile Inebriates. Many of its descriptions and dialogues also pile on the Dark Humor.
    • "Extracurricular Activities" is darkly funny for its background - your House Steiner liaison sends you on a mission that includes killing a whole lot of people to humiliate the son of his chief rival, just so he can gloat to his heart's content the next time they meet in the Lyran Deadly Decadent Court.
    • "One Man's Trash" is given by an absolute amateur of a scavenger. First off, the guy is so technically inept that his holo-vid avatar is a parrot with giant sunglasses instead of his face because he can't figure out how to change it. Then he sends you to secure a Star League stapler factory (to be fair, there is a market for 300-year old desk ornaments). The final mission consists of saving him from two other scavenger/mercenary bands he sent to the factory before you under false pretenses. Your crew has a lot of amusing things to say about these events as they unfold.
      Yang: So what you're saying is that you hired us to rob a vault from under your own contractor, whom you hired to take down your OTHER contractor, BOTH of whom are holding you ransom for a treasure that doesn't exist.
      Ed Corbu: It sounds so bad when you put it that way! Look, I'm the victim here!
    • "Contest of Champions" goes straight into funny territory with your Cloud Cuckoo Lander of an 'employer', a crazed pirate named Professor Mencius Horvat who is in love with his own coat, employs an alleged "man-monster" named "Calamar Gigante" and forces everyone who participates in his tournament to drive nothing but stock Urbanmechs.
  • Your Kurita mercenary liaison Shugo Reynauld Yamaguchi is, like all liaisons, a powerful person way above your pay grade. Your crew calls him Bob. To his face. And he actually likes it.
  • In the "Training Day" side mission, one of the rookie mechwarriors you're escorting might scream "I love the smell of coolant in the morning!" only for one of the others to say "Coolant is toxic. If you can smell it, you're probably going to die."
    Trainee: W-wait, really? Because I do smell something..."
    • Adding to the black humor is the fact that in the earlier novels of the franchise 'Mech coolant was said to be partly composed of mercury, so said pilot is enjoying a good whiff of mercury vapor.
  • In the "Showing the Flag" side mission, you have to escort a VIP in a Griffin who takes the place of one of your normal mechwarriors and mechs during an engagement with a hostile lance. Everyone in your command staff will get on the radio once the mission starts to let you know just how useless they expect her to be in the fight. She immediately points out that she's on the same channel as they are, only for them to ignore her complaints and still talk about how she's really not likely to be all that good. She ends up wondering if her radio is even transmitting.

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