Funny / Batman (Tom King)

aka: Batman Rebirth

• Issue 2. Duke asks if Bruce if he trusts Gotham and Gotham Girl. Bruce says he doesn't trust even Alfred. Alfred explains that he's been like that even since he wanted a katana on his tenth birthday and Alfred bought him a wakizashi instead.
  • The fact that Bruce wanted a katana when he was ten. The apple really didn't fall far from the tree with Damian. (Then again, many ten year old boys want a BFS as a present.)
• Batman pulling his usual Stealth Hi/Bye, utterly freaking Gotham out due to fooling the man's Ultra Vision. Gordon on the other hand....
  Gordon: (smirking) He does that.
• Issue 3. Gotham and Gotham Girl's Seinfeldian Conversation.
  Gotham Girl: We should have a rallying cry, like "Gothams Gather!"
  Gotham: Batman always goes in quiet.
  Gotham Girl: You don't got to do everything he does. If Batman jumped off a bridge, would you?
  Gotham: Claire, we just saw him jump off an actual bridge.
  Gotham Girl: Yeah, and look at you.
  Gotham: I'm flying! it's different!
• Issue 5. We get the glory that is...Alfred as Batman◊.

  Gotham: What—-who are you?
  Alfred: I'm Batman.
  Gotham: ...No...no...you're... You're just a man. A man in a mask. And what is that? What is that?
  Alfred: Yes, well—-
  Batman: Alfred, I'm here.
  Alfred: Oh, thank god. (Runs away)
  Gotham: What?

  • Later Alfred gives this line: "I have taken the costume off, master Bruce. If you wish me to put it back on, I will be expecting a substantial raise in wages."
  • In the same issue, the Batmobile gets trashed. Duke isn't aware of this, and is going to send Batman some intel. He has to say "No, you should not send it to the car." As he does, the shot pans over to the vehicle itself.
• In the story "Good Boy", included in Annual #1, Alfred takes pity on a dog that previously belonged to the Joker which he adopted from the city pound. The next morning, Bruce finds it at the dinner table:
  Bruce: I was expecting breakfast.
  Alfred: Yes, sir.
  Bruce: This is not breakfast.
  Alfred: No, sir.
• The whole prompt for The War of Jokes and Riddles? The Joker can't laugh.
• "Kite Man. Hell yeah." It's a scene that gets repeated in different contexts, all of which are hilarious, but his first appearance is funny on its own: the guy jumps through a window, steals a pearl necklace while shouting his alias, then, instead of turning around, jumps through a different window before giving the aforementioned line.
• The entire dining sequence in Batman #16. Basically, what happens when Batman takes all the Robins (with Duke Thomas filling in for Tim Drake) to a Batman themed McDonald's.
  • Bruce's reaction at the commercialization of Gotham's most dangerous killers and the stoned cashier, Mark, in a Batman costume.
    Bruce: Jokerize?
    Mark: It's, like. special seasoning they put on it. But it's, like, white and red and y' know green.
    Bruce: The Joker is a homicidal maniac. An agent of pure chaos. He wants to kill us all just so he can laugh over our graves.
    Mark: So, uh. You don't want to Jokerize your fries?
    Bruce: (Death Glare)
    Duke: Yeah, no, man. I think he's good.
  • Jason Todd's reaction is slightly different, but just as funny.
    Jason: I know I shouldn't, after the crowbar and all, but I love me some Jokerized seasoning.
  • Damian Wayne acting like the child he is, and not the hardened assassin he presents himself as.
    Damian: This is not what I asked you to purchase, Richard.
    Dick: It comes with a toy.
    Damian I hate you.
    Jason: I'll take the toy, if you don't want it.
    Damian: The toy is mine!
    Jason: (mimicking Damian) The toy isth mine!
    Damian: I hate both of you...if this is a Red Hood action figure, I'm going to kill someone.
    (Damian pulls out a Red Hood action figure of Bat-Happy Meal)
    Damian: Dammit.
  • When Bruce says they should have met in they cave, Dick replies that they were getting tired of Alfred's cucumber sandwiches anyway.
    Dick: We're all here. So talk. Enjoy. Listen.
    Beat
    Bruce: Fine. But if Alfred gets word of your cucumber sandwich remark...God help us all.
  • Everyone making light of how Death Is Cheap for Robins. Duke is not amused.
    Jason: First, Damian you're dead. Again.
    Damian: No. First, Jason you're dead. Again.
    Dick: I like that in all of it, at least I'm not dead. Again.
    Duke: Wait, all of you have been dead? Am I going to be dead?
    • Doubles in hilarity because Duke is only there because Tim Drake was "killed" in Detective Comics (Rebirth) and is thought dead by the others. Bonus for Stephanie Brown, the 4th Robin also having died and come back.
  • The non-stop bickering between Damian and Jason continues.
    Jason: Dick, look at my hair. It's fine, right?
    Damian: Don't worry, Todd, I'm sure Alfred can teach you the lost art of the comb-over.
    Jason: I'm killing you now, Damian. This is happening.
    Damian: Many have tried. Many with much more hair.
  • Duke's reaction at seeing Bruce eat a burger with a knife and fork.
    Duke: I can't...is this really happening? Is this really how you eat a burger?
    Dick: You haven't seen that yet?
    Duke: It's a joke, right?
    Dick: No, no, this is him. Mr. raised-by-the-butler. It's, like, a thing.
• Issue 23:
  • Bruce invites Swamp Thing to Wayne Manor to discuss a case. Alfred is seen trying to clean up all the dirt the living swamp has dragged in the entire time.
  • Another appearance by Kite Man! Batman lands on top of him causing both to fall from midair and making Kite Man panic and ramble like an idiot.
  • While searching for the killer Batman uses the Batcomputer to try and search for him. Swamp Thing's method is a little better:
    Swamp Thing: He is currently...entering the...Gotham Museum of Art.
    Batman: (Gives biggest what the hell face)
    Swamp Thing: The grass...told me.
    (Beat)
    Batman: We'll take my car.
    Swamp Thing: Why... do you need... a car?
    Batman: I don't know. Why do you need a body?
    Swamp Thing: Heh.
  • The name of the story is The Brave and The Mold.
• Issue #33:
  • Alfred gets Dick, Jason, Damian and Duke in one room again and tries to tell them about something Bruce didn't want them to know. They all nonchalantly assume Bruce's been keeping some sort of Dark Secret that now threatens to destroy everything again.
    Alfred: Master Wayne proposed to Ms. Kyle. She has accepted.
    Everyone, even the dog, stares at Alfred in shock.
    Damian: What the hell did you just say?
  • Damian breaks down crying once he processes the news. Dick goes into big brother mode to comfort him, while Jason and Duke freak out:
    Duke: Is he... he doesn't...
    Jason: Okay. Don't Panic. This is happening. That's a tear. We're all dead.
• Issue #34:
  • Damian tries to threaten Superman by pointing out he could kill him if he wanted by simply making a Deal with the Devil. Superman agrees that's a possibility but points out if Damian did kill him, Jon wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. And that's enough to make Damian back off.
• Issue #35:
  • Damian laments to Dick how Bruce didn't tell them about his engagement to Selina, thinking he should have been told because "He's Batman and I'm Robin." Dick mercilessly teases him over the cheesy delivery and keeps going despite Damian's demands he shuts up.
  • Damian finally gets to ask Bruce and Selina what happened when they met with Talia. His reaction gives a pretty funny insight into how he views the interaction of his parents.
    Damian: Did you...happen to see mother?
    Selina: She stabbed your dad in the back. So I stabbed her in the back.
    Damian: I see. Well. The more things change...
• Issue #36:
  • The entire issue deals with Batman not telling Superman he got engaged and Superman refusing to talk to him about it because 1) their Rebirth relationship is complicated due to Superman kinda not being the one this Batman knows, and 2) the two of them are too humble and see themselves unworthy of imposing on the other. After getting prodded by their respective significant others to talk to the other guy, they find themselves coincidentally in the same building, on the same floor, investigating the same case, with both their partners, in the ensuing awkward silence...
    Lois: (reaching out to shake Selina's hand) Oh hi, I'm Lois. You must be Catwoman.
    Selina: (reaches out and shakes Lois' hand)
  • Superman is absolutely baffled how he didn't notice Batman and Selina enter the building despite his super-vision, while Batman is equally confused as to why Superman would use the elevator despite being able to fly. Superman awkwardly explains if he just flew to the floor he needed to be on he would need to break a window to get in the building. At the same time Batman explains that Superman didn't see them because he's not supposed to because...he's Batman.
  • The fact that Selina figured out Superman's secret identity because he's a "Guy who always writes about Superman, who looks just like Superman. But with glasses. And slicked back hair."
• Issue #37:
  • During a double date Superman, Lois Lane, Selina, and Bruce switch costumes to get into a superhero themed carnival to avoid looking too much like themselves. They take the opportunity to let each each other know how important those costumes are.
    Superman: The "S" stands for hope.
    Bruce: Hm...The Bat stands for a bat.
    Superman: Oh, sure.
    • Even though the cowl of the batsuit covers his entire head and no one can tell who he is, Superman continues wearing his Clark Kent glasses over the cowl.
  • The fact that Lois Lane and Catwoman become instant best girlfriends.
  • The two couples each go into the carnival's "Tunnel of Love." Lois and Clark's ride ends with both remarking that it was a "nice" ride. Cue Bruce and Selina are right behind them, loudly and publicly making out in the ride's swan boat, while still dressed as Lois and Clark.
  • The following exchange between Selina and Lois Lane after Catwoman accepted the proposal:
    Selina: It was actually really sweet.
    Lois: Sweet is good.
    Selina: But then he says, "Before you answer, I have to tell you something. It's about Kite Man."
    Lois: What? No.
    Selina: Don't get me started.
• Issue #40: Stuck in an alternate dimension, Batman and Wonder Woman discuss what they miss the most from their world. Batman misses his sons, Selina, and his dog. Wonder Woman misses her kangarooo. Cue Double Take and Beat Panel.
  • Said kangaroo is real◊,by the way.
• Issue #42:
  • Bruce and Selina decide to go out for lunch, but Poison Ivy has everyone else in the world under mind control. So they dress up as Batman and Catwoman and go to Bat-Burger.
  • Selina spends half the issue loudly praising Poison Ivy, gushing about how she's the only wedding guest she and Bruce will need and how they should just have Ivy marry them. This totally isn't because they are being watched by a mind-controlled Superman or anything.
    Selina: Maybe we could get Ivy to officiate? And of course Ivy would be your best man. And my maid of honor. Obviously. Oh! And Ivy could give me away. Won't that just bring tears to everyone's eyes. Now, we still need someone to do the flowers. Maybe...Ivy? As for guests. I never wanted a huge wedding. So how about we just invite Ivy. I feel that should just about cover it.
• This exchange in the second annual.
  Bruce: The new alarms I installed. Four of them failed. But the fifth redundancy... She's back.
  Alfred: I'll hide the pencils.
• This exchange in issue #45 between Booster Gold and Skeets.
  Skeets: I'm ignoring you. And looking for Batman.
  Booster: I'm ignoring you. And looking for Batman.
  Skeets: Do not copy me.
  Booster: Do not copy me.
  Skeets: Booster Gold is the Kite Man of the Justice League.
  Booster: Booster is the— HEY!
• Issue 49: The Joker and Catwoman lie there bleeding to death. The Joker asks Catwoman if she thinks Riddler's theory that Joker just pretends to be insane and suffers internally for everything he does is correct. Catwoman simply responds that she can't take Riddler seriously until he shaves his sideburns. Joker simply agrees.
• Issue 51: Dick subs as Batman while Bruce is on jury duty. He awkwardly calls Bruce to see if he's okay following the events of the previous issue... while leaping into battle against Killer Croc.