- Snoop Dogg's interlude in "Black Umbrella" "by" Miley Cyrus:Let's buy two big industrial windmills, I already got one - Who needs three? Well the first one, I broke it...
- Then later on:
- Also from "Black Umbrella":Extra lemon in my diet Snapple makes a girl happy, yeah that's right, s**t that's right, tea's got me jamming from head to toe.
- And later... "I'm gonna get dumb and bang a wizard."
- "And I'm pregnant."
- Nearly anything that comes from Gary LeVox's mouth, thanks to the new voice. Like the completely random "NGEEHEEHEEAAH!"(sic) at the end of "Hot Jumping Beans".
- "It's real convenient how you just threw us out and I'm sad for me."
- "I'M HUNGRY!"
- apl.de.ap's section in "Everybody Poops", especially when it's devolved into an utterly nonsensical rant by the end....and I hate those greenish potatoes with them SOGGY FIIISH STIIIIICKS!!! ÅÅÅ!!!
I be regular, bitches! ... Yamma yamma yam! Ah-hah! Aah!
- Will.i.am's interjections during the chorus of "Everybody Poops."
- When Barry Gibb is outed as Too Kinky to Torture.
- And "Barry" messing up one of the high notes.
- His safeword is 'Souffle'.
- Everything about shooting the hobbits.
- And "Barry" messing up one of the high notes.
- Nicki Minaj's rap in Dirty Spaceman, but specifically,I can tell I'm beginning to like Alejandro: he's brave and dapper and NOT DRUNK! And I loved his junk in high school, he's like a big, Swiss, hand rapist.
- will.i.am also gets some funny moments. "Me and my crew, we love ping-pong and paintball all night, all night. In the morning, we can't stop 'till they think I'm a pink bunny!"
- And The Stinger: "Lucy got a secret show cat." "MEAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
- There's something to be said for Bruno Mars doing that sideways-strut in Cool Shades going "Mirror, mirror, on my floor, am I the prettiest at the store?"
- "Tonight, after wine, I'ma knock you in the head and then... GRANDE TACOOOOOOOOOOO! (Knock that out.)"
- "If I had a furry pet monkey right here [monkey appears on Jay-Z's shoulder for a split second], I'd take him out to Shady Pine and get a cold beer."
- The ridiculously happy look on Jay-Z's face as he says, "Who wants to see me give a rock to a fish?" Also, the fact that the song has Jay-Z, who has spent most of his life trying to have a badass image, say "Whoopsie-Daisy!"
- "Is this Idaho? Because I will not limbo in Idaho."
- Michael Bublé cites the Toilet Humor moments in "Russian Unicorn" among his personal CMoFs, like the point where he holds a note being reinterpreted as a bowel movement, and the moment where he sees the girl from his Imagine Spot for real being turned into a different sort of revelation."Yeah, she did it."
- That girl is also his wife; the song is even funnier when you know that.
- "Beard With Glue": "Quit sneaking off and punching little orphaned Brazilians".
- "'Coz I'll shave a beard with glue"
- Kimbra's comment to Gotye: "Ghetto lady thinks your froggy's name is Lou McGopher."
- All of "It's Time To Rock", but standout lines are:
- "Maybe it's just me, but I hate mixtapes."
- "So, I ate a big rock, and don't think I'm a hog, but chicken smeared with funyuns, s**t really tastes good! I mean, I just ate some and it tasted so- *BURP* *wink*
- Picking out the least flattering-looking frames to enforce the stoner image (these are mostly in the latter half of the vid) is one thing, but the additional smoke effects even match the lip flaps so you'd swear they were exhaling it.
- Even the voiceover at the end telling you to buy the song on iTunes. "Oh my God, what if Etch-A-Sketches were real?!"
- Beyonce: I sold my frog... Fwaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
- The look of Joe and Beau Bidens' faces seal it, too.
- The random Nazis in "Gang Fight". "Hey, guys! Hey, Gunter! Hey, Hans!"
- And remember — whenever Rebecca Black thinks that it's time she should go, she'll let you know by saying "OI-EE-OI."
- Mitt Romney: "In America, we have a song:""Ding dong llama wannee, jumpin' with an ice pick, she thinks I'm goin' in!"
- "It's simple, just [starts singing] tap-a tap it in, that's a zinger! And tell me how to poke it on Tuesday! And for you foreigners, that translates as Con leche, lucati le Fraim le prasbha farre neché ferre gecci. Làtso sofa bocci. Aiii!"
- "Thank you for the bench. Don't commit suicide."
- "I said, 'Son, I don't wanna hear you say bad about your mama.' And then he said... "F**k prison! I'm a party rapper, that's how I am! *applause*"
- EHAHAH! Happy step-child.
- "And now you got me whispering to a freak who thinks that fish have menstrual cycles."
- "Yo' momma's pudgy. Face it."
- "Yo momma can eat me."
- At the end of the "More Mitt" video: "That girl's a bitch." (walks away)
- "Are you a rapist?"
- "I'd like to get a monkey because I ate Fifi!"
- "And now they have murder in the Spice Building. You gotta ask a black boy, "Who did it?""
- "I butcher a deer. Every weekday, waiting for pappy."
- "Marijuana is great, call the whippet badger."
- Rick Perry: "Some do the Olympics, and some defy the titans. Ice cream."
- "Phew, that movie sucked! The whole script was wrong, and Seth Rogen, well, he had to serve a big red duck! Man, he'd scalp a sentimental cripple! What a douche!"
- "Someone had a Grade-A lungfish decorate their home for a married fools function!"
- During the applause after one speech:Thank you. I wrote that.
- Ron Paul: "HOO-HAH CHERRY SODA!"
- And that bell that refuses to ring when it should. "Free bananas! ... Ah well, never mind..."
- Everything's blue, baby. Quick, I want you to hide me!"
- "Everyone wants to do it and not think about the bad feces pudding."
- "I-I-I didn't run away... I got a sandwich. And you'd love it! If... uh, I'm Ron Paul!"
- "What if the world said 'nyah nyah nyah nyah', like a parrot, or if a baby got two, uh... two knick-knacks up her sleeve and screamed 'mahalo'?"
- "You can give me money, and I'll go make the zoo!"
- "At noon on Wednesday, I'm gonna be leaving a watermelon-pineapple treasure inside of Liam Neeson. He's the one with cooked fish allergies."
- "Let's all pour lotion on the person who thinks I'm an ass. We should — we should take their wig off."
- "I will ride the lightning. It happened to my kitty, and Elvis was part of it."
- "Life is murder, and you're forced to fight the war. You're a pony, and you want this cookie, and yet you can't think straight. Bring on the steamed croutons."
- "The hardest part is to shoot Ramone. I know it."
- "Dude said, 'Have some brewskis!' And I'm freakin', 'Those are awesome! More like it!'"
- "Give me Vaseline for when I'm having these boring x-rays!"
- And that bell that refuses to ring when it should. "Free bananas! ... Ah well, never mind..."
- Herman Cain: "It's just crazy, y'know? We ain't ever have this. An old rotten eeeagle's nest. Nachos and hog-wash! This is my juice! And I'm hungry! McDonald's Special! Gimmie a large plate! Then I'll sing, sing, sing about it!"
- "Pouty people and whiny people, friends, SHUT YO ASS UP OR I'M GOIN' BACK TO SLEEP!" *applause*
- "If you like, let's watch Disney. It's like a time void, and will probably result in you thinkin' you an angel."
- "Watch out for them spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiders. And big potato moths! Big potato moths. (beat) Achoo!"
- [counting on his fingers] "1, 2, 3, 4 — [holds up hand] — dat's five!"
- [long silence, looks up into the camera] "Ricky?"
- "Cowboys and anthrax!"
- "Mexican people don't eat sugar, especially not if it's a mix of lice and tiger DNA."
- "I'm gonna teach you an expression: I QUIT."
- "Women got a special feeling, though. They got an extra-fatal lady shimmer of no maximum strength. ...You could be sick poopin' out blood, and you'd still want dem!"
- "All you can do is give that woodchuck a tuna melt. Or romantic shoes, or a metal skull-crusher."
- Rick Santorum, throwing a football: "Get the Pop Tart!"
We got 69 ankle shoes. No no no no not no damn banana shoes. Eleven hos can't come in here and keep they shoes off. You know what the crowd says, we all homosexual
- "The big fat chick stunk. Like... beef. And candy depression. And gum and stuff. And if I see her sick... mmmmmmaybe I'm embarrassed."
- He refutes his public persona at a debate:
- Rick Perry's reaction to the above statement is priceless.
- "I had some porn, aaand I swore, and a weird witch gagged me!"
- "I live for donuts and venison. And that's true."
- "Fairy crutches are bullshit."
- "I was confused and I didn't want to have to decide to read words. The zoo was all I believed in."
- "I just want to practice soft algebra, please..."
- "One time I let it shoot off, it went on for half a block!"
- "I'm crazy... and I'm right!"
- Newt Gingrich: "Hairy chest destroy our power, and I went poo-poo in the egg salad and oh Mary, oh my garsh, oh wait, that's not what I wanted to say, uh... cancer."
NACHO MA JOW SEE
- It's really the look of utter disappointment and heartbreak on his face that really sells the last bit.
- ...'Cause that's what happens when you're f***in' high.
- "I want to impeach Ronald Reagan."
- "Rick James knew what I like. Hip parties with elephant money. Then the dodo disappeared, and I spent the cash."
- "Sh*t happens. You can't bluff mule drivers."
- "Rahsa fajza nayshee, Nacho ma jow see, Limo sacho beratti, Ee'la jeenks tao mao."
LIMO SACHO BERATTI
EE'LA JEENKS TAO MAOOO
- Joe Biden: "My friends want to shave my behind. They're putting ants into my behind. A parakeet is on my behind!" (applause) "Why are you people clapping?! Thick concrete is up my behind!"
"Listen, Amy, poor people can suck it!"
- A startling revelation from the 2012 Vice Presidential Debate:
"Hey, if you fancy this cow, make it now, 'cause he wants for you all to frost his lemonhead. And the lousy stiff hunts and fluffs and stinks like pee and now he's mayor of a bank!"
- From that same video, summing up Paul Ryan:
- "Nobody ever gets caramel hands. 'Coz caramel hands are for terror. They're crazy lunch digits! You better not eat any. You bet I will! You potato brains!"
- President Obama flat-out asks Mitt Romney "Why are you such an asshole?" during the second presidential debate.
- From the first: "In... horrible weather, I sneeze and I just lose the puppets."
- Not to mention Obama's insistence that Romney is black.
- "Now Matt, shush, because the sofa bears don't know."
- "Ahh, but if you throw up, then it's as as a jealous woman."
- "Ahmed, how did you know about whodunnit in the lounge?" "...I didn't know." "Oh, you didn't? Oh, well they started clapping! For the mad cow! Until someone sold him. And then when he died, they had him stuffed. Like that water buffalo. Stuffed."
- "The hot tub is cool now" "But they poisoned it." "I know, right?"
- Paul Ryan: "I walked into a Starbucks building, and everyone started collapsing. I went to Steve-O and he said 'Okay,' he slipped into the future. He said, 'Ask about the special. 'Cause it's donut day.'"
- "You ever have a buttcheek problem in the morning? And you're going to vomit?"
- "Highlights from the 2012 debates": "According to Mufasa, there was a lot of seaweed and that was why 11 chickens kept burping." "Get your facts straight! There was only 1 chicken! You were supposed to graduate!"
- "Hey, if you fancy this cow, make it now!"
- "Damnit, who ordered the bacon-crusted rooolls?"
- "Listen Amy, poor people can suck it!" Straight from the mouth of Joe Biden.
- Martha "Amy" Raddatz being turned on by Paul Ryan.
- Barack Obama taking the oath of office: "I'm proud to say Yo momma took a Cosby sweater. Elvis Presley had sex appeal. I'll do the spaceman boogie. I'll brush on my sassy face. There's two different Einsteins. I enjoy makeup." Especially when he stumbles on "Elvis Presley had sex appeal."
- "Our foes in the walkways... are crab guys, but they don't have meat. They sound weird but we're sure they're not black."
- "Now please let's all go walking down this road wearing our backwards pants."
- "Touch the sky and colourful bears will take you for the jump"
- "Romance is deception. Romance is a... parody. It's how we get you cuddly and naughty, naughty, and not questioning men more than a two-night's window." Easily the deepest statement from a BLR.
- "Tonight, I'm partying more faster."
- "Trick The Bridesmaid": "'Cause even long-legged women can't tell there's a blue-eyed hobbit, and I'm a witness for them."
- "That's why the thick Spartan women are so important. There was a black Marge Simpson in the house. She poured black paint over both my posters and went to the office to leave a photo. Crazy women before this airhead always would cut me with an iPhone. She was crazy. So damaged. So sick."
- "'Go to hell', you say. Bitch, just zip it!"
- Michele Bachmann:
- The sugar fountain fairy story.And tell her I'll break a tree root up in her shrimp.
- "The Hispanic piranha prom had one. Jew. Person."
- The sugar fountain fairy story.
- The Democratic Debate Highlights 2015:
- Every time a question gets asked, it appears listed on the bottom of the screen like a genuine game show question, even if that question is "Can I help you?" or "Does anybody know this guy?"
- Martin O'Malley legitimately doesn't know how babies are born.
- After he gets stuck answering, he opts to instead call out Hillary for creepily staring at him.
- Hillary activates a Noun Challenge, where Bernie has to name 10 nouns in 13 seconds.
- One of Anderson's questions is "Should I get a scooter?"Hillary: Hey, the white boy thinks it's scooter time!
- The "Drawing Corner" segment, where all of candidates explain drawings made "earlier in the evening". Special mention goes to Lincoln Chafee, who drew "a little kid who smashed his nose" and Hillary's "bird that shoots a man in his peewee".
- First Republican Debate Highlights 2015:
- Rand Paul (to Chris Christie): "You just froze a baby. You just froze a baby. Genital warts! You touched a genital wart! You can't touch it!"
- Ted Cruz tests out some campaign slogans that are "a little less obvious":Ted: I need a bogle for the glotch. Stop volution. Your face isn't my face. Mmm, that old man just took your spork. If you want boyfriend time, then you must be a girlfriend. I hate pervy records.
Ted: I went down to the summer camp and took a can of gasoline.
- Ted Cruz tells a story to his kids:
Kid: Don't light the cabins on fire!
Ted: I wish I couldn't, but it's too late.
Kids: But doesn't that mean you go to jail?
Ted: No, because I ran away.
- "Oh, hi, death'll find you soon. Not sure you'll be remembered."
- "If there's one thing our country doesn't need more of, it's goose diarrhea." The old man's exaggerated laughter really sells it.
- [singing] "I made a hole and then barfed on the beach! Hmm-hm-hmmm! I made a hole and then barfed on the beach! I made a hole and then barfed on the beach!"
- During an interview, Ted Cruz mentions that his wife Heidi originally wanted to marry someone else. Someone else who she goes on to talk very fondly of. And who apparently just so happens to be in the kitchen while the interview is underway.Ted: ...I don't want to ask who's the baby daddy. (whispering) I know it's hiiiim...
- Earlier in the video, Heidi mentions Ted's obsession with eating human hair. At length.
- Ted flat out calls a child "the devil".
- "Presidential Poetry Slam":
Lady: Yes, Lady Clinton: what does your friend know about the poop in the basket-Hilary: (interrupting) Ma'am, this question is over.Lady: O-oh, okay, thank you.
- Someone in the audience tries asking a question:
- Donald Trump reciting a poem called "Bird's Eye" about how he always finds the body parts of dead birds in his ice cream.
- "I rung a bell, when the homies got hurt, ah-aaaAAaah... I need no one, ha-ah ah-ah ah ah—DOH!"
- Royal weddings are rife for insanity:
Meghan: I don't want that. That present is a fail.
- Harry has a gift for Meghan: a golden unicycle.
- "I hope you understand we're puppets".
- "White House Press Briefing":
- Just the fact that Sarah Huckabee Sanders' Malicious Misnaming isn't that far out of character.
- From "THE NFL":Interviewer: How are you feeling?
Adrian Peterson: [exhausted] Egg roll. I wish I had a breeze runnin' down my leg. I'd kill for a cookie. Stingray, a double-sided Scooby Snack. Yeah, we pick our hotel.
- "An orange peanut? For me? ... Wow... an orange peanut?! Well, I accept you!"
- The referee's story of his girlfriend's apartment floor covered with beanbags.
- "Stop doing heroin!"
- "Ooh, I'm white!" -high-fives his black teammate-
- "I want it now! I want cake now! I-I want it now..."
- Justin Smith trying to get Colin Kaepernick to help him burn that old man.
- "I found Fido!" (barking in the background)
- "Can I have this sloth?"
- "Ah-AHH-ah-ah-ahhhhh!" "What's wrong with him?"
- From "More NFL":Trent Cole: THE GHOST IS NEAR.Other player: Wait, what did he just... I'm crying inside of me.
- "Hey, looook! -spins- I can spin around!"
- One player being interviewed has sideburns so massive, BLR changes his name to Mr. Darcy and gives him a Victorian English voice and speaking manner.Mr. Darcy: Shortly, I came across a wooden stick.
- "A baby is a little man." "A chair is somewhere to sit."
- From "NFL 2015":
- "That girl! She's so... so pretty! You guys don't have a problem with this?!"
- From "The NBA":
- "Apple Product Launch"
- Introducing the Apple Skin Twist, the Apple Lickamaforbus (a plant based guitar with walnut spores), Apple Wings (flavors "Mystery Colon," "Soul Snatcher" and "Aye Aye Kevin"), Apple Socks, the Apple Hole (a Mac Pro with a black hole in the top), the Apple Garfenafuten Tuten-Juten Exiobalexis (Garfexi for short), the Apple Wish Prince, the Apple DeBonk DeBonk (a musical can opener), Apple Toast, Apple Windmill, the Apple Steven Forkhead, and the Apple Handsome Anthony (personal robot servant). Now if he ever asks for Gepetto, you need to destroy him forcefully.
- The Governor's "Broadway" song at the end of "The Walking (and Talking) Dead". "La-bibbida-bibbi-dum. La-bibbida-bibbi-do."
- The Governor: ♫~ I always wanted a Wookie, then I found out they weren't real. (Thanks for nothing George Lucas!) ~♪
- The zombies' lines of dialogue can be quite humorous as well. "Guess what? I just ate a hot dog!"
- The singing zombies as well.
- Morgan Jones: "You think you're black?!"
Rick: "I'm black, yeah."
Morgan Jones: "Brother, you got skin like an English kid.
Rick: "But I don't like coffee..."
Morgan Jones: [dead serious] "But you'd eat a bagel."
- This.Rick: "Knock, knock."
Andrea: "Who's there?"
Rick: "Why don't you zip it?"
- "A friend of mine got a foot. And it's juicy."Dale: What the hell are you talkin' about?
- "I don't wanna mess up your dumb potato basket."
- "Y'know, fish can hear you thinking just before you sneeze."
- "I know what it takes to make you hot".
- The extended version of "La-Bibbida-Bibba-Dum".The Governor: I found out from Orlando, that biter who's a handyman.
Rick: Whoa, whoa, wait, you got a handyman that's a walker?
The Governor: Well, to be honest, he breaks more things than he fixes, but, he's still got most of his face, so... I trust him.
- Tyreese gets honest:Tyreese: Hey papi. Oh.
Alan: You just like me for my weed.
Tyreese: Yes, I will admit it.
- As T-Dog, Beth and Lori are driving away from Hershel's farm in the morning:T-Dog: [singing] "An old man... he got wet... I was talkin' to a psychic... and I can't sleep in the o-zone... there's too many different peanuts lookin' saaad..."
Lori: I-I-I would like to go now.
- Poor Hershel himself begins showing signs of senility in "MORE WALKING (AND TALKING) DEAD: PART 2":
- The "Medieval Land Fun-Time World" video, start to finish.
Eddie: Okay, people, we've got one week until the park opens, so let's do it all again. This time, please don't forget your accents.Bobby B (Robert): Get off my case! It's hot in this getup, you chode!(Eddie drops his megaphone with an exasperated expression.)
- Eddie (Eddard) being the Only Sane Man.
- From Terry (Tyrion): "Are you a fan of the Pikachu?"
Eddie: D-Did that just happen?!
- Peter (Littlefinger) making burgers composed of kitten meat.
Viserys: (Gasp) HE WAS A CAPRICORN!
- Apparently, Viserys kissed Johnny Shotsman.
- "You think they should make i-Phones for babies? CAUSE I DO."
- "Terry" and "Jo Jo" calmly conducting a drug deal while a riot rages around them.
- The truly epic fart joke at the end of the video involving Grand Maester Pycelle. The timing and editing adds to the feel that it is an actual trailer for a comedy film.
- The entire part of "Sing-Song Contest of America" in which Caleb Johnson swallows a bug and wanders around the stage choking into the microphone.Caleb: [as Jennifer Lopez starts swaying on her seat] Oh no, please don't do the sexy dance!
Caleb: It's the cake maaaan... oh my gosh! Yeaheah-ARUGH (slips and falls onto the floor)
- Not to mention the beginning of the video, where Caleb serenades the cake man:
- From the Hunger Games,Katniss: I'M THE QUEEN!
Katniss: You... stink! mmmmyaaaaaahhh!Clove: Yay, a goat!
- As well as:
- HE BARFED ON THE SAILOR LIKE A PIG! AND THE POLICE ATE TIMOTHY!
- Katniss to Prim: "Face it, you're the devil!"
- "NO! NO!"
- "You're too excitable!"
Haymitch: He is so right.
Haymitch: (To Peeta) "Hey, Joe—Wait, who's Joe?"Katniss: "Oh, wait, wait, you're not Joe? I thought he was Joe?"Haymitch: "He's CODFISH JOE!"
- "Do something fruity!" "No thank you!"
Gale (to Katniss in a whisper): Scooby-Doo.
- Gale during the "purse" scene:
- Twilight has some good ones:Bella: Y'know, I spit on my brother.Edward: Yikes... I, um—Bella: Yeah, that whole, um, brother thing... Mmm-mm!Edward: ...Gross.Bella: He's Kevin, so...Edward: Mmkay.Bella: KEEEEVVVV-INNNNN.
Edward: (sheepishly) I wanted to make some seafood.Bella: That's so... loser-ly.
- Bella getting mad at Edward for punching a fish.
- From "More Edward and Bella": "Can you get me an earwig?"
Bella: Today my rabbit went to the hospital. Little Dougie.Edward: Well he's dead then. No, not to be weird, it's just expensive. They're not going to just fix your boring rabbit.
- Edward asking Bella to shave his back.
- Bella's rabbit:
- Courtesy of "TWILIGHT III", we finally have the reason that Bella/Kristen Stewart frowns so much: she just wants some lettuce.
- 'Peter and Gwen'Gwen: Kiss me.
Peter: I can't. I have a really big wedgie. [tearing up] And I made no friends buying the spork!
Peter: [cheerfully] I'd like to slap you, boo.
Peter: I hate your food.
- The end of "OBSIDIOTS: Live from District 11"Peeta: Everybody raise your hand if you like this song!
(No one raises their hand. Katniss continues singing)
Peeta: Raise your hand if you want us to leave.
(Everyone raises their hand)
Peeta: [singing] Well now you know your grandma found the wigs/Your family gives you tumors, every year...
- The entirety of "Choo Choo Go", right from the very first line:
- "Musical reply!"
- From "More Hunger Games".Haymitch: (to Katniss) You like very simple guys!Katniss: (robotic) I-am-afraid-we-are-in-a-castle.
Effie: ♪Spread your cheeks and clap, then smack your doctor/I'm gonna go do that/Right now♪
- Katniss apparently can't eat fruit without singing afterward. Haymitch tries to get her to stop because people will make fun of her voice.
- Effie Trinket's only speaking role, a brief yet surreal song:
Katniss: (weird voice) I don't really care what you just said to me!
- Katniss and Gale's argument at the beginning.
Gale: Of course, you're insane.
Katniss: You're not my friend.
Katniss: I know you stole my yellow fanny pack.
(Gale gives her a "WTF" look)
- All of "Redneck Avengers", but an especially funny touch is how the SHIELD organization's base is now in a trailer, complete with a crude cardboard sign saying "SHIELD" outside.
- The dub of Star Wars: A New Hope has a lot of these.
Luke: A big grey thing chased me up the mountain and froze!Owen: Remember what I said about that? That was your shadow!Luke: Oh yeah, that thing.
- C-3PO having an Indian accent.
- Luke and Owen having deep southern country accents.
- And R2-D2 acting and sounding like a little girl.
- The fact that the many characters without visible mouths makes it really easy to just dub in whatever they want. Especially stormtroopers and aliens.
- Luke's introduction:
Leia: I want a wooden snowman, but no one sells them. *knocking at door* I'll be right out! *crouches to insert plans, farts* (repeat on loop)Luke: I want her to dance!R2-D2: She does not dance.C-3PO: Come on, make her dance for him!R2-D2: That's not how it works.*message plays*Luke: Holy chicken, she's beautiful. *points* I wish you were real!
- Leia's hologram, and Luke's reaction:
Ben: Look, I just need the pickaxe of Cortez and the mystical diamonds!
- Obi-Wan's reason for seeking Han's help:
Han: Well, why don't you just move to Nevada?Luke: Because I heard it was a bad part of Mexico! Did you hear him? He doesn't even know geography!
- This exchange
Greedo: Listen, I've been sent here to collect all your fireworks, okay?Han: Aw, just let me set 'em off at the meeting.Greedo: Well, maybe I will if you give me your grilled meat.Han: I don't have any grilled meat.Greedo: Okay...um, do you have any pets?Han: I have a monkey in a bottle...Greedo: Does your monkey go "hoo hoo HOO"?Han: No, that's the pet giraffe. *immediate cut to Greedo being shot*
- Negotiations with Greedo:
Han: Y'know, I should build a baby Taco Bell. The sign would be kinda cute.
- Musings aboard the Falcon:
Han: ♪I love it when you say that/A lot of great skaters bust their teeth♪Obi-Wan: That song didn't make a bit of sense, and I don't like it!Han: ♪There's an extra part that's worth it/And I'll sing it if I get/To clip your nails♪ Okay, anyway, I'm hopping on the can.
- Han singing:
Han: Ugh, I'm going crazy, I'm so hungry.Luke: Well, I could make grilled cheese...Han: No offense, kid, I don't think you even know how to boil water.
Luke: I was a dog walker, you're really cute!Leia: Ew.Luke: Oh, you're really cute, and I forgot to wash earlier, but my bed is open!Leia: No, person!Luke: That's okay!
- Luke meets Leia:
Luke: Did you take my wallet?Han: Of course not. And it's probably not in the trash by my armchair, so don't even look there.
- The lightsabers sounding like two plastic props smacking together, much like they would have on-set.
- Han's innocent!
Vader: Yo, what's up, Moffball?Tarkin: I like bread.Vader: Yeah, great, thanks for reminding me of what I can't eat 'cause of the mask!Tarkin: You shouldn't have called me a "big turd burglar" at the gym.Vader: Hehehe, turd burglar...
- Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin's relationship: