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Hail to the king, baby.

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     Season 1 

El Jefe

  • In the first few minutes, we're met by Ash strapping on a girdle and showing off in front of a mirror while he's getting ready for a night out. He even does, of all things, a little step-dance to "Space Truckin'".
    • While drinking from a child-sized box of Hi-C, no less.
  • To win points with the ladies, Ash has apparently constructed a more "heroic" version of how he lost his hand (saving a small boy from the path of a speeding train), and based on how he tells the story at the bar, it's not his first time using it.
  • While Ash is having sex with a girl in the women's bathroom, he gets spooked by the girl suddenly turning into a Deadite. Said girl turns back to human after Ash stops banging her, and just as he's about to leave, he decides to go finish the job.
  • After Ash realizes he read from the Necronomicon while he was high in the hopes of impressing a girl, we get this:
    Ash: (Exasperated) ....Fuuuuuck.
  • Ash attempting to take the day off to take care of his "dear friend Eli", and Mr. Roper not buying it:
    Roper: Are you really going to use your fucking lizard as an excuse to get out of work again?
    Ash: (Beat) ...I am.
  • Ash trying, and failing miserably, to chat up the much younger Kelly.
    Ash: Nice day, huh? Just wanted to say, I'm sorry I have to leave you so soon.
    Kelly: I don't even know you.
    Ash: And now, you never will. Which is fine, because... you never really could've had me anyway.
    Kelly: (Scoffs) "Had you"... Are you out of your mind?
    Ash: (Chuckling) I know — it sounds CRAZY, doesn't it? I'm old, graying... ten pounds overweight...
    Kelly: (Quietly) Ten?
    Ash: ...Okay, THIRTY pounds overweight, but it doesn't matter! At some point, the thought would've occurred to you. (Leans in) Do me a favor, will ya? Thank your mother for me. She passed her genes down to you in allll the right places.
    Kelly: My mother DIED in a car accident six months ago.
    (Sustained awkward beat)
    Ash: Wow... (Whistles) Um, you know, in the future, you might wanna just say "Sure, I'll tell her"... 'cause droppin' a bomb like that on somebody you just met is downright rude, but y' know what? You're young. You'll figure it out.
    (Ash reaches out to stroke her face with his prosthetic hand)
    Ash: Goodbye forever, Kelly.
    (Kelly twists his arm around, pinning him to the counter)
    Kelly: Touch me again, and you're gonna need another wooden hand.
    Ash: ...Okay, wait, another wooden hand in place of my REAL hand, or another wooden hand in place of my WOODEN hand?
    Kelly: REAL HAND! (Releases her grip)
    Ash: Agh! ...Touchy.
  • Ash getting geared up to fight the Deadite infestation, with a mention on what he needs to do.
    Ash: The other first thing I have to do is cardio, 'cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.

Bait

  • Ash and Pablo show up at Kelly's house spoiling for a fight, kick down the door, and find... absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.
    Kelly: My GOD, what are you guys doing here?!
    Pablo: (Quietly) Oh, shit. Hey. Hi, Kelly! You're okay.
    Kelly's Father: You KNOW these men?
    Kelly: Well, uh—
    Pablo: Uh, yeah! We're, um, we're friends from work! M-man, you have a nice house!
    Ash: Yeah, we were just... passin' through, thought we'd stop in and say "hi".
    Pablo: (Waves) Hi.
    Kelly's Mother: Why are you covered in BLOOD?
    Ash: Um... we hit a deer on the way up here, and when I tried to pull it out of the grill of my car, the sucker just exploded all over us, so... ha, ha, ha, we had to cut it up with my chainsaw... (looks down) arm.
    Kelly's Father: I'm actually a hunter, and I've never seen a deer explode.
    Ash: (Accusatory) Well, maybe you're not hunting the right deer.
  • A witness comments on a MSP sketch of Ash that he looks dumber in real life.
  • While Ash and Pablo are sprucing up in preparation for dinner with the Maxwells, Ash helpfully fishes a little chunk of Roper's brains out of Pablo's hair and feeds it to Eli.
  • Ash's reaction when Kelly's mother turns out to be a Deadite after he punched her in the face and acted suspicious of her all evening.
    Ash: Oh, good, I was startin' to feel like a real dick.
  • Ash tries to do the right thing and give Kelly's parents a proper burial, but his execution is somewhat lacking.
    Kelly: (Pointing to the makeshift crucifixes) You know they were Jewish, right?
    (Beat)
    Ash: I... I did not. Wish you could've said something before I made those dumb crosses, but... okay.

Books from Beyond

  • When Ruby finds Kelly's dad transformed into a Deadite, she effortlessly impales him and decides to interrogate him for Ash's whereabouts — by casually twanging the fork jammed in his eye.
    Deadite: OW! Stop that, you annoying bitch! Ah! Fuck off! Augh!
  • Ash trying to be racially sensitive while discussing plans to eat out with Kelly and Pablo.
    Ash: If I get this thing done quick enough, we might have time to stop for churros. That's not a racist thing, Pablo. That's just a great dessert.
    Pablo: ...Okay. You know I'm not Mexican, right?
    Ash: That's the spirit.
  • When Lionel Hawkins is preparing to crack open and translate the Necronomicon, he can barely contain his excitement.

Brujo

  • After trying to assess if Ash can ever truly become "El Jefe":
    Brujo: [Your flame is] not bright enough to illuminate what you seek. You're weak, lazy, selfish, forgetful, foul-mouthed... plus, you're slow. Old. You have lost the step.
    Ash: Hey, uh, brujo, thanks for the opinion. 'Preciate it. Now you can take it, turn it sideways, shove it right up the ol' poop-chute.
    • Pretty much everything Tio Brujo says, in part because he's the only one who seems to outright despise Ash — while Kelly is willing to trade sarcastic comments with him, and Pablo often responds quietly and politely, every dumb joke made by Ash just disgusts the guy further, and he's not afraid to show it.
  • The fact that Ash's new hand seems to be based off a Power Glove.
  • When he learns that his arm is restored and fully functional while in his vision quest, Ash takes stock of what really matters in life:
    "Whoa. I got two hands!" (Ecstatic) "Brujo, I need two beers!"

The Host

  • Brujo stating that the side effects would only be Ash losing the ability to feel pleasure below the waist. Ash doesn't see that as a good thing.
  • When Brujo still thinks that Ash is possessed and is trying to use exorcism, Ash just rolls his eyes in annoyance.
  • This black-as-pitch exchange, showing that even a minor devil isn't above a good cheap shot:
    Kelly: (Sobbing) There's only one way to finish this, Ash, and you know it. You have to kill me. The demon's going to do it anyway. Please...
    (Ash reluctantly begins to lift his shotgun)
    Kelly: Hey, it's okay. Just... put a cross on my grave, okay?
    Ash: (Face darkens with realization) Kelly's Jewish.
    (Eligos begins chuckling)
    Ash: FUCK you!
    Eligos: Awwwww, can't blame a demon for trying...
  • The first thing that Ash does with his new mechanical hand is to use it to flip the bird.
  • Ash's monologue on how to defeat Eligos.
    You shoot first and think later or don't think at all. [voice echoing] Yeah, shoot first, think never! Shoot first, think never.

The Killer of Killers

  • Lem happily saying that he's "nine days sober".
  • Ash denying having offered to pay for lunch, and then flirting with the waitress to get out of it, even when she points out that her husband the cook is standing right there. And has knives.
  • Ash flirting with Amanda in the middle of their fight in the bathroom.
  • Kelly working through some of her anger over everything that's happened so far by going to town on a Deadite waitress, while Pablo and Ash meekly look on.

Fire In The Hole

  • Kelly saves Pablo from a Deadite trying to strangle him by emptying an M4 into it. Afterwards, a totally freaked out Pablo continues to scream for a few minutes, still frantically hitting the Deadite's corpse and getting even more blood all over him.
  • After cutting off part of Deadite-Lem's skull:
    Lem: My brain!
  • Pablo being a Moment Killer for Ash and Amanda's Almost Kiss.
  • When everyone gets weapons from the survivalist camp, Pablo messes around with a grenade launcher and accidentally sets it off. Cue explosion behind them.

Ashes To Ashes

  • Ash proceeds to pick up a recently dead bird as they arrive back at the cabin, saying somberly to it that nothing that lives near the cabin survives for long. Cue the dead bird reanimating in his hand and squawking harshly at him. Spooked by this, Ash proceeds to throw it at and splatter it on the trunk of a nearby tree.
  • The pair of Sickeningly Sweetheart campers, and their friend who hates being dragged along with them on a hiking trip.
  • Ash summing up what happened to Linda in a rather blase way.

Bound In Flesh

The Dark One

  • In the quick suit-up montage after the titles, Ash uses a stick of black boot polish to touch up his (dyed) hair.
  • When comparing Ruby's plans to The Godfather, Ash makes it clear that he didn't care for the movie.
  • How he distracts Dark One Ruby into lowering her guard.
    Ash: Hey, have you lost weight?
  • While negotiating with Ruby at knifepoint over her offer, Ash asks for $10,000 in cash, only for Ruby to deadpan point out that she's "not a bank".

     Season 2 

Home

  • During the fight in the bar at the start of the episode, it appears they're going to replicate the sequence from the pilot, with Pablo tossing the chainsaw to Ash, who's leaping through the air at it... and then the Deadite he's fighting grabs his foot, stopping him in mid-air and letting the back end of the chainsaw smack him in the face.
  • Pablo and Kelly meeting Ash's father Brock:
    Brock: (to Kelly) Brock Williams. You can call me "Cock".
    Kelly: Oh, he's definitely your father.
    • Pablo shows Brock a sketch he's done of Ruby, which looks nothing like her.
  • The episode has a Running Gag of Ash smacking his head against things, which seems like it would have fit in with the slapstick of the later movies.

The Morgue

  • Ash's reaction to seeing his father making out with an old crush of his.
  • In the morgue, Ash gets dragged into a corpse through the asshole.
    ''Oh God, I'M IN THE BUTT!"

Last Call

  • Ash's daydream about his missing Delta.
  • Ash has a box labeled "TOOLS NOT DRUGS" Naturally, it's full of drugs.
  • Kelly after drinking Ash and Chet's Gargle Blaster.
  • When Ash asks Ruby to distract his dad, she initially thinks he's asking her to kill him.

D.U.I.

  • Ash being a bit unconfortable when Chet asks him what the weird stuff in his backseat is for.
    Chet: Dude, there's a chainsaw in my back seat.
    Ash: Yeah, that's mine.
    Chet: What's it for?
    Ash: Um...Ice sculpture?
    Chet: Oh...and the shotgun?
    Ash: That's mine too.
    Chet: What's THAT for?
    Ash: In case they don't pay for the ice sculpture.

Confinement

  • Sheriff Emery losing it after Ash works to gut the corpse of the female sheriff killed by Baal by crying like a kid.
  • When Linda B. tells the sheriff that their relationship is over, Ash immediately begins hitting on her.
    • Shortly afterwards, Ash accidentally leads her into pole while exiting the cell.

Trapped Inside

  • Ash's plan for dealing with Baal. Sticking a pet tracker down his throat so they can find him even if he changes skins, and then ramming the chainsaw up his ass. When Kelly echoes this, Ash tells her she's like "the daughter I never had."
    • When this actually works, Ruby warns the others not to tell Ash (who's absent) about it, or they'll never hear the end of it.
  • Kelly opens fire on the angry mob outside Brock's house, and then has a "That just happened" reaction.
  • After Ash decapitates Deadite!Cheryl, the head moans "Not again."
  • Deadite!Cheryl's line before fighting Ash: "I'm going to make like a tree, and fuck you!"

Delusion

  • Ash developing an Odd Friendship with the Ashy Slashy handpuppet, bonding over their mutual juvenile senses of humour.
    Ash: You mind your P's and Q's and I'll see to it you're taken care of.
    Ashy Slashy: Keep talking...
    Ash: Uhhhh... How about a Little Lory doll you can put your puppet privates into?
    Ashy Slashy: I like where your head's at. Almost as much as I like where your nub's at. Oooohhhh....
    Ash: That's disgusting! But y'know I can't be mad, 'cause that's exactly what I would've said.
  • This mythology gag;
    "Kelly": So what, [the Deadites] can't survive in sunlight?
    Ash: Those are vampires! ...Wait, there was that one time that sunlight did work...

Second Coming

  • Deadite!Henrietta forcing Ash to suck rancid milk from her teat.
  • Ash asking if, he were to have sex with both versions of Ruby, it would still be a threesome.
  • It's Black Comedy considering that Ruby's dying during it, but there's this exchange:
    Ruby: It's 200 bucks, you dumb shit.
  • How does Ash distract Baal in order to beat him? Asking how Ruby was in the sack. Even Baal thinks it's Actually Pretty Funny.

    Season 3 

Pre-release

Family

  • The entirety of the poorly green-screened (complete with in-frame boom mic) advertisement for "Ashy Slashy's Hardware Store Emporium"
    Ash: For 30 long years I've used this saw on monsters and demons. But those battles are won. So now I use it to... SLASH PRICES!

Booth There

  • Ash battling a possessed porn magazine.

Judgement Day

The Mettle of Man

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