Funny / Apocalypse Now

• "HEY, G.I.! FUCK—" *BOOM*
  • "Motherfucker."
• FUCKIN' TIGER!
• During the helicopter ride:
  Chef: How come all you guys sit on your helmets?
  Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.
  [Chef laughs uproariously]
  [Beat]
  [Chef takes off his helmet and sits on it]
• During one examination of Colonel Kurtz's profile information, Willard finally comes to the conclusion that Kurtz's methods were far more effective than the American government was letting on, and his notions on how to wage the war weren't all that insane at all—the masterminds of the war may be even crazier than Kurtz is!
  Willard: No wonder Kurtz put a weed up Command's ass. The war was being run by a bunch of four-star clowns who were gonna end up giving the whole circus away.
  • Willard's view of the entire assassination mission being absurd begins even earlier than that. He muses on the reason why Kurtz was being marked for death, namely that he killed people he thought were enemy spies without authorization — an action that made the US Army charge Colonel Kurtz with the crime of murder. Willard laughs at the notion that you could charge someone with something as ridiculous as murder during a war.
  Willard: Charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500.
• "Charlie don't surf!"
• The unmistakable satisfaction in Willard's voice over the following lines:
  His report to Lyndon Johnson and the Joint Chiefs of Staff was classified. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them.
• Willard's faking out of an artillery strike coming towards Col. Kilgore's helicopter and stealing his surfboard.
  INCOMING!!
  • When they get away, Willard starts laughing his ass off. Afterward, when they're hiding from Kilgore, Willard and the crew are able to bond and joke around for a bit. It's both funny and mildly heartwarming: it's one of the few times we see Willard relaxing and having a bit of human interaction.
• Chef with Miss May, dressing her up with a black wig and telling her to 'Stick her ass out' like Miss December, even calling her Miss December before she corrected him.
  • Not to mention the bat-shit crazy sex encounter that followed, with Miss May telling him he kisses 'like a bird' and Chef flapping his wings like an eagle while riding her.
• It's Black Comedy, but Dennis Hopper still makes you laugh:
  Photojournalist: [Willard is looking at the rows of impaled heads on sticks] The heads. You're looking at the heads. I, uh — sometimes he goes too far, you know. He's the first one to admit it.
• During the dinner at the French plantation, the heated discussion causes the family one-by-one to excuse themselves from the table. Near the end the patriarch insists that the family's long history in Vietnam building their plantation "keeps them together"... as the camera snaps to a wide shot of the big, empty table.
  • The musician guy acts like a comic relief for the entire scene from trying to calm them down with soft musics, then abruptly plays US national anthem too loud.
• At the beginning of the film, the two soldiers carries drunken Willard to the bathroom and he screams as the shower pours down on him. His scream echoes seemingly as the scene cuts to the chopper landing.
• As the chopper takes away the Playboy Girls, two soldiers are seen dangling under the chopper with the guy under pulled the pants above him, and later both guys fall in a lake.